My Ukrainian girlfriend

[Prhodes]

Hello new here
I was dating a beautiful woman from the Ukraine for about 3 months I that has been in the USA for 6 years and has her citizenship.
I was very much fond of her but she would never show any real feelings for me and acted cold and distant. When she would come to my house she always brought a gift. Maybe that is how she was trying to show feeling I don't know. But it became hard to try and guess what her ambitions were and we broke up. And after a few weeks apart it seems Maybe a chance of getting back together.  Is this normal for women if her culture to be distant? I really want this to work. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[2tallbill]

Welcome to the forum

It's not typical that she would be either cold and distant, usually it's the
opposite. I would advise asking her squarely and directly. She will probably
tell you what's going on.


Udachi!

Bill

[Prhodes]

Thank you. Maybe it's other issues or just me.

[BillyB]

Is this normal for women if her culture to be distant?

Compared to American women, FSU women are more cold and distant. Apparently she dated you, was your girlfriend for months and brought you gifts. Some women don't say "I love you". They prefer actions more than words. Are you wanting more words of affection from her? Are you wanting more hugs, kisses and cuddling? Some people aren't affectionate that way. When I was dating FSU women, some accused me of being cold and lacking emotions. I took that as if they wanted more attention from me.

[ML]

Not normal for Ukrainian woman to be cold and distant . . . after she is used to coming into your house.

But, there are variations in all persons, even from the same cultural group.

It seems you have encountered a gal who is 2-3 standard deviations away from the mean.

Serious discussions needed, maybe with a 3rd party intermediary.

Is is possible she was the victim of some sort of physical abuse earlier in her life ?

If yes, that would explain a lot.

In any event, a gal such as this would have to be really special in many other ways to warrant continuation.

[2tallbill]

Thank you. Maybe it's other issues or just me.

I'm the furthest thing from a relationship councilor, when you ask her
directly about it (don't sugar coat it like you might with an American
woman), her reply will probably seem really blunt and direct.

For me that is really refreshing to know exactly and precisely what the
problem is rather than needing to read her mind.

Udachi!

Bill

[Prhodes]

She doesn't discuss a lot of her past with me other than her parents had to high tail it to the states 20 yrs ago to get away from the Russian mafia.
Sometimes I use to many cliches with her and she doesn't understand. I'm trying hard to give her space right now. And I have tried to meet her halfway. I'm learning the Russian alphabet and I have a translator when I text her but she says that's not the problem.  I think I pushed her to quickly for commitment and she felt like I was pushing her too fast.  Guess time will tell.
Thank you

[Boethius]

The gifts tell me she friend zoned you.

[BBrides]

My wife always tells me you can not go empty handed anywhere. And if they have a child you bring a gift for the child as well.

[Prhodes]

She gets irritated if I don't bring something that is not required  to a get-together. I think I need to stop trying to stereotyping her 😅
And she is not afraid to get to the point. Only when I ask her about the future. I'm thinking I probably don't have much of a chance with her. But hey maybe some day I'll take a trip and find someone new.

[Boethius]

My wife always tells me you can not go empty handed anywhere. And if they have a child you bring a gift for the child as well.

That typically doesn't include loved ones or significant others.  I visited my grandparents every week.  I never took a gift when I visited them.  Same with the better half, in his familial relationships in Ukraine.  He also didn't take gifts when visiting close friends.


If I visited, say, the parents of a friend, I would bring flowers or something similar.  The point is, you don't do this, typically, for those in your intimate circles.

[2tallbill]

I'm trying hard to give her space right now. And I have tried to meet her halfway.

I only know what you've written here, don't take any offense because I am just
giving generic advice that I would give to any Newbie here. I advise that you go
all in or dump her and move on. If she says she needs space, then dump her and
move on. Does she give you deep passionate kisses? If not dump her and move on.

Either this girl is into you or she's not. Do you really want a woman who is only
so-so interested? NO you don't! So-so girls suck. So-so girls are waiting for something
(in their mind) better to come along. My guess is that the girl is hot and that's why
you are looking anywhere for some indication that she is into you.

