Would you recommend your best friend search for a RW?

[BC]

I wouldn't.

Not to say I am not happy with my wife, just that knowing what I know now I would never have actively looked for a RW for marriage.

[jb]

Nor would I.

In point of fact, I'd actively discourage a friend from getting hooked up with a RW, especially with a MOB girl.

[Bruno]

If he don't find localy, i advice him to search worldwide... not specialy a russian one... she can come from a other planet, it is not a problem until he feel himself good with her... and she is happy with him...

[Admin]

I wouldn't.

Not to say I am not happy with my wife, just that knowing what I know now I would never have actively looked for a RW for marriage.

I wouldn't counsel the FSU one way or the other. I *would* however, urge my friends to consider their options on a worldwide scale. What is important is finding a partner who is willing to share your life with you - will stand by you in times of need and will celebrate with you in times of joy. Someone whom you can count on to be faithful and supporting - and who feels that special 'something' when they are around you, just as you feel it when they are nearby.

Having been fortunate to spend a fair amount of time overseas, I witnessed many cross-cultural relationships. Some AM I know are happy as can be with Chinese or Thai or other Asian wives. I have good friends that are married to Latinas from Cuba or Brazil. I also have great and good friends who are from the Middle East (yes, they are Muslim), and are married to beautiful Muslim ladies.

Bottom line - there is no reason to restrict oneself to looking only in the US for your life-partner. I happened to meet my now wife while working on business travel in Ukraine - but I would have married a girl of any race or culture if I felt she was "the one." As it is - I *know* without any doubt, that God intended me to marry, and remain married to Olya. I am incredibly blessed - and strangely enough, I know she feels the same.

- Dan

[Journeyman]

Possibly, depending upon his circumstances, but not without a long, long listing of both the typical problems and possible disasters involved.  If I had to give a one-word answer, I would have to say  . . . "no" (sadly).  Not because I believe that RW are undesireable, but because the chances of meeting a good one through the usual means are very, very small.  The effort, costs and attendant risks throughout are disproportionately large relative to the potential upside in the typical attempted pairing (let alone the search).

Journeyman

[BC]

My gut feeling is that not looking may be the best way to find a partner. MOB and other 'unnatural' approaches involve more predefined agendas on both sides.

Some will argue that meeting is important, but maybe how you meet (agenda vs no agenda) could be even more important?

[Turboguy]

I think it would be interesting to see more of the reasons behind the statements.   I believe there was one comment that it is harder to find good women now but that is about the only explaination.   I am not meaning to get any of you divorced because of an answer your wives might not like but I think it would add a lot of insight to what is alreay an interesting discussion. 

[BC]

Turbo,

To start off with I never really went out looking for a woman to marry. I dated for 'fun' and on the rarest occasions the wow factor hit us both and a relationship began.

MOB is sort of like putting the cart in front of the horse or?

(edit) p.s. I still don't buy the 'no good women' theory. To me it's really 'no good looking women in my age bracket'. - but anyway that's another thread.

[Bruno]

I think it would be interesting to see more of the reasons behind the statements.   I believe there was one comment that it is harder to find good women now but that is about the only explaination.   I am not meaning to get any of you divorced because of an answer your wives might not like but I think it would add a lot of insight to what is alreay an interesting discussion. 

Since i am already divorced, what think my ex-wife is without interest

Why i don't recommend specialy RW... Very simple : RW can be good for me but not for my friend... RW are not superior to other woman... they have several quality that I appreciate but woman from other country have other quality...

What need to make the friend, it is a list from what he will, what he wish and what he will not in a woman... and with these list, he can begin find world wide... i cannot say to a friend what is good for him since i am not him... I think that the choice of woman is too much personal for allow somebody other to choice for you...

See my own story... not working with Russian and Ukrainian... but this have allow me to see that i have no problem with Moldovan people... so, my next try will be in Moldova... but i am not fixed on these country... i am open to all opportunity... if today, i find a interesting Belgium woman, why not stay with her, this spare several problem from a foreign marriage...

If he is a real friend, don't give him advice but help him to find his own way...

[virginiajoe]

My friend was talking about my visit from Irina.He is also kind of tired of the BS American women play.I also told him Russian women are not for everyone.I told him try to get to know one of the young Russian ladies who are here working and just see what happens.It seems that many guys in Va Beach are sick of the women around here.It's not just me.When you mention Russian women to anyone who is single around here,their eyes light up and they speak very positive about them.I just wish our government didn't charge them so much to come here.It's ironic Philippines and Mexicans come here but former FSU people try to come here and all they want is their money.It's not right.
I guess you have to have a connection with any women no matter where their from.Tramps like us baby we were born to run.Bruce Springsteen got it right!

[BC]

I also told him Russian women are not for everyone.I told him try to get to know one of the young Russian ladies who are here working and just see what happens.

Virginiajoe,

Actually not a bad idea. I keep hearing from 'back home' that quite a few FSU ladies come regularly to the US to work, mainly in tourist area service industry businesses just a bit south of VA.

