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Offline dostogirl

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« Reply #25 on: January 07, 2006, 12:20:16 AM »
Hm..interesting topic. Since my husband and I are thinking of having kids some time soon, this has been a topic of our argument. My husband's mom stayed at home with her kids till they went to school. So he expects me to do the same, or at leats spend 3-5 years at home with our kid. But I doubt we'll have only one child, let's say we have two kids, so the "home-stay" will be extended to probably 5-7 years. I was raised by my mom who took me to a day care since I was 3 y.o. Also, I know that if I stay at home for that long, I'll just go nuts. I'm not that type of a person who enjoys being a housewife: it's boring and degradating for me (and believe me, I tried..lasted 8 months, ended up with a depression). I'm pretty sure that if I have a kid and stay at home for 3+ years it's gonna be a big problem for me. We are still working on this. The way out may be a part-time job.

Offline Shadow

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« Reply #26 on: January 07, 2006, 04:23:08 AM »
Quote from: dostogirl
Hm..interesting topic. Since my husband and I are thinking of having kids some time soon, this has been a topic of our argument. My husband's mom stayed at home with her kids till they went to school. So he expects me to do the same, or at leats spend 3-5 years at home with our kid. But I doubt we'll have only one child, let's say we have two kids, so the "home-stay" will be extended to probably 5-7 years. I was raised by my mom who took me to a day care since I was 3 y.o. Also, I know that if I stay at home for that long, I'll just go nuts. I'm not that type of a person who enjoys being a housewife: it's boring and degradating for me (and believe me, I tried..lasted 8 months, ended up with a depression). I'm pretty sure that if I have a kid and stay at home for 3+ years it's gonna be a big problem for me. We are still working on this. The way out may be a part-time job.

Dostogirl, for both sides there is something to say.

My mother stayed home until her children were old enough to take care of them selves. It was almost 20 years, as there are 6 years between me and my sister. I remeber her fighting my father because she wanted to go to work after some years.

My sister was a single mother, and there for my niece went to day care almost from the beginning. While she is still in her difficult age (15) she will probably turn out fine. One of the things that happens in a day care centre is that the social skills of the children are developed early.

We are not yet at that stage of having children and making a decision about working or not. I have ony one rule for this. When the children are at home so should the mother be. This rule will go well in to puberty, until the time that the children when coming home directly vanish to their room ;)
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline TigerPaws

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« Reply #27 on: January 07, 2006, 05:02:19 AM »
[color="blue"][size="4"]KenC,

 I guess both of our sons came out ok, my boy is flying AH-64 Apache [/size][/color]
[color="blue"][size="4"]helicopters in Iraqi and has accepted a Vice [/size][/color]
[color="#0000ff"][size="4"]Presidential appoitment to West  Point. Two months ago he was awarded the Silver Star for putting himself and his helo in harms way to protect a squad of Marines, so yes I am one proud father as well.
[/size]
[/color]

Offline KenC

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« Reply #28 on: January 07, 2006, 07:24:34 AM »
Tigerpaws,

You should be proud.  BTW, tell your son "thanks" for me, please.

KenC
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
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Offline KenC

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« Reply #29 on: January 07, 2006, 07:41:13 AM »
Quote from: dostogirl
Hm..interesting topic. Since my husband and I are thinking of having kids some time soon, this has been a topic of our argument. My husband's mom stayed at home with her kids till they went to school. So he expects me to do the same, or at leats spend 3-5 years at home with our kid. But I doubt we'll have only one child, let's say we have two kids, so the "home-stay" will be extended to probably 5-7 years. I was raised by my mom who took me to a day care since I was 3 y.o. Also, I know that if I stay at home for that long, I'll just go nuts. I'm not that type of a person who enjoys being a housewife: it's boring and degradating for me (and believe me, I tried..lasted 8 months, ended up with a depression). I'm pretty sure that if I have a kid and stay at home for 3+ years it's gonna be a big problem for me. We are still working on this. The way out may be a part-time job.

