Trench's Questions and Philosophies

[krimster2]

"the smack on the bum"?

No!  maybe "pat on the bum" but that's for play

I would never ever, ever, use violence within my family, not even that
but INTIMIDATION? absolutely!
I think because I am normally soft spoken and easy going
that when I do get outwardly angry due to something that someone in my family does
they find this display of anger intimidating
so I am able to make "an act" of being "the big angry man"
and THIS WORKS!!!
Russian women are naturally intimidated by the big angry man
this is all I have to do!
my kids kind of know I'm acting, but my wife hasn't figured this out yet, even after 19 yr!!!
if my kids cross me, I cut them off financially for a week or two
ohhh the tears this causes....

[Bee Farmer]

How so? You use the insert quote function and doing so is courteous and makes one's responses easier to read and to SEE the persons message to which you are responding TO...  It is impossible to know to whom you are replying and what they refer to ... 

Msmob, the Insert Quote function requires deleting half the message to just show the relevant portion, and requires scrolling up and down a zillion times.  It's much easier to have 2 windows open, and copy and paste only the text that I am responding to.

It's not impossible to know to whom I am replying, but it does require a few cognitive abilities.  Brain exercises to fend off age related cognitive decline...

You are an idealist - and haven't experienced reality....  ALL your points are your beliefs ... they are not mine - your 'reminding' me of my vows doesn't bring about a sense of guilt - *I* know what I did was for the best - for others I love

You have no idea of the reality I have faced, so don't assume you know.

The ideals that a person strives towards reflects the kind of world they wish to live in.

If you have no guilty conscience about breaking your vows to obtain the end result you want, that simply means that you are a sociopath.

Why are you on this forum ?  Do you seek a virgin FSU W ?  ..Or are you hoping to convert some of us to your viewpoint ?

I originally joined this forum when I was planning a trip to Ukraine that involved attending a business conference, and also meeting a girl while there.  I still real the forum from time to time to learn aspects of Ukrainian culture and beliefs.  While here, I don't have a problem discussing philosophy with others.

No, I do not specifically seek a virgin FSUW, although I would believe such a lady to have the potential to be a very loyal wife.  To be honest, I don't specifically seek a FSUW.  There is a part of me that would like to have a loving marriage, but I don't specifically search for  FSUW.  I still occasionally go out with local women.

I do not believe I will convert you to my viewpoint, as we speak a different philosophical language.  You have a liberal mentality.  Liberals do not consider consequences and punishments to be very important, and instead place importance on the experience.

I don't believe it would be a bad thing if I inspired other people to be better people and to think twice about honoring their word and doing the things they promise to do. (and not do)

So when I am faced with a FSW who just demands what do you suggest I do? Since they pretty much all seem to do this.

Trench, you have to look at each demand individually.  You are looking for a one size fits all approach, and it won't happen.  If the girl demands you buy her a pack of cigarettes while on a date, you buy her a pack of smokes. (She is testing you to see if you can support her.)  If she demands you take her shopping, or take her on exotic vacations on a whim, you say no. (She is again testing you to see if you are responsible with your money.)

Every demand a girl makes is a test.  When you have passed their tests, they stop making as many demands.

He is a typical highly functioning autistic - he is simply handicapped in all areas of human interaction. What seems natural to you - is out of his reach. He simply cannot put himself in other person’s shoes so to speak.

Pitbull, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one around here?

I highly doubt Trench is autistic, although he has parallels to autistic behavior.  Autism refers to emotional disregulation.  While this normally manifests as being very socially awkward, just because someone is socially awkward does not mean they are autistic.

