Place of First Meeting

[WmGO]

Ladies,

Your thoughts on the place of the first meeting: your country or some "neutral" country?

My opinion is probably already known: it makes no sense (from multiple perspectives and for multiple reasons) for a WM to meet an FSUW for the first time anywhere but her own country.

WmGO

[Lily]

Any place 

I mean any place that is convenient and easier accessible for both parties involved. I really don't think that they should spend extra efforts in order to target for one particular place only, for instance for her home.

It depends on the opportunities that each of both people have.

If he is able to fly to her home, say, in a couple of month after initial acquaintance, it's fine.

If she is planning her regular vacations in his country, it is a great possibility to meet, too. (I don't mean the U.S. here, however).

If she is about to be sent to a company seminar or a similar event to a European country where he could also come relatively easy at the given time, it's still fine.

[WmGO]

Lily, you dodged the question. 

Obviously, there might be unusual circumstances that might allow for an out of country first meeting, but that .01% aside, do you not think that a WM needs to learn about FSU Land, it's history, culture, people etc. as well as the women in her own country?

How can a WM really get to know an FSUW if he is conducting all of the meetings outside of Russia, Ukraine, etc.?

Regards!

[Lily]

WmGO,

I didn't dodge. My reply is purely my personal opinion and I did not think long before writing it.

My point was that they can meet in a place that is most convenient for both of them. I don't see why a man should put his work schedule on risk to go to FSU whereas she would be able to buy a trip to his country, for instance.

Of course I totally agree with you that it is a very valid reason for him to land her home, to greet her family, to see her usual surroundings, etc. That's up to his intellectual curiosity. As for the need to get to know her better - hmmm, the surroundings are not quite a right indicator for a personality...
He is welcome to do this but IMHO he can do it on the first, second, or **th meeting. Eventually it is no problem if he never visits..or visits after some time just to meet his parents in law.

However, it's more for the woman to learn about the land, it's history, culture, people, etc as well as the men in his country, because it is she who is going to come living in his country. Therefore, the burden to know a foreign country in details is exactlly on her.

it is just my personal opinion, WmGO. Again, you point is right, too.

[I/O]

However, it's more for the woman to learn about the land, it's history, culture, people, etc as well as the men in his country, because it is she who is going to come living in his country. Therefore, the burden to know a foreign country in details is exactlly on her.

FWIW I have always been a strong advocate of her visiting his country and home at some point prior to that final decision being made and that IMO should be LONG before K-1 stage.

I/O

[Serebro]

I don't consider meeting her family and friends during the first visit to be a good idea.

[I/O]

I don't consider meeting her family and friends during the first visit to be a good idea.

Why?

I/O

[Serebro]

Why?

I/O

I still remember the mistake that I made recently and I still blame myself for introducing "him" to my family and friends.The tradition of my family and of most families that I know is to introduce the boy-friend when you are going to marry.
We weren't going to marry but he insisted on meeting them "to know me better".
It didn't work out so my family and my friends still ask me about him as according to the tradition we are supposed to get married soon and we separated about 1 month ago.
I  suffer a lot because of being "too soft" when people ask me or trying to persuade me and being too loving and naive.
So I guess when a have a new boy-friend the family will know about him 1-3 days before the wedding

[WmGO]

FWIW I have always been a strong advocate of her visiting his country and home at some point prior to that final decision being made and that IMO should be LONG before K-1 stage.
I/O

Agree, but for Americans unfortuantely not feasible. Too bad the k-1 time period is 90 days and not 365.

I don't consider meeting her family and friends during the first visit to be a good idea.

You have a point. But certainly a good idea for the second visit. But in the first visit a man needs to get a dose of FSU reality. Unless he learns and understands FSU reality, culture, etc. it is doubtful that he can ever really know and understand an FSUW IMO.

Rock on...........

[macman]

ON THE OTHER HAND!  Would one get suspicious if the RW does not want the WM to come to her city?  Or would you write it off as a situation like Serebro described as her custom?


mm

[groovlstk]

ON THE OTHER HAND!  Would one get suspicious if the RW does not want the WM to come to her city?  Or would you write it off as a situation like Serebro described as her custom?


mm

If she doesn't want you to come to her city, it's a huge red flag; more than likely she has a local boyfriend, or worse.

While I agree it's best to meet a girl in her home city for your first meeting, it's her choice whether to introduce you to her friends and family, and every guy should respect her discretion.

[Daveman]

I don't consider meeting her family and friends during the first visit to be a good idea.

I agree here. To me, on the first meeting it isn't a big deal to bring the family into it.  Meet the family after you are sure you are interested in the lady.  Meeting the family can color your opinion in ways unrelated to her as well as put pressure on the situation. 

As Serebro mentions later, there are certain expectations which come from the family introduction, and on a first meeting, those particular expectations should not be present.  A family meeting is another way for us to learn about a woman, but it puts a considerable amount of pressure on the lady.  I wanted her to be as relaxed and as much 'herself' as possible on the first meeting, and just focus on whether we like each other enough to continue.  The continuing would then include meeting and spending time with her family.

An American woman wouldn't take you home to meet her parents after the first couple of dates, she'd do it as the relationship grew and solidified.  I don't see why it should be different for an FSU woman.