Some may point out that women already living/working in the west are 'tainted', but forget that this will happen with their FSU woman too (if it gets that far).  Surely they get hit on quite a lot so maybe competition with younger guys puts them outa reach for meek middle agers.

[jb]

There are a lot of Russian/Ukrainian women working in the USA.  The casinos and topless strip joints are places where you can see many of these girls.  However, I would tend to think these gals might be a tad bit jaded and I wouldn't want to take a chance with marriage to a woman working in the adult entertainment industry.

As to the reasons why I wouldn't recommend a wife search, Journeyman's post describes my thoughts very well.  This is a hard thing you guys with limited time and resources are trying to do.  Your chances are slim for finding a really good woman in a week or two.  

Even if you find a really sweet woman, good, kind, loving, etc., you will learn she will have all the Russian traits that are hard to live with.  She will be as stubborn as a mule, she will be strong in her opinions, she will be on your neck about the slightest infractions.  No more will you be allowed to wear shoes in your own house, no more inviting your friends over to drink a few beers and watch a game on Sunday afternoons, no more stopping off to socialize with co-workers on Fridays after work.  

In short, your life will revolve around her, and her only.  Anything less and you will need to be thinking about sleeping with the dogs.

Most of my old buddies would not make a good husbandisha for a RW.  They admire my wife and think she's the best thing since sliced bread.  When visitors arrive she makes them feel like they own the planet, they leave feeling all warm and happy, but they don't have to live with her.  They don't understand that the principal of paranoia was invented in Russia, nor do they know that the RW has perfected nagging to an art form.

Don't misunderstand, I love my wife dearly, and 90% of the time I'm as happy as a pig in a puddle, but the other 10% is not something you'd like to hear about.

[Sivrug]

I would!

I would but with many hard fast rules. The tablets of stone plus a few others. I think that being able to communicate in a common language is very important. I have known my wife for 3 years now and our relationship had taken a lot of work and most of the problems have been with the lack of communication or understanding each other. IMO, I feel that it is almost to impossible to have a successful relationship with out being able to speak a common language.

When your fiancee lands here is when the work starts. I have to agree with JB about your world will revolve arround your RW lady. They demand this. I never thought that  I would be PW but it is starting to look that way. I laugh at this but there has been many compromises on both our parts.

In summary, I would recommend looking abroad for a wife to someone if I had known them for a long time, had good judgement and were willing to take advice with out taking offense.

[Jet]

My gut feeling is that not looking may be the best way to find a partner. MOB and other 'unnatural' approaches involve more predefined agendas on both sides.

 

One of the things that continues to facinate me, is that the *general trend* seems to show that the most successful couples (who still post to the message boards) have one thing in common - they did not use marriage agencies, and in most cases were not specificly looking for a wife from abroad. Hell, there are a number of us (KenC BC and a few others) who weren't even looking to get married again! Another somewhat more disturbing "trend" is that we all suffered some sort of major financial disaster within a year of getting married.

I wouldn't recomend this path to a friend, as I just don't see any of them having the patience and fortitude to make a cross cultural marriage work. As JB very eloquently pointed out - you can't go into this on a half @$$ed whim, it's an "all or nothing" proposition.

[jb]

Another somewhat more disturbing "trend" is that we all suffered some sort of major financial disaster within a year of getting married.

Yeah... I'm pretty sure, very sure, my forced early retirement was directly related to the fact that I married "a communist", never underestimate the narrow mindedness of the American employer, or the jealousy of co-workers stuck in marriages to fat dumpy AWs.  Office politics can kill you.  

In my time on the boards, I've heard of so many guys who lost their jobs right after their RWs arrived. Maybe it's coincidental, but then, maybe not.

[BC]

In my time on the boards, I've heard of so many guys who lost their jobs right after their RWs arrived. Maybe it's coincidental, but then, maybe not.

<---this guy cam pretty damn close too. Situation was quite unrelated to RW, but financial 'padding' did hit rock bottom. Since I am self employeed I could not fire myself, but if I could I would have. Was lucky enough to get through it all without going into debt.

As employer I would keep the guy that browses www porno on the job and fire the one looking at RW profiles.

[virginiajoe]

My boss also gave me a hard time when I told her my friend from Moscow was coming to spend a few days with me.This boss is a lady too.She really made me angry with her rude comments.She basically said I hear your little Russian lady friend is coming to see you Joe is that why you need so much time off.You give some people power and it goes right to their head.
Yes many Eastern Euro people come to Virginia Beach to work for the summer.They have to pay like $3,000 for the work exchange visa and their is no guarantee of a job either.I've heard some of them are living with 10 others in a small apartment.Basically they are doing jobs that the spoiled rich teenagers here don't want to do.I kinda feel sorry for them.But some of them do find good jobs and are able to make some good money here at the beach.I'm sure they get hit on all the time,so they think all young Americans just want to use them as toys.
One more thing American women are stubborn as mules too! Good luck to all!