Trench tries to systematize everything.  I suspect that he is an INTJ type personality, which systematize everything.  (and is not uncommon for it to be misdiagnosed as autism spectrum disorder)  They also are often clueless at pursuing relationships. 
Trench also is high in psychological trait Neuroticism.  People living in poverty and the bottom rungs of society are higher in Neuroticism. 
Trench is also higher in trait Conscientiousness (orderliness).  While this usually manifests as someone having a high work ethic, his bitterness and resentment at the tax structure causes him to work minimal hours to keep his income down.  A Conscientious person being unemployed or underemployed has about the same effect of being depressed, and also causes higher Neuroticism.
One of the drawbacks of being high in Conscientiousness is that people are also higher in disgust sensitivity.  Trench is very disgusted by fat women, and disgusted by the 'dumpsk' towns the Ukrainian girls live in.

One good thing is that he is not resentful to the point of getting aggressive like some.

Are you blind or willfully ignorant?  Violence and aggression can take many forms. 

Do you know what Battered Woman Syndrome is?  Trench has talked a little bit about his mother and his parent's relationship.  His mother was very introverted and socially awkward, and he blames her for making him introverted and socially awkward.  His father tried to 'educate' his mother (Trench's words) about how to be more sociable and how to act in public, and how frustrated his father got with his mother.

His mom has many symptoms of having Battered Woman Syndrome, where she was so emotionally abused that she had no resistance to fight back, and ended up being a passive creature.  (It's very possible that his mother was raised in an abusive environment and didn't know life could be different.)  If you criticize someone, and try to force them to act in a way that goes against their personality, you only increase their stress.  They will end up walking on eggshells around you, not knowing how to change the essential characteristics of their personality (you can't) but at the same time trying to make the other person happy.  You end up with someone whose spirit is crushed and destroyed.

Trench has many of the hallmarks of someone who was never loved by their mother.  It's quite possible that she was too stressed out and overwhelmed by his father to be able to be able to be empathetic and loving towards Trench.

Whether he realizes it or not, Trench is looking for a woman who will be as passive and submissive as a woman with Battered Woman Syndrome.  He wants someone he can control, who will never fight back or have the strength to leave him.  he has made it clear that he wants a woman who will get pregnant immediately, so that it will be more difficult to leave him.  He wants to live in poverty, with low income.

He is very condescending towards women.  His 2 for a penny comment says it all.  To him, women have no value.  He just wants a 'hottie' (so he can show her off as a status symbol to everyone around him).

Trench may never be physically abusive, but he has made his contempt for women clear, and made it clear that he wants a wife he can control and will be passive and submissive.  He won't have a problem being emotionally abusive to achieve the ends he wants.  (If a man has contempt for women, and is emotionally abusive, physical abuse usually accompanies it sooner or later.  When the verbal and emotional abuse stops achieving the behavior the abuser wants, they escalate to physical abuse.)

The fact that you cannot see this glaringly obvious fact from his writings certainly speaks to you also being on the spectrum granted not as severely affected.

Or is it that krimster also subscribes to wanting a wife (and daughters) that has Battered Woman Syndrome?  He keeps them walking on eggshells around him, always 'waiting for the shoe to drop.' (American idiom, sense of impending doom.) And he does it intentionally.  Just blow up on them from time to time, just to keep them terrorized and complaint.  This is a form of emotional abuse.

I don't think krimster has autism spectrum disorder.  A bitter, resentful INTP would be my guess. (INTJ possible, but less likely.)

What does 'there turtle' mean?

ML, it is a misuse of the word 'their.'

A mother and father bird have adopted a turtle as a child.  The turtle tries to climb out on a tree limb to be with it's bird parents.  The turtle falls back to the ground over and over each time it tries.  Eventually the father bird asks the mother if they should tell the turtle that it is a turtle and not capable of doing bird things.

The moral and analogy of the story is that sometimes people's skills and abilities are so different that it is like they are a different species, and simply can't do the things they wish to do.

Supposedly Einstein said, "Everybody is a Genius. But If You Judge a Fish by Its Ability to Climb a Tree, It Will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid."

No, it would be more like Hitler saying "Jews must be eradicated." and me responding "You must change your views on Jews."  It would be almost impossible.  Such views are so deeply ingrained, they are exceptionally difficult to change.

