Does the ring matter?

[Trenchcoat]

I know stuff has been written about this sort of topic on here before but just wanted to get an idea from present members as to their thoughts on Engagement Ring. The girl I am with we are not at this stage yet but after we see more of each other that may change so its started me wondering. I know in the FSU an Engagement Ring is not needed as most men over there dont do it though some younger men might. For me though being a Western Man it is kind of a convention I feel difficult to break from. For me it signals commitment which is what I would be wanting to show at that stage. However, I cannot see much point in spending a lot on a ring for two reasons. One - It is a small item that may be lost, stolen, etc & a ring is a ring. Two an expensive one may put the woman's life in danger if living in a poor area of Russia or Ukraine. So looking around I've seen a 14ct gold ring with Zirconia stones (phoney diamonds if you like) at a reasonable price in a style that I think will suit her. I've also seen gold rings with a single real diamond at double the price or more. My thought is this may put her life in danger. The only hang up I have with the Zirconia stone ring is that is it going a bit too cheap skate? its kind of ducking the standard diamond ring a little though of course some guys do this these days. Any thoughts?

[JayH]

 

[tfcrew]

http://www.ebay.com/itm/14K-Yellow-Gold-1-3-Carat-Marquise-Diamond-Engagement-Ring-/263018507161?hash=item3d3d1feb99:g:0CMAAOSwImRYRJeN

Or similar

[msmob]

Trench

You are meeting her for the second time -  where you live you can invite her to stay with you for a long time and test her out - then you could pop the question

Believe me, you have FAR more important decisions to make

[Boethius]

Never buy a woman a fake stone.

Let her choose her ring.

[msmob]

Never buy a woman a fake stone.

Let her choose her ring.

That goes against Trench's 'financial planning  instincts

[Trenchcoat]

Never buy a woman a fake stone.

Let her choose her ring.

I'm real a traditionalist on that front, I believe the man should always choose the Engagement ring and both together the Wedding rings.

Besides if I let her choose there's the danger she'll get carried away, lol

[Trenchcoat]

Trench

You are meeting her for the second time -  where you live you can invite her to stay with you for a long time and test her out - then you could pop the question

Believe me, you have FAR more important decisions to make

In the UK, no the process to me seems as/possibly more arduous to get in a girlfriend for a holiday than a spouse. For a girlfriend immigration need to be assured that she will go back & not stay in the country, can support herself while here, etc. Like most of Ukraine the money she earns is 'unofficial' so that is a problem when stating place of work, where her income is from etc, she at present has no bank account, etc. Yes I could probably fix all the many issues but for that it would be easier going to live in her country for a while or marrying her then it can be less problematic, lol. I am not saying I will pop the question second time, but things probably looking more towards that direction as things are.

[Trenchcoat]

Thing is I've looked at a few single solitaire diamond engagement rings in the shops and they look kind of boring. You seem to be paying a lot of money for a tiny little stone and the ring looks pretty unexciting for the most part. I'm not always in tune with her style, I have an idea but I kind of think she likes/would suit her a more exciting styling on her ring than just plain and straight forward though some might say elegant. So I'm thinking if I were to chose a ring of choosing a ring that would suit her rather than the bog standard default if you like. i.e right choice of ring rather than expense of ring

[Boethius]

I'm real a traditionalist on that front, I believe the man should always choose the Engagement ring and both together the Wedding rings.

Besides if I let her choose there's the danger she'll get carried away, lol

But not so traditional that you'd buy a fake diamond?

If you are a big believer in tradition, there is no tradition of engagement rings in Ukrainian culture.

[Nightwish]

Thing is I've looked at a few single solitaire diamond engagement rings in the shops and they look kind of boring. You seem to be paying a lot of money for a tiny little stone and the ring looks pretty unexciting for the most part. I'm not always in tune with her style, I have an idea but I kind of think she likes/would suit her a more exciting styling on her ring than just plain and straight forward though some might say elegant. So I'm thinking if I were to chose a ring of choosing a ring that would suit her rather than the bog standard default if you like. i.e right choice of ring rather than expense of ring

Here trench, something in your price range, and its tasty and looks kinda exciting.. I am sure your gf will love it. I mean she's from such a poor country, so she gets a ring and sweets in one.. I bet you can get it for around a GBP if you look carefully.. I mean don't spend money on a girl you already have "in your possession", that is just financially stupid.  And we ALL know, that is your primary concern, besides getting to bed the lady in question..

[2tallbill]

I'm real a traditionalist on that front,

Then marry a nice English girl.

I highly recommend that you
1. Let her pick the ring. (A good girl won't overspend)
2. Stay away from fake stones
3. Forget about the engagement ring.
4. Continue being cautiously optimistic but don't rush things, 
5. Continue with the English lessons,
6. Investigate what is required to get her degree apostilled
7. Plan more trips,

The girl will know what she likes and she will be the one wearing it, it will
probably cost less than whatever you pick out and it will go with her style.

[ML]

Not about the gal, but . . .

I can't wear rings for very long; like 10 minutes or so; they just bug me.

But I knew I would need to wear a ring when we went for interview for wife's 2 year Green Card.

And since I would need it for that time, I decided to buy it for use at wedding ceremony also.

So I went to local mall and looked around.  I found a shop that sold tons of stuff for teenagers (I suppose).

Searched around and found a pack of 3 rings that fit me for $5.99.  Two weren't quite appropriate, but the  third one looks just like a man's wedding band. 

Been worn twice now, probably 10 minutes at wedding ceremony and an hour or so at Immigration.  Was a big concern that I would remember to put it on before we entered . . . as they do have cameras everywhere !!!