Dostogirl,

If you have other things that are a priority to raising your child, don't have any children.  FYI, being a Mom is much different from being a housewife and much more important.

KenC
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline al-c

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« Reply #30 on: January 07, 2006, 07:44:17 AM »
Quote from: Todd

Offline dostogirl

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« Reply #31 on: January 07, 2006, 02:53:02 PM »
Quote from: KenC
Dostogirl,

If you have other things that are a priority to raising your child, don't have any children.  FYI, being a Mom is much different from being a housewife and much more important.

KenC
That's true, I don't want to have kids yet, but my husband is ready. The chances are, I'll probably get pregnant and will see how it's gonna go. Being a mom is not my priority, I have different views on motherhood and raising kids (it probably comes from my family) and the deal was, before we got married, that we won't have kids (my husband was the one who didn't want to have them, now he changed his mind) or adopt a kid. But the reality is, I know myself well and I know that I will definitely have problems satying at home for 3 years with a child. I think I can deal with a year, but 3...:( Just not gonna work. I just hope my mom will come and help me (pray for our babushkas here:D)

 Being a housewife is a part of being a mother and staying at home, don't you think. If you stay at home with your kid, you are expected to cook, clean, etc., everything housewives do (unless you have enough money to hire a maid, which is not our case). I'm not a housewife material :D
« Last Edit: January 07, 2006, 02:55:00 PM by dostogirl »

Offline TigerPaws

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« Reply #32 on: January 07, 2006, 04:17:59 PM »
[color="blue"][size="4"]dostogirl,

 I am not one to tell anyone what to do but you may want to reexamine your position on having a child if you are not sure that [color="red"]you[/color]
really want one. You can not begin to imagine how much work having and careing for a child is, they have to be something[color="red"] [/color][color="red"]you[/color] personally want. Depending on your age you may want to wait a few more years then decide but please do not do something like getting pregnant because it is something your husband wants and[/size][/font][/color][color="blue"][size="4"][color="red"] you[/color][/size][/font][/color][color="blue"][size="4"]  are not sure of yet.
 I think and hope most who have already had and raised children will agree that being home with your child at least until they start school is one of the most important things you can do for your child. KenC was right there is a difference betweem being a Mom and being a housewife, none-the-less things like cooking, cleaning and managing the house go along with being at home careing for your child and if you do not enjoy doing these things then maybe being a mother is not for you.
 Please understand I am not picking on you [/size]
[/color][color="blue"][size="4"]dostogirl but hopefully you will take some time and think through what is best for[color="red"] you[/color] and what [color="red"]you [/color]want to do for [color="red"]yourself [/color]and not for others.
[/size][/font][/color]

Offline dostogirl

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« Reply #33 on: January 07, 2006, 05:20:50 PM »
Quote from: TigerPaws

 Please understand I am not picking on you
dostogirl but hopefully you will take some time and think through what is best for you and what you want to do for yourself and not for others.
 I understand, even if you write this in big blue letters :D Just like I said, we are working on this and probably pregnancy is not gonna happen this year (due to different reasons). Also, there's a possibility that my maternal feelings will awake if I have a kid. But I definitely can't play a russian roulette here and I understand that. :)

Offline docetae

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« Reply #34 on: January 07, 2006, 09:12:05 PM »
Dostogirl, if you have a child and your mother is coming to help you, do not forget the impact on your couple ... I have three children with my ex (the last 2 are twins ...) and I can tell you that my step family was one factor in our divorce ...

So if the biological clock is not telling you to have a child, take your time ...
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes Oscar Wilde

Offline dostogirl

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« Reply #35 on: January 07, 2006, 11:49:01 PM »
Quote from: docetae
Dostogirl, if you have a child and your mother is coming to help you, do not forget the impact on your couple ... I have three children with my ex (the last 2 are twins ...) and I can tell you that my step family was one factor in our divorce ...