Boethius, why did Hitler want the Jews eradicated?  Hitler had high psychological trait Conscientiousness, and viewed Jews as dirty, disease-ridden parasites of society.  (This was actually part of Nazi propaganda films.)
Trying to change his views on Jews would be comparable to trying to make someone less disgusted by disgusting things.

(On a side note, it is possible to reduce the disgust sensitivity of women...when they are sexually aroused.  Things they would normally find disgusting and repulsive, do not bother them to the same degree when they are turned on...for which unattractive, physically flawed guys are forever grateful when they take their clothes off in front of a lady.) 

it's why I have a large house
one wing of the house is "mine" and where I have my workshop
and the second floor belongs to the kids
with a lot of space we can retreat to our own territory if need be
over time, you learn NOT to press each other's buttons
so most of the time life is peaceful
however, if there ARE tensions

Krimster, that's known as Avoidant Attachment style, which doesn't lead to happy, emotionally fulfilling relationships.

Russians aren't very good at expressing emotions in a calm way
or at communicating
so you have to learn how to interact in a way that doesn't ESCALATE tensions
and I'm pretty good at being able to communicate calmly

Or is it that people from poverty backgrounds (with higher levels of trait Neuroticism) like FSUW, have a more difficult time with conflict resolution? (which can be hard enough for people even if they have lower Neuroticism.)

Now why I wouldn't condone brutality towards women, would you say a light gentle smack on the lady's bum from time to time might be the sort of stick sometimes needed Krimster?

Now what was I saying about abusers escalating to physical violence when the emotional abuse wasn't having the desired effect on controlling behavior?

Pitbull, still think he isn't aggressive?  He's already seeking social acceptance and validation for physical punishment of a lady...

I would never ever, ever, use violence within my family, not even that
but INTIMIDATION? absolutely!
I think because I am normally soft spoken and easy going
that when I do get outwardly angry due to something that someone in my family does
they find this display of anger intimidating
so I am able to make "an act" of being "the big angry man"
and THIS WORKS!!!
Russian women are naturally intimidated by the big angry man
this is all I have to do!
my kids kind of know I'm acting, but my wife hasn't figured this out yet, even after 19 yr!!!

And this folks, is known as emotional abuse...

[Boethius]

"the smack on the bum"?

No!  maybe "pat on the bum" but that's for play

I would never ever, ever, use violence within my family, not even that
but INTIMIDATION? absolutely!
I think because I am normally soft spoken and easy going
that when I do get outwardly angry due to something that someone in my family does
they find this display of anger intimidating
so I am able to make "an act" of being "the big angry man"
and THIS WORKS!!!
Russian women are naturally intimidated by the big angry man
this is all I have to do!
my kids kind of know I'm acting, but my wife hasn't figured this out yet, even after 19 yr!!!
if my kids cross me, I cut them off financially for a week or two
ohhh the tears this causes....

Not all RW are intimidated by an angry man. It never intimidated my MIL. If my FIL had been the type to hit her, she would have hit him back.

Now assuming Trench is not a troll (I am 50/50 on that), do you find this question one someone with normal thinking and maturity would ask? 

I can’t think of one other poster to whom I have ever suggested “This is not for you.”

[krimster2]

haha thank you beefarmer for your armchair analysis
however, MULTIPLE DOCTORS over a period of several decades have given me a diagnosis of mild autism...

when I was younger I went to a therapist to learn “adaptive social behavior"
and the techniques I learned have been helpful...
I’m completely OK with “being on the spectrum”, I don’t find it maladaptive at all, especially in my profession (I’m an electrical engineer who designs semiconductor “chips”)

“And this folks, is known as emotional abuse...”