Opinions vary of course.

[macman]

If she doesn't want you to come to her city, it's a huge red flag; more than likely she has a local boyfriend, or worse.

Actually, I was thinking worse i.e. vocation?  Speaking of which I need to start a thread about vocation. . .

c ya
mm

[BC]

Where you initially meet is irrelevant.  I met my wife in another country while we were both on vacation.

It's what follows that counts.. and yes before proposing or getting married or K1, you should have spent a decent amount of time with her friends and family.

Date like you would at home (except for the flights and maybe hotels) and let the rest come naturally.

If you are looking for the 'quicker, easier way' thinking you can get it all done in one shot... well, IMHO it's best to forget this RW thing and look for a suitable mate around your neighbourhood.

[Serebro]

If she doesn't want you to come to her city, it's a huge red flag; more than likely she has a local boyfriend, or worse.

It's not a huge reg flag if she lives in a small town.Most people know each other, have the similar level of income and a visit of a foreigner may attract a lot of attention.
Different kind of attention, I mean, for example if it doesn't work out most people will ask the girl about "that american" for a long long time and if she has met more than 2-3 foreign men she can be considered to be a kind of a special prostitute or /and people will laugh at her and give her different names.Besides this girl and her family can attract criminals' attention.

[groovlstk]

It's not a huge reg flag if she lives in a small town.Most people know each other, have the similar level of income and a visit of a foreigner may attract a lot of attention.
Different kind of attention, I mean, for example if it doesn't work out most people will ask the girl about "that american" for a long long time and if she has met more than 2-3 foreign men she can be considered to be a kind of a special prostitute or /and people will laugh at her and give her different names.Besides this girl and her family can attract criminals' attention.

Serebro:

You may be correct, I never dated village girls during my search but if I couldn't visit a girl in her hometown until we were ready to get married, I'd have long before said goodbye to her.

I also don't advocate chasing village girls, unless a man happens to live on a farm, but such men don't have the income necessary to travel abroad.

There are idealists here who will disagree with me I'm sure, more power to them. (BTW, I'm happily married now so I'm no longer searching.)

[Serebro]

Serebro:

You may be correct, I never dated village girls during my search but if I couldn't visit a girl in her hometown until we were ready to get married, I'd have long before said goodbye to her.

I also don't advocate chasing village girls, unless a man happens to live on a farm,

I don't speak about village girls and farmers. I meant small towns-30,000-50,000 inhabitants.
And why do you think that a village girl  will not be able to survive in .. New York?!

[macman]

I don't speak about village girls and farmers. I meant small towns-30,000-50,000 inhabitants.

Serebro:

This is precisely what I needed to hear. . . everybody knows everybody and it would be hard for her if it didn't work out.  Cool, I will drop the notion that there are hidden reasons for her desire to meet at a nearby larger city; better for my logistics as well.

Good insight my dear. . .

 
MacMan

[Serebro]

Serebro:

This is precisely what I needed to hear. . . everybody knows everybody and it would be hard for her if it didn't work out.  Cool, I will drop the notion that there are hidden reasons for her desire to meet at a nearby larger city; better for my logistics as well.

Good insight my dear. . .

 
MacMan

You may laugh but when I was a teenager I spent my holidays at my aunt's place who lived in that type of a town. It wasn't like a village, there were many people and they didn't say hello when they saw each other, but I noticed people looking at me attentively and several times when my aunt's friends or colleagues came from far-away houses they mentioned me and my cousin(we both were there on holidays)and asked her about us.

[2tallbill]

Actually, I was thinking worse i.e. vacation?  Speaking of which I need to start a thread about vacation. . .

c ya
mm

The problem for a first meeting is that you don't know if you have mutual chemistry
until you meet in person. What happens if you meet a girl in say Turkey and she is
not romantically interested in you? Now you have two weeks that you are possibly
stuck together and you can't realistically meet other girls. If she is a good girl she
might feel obligated to hang out with you. Would you really want that?

[ML]

Quote from: Serebro on June 11, 2007, 05:40:53 AM

    I don't consider meeting her family and friends during the first visit to be a good idea.

You have a point. But certainly a good idea for the second visit. But in the first visit a man needs to get a dose of FSU reality. Unless he learns and understands FSU reality, culture, etc. it is doubtful that he can ever really know and understand an FSUW IMO.

I don't think a man/woman needs to meet the other's family/friends to understand a FSU person's culture.

There are tons of books, documentaries, films, etc., that can accomplish same.

[2tallbill]

I don't think a man/woman needs to meet the other's family/friends to understand a FSU person's culture.

There are tons of books, documentaries, films, etc., that can accomplish same.

Watching an FSUW interact with her friends and family give you insight with the girl herself.

[olgac]

Watching an FSUW interact with her friends and family give you insight with the girl herself.

Also they say woman often ends up looking and behaving like her mom

[ML]

Watching an FSUW interact with her friends and family give you insight with the girl herself.

Yes, but her/his interaction with you over a lengthly period of time will  give you the same insight.  It's hard to be 'unreal' for a lengthly time period .

[ML]

Also they say woman often ends up looking and behaving like her mom

A high probability of this.

I am lucky in that my wife's mother is the 'Mother Teresa' of her town.  And she never became fat.