So if the biological clock is not telling you to have a child, take your time ...
Both of us don't have other kids and for both of us this is the first marriage. Besides, my husband is the one who asked my mom to come and help in case we have a child, he really likes her (I think the fact that she doesn't speak much English has to do with their positive relationship:P).  As for my biological clock, I think I have 10+ years to think .. :D

Offline Turboguy

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« Reply #36 on: January 08, 2006, 06:13:48 AM »
No, it is not think.  It is practice.  You need to practice a lot so when you are ready you get it right :?

Offline docetae

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« Reply #37 on: January 08, 2006, 07:22:28 AM »
TurboGuy, Are you talking about children or marriage ? ;)

Quote from: Turboguy
No, it is not think.  It is practice.  You need to practice a lot so when you are ready you get it right :?
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes Oscar Wilde

Offline KenC

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« Reply #38 on: January 08, 2006, 07:29:16 AM »
I think Turbo is talking about practicing the "making" children.:cool:

KenC
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
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Offline KenW

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« Reply #39 on: January 27, 2006, 09:28:34 AM »
FWIW, The wife works part-time and attends UGA part-time, I work 8:00 to 5:00.

Here is how we do it without a babysitter/nanny/granny:

Wife attends to the child during the day, but drops her off at a "morning school" run by a local church during class hours. It is $15 an hour for (usually) 3 hours two days a week - It is an excellent deal, nice environment, with excellent staff and lots of toys.

I get home at 5:30, and she goes to work from 6-10 (retail sales at the mall). I put the munchkin to bed, wash dishes, and clean up the daily disaster. I am usually done by 9:00 pm. Wife comes home and hits the books until 11:00 most nights.

We do this four days a week, and still get plenty of family time. The child is out of our sight only twelve hours per week, and both parents get at least an hour of "downtime" per day.

Ehh...It works for us pretty well, but adjustments and sacrifices must be made constantly.


I have a wise friend with three girls, 2, 3, and 5 years. His take is "you can NEVER afford another one - yet they come, you do what you gotta do, and the bills still get paid." IMO don't worry about how you will afford it, just do it. Once you have a child it will run your life anyways, so just accept that things will change and get on with it. :)

Offline Zhena

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« Reply #40 on: January 27, 2006, 10:46:29 AM »
Quote from: KenC
Hm..interesting topic. Since my husband and I are thinking of having kids some time soon, this has been a topic of our argument. My husband's mom stayed at home with her kids till they went to school. So he expects me to do the same, or at leats spend 3-5 years at home with our kid. But I doubt we'll have only one child, let's say we have two kids, so the "home-stay" will be extended to probably 5-7 years. I was raised by my mom who took me to a day care since I was 3 y.o. Also, I know that if I stay at home for that long, I'll just go nuts. I'm not that type of a person who enjoys being a housewife: it's boring and degradating for me (and believe me, I tried..lasted 8 months, ended up with a depression). I'm pretty sure that if I have a kid and stay at home for 3+ years it's gonna be a big problem for me. We are still working on this. The way out may be a part-time job.
Dostogirl,

If you have other things that are a priority to raising your child, don't have any children.  FYI, being a Mom is much different from being a housewife and much more important.

KenC
[/quote]Ken,dont be so categorical. To be a mom is very difficult. Day by day,a year by year. If u just would try to do this-u would understand why many women dont want to do that.

Offline mischief

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« Reply #41 on: January 27, 2006, 03:11:06 PM »
It's a personal choice how to raise your children…

Full -time job raising your kids can be hard and frustrating but it can't degrade you or be boring …

To me there is no sense to get a child and come back to your full-time job right away…  Your child is being raised by a stranger and all your impact is few hours a day… in the evening when it's pretty much feeding him and putting him asleep.

A person in day care or a good baby- sitter can take a good care of your child physically but what about emotional, intellectual and spiritual influence? A baby-sitter wouldn't care to educate your child, wouldn't have patience to explain things, and wouldn't teach him what's good and what's bad… about moral, cultural and spiritual values…

Don't be surprise if you get to hear something you don't want to hear from your child… don't wonder where these bad things are coming from - you were not around enough to him the "right" and "wrong"… you didn't teach him about love and compassion… more than likely they won't be around when you'll be old and need their help… - drink as you have brewed!