Actually don't remember where it is now.  Hope I don't have to spend another $5.99 when we need to go back for wife's 10 year Green Card interview.

[tfcrew]

The ring I linked above is [advertised] a real diamond and 14k gold.
What else does someone want?
If you can't afford $300 for a ring..get out of this business.
Take it from me, it's just a down payment.
After the honeymoon, many wives don't wear their engagement ring anyway.
 
 

[Boethius]

After the honeymoon, many wives don't wear their engagement ring anyway.

That may be the case because they don't like the ring.  However, I've never known a married woman who does not wear her wedding band.  That is where the money should be spent, and she should choose the band.

[ML]

Another story.

I did have a wedding ring that belonged to one of my Grandmothers.
Ochka saw it one day when I was showing her my heirlooms.
It is plain gold but very wide.
She tried it on . . . and we were both amazed that it fit perfectly.

Then when we were getting married, I brought up the subject of a wedding ring for her.

She asked if she could have my Grandmother's ring.
I agreed.
It really looks beautiful on her hand.

The ring on her right hand has several diamonds and I gave to her a couple of years before our marriage, although it was not an engagement ring.  She has no official engagement ring.

[ML]

However, I've never known a married woman who does not wear her wedding band.  That is where the money should be spent, and she should choose the band.

I was typing my story as Boe was posting this.

So a couple of things make my wife unique.

First, she did chose the band, but it cost no money !!
Not sure, but I think many women would not want to wear a ring that another woman had worn.

Second, she does not wear the wedding band on a daily basis.
This doesn't bother me one bit.
She only wears it when we get dressed up to go out.
Actually I like this procedure as it adds something special to her appearance just like the other jewelry, and this specialness would be lost if she wore the ring all the time.

[Trenchcoat]

The ring I linked above is [advertised] a real diamond and 14k gold.
What else does someone want?
If you can't afford $300 for a ring..get out of this business.
Take it from me, it's just a down payment.
After the honeymoon, many wives don't wear their engagement ring anyway.

Thanks tf its a possibility, I'm not keen on the Marquise style but guess there could be something similar in standards round shape. Whether a second hand ring would be a good idea I'm still not so sure. That and I kind of like the style of the Zirconia stoned ring even if its is not real diamonds the stones still look great/as good. Only thing that would give it away as not real diamonds is the size on the centre stone being quite large.

[tfcrew]

  I'm not keen on the Marquise style... 

Understandable if you were wearing the ring.
You can always just ask what she likes...emerald cut ..pear shaped etc.

Whether a second hand ring would be a good idea I'm still not so sure.

 What can go wrong with a ring?
Unless you believe in voo-doo and think it cursed.
We had ours cleaned and it still looks brand new.

Like Boe stated, stay away from the synthetic/man made stuff.

You can shop for a deal on a genuine stone for the same price.

I've seen $5,000 rings at a $20,000 wedding go back home to mama.
Happens every day.

 

[Trenchcoat]

Understandable if you were wearing the ring.
You can always just ask what she likes...emerald cut ..pear shaped etc.
 What can go wrong with a ring?
Unless you believe in voo-doo and think it cursed.
We had ours cleaned and it still looks brand new.

Like Boe stated, stay away from the synthetic/man made stuff.

You can shop for a deal on a genuine stone for the same price.

I've seen $5,000 rings at a $20,000 wedding go back home to mama.
Happens every day.

How would you know a zirconia ring is nor being passed off as a diamond ring? Unless of course you happen to be an expert on diamonds or is certified.

[tfcrew]

How would you know a zirconia ring is nor being passed off as a diamond ring? Unless of course you happen to be an expert on diamonds or is certified.

A reputable dealer would not do that.
 A jeweler would certainly know.
 
 

[2tallbill]

Angel Eyes picked out her ring. I just said that I preferred
white gold to yellow. I don't remember how much it cost for
both of them $600? $800? certainly not more. Who cares?
she loves, loves, loves her ring and she loves, loves, loves
me!





Note: I will remove this by tomorrow, since I didn't ask Angel Eyes
if I could post them and I'm not going to go through the process
required to get such things approved.

Her: "Oh Beeel, you are looking at Ukrainian womenz again?
Why do you want to show her our rings?" Then she raises her
bony little fist at me. 

Me: "Some dewd from England was going to buy his girl that
he met for a week a ring and....................."

"Beeel, deeed you pull the weeds" (or do something else on
the honey do list), then I am pulling weeds or some such
thing because of Trenchcoat. Thanks, but no thanks.

[Trenchcoat]

Thanks Bill, Trenchy appreciates I think you're right a real expensive ring is not necessary & seeing it is not usual to for girls to get a ring for engagement in FSU I don't think it will be a big beef if its not a diamond one. I'm kind of put of by the materialism of a diamond ring I think I would worry that I would be introducing materialism into the relationship which I see as a negative even destructive force. Solitaire rings to be honest I find kind of boring, I think if I were to buy a ring I would take a stab at the Zirconia ring and see how I fair. I don't really see why I should go along with all the marketing & status quo of a diamond ring that doesn't sit well with me is what I'm thinking. It kind of feels like just one of many with a diamond solitaire so just too much of a process rather than a event to enjoy.

[Boethius]

I am not a materialistic person. I don't have an engagement ring. But I would be majorly p*ssed off if the man I was to marry thought so little of me, he purchased me a cheapo fake diamond that costs less than a week's worth of Starbucks' lattes. Furthermore, cubic zirconias tend to cloud with time (if they don't crack) from oils they're exposed to. Really, if you're that damn cheap, skip the ring and spend your money on a good wedding band.

[tfcrew]

The ring is [or should be] an outward expression of an inward feeling.