really?    my faux anger is always done in self-defense, it’s a response to some major transgression from someone, usually in a situation not conducive to rational discourse
and is over with in 60 seconds

no one “tip-toes” around me, my faux anger has happens rarely

I actually learned how to do this as a child, a lot of people on the spectrum use this tactic, out of all the options available, I think it’s the most effective, autistic people get bullied A LOT, and need a defense, this was a big problem for me when I first went to school, getting picked on for being different, and social passivity was viewed as a weakness which encouraged bullying

“Not all RW are intimidated by an angry man. It never intimidated my MIL. If my FIL had been the type to hit her, she would have hit him back.”

yeah, that’s the thing about the complexity of the human animal
for every “rule” there are always exceptions

despite being 6‘4“ tall and weighing 200 pounds, I’ve actually been on the receiving end of domestic violence!  I once dated a full blooded Sicilian with a savage temper, we got into an argument over me not wanting to buy $1,000 worth of designer dishes (back in 80‘s, so more like $3,000 now), she tried to hit me, but couldn’t, I was an amateur boxer in the army and in college, no way she could land a punch on me, so she took one of our old dishes and hurled it at my head like a frisbee, if I hadn’t ducked it would’ve sliced my head off. an hour later, I had my stuff packed in the car and was headed out, when I looked back she was standing in the doorway with her mouth hanging open and that’s the last time I ever saw her!

“Now assuming Trench is not a troll (I am 50/50 on that), do you find this question one someone with normal thinking and maturity would ask?  “

I think it’s TOO easy to jump to conclusions, I think his comment was more a “wisecrack” than anything else.

I think Trench doesn’t filter his comments like most do, and that makes him more genuine in my view

[Boethius]

yeah, that’s the thing about the complexity of the human animalfor every “rule” there are always

I reject your “rule” in its entirety. I can think of too many examples, off the top of my head, for this to be an exception.

[krimster2]

well of course, very few things are universal, perhaps I chose "rule" as the wrong word, but in my "dealings" with Russians, both in a personal and business context
there are times when you have to "push back"
in all the situations where I've pushed back, they've backed down....every single time
so for me this works!

[Bee Farmer]

“And this folks, is known as emotional abuse...”

really?    my faux anger is always done in self-defense, it’s a response to some major transgression from someone, usually in a situation not conducive to rational discourse
and is over with in 60 seconds

I would never ever, ever, use violence within my family, not even that
but INTIMIDATION? absolutely!

when I do get outwardly angry due to something that someone in my family does
they find this display of anger intimidating
so I am able to make "an act" of being "the big angry man"
and THIS WORKS!!!
Russian women are naturally intimidated by the big angry man
this is all I have to do!

Anger and intimidation directed at your family members over some perceived transgression is known as emotional abuse.

no one “tip-toes” around me, my faux anger has happens rarely

with a lot of space we can retreat to our own territory if need be
over time, you learn NOT to press each other's buttons
so most of the time life is peaceful

When people are retreating to their own territory (the fact that your house is divided into 'territories' speaks volumes) they are tip-toeing around you.  When people are altering their behavior for fear that you may blow up, they are walking on eggshells around you.

A person who loves and respects their wife and children is not going to use anger and intimidation on them.  When a person acts that way, it means they don't love them.

You are blind if you fail to see this. 

[krimster2]

bee farmer, you should stick to apiculture
because you could not be MORE WRONG about my life, but if you think you know more than me about my own life, then that says a lot about you

[krimster2]

beefarmer, you seem to be a rather judgmental person, so I’m gonna take a guess and say you’re “a believer”, let’s see I don’t think you’re a Baptist, so I’m gonna guess Methodist? close?

now I’m sure you think “the good book” tells a person all they need to know in order to live a happy fulfilling life

and good for you!

I, on the other hand think religion and mythology are the same
so in my view your guidebook is pure fiction
to me your comments are the equivalent of someone saying that the lifestyle I’ve chosen is wrong because it contradicts their favorite comic book

so what of your practical experience, other than bees?