If you succeed in something but failed you children, your success is worth nothing!  Children are your immortality … are they good enough to make this world a better place to live?  It depends on you what trace you will leave for the next generation…

Offline Elen

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« Reply #42 on: January 27, 2006, 03:27:01 PM »
Well my story
We got a baby when we both ( I and my husband) were at the last year of University All four grand parents were too young ( and truth tell had no wish) for retirement. Two grand-grand parents were too old to take car about baby.

So the last exam session I had to pass when my daughter was 2 months old. How I managed to do that is a secret for me till now. Thought my mom helped me as she took a 1 month every year vacation for  that period
 
Then there was a summer vacations in University and after then - a diploma project - which took 6 months It was too serious thing which demanded a work at some "real" institute so it was too many to have two diplomas projects in one family at the same time. Of course it was me who had to take a time break - for my husband would have a time to get a diploma. I got mine 6 months later - my husband, and grandparents ( who took their vacations at jobs) stayed with our daughter by turn

After getting a diploma I stayed at home with the kid till she became 2 years old To that time I went nuts too :D ( that how you call that) Think what you want about me boys but it was impossible for me to read kid's books and make sand cakes all days around And I really faced a possibility to forget all what I had studied for long 6 years in University. It would be too big sacrifice and I was not ready to abandon my education at all
 
So we sent our child to kinder garden and I found a job
By our laws I had a right to work not full day till my child was under 7. So I use that my right

All after all we managed to raise fine child. Somehow we had time to bring her various activities and for sure she was not abandoned child at all. But without a help of our parents we could not do that. And I'm ready and would be glad to help my daughter with her kids
« Last Edit: January 27, 2006, 11:09:00 PM by Elen »

Offline mischief

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« Reply #43 on: January 27, 2006, 03:40:43 PM »
Elen, I was raised by my grandma for the most part... still remember stories of survival from the WW2... my parents' story is like yours : uni, research work, job... Grandparents are not bad choice... I would trust only my parents to raise my kids...

Offline Elen

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« Reply #44 on: January 27, 2006, 03:48:18 PM »
Look, males! I see many of you do think that a place of woman is at home and her business is to raise kids but not trying to make some career
 And what such woman would be supposed to do when in some years you find out that your wife became too old, too fat, too auful in all meanings and you need to find somebody better (across the ocean)?

 Can you garantee your wife it never happen in her future? Or may be all of you are just glad to give your ex wives a decent support as she has not any good job because all she were doing in her life was raising your kids?

I do know answers of Russin males ( something like it's her problems)  so I put in my daughter's mind an idea that she should think about career as well - for a sake of her children at least- and find some ways to combine a care about kids and a career.


PS Mischief I said my parents worked too :D ( they still do that till now) For us the solution was kinder garden. I went there too in my childhood and liked it as well as my daughter did. To stay with mom at home would be boring for me too.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2006, 03:57:00 PM by Elen »

Offline mischief

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« Reply #45 on: January 27, 2006, 04:17:45 PM »
Quote from: Elen
Look, males! I see many of you do think that a place of woman is at home and her business is to raise kids but not trying to make some career
And what such woman would be supposed to do when in some years you find out that your wife became too old, too fat, too auful in all meanings and you need to find somebody better (across the ocean)?

Can you garantee your wife it never happen in her future? Or may be all of you are just glad to give your ex wives a decent support as she has not any good job because all she were doing in her life was raising your kids?

I do know answers of Russin males ( something like it's her problems) so I put in my daughter's mind an idea that she should think about career as well - for a sake of her children at least- and find some ways to combine a care about kids and a career.


Elen, since we live in different realities there are more than enough misunderstandings with you...

Here stay-at-home moms do different stuff with kids, belong to different clubs and activity centers where both moms and kids can interact with each other... they can drop kids for classes from 1 to 3 hours ... besides there are just too many thing to do together : museums, parks, zoos, farms... For a example in my favorite Barnes& Noble book store there is a kids zone where children of all ages can play, read a book or run around while moms do their reading...