You want a woman who really, really wants to wake up in your arms and smother
you with kisses every day. That is what I wanted when I was searching. Imagine
waking up every day to a girl just as beautiful who really wants to be there.

The sooner you determine what to do in this relationship is the sooner you can find
the just as hot smother you in kisses girl.

Udachi!

Bill

[2tallbill]

to a get-together.

If you are going to a friends house for a barbecue then an FSUW MUST bring something.
If you are going to a movie theater you don't. (Do they still have movie theaters?)

[BillyB]

I think I pushed her to quickly for commitment and she felt like I was pushing her too fast. 

I thought you were in a committed relationship. You call her your girlfriend. She doesn't think of you as her boyfriend?

[Prhodes]

Yes we were in a brief relationship for 4 months...girlfriend/boyfriend...great sex

[ML]

Yes we were in a brief relationship for 4 months...girlfriend/boyfriend...great sex

I was dating a beautiful woman from the Ukraine for about 3 months I that has been in the USA for 6 years and has her citizenship.
I was very much fond of her but she would never show any real feelings for me and acted cold and distant.

- - - - - - - -

Are you talking about 2 different gals ?

[Prhodes]

No only one woman. We dated..we broke up. Just trying to figure her out now from people that have been around her culture.

[BillyB]

Yes we were in a brief relationship for 4 months...girlfriend/boyfriend...great sex

If she's sleeping in your bed and nobody else's, she can't be all that cold and distant. She's given her body to you and taking care of your physical needs. If you questioned her feelings and told her she's cold and distant, it'll turn her off. Maybe she's the type of person that says "I love you once a year" and you're the type of person that needs to hear it everyday. If true, you two aren't made for each other. You'll have to find a woman who'd match up better with you.

[Prhodes]

Thank you for the advice

[ML]

So she acts cold and distant . . . but provides great sex.

That's a new one on me.

[2tallbill]

Yes we were in a brief relationship for 4 months...girlfriend/boyfriend...great sex

Once a month or 5 times per week? If it's once a month then she is just keeping
you on emergency backup/standby. If it's closer to 5 times a week then she is
into you.

[Prhodes]

We didn't live together but everytime she stayed over. I kind of thought of our relationship as a place holder. Maybe I over think things and ruined a good thing.
Anyhow I might have 1 more shot at it. I'm  giving her some space.

[Shadow]

Do you want to be the backup plan?If not stop clinging to her.

[Gator]

When she would come to my house she always brought a gift.

Good sign, yet as noted by others,  not necessarily a sign of affection.  How did you reciprocate?  UW don't want "greedy" men ("greedy" is not being generous, and generosity is more about little things than big ticket items - hint: be confidently attentive, not clingy). 

   But it became hard to try and guess what her ambitions were and we broke up. 

A clear sign you are not communicating.  Lack of communication is a fatal  IMO.   

  She doesn't discuss a lot of her past with me

Past is past.  Some stuff should not not be shared readily.  If your relationship develops, one day she will volunteer to tell you more. 

I really want this to work.

Why?  There is no connection.  So your reasons are mostly because she is beautiful.   Not enough. 

Do you want to be the backup plan? If not stop clinging to her.

In my experience, women tend to be more driven by emotions than men.  If this UW is not emoting, pushing her will only make it worse. 

Thus, go with Shadow's advice.  Instead of clinging, let her be your backup plan.  90% chance this relationship will not click.  Sorry.   

Don't give up yet.  If you want to try a "Hail Mary," treat her to a nice holiday.   A 24-7 week together will reveal much.  Because of COVID, it may be Airbnb with daily expeditions, but that should  be fun.  Surely she will open up somewhat, maybe  break through the barrier preventing you from communicating.   

On the holiday, be constantly attentive, be confident, be generous (buy her lobster, flowers for the rental, etc,).
Take the lead.  UW like "strong" men, men who get things done and upon whom they can depend.

Have everything thought out  (place, itinerary, photos of nice rental)  before suggesting a trip.       