I see you’re not married, no children
VERY little sexual experience
and only one failed trip to Ukraine

so OF COURSE with an expert level background such as that
you are absolutely qualified to judge a guy who:

1. has been married 19 years to a Russian woman
2. who has raised two teenage daughters with her
3. who has “lived” in Ukraine for several years and operated businesses there
4. who has had dozens of sexual partners

do you see why I’m laughing at you?

[Jumper]

Not at all, it's a serious question.

Then your ideas of relationships are quite out of touch with what most women, and most men aspire to.


I'll not try to change your mindset, I'll simply try to give you pause and something to imagine as a possibility.

What if you met someone you truly admired. Not just as an equal, as someone you yourself would aspire to be?

She was smarter than you,  both in common sense,life, and education.
She was polite,  kind, caring of others with a lot of empathy and consideration for everyone.
She was well rounded and had a lot of various interests, skills, and hobbies, could converse on many subjects and just a sweet genuine person that people like and gravitated to socially.Had great skills sets professionally and reasonably successful.
   Also very good at resolving any issues in relationships, by being open,honest and willing to see your side if the issue and talk through things if needed.


Since it is indeed a possibility such a woman exists,  and it is actually possible that she might even fall in love with you, were does that leave your question?

 Where,if you are unwilling to change and recognize she's quite a bit the better person in this theoretical relationship exercise ,does that leave her ,since she is  loving a man, who doesnt consider her an equal.
Would you feel she made the right choice in hooking her wagon in life to a man that did not consider her completely equal?Who doesnt truly respect her as a person or recognize she's more mature and his true *better* half?

Perhaps your bum is the one shed need to paddle, when you have those odd thoughts, as it might finally straighten your attitude a bit, or would that be too demeaning for you?


I'm not joking, these are serious questions as well.

[Bee Farmer]

because you could not be MORE WRONG about my life, but if you think you know more than me about my own life, then that says a lot about you

I haven't suggested that I know more about your life than you.

I'm simply pointing out that when people hand you a rope, you're more than willing to hang yourself with it.

let’s see I don’t think you’re a Baptist, so I’m gonna guess Methodist? close?

I attended a wedding and/or reception at a Methodist Church years ago.  I donated a couple nut trees once to a different Methodist Church.  Those are the only involvement with the Methodist Church that I recall.

I have not attended church services as an adult, with the exception of going to special presentations a few times over the years with friends.

now I’m sure you think “the good book” tells a person all they need to know in order to live a happy fulfilling life

Most religions tell people how to live a good life.

I, on the other hand think religion and mythology are the same

And many of the old myths are repeated in religious stories.

And who knows, perhaps someday they will find evidence of ancient cultures at the bottom of the Black Sea, and the flooding of the Black Sea will corroborate the great flood story found in many religions and myths.

to me your comments are the equivalent of someone saying that the lifestyle I’ve chosen is wrong because it contradicts their favorite comic book

If someone needs a book to determine morality, then they have no morality.  Even rats playing have moral codes, and they don't need a book.

I'm saying that the lifestyle you advocate conflicts with the virtues cultures around the world have come up with as being good.

so what of your practical experience, other than bees?

Just because one does not talk about their experiences, does not mean that experiences do not exist.

and only one failed trip to Ukraine

Why do you say my trip was a failure?  I consider it largely a success, and I enjoyed the trip.

1. has been married 19 years to a Russian woman

But what kind of relationship?  What is the quality like?  You may be married on paper, but the interpersonal relations you describe with your wife are what most people would describe as a happy, loving, or fulfilling relationship.  Gee, let's throw temper tantrums to terrorize our family into submission, and occasionally visit prostitutes because the emotional distance between you and your wife is so great she has zero desire in trying to please you in bed.

2. who has raised two teenage daughters with her

And how well are they psychologically and emotionally adjusted?  How they turn out will be a direct reflection on how well you did as a parent.  Throwing fits to intimidate and scare family members is not a good recipe for emotionally healthy and well adjusted children.

