with love from Russia

[mirror]

   Hello everybody

   At first I’d like to say I wonder how many people is reading dilemma! It is not because "The Dilemma" post is very interesting…but because this story is real and very dramatic. And it is real story-not only imagination. And Sofia is a real person, because it is me, so I want to introduce myself a little.

  I am Russian woman –RW is how all members name us Russian women. But I am not Russian by Nationality…I am Tatar- Muslim .  Of course it is a little different from real Russians. Why a little?...because I was born in the Soviet Union like other Russians and I have many habits from that system…why different?...because my family has Muslim background and I was growing in Muslim family’s traditions. I hope many people know what is it Muslim society and tradicions.

  I am provincial …it is true, but I know what it is "LIGHTS OF BIG CITY". I was working in Moscow for some period to improve my life standards and professional experiences. 

  Yes, I am divorced for many years already and I am very independent. I can make my own decisions in many different life’s situations .And I think I can do that successfully by myself.

  What else? I think that is enough for now.

 

[DKMM]

Hi mirror, it is a pleasure to see you post on here.  Its always a good thing when RW that members have met come on here and post.  This could be a unique situation though since you and this member did not stay together.  OK I'm not so good with diplomacy so I will stop here. 

[Lily]

Welcome! another woman member that shows her face  

Would never tell you are Tatar by your face!

[Jazzyclassy]

Oh ok Mirror I got now who you are

Sofia

nice to meet you

welcome to this board

am sure you will somehow solve your situation at least understand your thoughts and feelings  as Wiz was describing things in details to this community here.......

I  honestly do not understand how it may help your situation with Wiz here , but I wish all the best in any case:)

[viking]

Hello Sofia

Welcome to the board.

Viking

[Rvrwind]

Hello Sofia &
Big Welcome[/color]
to RWD!!

[wiz]

Welcome Sofia to the board.

I hope you will enjoy been a member of RWD and maybe will help you to improve your English and also to enlarge your knowledge about International Dating and relationships.

"Heaven knows no frontiers"
Jimmy McCarthy

Yannis

[jb]

Hello, Sofia;

I wonder if you could tell us what it is that makes you feel you are "a little different" from other RWs?  What is it about being from Muslim/Tartar roots that makes you different from, for example, my wife, who is a strong believer in God with roots in the Russian Orthodox Church?  The reason I ask is that I've often wondered why we have this "oil and water" inability to successfully mix these two cultures.  And, maybe even more importantly, was this a factor in your somewhat stormy relationship with Yannis?

[mirror]

Hello, Sofia;

I wonder if you could tell us what it is that makes you feel you are "a little different" from other RWs?  What is it about being from Muslim/Tartar roots that makes you different from, for example, my wife, who is a strong believer in God with roots in the Russian Orthodox Church?  The reason I ask is that I've often wondered why we have this "oil and water" inability to successfully mix these two cultures.  And, maybe even more importantly, was this a factor in your somewhat stormy relationship with Yannis?

Hello, JB

Thank you for the questions. If I understood correctly under your context - Muslim society can not be mixed with other western societies  like the oil and water. It is not true at all - they both are assumptions . First I want to say about oil and water. Yes, we can mix water and oil in the present time because of modern technologies. Yes, I agree this substance is not stable. But it is possible. 

What about the cultures…it depends on the personalities. For example – I was born in a  country with a  Christian history and I know ( maybe not too much) about Christian traditions and I can visit churches and I like to do that. I am attracted to these attributes.Because I respect other people’s beliefs.

I am a Muslim  but it doesn’t mean I am fundamentalist. I have many things from Muslim traditions in my “blood” and sometimes I react automatically like a Muslim woman because of my background. I accept the two beliefs. And look I am still alive  .

About the stormy relationship    between me and Wiz. Personally  I think what happened between me and Wiz it is  only  a situation between two different personalities .Nothing more.

I hope I have answered you clear enough

Sofia

[Bruno]

First I want to say about oil and water. Yes, we can mix water and oil in the present time because of modern technologies. Yes, I agree this substance is not stable. But it is possible.

Sofia is right... and no need of modern technologies... A simple example is a national Russian preparation called mayonnaise... Mayonnaise is a oil-in-water emulsions stabilized with egg yolk ( lecithin )...

[jb]

I guess something was lost in the metaphor.

We have the expression,,, "Gas and alcohol do not mix",,, to which the redneck sez,,, "yes they do, they just taste like crap".

[I/O]

I guess something was lost in the metaphor.