[Prhodes]

I appreciate all the good advice on here. I took her on a small vacation to Visit some friends in Arizona and that is when everything went sour. It was the trip from hell actually.
I talked to her for a bit last night and she agreed to dinner next week. 😋 I was pretty confident at first and I will try to regain that. That is one thing she tries to is tell me is I need to think I #1 🤔 so I probably need to start being alpha male again. I haven't dated very many pretty girls. But I am not that bad of a catch and need to remember that. I'll take everyone's great advice and see what happens.
Thank you

[GQBlues]

Hello new here
I was dating a beautiful woman from the Ukraine for about 3 months I that has been in the USA for 6 years and has her citizenship.
I was very much fond of her but she would never show any real feelings for me and acted cold and distant. When she would come to my house she always brought a gift. Maybe that is how she was trying to show feeling I don't know. But it became hard to try and guess what her ambitions were and we broke up. And after a few weeks apart it seems Maybe a chance of getting back together.  Is this normal for women if her culture to be distant? I really want this to work. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Hi Prhodes-

I read through your posts and that of the peanut gallery. A huge deal of my frustration in fora such as this is when people try to compartmentalize bad and/or strange behaviors to such things as 'culture'.

If I try to summarize your situation based solely on what you wrote here, you hooked up with a woman who you felt is in a relationship with you. She brings you gift, spends time (likely stays over and have mind numbing sex (I'm assuming this though you never really said it) with you, etc...

But you feel incomplete because she seem secretive, guarded and at times, removed from your belief that a relationship exist between the two of you. Then you start to speculate it's gotta be her culture..

LMAO! Are sure it isn't your (personal) culture?

One perspective of course is, you're getting 'laid', getting company of a PYT, receiving gifts, etc...life can be worse, bro. What's the problem then?

Ahhh...she isn't giving/doing what you expect her to give/do despite the grab bag of goodies you already are getting from her.

Why men pushes the relationship envelop when they're already getting the cows milk is beyond me. Always has. Donna_Pedro would (have said) say: You want a relationship? Get a toaster!

Now if I took away the mind-numbing sex away from the equation, and that is exactly what you're longing for, then let me just say, *hard on the pedal*. Turnaround and RUN!

Listen, Mongolian women, like Martians, are above and foremost - WOMEN. If there's a woman out there that is not completing the *you* in you, then regardless of culture - she ain't for you. Horny women will screw your brains out. A woman in love will screw your brains out and sux you dry, too. Then will make sure she'll be there when you're sick and in need of attention. But this dynamic is FWIW, mutual.

Take the sex and do away with sentimentalities and out with the silly sensibilities. Trust me. Do that and women will gravitate towards you even more. This is primo that men never seem to understand.

Good luck! Life isn't a drama unless you make it.

[Prhodes]

Damn...you opened my eyes. Ill make lemonade out of the lemon. Pluss give it some time. And I'll stop blaming it on her culture. She has been here 6 years and knows the ways of American men.
Thanks a million.
Smart beautiful women have that effect on men.

[Trenchcoat]

Hello new here
I was dating a beautiful woman from the Ukraine for about 3 months I that has been in the USA for 6 years and has her citizenship.
I was very much fond of her but she would never show any real feelings for me and acted cold and distant. When she would come to my house she always brought a gift. Maybe that is how she was trying to show feeling I don't know. But it became hard to try and guess what her ambitions were and we broke up. And after a few weeks apart it seems Maybe a chance of getting back together.  Is this normal for women if her culture to be distant? I really want this to work. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

  I guess what you are trying to say here is that she is Ukrainian by birth and had lived there most of her life but came to the US 6 years ago but you've only been dating her for 3 months of the 6 years that she has been in US.

So I'm guessing odds are she came into the country by marrying another US guy. That would be the most commonest way as far as I am aware. If so then she broke up with him, divorced or still married? Most usually divorce but I think you need to ask some questions to her about this if you haven't already before going further. A few years ago I was messaging a girl in Lviv, Ukraine. She had been married to a guy in the US but he divorced her. She alleged to me that he was carrying on with other women, etc but either side might have their version of the truth. Anyway, she didn't have enough time etc in the US to get her Green Card so bye, bye to the US for her and straight back to the country she no doubt loved lol.

