My Ukrainian girlfriend

[Prhodes]

Hello new here
I was dating a beautiful woman from the Ukraine for about 3 months I that has been in the USA for 6 years and has her citizenship.
I was very much fond of her but she would never show any real feelings for me and acted cold and distant. When she would come to my house she always brought a gift. Maybe that is how she was trying to show feeling I don't know. But it became hard to try and guess what her ambitions were and we broke up. And after a few weeks apart it seems Maybe a chance of getting back together.  Is this normal for women if her culture to be distant? I really want this to work. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[2tallbill]

Welcome to the forum

It's not typical that she would be either cold and distant, usually it's the
opposite. I would advise asking her squarely and directly. She will probably
tell you what's going on.


Udachi!

Bill

[Prhodes]

Thank you. Maybe it's other issues or just me.

[BillyB]

Is this normal for women if her culture to be distant?

Compared to American women, FSU women are more cold and distant. Apparently she dated you, was your girlfriend for months and brought you gifts. Some women don't say "I love you". They prefer actions more than words. Are you wanting more words of affection from her? Are you wanting more hugs, kisses and cuddling? Some people aren't affectionate that way. When I was dating FSU women, some accused me of being cold and lacking emotions. I took that as if they wanted more attention from me.

[ML]

Not normal for Ukrainian woman to be cold and distant . . . after she is used to coming into your house.

But, there are variations in all persons, even from the same cultural group.

It seems you have encountered a gal who is 2-3 standard deviations away from the mean.

Serious discussions needed, maybe with a 3rd party intermediary.

Is is possible she was the victim of some sort of physical abuse earlier in her life ?

If yes, that would explain a lot.

In any event, a gal such as this would have to be really special in many other ways to warrant continuation.

[2tallbill]

Thank you. Maybe it's other issues or just me.

I'm the furthest thing from a relationship councilor, when you ask her
directly about it (don't sugar coat it like you might with an American
woman), her reply will probably seem really blunt and direct.

For me that is really refreshing to know exactly and precisely what the
problem is rather than needing to read her mind.

Udachi!

Bill

[Prhodes]

She doesn't discuss a lot of her past with me other than her parents had to high tail it to the states 20 yrs ago to get away from the Russian mafia.
Sometimes I use to many cliches with her and she doesn't understand. I'm trying hard to give her space right now. And I have tried to meet her halfway. I'm learning the Russian alphabet and I have a translator when I text her but she says that's not the problem.  I think I pushed her to quickly for commitment and she felt like I was pushing her too fast.  Guess time will tell.
Thank you

[Boethius]

The gifts tell me she friend zoned you.

[BBrides]

My wife always tells me you can not go empty handed anywhere. And if they have a child you bring a gift for the child as well.

[Prhodes]

She gets irritated if I don't bring something that is not required  to a get-together. I think I need to stop trying to stereotyping her 😅
And she is not afraid to get to the point. Only when I ask her about the future. I'm thinking I probably don't have much of a chance with her. But hey maybe some day I'll take a trip and find someone new.

[Boethius]

My wife always tells me you can not go empty handed anywhere. And if they have a child you bring a gift for the child as well.

That typically doesn't include loved ones or significant others.  I visited my grandparents every week.  I never took a gift when I visited them.  Same with the better half, in his familial relationships in Ukraine.  He also didn't take gifts when visiting close friends.


If I visited, say, the parents of a friend, I would bring flowers or something similar.  The point is, you don't do this, typically, for those in your intimate circles.

[2tallbill]

I'm trying hard to give her space right now. And I have tried to meet her halfway.

I only know what you've written here, don't take any offense because I am just
giving generic advice that I would give to any Newbie here. I advise that you go
all in or dump her and move on. If she says she needs space, then dump her and
move on. Does she give you deep passionate kisses? If not dump her and move on.

Either this girl is into you or she's not. Do you really want a woman who is only
so-so interested? NO you don't! So-so girls suck. So-so girls are waiting for something
(in their mind) better to come along. My guess is that the girl is hot and that's why
you are looking anywhere for some indication that she is into you.

You want a woman who really, really wants to wake up in your arms and smother
you with kisses every day. That is what I wanted when I was searching. Imagine
waking up every day to a girl just as beautiful who really wants to be there.