Everyone sees what they want to see. Often not more and not less.

Welcome Sofia.  I think it is rather generous to remark that past unsuccessful relationships were simply a matter of different personalities.  I think the subject would be best left at just that.

Enjoy your participation, there is much to be gained.

I/O

[jb]

Sofia,

I won't get into the details of why you and wiz had the ultimate falling apart,,, only to recognize that it happened, and that you contributed more than equally to the demise of the relationship.  I'm a little amused that you now profess this true and undieing love for wiz...  It seems like a too little late and a little too short.

One thing I do not understand though, if you felt so strongly for wiz, is why did you continued to explore the internet for another, perhaps better, younger, or richer lover, after you were with wiz in his home for such a long time.  wiz has documented your e-mail campaign to other men even while you were living together in England.  This is an act of unfaithfulness that I doubt any other man could, or should, endure.  Had I been in wiz's shoes, I'd have shown you the door at the first sign of this behavior.  He was too good to you by half.

Sofia, I don't wish you bad things, but I somehow think you believe men are such fools that they will overlook bad behavior from pretty women.  Perhaps that is the case for some men, but I don't think wiz is so desperate.

[SANDRO43]

A simple example is a national Russian preparation called mayonnaise... Mayonnaise is a oil-in-water emulsion stabilized with egg yolk (lecithin)...

Bruno, the French would frown deeply and go zut, zut on hearing you call mayonnaise "a national Russian preparation", since all the various theories about the etymology of this non-Russian and obviously French word relate to France (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mayonnaise).


In chemico-physical terms, an emulsion belongs to the colloid family (heterogeneous mixtures composed of tiny particles suspended in an immiscible material), which are unstable, non-Newtonian fluids and exhibit the interesting property of thixotropy, i.e. they modify their viscosity when subjected to shear. Mayonnaise shows "positive" thixotropy, i.e. becomes less viscuous (more fluid) when stirred. In my halcyon days as a reseacher of thermosetting resins, I came across glue mixtures exhibiting "negative" thixotropy, i.e. fluids that tended to solidify when stirred (much to our horror and despair ).

That'll teach NOT to go chemical here at RWD .

[wiz]

Hello Boys

Don't hijack Sofia's Introductory post!

 

[DKMM]

Hmm OK to dispense with pleasantries, Sophia most guys on here-and women too-think Yannis is a great man and would think a normal lady would be very fortunate to be the object of his desire.  Thus, there might be some comments directed your way that might be less than cordial due to the fact that a lady with Yannis would be in a very good situation for herself and would be almost foolish not to accept that.

I told you I'm not good at diplomacy but at least I speak pravda on here.

[mirror]

Sofia,

I won't get into the details of why you and wiz had the ultimate falling apart,,, only to recognize that it happened, and that you contributed more than equally to the demise of the relationship.  I'm a little amused that you now profess this true and undieing love for wiz...  It seems like a too little late and a little too short.

One thing I do not understand though, if you felt so strongly for wiz, is why did you continued to explore the internet for another, perhaps better, younger, or richer lover, after you were with wiz in his home for such a long time.  wiz has documented your e-mail campaign to other men even while you were living together in England.  This is an act of unfaithfulness that I doubt any other man could, or should, endure.  Had I been in wiz's shoes, I'd have shown you the door at the first sign of this behavior.  He was too good to you by half.

Sofia, I don't wish you bad things, but I somehow think you believe men are such fools that they will overlook bad behavior from pretty women.  Perhaps that is the case for some men, but I don't think wiz is so desperate.

JB,

I can answer all your questions and I hope you can understand my opinion. I understood your previous post about cultures and your metaphor. 

You have your own view and it seems to me that you have a little pessimistic attitude, sorry. I have another position. I believe everything is possible with the right attitude.   

About your present question. You mixed two different things- my (with Wiz) private case and general (you wrote about the unfaithfulness and bad behavior from pretty women).I will try to answer. 

Wiz and I are still talking despite difficulties.  Wiz has a different view about us and it is his opinion.
 
You didn't understand us because you can not know all details, (sorry, Wiz). But I can say Wiz is not such categorical person like many others. Do you think it is bad? I think no. He always ask explanations and he always try to understand other people. It does not mean I behave badly always and Wiz forgives me. Wiz has enough sharp language and never keeps silent.  I hope you can imagine our conversations after my communications with other men. In the same time I can say I am not a simple case too. I am a woman whom every man can let go away easily. Wiz said I had many good qualities (do you remember that?).And I am happy of his similar opinion about me. 