3. who has “lived” in Ukraine for several years and operated businesses there

And what does that have to do with being a good person, or not emotionally abusing your family members?  Or does owning a business in Ukraine give a guy a free pass to mistreat them?  Is that what you are suggesting?

4. who has had dozens of sexual partners

And what does that have to do with being a good person or being a good, loving husband?

Treat people the way you want to be treated.  Do not treat others in ways you would not want treated.
Do what you say you are going to do, or not do.
Do not infringe upon the rights of others. (Although there is debate what those rights actually are.)
These tend to be virtues that are well-respected by all cultures around the world.

[krimster2]

“I haven't suggested that I know more about your life than you.”


so what is making a judgment about me then if not saying that?


“I'm simply pointing out that when people hand you a rope, you're more than willing to hang yourself with it.”


again, your judgment, my neck’s just fine thank you!!

my reference to living in Ukraine and to the quantity of sexual partners I’ve had, is to provide my “bona fides” or my “credentials”
to me, so far as I can tell, you have NONE AT ALL
however, I’m glad your trip to Ukraine was a “success” and you enjoyed the scenery!!!

again, let me say, your judgment of me could NOT be more WRONG!
but with your lack of experience, I don’t see HOW you could EVER interpret my life!
but I’m sure that will not deter you from doing so anyway...
and even though to me, you’re completely WRONG
i’m pretty sure you will always think that you’re RIGHT
cuz that’s how judgmental people function

in the end, I’m the one married with kids, I’m the one who has years of experience with Russian culture, I’m the one who has slept with gorgeous 19 yr olds, who were so gorgeous they melted my eyes!

and you’re the one with the beehives!
so you can just go ahead and criticize and judge me ALL YOU WANT!!
bzzzzzz, bzzzzzzzzzz

[John Gaunt]

Well, Trench. The weathers great in Kyiv. The girls are out in droves and short skirts are a plenty.
You should have come with me. 

[msmob]

Msmob, the Insert Quote function requires deleting half the message to just show the relevant portion, and requires scrolling up and down a zillion times.  It's much easier to have 2 windows open, and copy and paste only the text that I am responding to.

Once again, your opinion diverges from the norm

You have no idea of the reality I have faced, so don't assume you know.

It's annoying when someone does that to you, isn't it .....

The ideals that a person strives towards reflects the kind of world they wish to live in.

There's 'ideals' and life choices that reflect reality ...  and my conscience is TOTALLY clear - even when someone "has no idea of the reality I have faced," 

If you have no guilty conscience about breaking your vows to obtain the end result you want, that simply means that you are a sociopath.

That is not an adjective I believe applicable to my life - and it is amusing to read you suggesting otherwise...

I originally joined this forum when I was planning a trip to Ukraine that involved attending a business conference, and also meeting a girl while there.  I still real the forum from time to time to learn aspects of Ukrainian culture and beliefs.  While here, I don't have a problem discussing philosophy with others.

)))   You clearly haven't re-read your posts - you aren't discussing - you are lecturing and FAILING

No, I do not specifically seek a virgin FSUW, although I would believe such a lady to have the potential to be a very loyal wife.  To be honest, I don't specifically seek a FSUW.  There is a part of me that would like to have a loving marriage, but I don't specifically search for  FSUW.  I still occasionally go out with local women.

Is it just me that finds himself thinking, " I hope my daughter wouldn't bring this pompous ass home as a potential mate ? "

I do not believe I will convert you to my viewpoint

No shit, Sherlock

You have a liberal mentality.  Liberals do not consider consequences and punishments to be very important, and instead place importance on the experience.

)))  I REALLY laugh when someone applies that label - you just joined the really DAFT club...from a, "DUH," you couldn't be more wrong to your 'explanation' .... 

If anything, I find myself having a greater understanding of others, their - often opposing viewpoints -  as I get older and wiser ..... I don't see much 'wiseness' in what you post - certainly lots of bollox conclusions ...