If she is stay-at home mom it doesn't mean she cooks or gets fat...

That's why lots of women here prefers to have kids later in their lives after making a career so they could enjoy the parenthood and do their best...

 

Offline Elen

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« Reply #46 on: January 27, 2006, 04:41:33 PM »
I didn't mean that your wives became "fat" just because they had to stay at home. And I din't mean that they stayed at home and went nowhere all 24 hours

 I spoke about that women who were supposed to rais even 2 kids (and stay with them at home) most probably would lost a posability to make a career ( if she didn't make it before that of course)

 And yes I think that's why your women prefer to make a career first - and it seems you American males don't like that at all, do you? ( PS how about "later" becomes TOO "later" for woman? What's about statistic there how many women lost an opportunity to have child because it was "too later")

But at least your women are lucky to have such "divorce" laws which would protect them in "worse" case when those women thought about kids at first turn and did't make a carrer - and it seems you American males don't like that too :P do you?

But I spoke about Russian women you were going to marry And Russian women were raised with "others" ideas - at least all those who I know personaly And I know no one who would wllingly stay at home - for many resons.

 So I have not idea how you are going to apply your "rules" to Russian wives.And how your wives feel themselves staying home. Though to other hand I was sure that far from typical women go abroad to marry

Offline Admin

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« Reply #47 on: January 27, 2006, 04:46:11 PM »
Quote from: Elen
I didn't mean that your wives became "fat" just because they had to stay at home. And I din't mean that they stayed at home and went nowhere all 24 hours

 I spoke about that women who were supposed to rais even 2 kids (and stay with them at home) most probably would lost a posability to make a career ( if she didn't make it before that of course)

 And yes I think that's why your women prefer to make a career first - and it seems you American males don't like that at all, do you? ( PS how about "later" becomes TOO "later" for woman? What's about statistic there how many women lost an opportunity to have child because it was "too later")

But at least your women are lucky to have such "divorce" laws which would protect them in "worse" case when those women thought about kids at first turn and did't make a carrer - and it seems you American males don't like that too :P do you?

But I spoke about Russian women you were going to marry And Russian women were raised with "others" ideas - at least all those who I know personaly And I know no one who would wllingly stay at home - for many resons.

 So I have not idea how you are going to apply your "rules" to Russian wives.And how your wives feel themselves staying home. Though to other hand I was sure that far from typical women go abroad to marry


Elen,

You *are* aware that mischief is a RW - right?

- Dan

Offline Elen

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« Reply #48 on: January 27, 2006, 04:54:18 PM »
No because "she" sounds right like american male :P

I told that far from typical Russian women went to marry abroad  :D

PS once more when I tell "you" I don't mean somebody personal it equivalent to russian word "вы" with not capital letter So my post was addressed not only to "her"
but to "males" as I posted that before

« Last Edit: January 27, 2006, 04:58:00 PM by Elen »

Offline TigerPaws

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« Reply #49 on: January 29, 2006, 09:03:23 AM »
Elen,
 
 Until we moved aboard our boat SeaQuest OE my lady was a stay at home mother to our now 3-1/2 year old daughter, my lady cooks, cleans, shops and takes care of all of the daily household duties necessary for everyday life. When my lady arrived in America from Russia on April 18, 2000 she weighed 128 lbs (58 kg) today she is 115 lbs (51 kg), she still handles the majority of the cooking, cleaning and child care aboard our floating home yet she never became fat because she kept herself active watched her diet and kept in good physical shape. 
 
 As usual you are showing your prejudice against ladies who choose differently than you believe they should, spouting regurgitated propaganda from your limited to most likely nonexistent experience with such things. As I have said before you sound very much like an old angry woman who is unhappy with her lot in life and is looking to make herself feel better by attempting to drag others down to her level.

 We know several couples who have been married for up to 5 years now some wife's are Russian, some are Ukrainian, all are stay at home mothers and all are doing well and none of them are fat as you suggest.

 

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