The sooner you determine what to do in this relationship is the sooner you can find
the just as hot smother you in kisses girl.

Udachi!

Bill

[2tallbill]

to a get-together.

If you are going to a friends house for a barbecue then an FSUW MUST bring something.
If you are going to a movie theater you don't. (Do they still have movie theaters?)

[BillyB]

I think I pushed her to quickly for commitment and she felt like I was pushing her too fast. 

I thought you were in a committed relationship. You call her your girlfriend. She doesn't think of you as her boyfriend?

[Prhodes]

Yes we were in a brief relationship for 4 months...girlfriend/boyfriend...great sex

[ML]

Yes we were in a brief relationship for 4 months...girlfriend/boyfriend...great sex

I was dating a beautiful woman from the Ukraine for about 3 months I that has been in the USA for 6 years and has her citizenship.
I was very much fond of her but she would never show any real feelings for me and acted cold and distant.

- - - - - - - -

Are you talking about 2 different gals ?

[Prhodes]

No only one woman. We dated..we broke up. Just trying to figure her out now from people that have been around her culture.

[BillyB]

Yes we were in a brief relationship for 4 months...girlfriend/boyfriend...great sex

If she's sleeping in your bed and nobody else's, she can't be all that cold and distant. She's given her body to you and taking care of your physical needs. If you questioned her feelings and told her she's cold and distant, it'll turn her off. Maybe she's the type of person that says "I love you once a year" and you're the type of person that needs to hear it everyday. If true, you two aren't made for each other. You'll have to find a woman who'd match up better with you.

[Prhodes]

Thank you for the advice

[ML]

So she acts cold and distant . . . but provides great sex.

That's a new one on me.

[2tallbill]

Yes we were in a brief relationship for 4 months...girlfriend/boyfriend...great sex

Once a month or 5 times per week? If it's once a month then she is just keeping
you on emergency backup/standby. If it's closer to 5 times a week then she is
into you.

[Prhodes]

We didn't live together but everytime she stayed over. I kind of thought of our relationship as a place holder. Maybe I over think things and ruined a good thing.
Anyhow I might have 1 more shot at it. I'm  giving her some space.

[Shadow]

Do you want to be the backup plan?If not stop clinging to her.

[Gator]

When she would come to my house she always brought a gift.

Good sign, yet as noted by others,  not necessarily a sign of affection.  How did you reciprocate?  UW don't want "greedy" men ("greedy" is not being generous, and generosity is more about little things than big ticket items - hint: be confidently attentive, not clingy). 

   But it became hard to try and guess what her ambitions were and we broke up. 

A clear sign you are not communicating.  Lack of communication is a fatal  IMO.   

  She doesn't discuss a lot of her past with me

Past is past.  Some stuff should not not be shared readily.  If your relationship develops, one day she will volunteer to tell you more. 

I really want this to work.

Why?  There is no connection.  So your reasons are mostly because she is beautiful.   Not enough. 

Do you want to be the backup plan? If not stop clinging to her.

In my experience, women tend to be more driven by emotions than men.  If this UW is not emoting, pushing her will only make it worse. 

Thus, go with Shadow's advice.  Instead of clinging, let her be your backup plan.  90% chance this relationship will not click.  Sorry.   

Don't give up yet.  If you want to try a "Hail Mary," treat her to a nice holiday.   A 24-7 week together will reveal much.  Because of COVID, it may be Airbnb with daily expeditions, but that should  be fun.  Surely she will open up somewhat, maybe  break through the barrier preventing you from communicating.   

On the holiday, be constantly attentive, be confident, be generous (buy her lobster, flowers for the rental, etc,).
Take the lead.  UW like "strong" men, men who get things done and upon whom they can depend.

Have everything thought out  (place, itinerary, photos of nice rental)  before suggesting a trip.       

[Prhodes]

I appreciate all the good advice on here. I took her on a small vacation to Visit some friends in Arizona and that is when everything went sour. It was the trip from hell actually.
I talked to her for a bit last night and she agreed to dinner next week. 😋 I was pretty confident at first and I will try to regain that. That is one thing she tries to is tell me is I need to think I #1 🤔 so I probably need to start being alpha male again. I haven't dated very many pretty girls. But I am not that bad of a catch and need to remember that. I'll take everyone's great advice and see what happens.
Thank you