Anyway, I think you need to know a lot more about this girl before getting in deep. I would say trust your instincts, I would say if something doesn't feel right then it probably isn't. Don't let yourself be taken in by her good looks and ignore getting to know her. At this point it sounds like you are in the dark and there could be a lot else going on. Normally beautiful woman that are model attractive aren't usually just left floating around, that is if she is that beautiful though.

On the face of it, the lack of emotion is not a good sign so I don't see a positive outcome as likely. Main thing is to not to get used, burned or otherwise in the process. I personally don't think she sees you as a long term relationship prospect but in some other way that probably won't suit the outlook you want the relationship to have. Definitely ask her direct probing questions though I think.

[Prhodes]

When I first met her all kinds of bells and whistles were going off and I had a lot of speculation "american tv" telling us that rusdian brides are a scam. But she was upfront with me about her marriage and divorce. I did check it out..matter of public record.
Basically someone made some money for their time.

And I have seen her american passport and I am no rich oil tycoon.  😀
To tell you the truth I didn't think she looked that great when I met her but all it took was a great haircut and her cute accent to win my heart. So I'll give it another go and take it slower this time and maybe se will open up a little. If not I think I can live with it now being away from her for a while. I guess a quiet girlfriend is better than no girlfriend.

[Trenchcoat]

When I first met her all kinds of bells and whistles were going off and I had a lot of speculation "american tv" telling us that rusdian brides are a scam. But she was upfront with me about her marriage and divorce. I did check it out..matter of public record.
Basically someone made some money for their time.

And I have seen her american passport and I am no rich oil tycoon.  😀
To tell you the truth I didn't think she looked that great when I met her but all it took was a great haircut and her cute accent to win my heart. So I'll give it another go and take it slower this time and maybe se will open up a little. If not I think I can live with it now being away from her for a while. I guess a quiet girlfriend is better than no girlfriend.

Which brings me to the question, what does she want you for? It may be not something negative, it could be straight up but all sorts could be going on. There's also the question of why she divorced? Even hearing her side may tell you something. Some people just don't get on or it doesn't work out but often I think divorces can be a warning sign of potential problems that may make it hard being into a relationship with her as often there is a reason and what affects one relationship may also be an issue that affects another relationship.

[Prhodes]

It wasn't a real marriage if you know what I mean.

[Trenchcoat]

It wasn't a real marriage if you know what I mean.

Ahhh... I see what you mean, I'm not really sure whether that is a plus or minus though as no experience there. I guess it removes the issue problem I spoke about in real marriages falling apart. Perhaps other forum members know more on this?

[Davo]

The woman you’ve been dating is the same as my friends wife, who’s not a FSU woman. It might have nothing to do with her heritage, it’s probably just her individual personality.

[Gator]

Donna_Pedro would (have said) say: You want a relationship? Get a toaster!

Donna Pedro wrote:  You want a warranty/guarantee?  Get a toaster?

It was advice to different types of men;  1) those who were reluctant to get on a plane because of fear of striking out, 2) those who complained about travelling and still not finding a wife, and 3) those demanding a strict prenup. 


Our Prhodes is none of them.   


BTW, for new members, Donna Pedro was from Moscow, married to an American man, and not reticent  (so much for stereotyping culture). 
. 
 

[Steamer]

I was very much fond of her but she would never show any real feelings for me and acted cold and distant.

RU/W I've known generally play their cards close to their chest. They won't spill their life story right away, it comes in dribs and drabs. Try not to be too pushy about a relationship, it can come off as 'needy'. They have a saying that you should 'Hold yourself in your Hands' in other words control your emotions.


Welcome and good luck!

[BillyB]

she was upfront with me about her marriage and divorce. I did check it out..matter of public record.
Basically someone made some money for their time.

I have no problem with people wanting a better life even when they do something illegal to obtain it. If she paid cash for her green card, she may not be a bad person. If she paid by sleeping with the person who helped her, you may want to question her character. Some people are fun but they aren't marriage material.


Most of the dating I did with FSU women happened in America. I dated a Belarusian gal. After the first date she may have thought I wasn't somebody she wanted to marry but she liked me enough to make a proposal. When I called her for a second date, she got to the point. She said she doesn't care about eating out and entertainment. She asked that the money for those things go to her and in exchange, she'd sleep with me. She said she needed the money to get through college.