[BC]

Joe,
Just a small suggestion. Document all these incidents with your boss and who may have witnessed them. Never know what the future holds. Might want to spare 50 bucks for a 15 minute chat with a lawyer.

[virginiajoe]

Trust me BC I will,one of my co workers is German and she has talked with me about Irina.She is married to a American and she came to live here from Germany.I will document this and I know others heard her in the office,it was kind of embarassing,but that is to be expected from such a rude,uncaring person.

[KenC]

 I have noticed Russians working in many seasonal summer jobs.  My wife and I vacationed on Mackinac Island in Michigan (between the upper and lower peninsula) and the Rooskies were every where!  It seems to me that there were quite a few at Cedar Point too.  (An amusment Park in Ohio)  These areas seem to be able to recruit Russians for cheap labor while they are off from their University studies.  They used to be able to recruit enough American kids before, but not now.  These types of tourist attractions are perfect for the Russians because they are already set up to provide on site lodging for their temporary employees.

Joe,

I would be very careful in what I said about your Russian girlfriend at work, especially since you have a woman for a boss.  Most AW get very offended when an AM goes outside the locals for a woman.  I will never forget the time the owner of Foreign Affair went on the View show.  That fat azz Star was all up in his face because she was offended that American women were not good enough.  I think it may be that AW harbor some guilt that they may not be the end-all women that they think they are.  Hey, we might react the same if AW said that French men are better than American men because ............  Any way, the AW don't like the fact that they don't have a monopoly any more.

KenC

[virginiajoe]

Wow Ken I didn't even think of it that way.You are right.My boss looks like a train wreck! She should be jealous.I am always polite to my boss and try to treat her with respect,but who knows what is being said behind your back.If an American woman said she preferred French men over American,I would say,right on,whatever makes you happy because that's what is important.It wouldn't bother me.
They can only blame themselves,get a membership at Curves,go on a diet,it's not that hard.
When Irina was here,she noticed there are too many fat people here.She knows it because most Americans eat fast food often and don't exercise.She also said most of the food she makes is freshly made.What would really piss her off it to show up wearing my Moscow Kremlin tee shirt,Irina bought it for me in Moscow,that would get her attention,just kidding!

[Albert]

Joe said:  "When Irina was here,she noticed there are too many fat people here. She knows it because most Americans eat fast food often and don't exercise."

This part about fast food causing Americans to be fat is a great fallacy.  It doesn't matter if you eat fast food or slow food, or if you eat fast or slow.  Gaining or losing weight is based upon the net of calories taken in and calories expended.  Much of the food served up at homes in FSU is very fatty, etc.  But the slender FSU gals eat little of it and then they walk to and from work (or at least part of the way to metro or bus stop, etc.), to and from grocery store, etc. 

Surprisingly however, FSU gals really aren't that much into exercising other than walking.  I always do an exercise routine in my apt, and many of the gals turn up their noses when I invite them to join in.  They say they don't want to look muscular; but 95% of women will never become muscular unless they take testosterone injections.

And, the FSU women do start to pork up in their mid 40s.  But, very very few of them get to the rolling fat stage like the Walmart shoppers.

[Albert]

Interesting that many of the married guys who responded here stated they weren't really looking for a wife when they first met up with their now RW.  I thought I was the only one here who, at this unmarried stage, is not specifically looking for a wife but rather just doing normal dating.

While true I am not married to a RW, I would give the opposite advice of many of the responders here.  I would recommend to my best friends that they search for a RW.  And it is not because I think FSU women are better wives, more beautiful, more intelligent, more educated, or more any of those traits that are commonly attributed to FSU women on these boards.

It is simply because there are many more desireable FSU women who are available to guys who like to spend time with women.  And while beauty, intelligence, etc., is fairly normally distributed around the world . . . . where there are more women making themselves available, each guy can 'trade up.'  The caution is however, not to trade up too many notches in intelligence, looks, social class, etc.  The women will let you trade up too many notches, at least initially.  But I am sure at some point there will be hell to pay for such over trade ups . . . . most likely after marriage.

If any guy can find plenty of women to date in his home area who meet his criteria with respect to looks, shapely figure, education, etc., etc., I would say he would be silly to spend effort looking outside his home city, let alone outside his home country.  Reason being the high cost and risk of the immigration process.  But, if the guy is not happy with his available dating pool at home, then it makes sense to look in areas of the world where, for whatever reason, more desireable gals will date with him.

I am just lucky that my business takes me to areas of the world where I can trade up, but I am careful to not trade up too many notches.

[virginiajoe]

You are right,they do seem to walk more than we do.Here the good ol' gas guzzling SUV is our means of transportation.You are right about cal,carb intake.Our first day together Irina only ate one meal.She drank more liquids than food.

[Turboguy]

I won't argue with what you say about fast food but I did read something not to long ago where someone at only at McDonalds for 60 days eating a normal amount of food and gained 30 pounds.

The Russian gals all say they exercise and go to the gym but I sure don't see them really doing it.   Everyone in Russia walks endlessly though and I think that is the real secret.