What to do when she doesn't want to be with you

[viking]

 

 

Hi Rose,

We have an expression here: Between a rock and a hard place.

First let me say that I did offer to come over as soon as she told me. Unfortunately, between applying for a visa, travel arrangements and trying to get some time off work at a fairly new job took some time. There was no way to get there in less than 2 weeks or so. After a few days we spoke again and that is when she told me that she wanted to be left alone and I posted my message.

I know the issue is about her and her grief. No need to go over that again. But my original post was ..what do I do in the meantime. How do I support her from 10,000 miles away, try to console her when she does not want anyone around, and so forth.

My options are limited and most replies say just leave it alone. Not an easy task.

I have sent flowers, money to help with expenses, a few emails and phone calls to say I am here and what else can I do. A calling card so she can reach me, but no call as yet.

And lastly, you are right to some degree. What happens if after a period of waiting takes place, and she decides that her life does not include me, that she now wants something different, do I go on with my life as well is a legit concern. It takes nothing away from her, but is something I cannot ignore.

I truly care for this woman, I seek no one else,but after some time (what is this?) I still need to decide what is right for me. That was the subject here.

So only time will tell if my decision to stay home and respect her wishes as opposed to ignoring them and going anyway was right. Rock...hard place.

[rose]

Well, maybe last night I was too harsh on you, sorry.
Anyway, if you "truly care" about that lady, leave her alone for a while, send her time from time short notes (without mentioning your favorite football team). I think if in such situation somebody mention me something abt sports, I'd never communicate with that guy.
Good luck!

[rose]

Thank you, BC

[2tallbill]

Viking,

You have received a lot of good advice here and I thought I would add my 2 cents.  I disagree with going there at this time or before your lady expresses an interest in having you there.  Summer is only a few short months away.  Be sure that "summer" is only a guess of hers at this point too.

What I would do, would be to keep in contact with her through one sided communication.  Send her emails that do not require her to answer.  Something like: Hi Honey, Just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts daily.  This week was a bad week for me because it snowed like crazy and my basketball team sucks.  Blah blah blah.  What you will accomplish is to keep her abreast of your life and let her constantly know that you are here waiting for her to come out of her funk.  Your emails will even provide a diversion for her from her sorrow.  But don't ask for a response.  She will respond when she is ready.

KenC

I agree, I would add a photo of something every email. An interesting cloud, a sunrise/sunset, any
blooming flower or tree you see.

Udachi!

Bill