I don't believe it would be a bad thing if I inspired other people to be 'better people' [ inverted commas, moby's ]

I don't think there's too much risk of that ....  I find your posts to be anything but 'inspiring' .... they are as clueless as Trench's - but with a healthy dose of pompous

[msmob]

Well, Trench. The weathers great in Kyiv. The girls are out in droves and short skirts are a plenty.
You should have come with me. 

Trench is probably one of those guys wants his 'Missus' to wear short skirts - but only when he can see.

He would become insecure if she was noticed

[JayH]

Well, Trench. The weathers great in Kyiv. The girls are out in droves and short skirts are a plenty.
You should have come with me. 

I am a fair way  south and have being enjoying some beaches and now spending a few  days in another city that I think is one of  the most suitable to do an actual search,

I have here many times over the years and a definite highlight place at night ( which is free-- the daytime is good to!_) is the extensive promenade along the river that extends many kms.There are dozens of places to go across the entire spectrum from upmarket nightclubs and restaurants,to fair ground attractions  and a lot of choices as to how to spend time.

People are out in large numbers with a multitude of activities -- of note was the open air dancing free for all that gathered a large crowd, and It it is impossible to not notice the girls everywhere.

I am not writing this for the TC's of this world --he is beyond help and would probably get himself arrested or beaten up in his idea of interaction !!

This all goes to one of my personal major points --I do not like the concept of contrived mob 7 day turnaround !!  My view that spending time in the entire environment and "normalising" as much as possible is a far more likely way to "succeed" in the long run.

[msmob]

I am a fair way  south and have being enjoying some beaches and now spending a few  days in another city that I think is one of  the most suitable to do an actual search,

DO be sure to post and tell us your 'secret city'  !

If you are still searching - where have you been going 'wrong' before ?

[krimster2]

very well stated msmob!
oichen horrosho!

jay? I'm confused, I thought you had a "significant other"

[krimster2]

jay, I'm going to guess Nikolaev, and probably north of Zavodsky?
anyone else want to hazard a guess

[John Gaunt]

Trench is probably one of those guys wants his 'Missus' to wear short skirts - but only when he can see.

He would become insecure if she was noticed

Oh, absolutely. He’s terrified that any woman he manages to dupe import  wil dump him for the first bloke who’s richer and a better catch than him.

[krimster2]

beefarmer

i’m sure you’re familiar with the expression, “the map is not the territory”?
the problem that a person faces who has NO ACTUAL EXPERIENCE is a map is all they have.  your world view is based on someone else’s interpretation of the world
and not the actual world itself

in the context of our discussion, I don’t think YOU HAVE ANY IDEA of what married life in general is ACTUALLY like, you’ve never experienced it yourself directly, you have a map of what it’s like, but that map is definitely NOT the actual territory (please don’t count your parents or your sister’s marriage or whatever as experience)
so obviously you CAN’T HAVE ANY KNOWLEDGE about the state of my marriage either
but that limitation doesn’t stop you in the least bit from making your judgments on this board
on subjects you know NOTHING about (other people’s lives)

you also have no REAL idea of the challenges that Russian culture and behavior can place on a relationship with a western man. 

part of my recent trip was spent at my decaying dacha outside of Sevastopol with my wife’s family.  after a week or so, my wife’s “western facade” slipped a bit, and I watched her go “full slav” with her family, nothing but “screeching” at each other, and this is normal for them
but certainly NOT for me, or the kids...
so when a Russian woman unleashes her inner slav on you cuz she’s in a bad mood, or it’s that time of the month, whatcha gonna do willis? who ya gonna call? ghost busters?
you think you can have a calm conversation with them when they’re in this condition?
is that what you READ?