I dated a Russian gal for awhile and we were intimate. One day while eating at a restaurant, she asked if I wanted to marry her daughter who was going to college in Russia. I know she wanted her daughter to be close to her in America. I told her I'd only marry someone for love. I did not sleep with the daughter but there was another situation where I was involved with mother and daughter at different times.


I have told many of my experiences on this forum and I love FSU women and the experience I had. I would've never had these experiences with American women. I've been hammered hard on this forum for some of the things I did, none of them illegal but it would cross the line for those that criticized me. Because some posters were very upset, I did not tell all of my experiences because some people definitely wouldn't be able to handle it. If your woman is a good woman although different than what you're used to and you can handle the relationship properly, you'll have a blast. Being a strong man is good. Being insecure is not good.

[Prhodes]

It was the other way around. She funded him. But lived with her parents. I'm thinking if it doesn't work out that wouldn't be such a bad deal..

[Prhodes]

I guess I should have mentioned she is in her early 50's so she is no spring chicken. None the less she is beautiful to me.

[Prhodes]

And the way I see it right this moment they are doing catch and release on our southern border with thousands of illegal immigrants.  What she did might not be ethical but she did the time and and went through the proper process.

[Gator]

I guess I should have mentioned she is in her early 50's so she is no spring chicken. None the less she is beautiful to me.

I have much experience with women in their 50s.  It is a period when many reimagine their future, particularly if they are becoming empty nesters.   Some seek more fun, some seek security, some simply seek something dramatically different ......... in other words, a brand new life.   

It is more profound and comprehensive than a man buying a red sports car in his midlife crisis.  Such women will take their sweet time.   

[Shadow]

Some very direct piece of advice.Stop acting needy and clinging to het. To date an FSU woman, you need to be the man.You take the decision, do not ask her to take them.But if she suggests something, take the decision that follows her suggestion.

[ML]

I am fairly lost in this story.

Her parents came to USA 20 years ago to flee the mafia; but this woman did not come with them ?

Her parents fled the Russian mafia; but she is our OP's Ukrainian girlfriend ?

This woman has been in USA for 6 years and has USA citizenship ?

She paid a man with USA citizenship to marry her so she could get here and obtain residency ?

She has wild sex with our OP . . . but from some distance ?

Am I reading everything correctly ?

[Shadow]

I am fairly lost in this story.

Her parents came to USA 20 years ago to flee the mafia; but this woman did not come with them ?

Her parents fled the Russian mafia; but she is our OP's Ukrainian girlfriend ?

This woman has been in USA for 6 years and has USA citizenship ?

She paid a man with USA citizenship to marry her so she could get here and obtain residency ?

She has wild sex with our OP . . . but from some distance ?

Am I reading everything correctly ?

You forgot that they broke up and will have dinner together soon.

[Prhodes]

Guess I should have followed up a long time ago. So turns out the parents she lives with are In laws and she came here with her daughter, being there grand daughter. She did not like the states and returned to Ukraine and the mother stayed.

So we tried to date several times but it was impossible because I wasn't her only boyfriend and she was very self centered. I would imagine even narcissistic. She always stated I was the caustic one but all I tried to do was love her and treat her with respect.

She now us back with her original boyfriend and probably others. Wich is a shame because I really liked her.

So there you have it they simulate to the ways of American women eventually. 

[Jumper1]

She's 50.
I believe the odds westernization had anything to do with her character or behavior are slim.

 Most likely ,she is who she is,and its quite possible she had no intentions of a long term relationship with you( or perhaps  anyone) at this specific  time in her life.




 

[Daveman]

  I think I pushed her to quickly for commitment and she felt like I was pushing her too fast.  Guess time will tell.
Thank you

Necroressurection... OP is long gone but for anyone finding and perusing the thread:

Don't push her at all. In fact -- You don't even bring the topic up ---- EVER.
That's her job. A woman will come to you at her own pace and she'll bring up the relationship stuff as she grows closer to you. You simply make the dates, lead the fun, and put the moves on her. If you do that and ONLY that, she'll be talking about the relationship like clockwork. A woman bringing up the "relationship" doesn't need to be pressured or talked into one. She's already in it.