Wiz is not desperate man at all. He wrote many times he could find many lovely women and very quickly. 

I never thought about men like a fools. And I feel sorry if you have similar impression about me.
I respect men because most of them really try hard to make our (women’s) life easier and most of them take a big commitment on their shoulders. It is true.

I hope I could mix two subjects like you did. 

Thanks


Lily,

You looks like a sunny person especially with your smiling face 


Wiz,

You know why I am here.

Sofia

[Kuna]

jb said:

One thing I do not understand though, if you felt so strongly for wiz, is why did you continued to explore the internet for another, perhaps better, younger, or richer lover, after you were with wiz in his home for such a long time.  wiz has documented your e-mail campaign to other men even while you were living together in England.  This is an act of unfaithfulness that I doubt any other man could, or should, endure.  Had I been in wiz's shoes, I'd have shown you the door at the first sign of this behavior.  He was too good to you by half.

Sofia, 

1. I too am interested in why you would write to other men if you say you loved wiz.
2. Do you think this is something Western Men should expect from all FSU Women?
3. At what poin tin a relationship do you think partners should stop looking for new partners?

Welcome to RWD by the way...

Kuna

[mirror]

jb said:
Sofia, 

1. I too am interested in why you would write to other men if you say you loved wiz.
2. Do you think this is something Western Men should expect from all FSU Women?
3. At what poin tin a relationship do you think partners should stop looking for new partners?

Welcome to RWD by the way...

Kuna

   Kuna,

   I feel myself like a student on the exam 

  1. It is because of different reasons.
  2. I can not say anything bad about FSU women. Western men can expect only perfect things  from  FSU women.
  3. Who knows? Only by intuition.

  Thank you,

  Sofia

[wiz]

Wiz,

You know why I am here.

Sofia

No I don't really know ..........You are the only one who knows the truth!

But if by writing on the board will help you improve your English and also keep you out of mischief, that is good!

[jb]

Questions and non-answers:

Q: I too am interested in why you would write to other men if you say you loved wiz

A:  It is because of different reasons.

Would you kindly explain these other reasons?

Q: Do you think this is something Western Men should expect from all FSU Women?

A:I can not say anything bad about FSU women. Western men can expect only perfect things  from  FSU women.

Q:At what point in a relationship do you think partners should stop looking for new partners?

A: Who knows? Only by intuition.

 
Sofia;

These are classic non-answers to fairly straight forward questions.

I ask you to consider the following:
   
1.) Should anyone not expect dedication and faithfullness from their mate?   
2.) Is trust not built over time by each person demonstrating steadfastness and reliability in their relationship? 
3.) Did you, or did you not, continue to coorespond with other men while living in Yannis' house in Surrey?   
4/) Do you really expect Yannis to believe you are ready to settle down and forsake the possible *Bigger Better Deal* if one of your other internet respondants became available? 

I see a huge trust issue here.

I think perhaps it was a mistake on your part to join this board,.  People here will hold your feet very close to the fire when you dodge questions like this.  I don't wish bad things for you, but for my part I'd never marry a woman who has revealed a second face, such as you have with Yannis.   Even if wiz forgives you, there would always be this little nagging doubt in his mind about what you may be doing behind his back.

[Kuna]

   Kuna,

   I feel myself like a student on the exam 

  1. It is because of different reasons.
  2. I can not say anything bad about FSU women. Western men can expect only perfect things  from  FSU women.
  3. Who knows? Only by intuition.

  Thank you,

  Sofia

Sofia,

Thanks for the (non)answers.  I actually won't be hard on you because I think the problems you an Yannis had were simply that you were two very different people.

While watching his "Dilemma" thread (almost from the day I joined RWD) I felt for Yannis because I felt like he was trapped in relationship that was similar to one of my previous relationships.  Going nowhere but hard to get out of.

My questions weren't to test you though... I was interested in your reasons for doing the things we read about to try to understand if you (or other Russian women) thought it was appropriate behaviour.

I truly believe there is someone out there for all of us.  You may not be that "someone" for Yannis, but there is someone out there that will treat him as he should be treated.  Likewise, you'll find someone that will treat you as you should be treated.

I've never met Yannis but I sense that he is a good, fair minded man.  I also realise he might be a outright "bugger" at times... but can't we all?

I wish you all the best in the future... and if you could answer my previous questions I would be interested to understand the motivations.

Also... do you think it's typical behaviour of a Russian Woman or is it somethng unique to your situation?