it’s funny you think that I’m the emotional victimizer!
I take it you’ve never interacted with a Russian woman when she’s in a bad mood
I’m pretty sure that in my case, the reason that my display of faux anger is so DAMNED effective at halting my wife’s slavic outbursts against me or the kids, is because normally I have a very calm demeanor, and she REALLY likes this aspect of her life with me
and she tells me this, and how much she appreciates it, compared to a relationship with a Russian man, but she grew up in this culture, it’s who she is, even though she has changed quite a bit and westernized, the inner slav will slip out once in awhile
much, much better to have a “short, sharp decisive action” then a long drawn out “cold shoulder” or something even worse, and then of course kiss and make up later, ok?

but enough about me, let’s talk about you for a second...
looking through your posts, I see that what you’ve done here seems to be a pattern
judging others based on what I would consider to be an antiquated pseudo-religious morality and then labeling them with some kind of derogatory psycho-babble

you’ve done it so many times, and to so many people on this board
that it actually looks kind of pathological to me and seems to be your purpose for being here
not a judgment, I’m just reading your posts and callin it like it is
do you think this kind of behavior is going to be compatible with a Ukrainian woman?
it looks like the one and only Ukrainian woman you met, didn’t measure up to your judgment,
i’m curious what psychological label you put on her?

I’m afraid this is going to be a really BIG problem for you, one I don’t think you’re going to come to grips with.  to me, this is an even bigger problem than the problems Trench faces
in fact, if I were to make a bet about who would be more likely to find a woman in Ukraine, you or Trench, my bet would be on Trench!!!

[msmob]

in fact, if I were to make a bet about who would be more likely to find a woman in Ukraine, you or Trench, my bet would be on Trench!!!

 

[Boethius]

part of my recent trip was spent at my decaying dacha outside of Sevastopol with my wife’s family.  after a week or so, my wife’s “western facade” slipped a bit, and I watched her go “full slav” with her family, nothing but “screeching” at each other, and this is normal for them
but certainly NOT for me, or the kids...
so when a Russian woman unleashes her inner slav on you cuz she’s in a bad mood, or it’s that time of the month, whatcha gonna do willis? who ya gonna call? ghost busters?
you think you can have a calm conversation with them when they’re in this condition?
is that what you READ?

it’s funny you think that I’m the emotional victimizer!
I take it you’ve never interacted with a Russian woman when she’s in a bad mood
I’m pretty sure that in my case, the reason that my display of faux anger is so DAMNED effective at halting my wife’s slavic outbursts against me or the kids, is because normally I have a very calm demeanor, and she REALLY likes this aspect of her life with me
and she tells me this, and how much she appreciates it, compared to a relationship with a Russian man, but she grew up in this culture, it’s who she is, even though she has changed quite a bit and westernized, the inner slav will slip out once in awhile

My mother is 100% Slav, and has never had an outburst.  She is the mildest person you could ever meet.  Same with her sister.

My MIL also is not prone to outbursts, she is a very calm person.

I think Slavs tend to be more expressive of their emotions, at least, as a stereoype, but I suspect that your wife's behaviour is just indicative of the type of home she grew up in. 


Neither of our parents spanked us.  Neither of my parents yelled at us, either.  My mother was the primary disciplinarian in the home, and she used much more effective methods of controlling her children.

[Trenchcoat]

Neither of our parents spanked us.  Neither of my parents yelled at us, either.  My mother was the primary disciplinarian in the home, and she used much more effective methods of controlling her children.

Oh yes, pray tell?

[John Gaunt]

My mother is 100% Slav, and has never had an outburst.  She is the mildest person you could ever meet.  Same with her sister.

My MIL also is not prone to outbursts, she is a very calm person.

I think Slavs tend to be more expressive of their emotions, at least, as a stereoype, but I suspect that your wife's behaviour is just indicative of the type of home she grew up in. 


Neither of our parents spanked us.  Neither of my parents yelled at us, either.  My mother was the primary disciplinarian in the home, and she used much more effective methods of controlling her children.

I agree. I don’t think Krims description of Slavic women is accurate. My wife, too, never shouts and is no lover of conflict.