Kind regards,

Kuna

[Bruno]

Since she have no really reply... what i will reply if i was Sofia ( based only on what was posted here on the forum by Wiz )

1. I too am interested in why you would write to other men if you say you loved wiz.

Love is one thing but stability in a relation is needed for build trust... Maybe Sofia have make some initial mistake but Wiz have start/stop the relationship on numerous occassion... read everything from the beginning and you will see that Wiz was some week cold, some other hot...

In place of resolve the problem at the origine, he choose to stop the relation... but start again because he love Sofia... and stop again... and start... and any normal ladies will with time think that the man is not stable in his decision... in so situation, difficult to build a future...

So, my advice... of you really stop now... or you wish try again and continue a long time, without stop at the first problem... these time will be needed on both side for build a new trust...

One question : Was both of you engaged ( fiancee )... if not, both have the right to seek the right partner... only once you are engaged, a almost definitive choice is make...

[wiz]

Love is one thing but stability in a relation is needed for build trust... Maybe Sofia have make some initial mistake but Wiz have start/stop the relationship on numerous occassion... read everything from the beginning and you will see that Wiz was some week cold, some other hot...

One question : Was both of you engaged ( fiancee )... if not, both have the right to seek the right partner... only once you are engaged, a almost definitive choice is make...

Bruno

I think you have not read all my posts on “The Dilemma”, like other people have done, JB, Kuna, Turbo, DKMM and so many others and now you are talking with your back side.

No I was not “hot and cold” and not stop, start and finished my relationship with Sofia for no important reason. It is all there well documented and I did not see any refusals from Sofia. Actually she admitted that fact, in her first post on “Dilemma”: Additionally I may add was her acting show of jealousy.

Now I can say I love Wiz very much I know it is LOVE what I feel for him. Because I can compare him with other men, I have tried to communicate with other men and always came back to him. I want always to be with Wiz and I want to see his face, I like to speak with him and I know he will protect me always and I feel very secure with him.

In my view and I am sure many people will agree, when you first start communicating with a woman or a man in her case, initially of course you communicate with many other people too until one day you choose a very small number of persons you want to meet.

In my case were 3 women…. and also well documented on my “Dilemma”.

Once you meet a person and you start a relationship I believe after a period of maximum 1-2 months you stop communicating with the others and concentrate in building the relationship with the woman/man you feel strong about. The details of what happen between us are well documented on the post.

The reasons for me going back many times, are well documented and simple:

When talking with other men, Sofia never went any further apart from the idle chit chat and when anybody started asking her for a meeting and to visit her she always dropped them.

Did she craved for attention? I don’t know. Maybe was escapism for her and of course she knows the real answer.

I have pretty good idea what was going on and Sofia has NEVER really being unfaithful to me. What I found most offending, is her “Intention” behind her actions.

No we were not engaged and anyway it would have made no difference if we were married and one of us found somebody else and wanted to move on.

I am not afraid to admit that I do love Sofia but my position is clear in my last post on Dilemma.

Anyway this is her thread and call and I want to stay out of it as much as I can.

[ScottinCrimea]

One reason many fail in relationships is that they are willing to commit up to 99% but they are incapable of that last 1%.  I see this often where couples will blaxe forward, eveerything wonderful, and then suddenly it comes to a dead halt because one or the other (or both) isn't willing or able to totally commit.  Sofia's continuing to hang on to chatting with other men and Wiz's saying that he couls easily find another woman and giving ultimatums both suggest to me that neither one was willing to dive in and totally devote himself mind body and soul to the relationship.  They were both waiting for the other to take the first step and it didn't happen, for whatever reason.  Because I have read more of Wiz's posts and exchanged e-mails with him, I'm inclined to believe that Sofia was more of the commitment failure, but I could easily be wrong.  Certainly she had her reasons for it, either because of some actions of Wiz's or because of events in the past that have made her fearful of total commitment, but at some point, if you want a real relationship, you have to shuck it all and just go for broke.  I think that's one reason my wife and I are together now, because I made the decision it was all or nothing and I committed everything to her.  She saw this commitment and it made her comfortable doing the same.  I was never wishy washy about my desire to be with her and I never looked back.  Everything we own in Ukraine is in her name, so if she wanted to dump me, she could do it in a second and be just fine.  She knows that I love her more than anything material and I know that she doesn't just love me for the money.  I have never held the money over her head and she never held her looks and the fact that she could get any man she wanted over mine.  She knows she could "move up" and find a man younger, better looking and with more money than me, but she also knows that she could never find a man who loves and understands her more than me.  And that's really all she wants.