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Author Topic: Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife  (Read 35688 times)

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Offline Boethius

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Re: Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife
« Reply #125 on: July 23, 2015, 10:15:41 PM »
I didn't post they are undesirable.  I posted that women over a certain age who have never married and have a child/children often have character traits that means they are unmarriageable to a FSUM.



After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline brownbeard99

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Re: Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife
« Reply #126 on: July 23, 2015, 10:51:35 PM »
I didn't post they are undesirable.  I posted that women over a certain age who have never married and have a child/children often have character traits that means they are unmarriageable to a FSUM.

That makes sense.  Thanks for the clarification.  Yea... that situation raises a lot of questions in my mind with AW too.

I guess there is merit to old adage, "If something seems too good to be true, it probably is."


I'm already getting better at finding red flags in women's profiles.  I went back to revisit some ladies I "favorited" a week ago.

Now, I'm asking myself, "Why in the world would I have picked her?  She's a disaster waiting to happen!"

By the time I get on a plane, I hope to move from "completely ignorant" to "mostly ignorant".  When I get back, I'll be just plain ignorant.

baby steps....


Offline msmobyone

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Re: Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife
« Reply #127 on: July 24, 2015, 02:48:52 AM »
I didn't post they are undesirable.  I posted that women over a certain age who have never married and have a child/children often have character traits that means they are unmarriageable to a FSUM.


Hmm, I wonder if you aren't excluding not a few keepers who don't need 'managing' - just sharing  ;D


I speak as guy who tended to come across this 'type'
Please excuse the Curmudgeon in my posts ..he will be cured by being reunited with his loved one ;)

Offline mendeleyev

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Re: Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife
« Reply #128 on: July 24, 2015, 09:33:42 PM »
Welcome to the forum. I don't always chime in on dating issues as my work is fairly demanding, but wanted to reply. I will admit that I read page one of this thread, then the last, and skipped the middle. If I missed something important, please forgive me--no disrespect intended.

On the eve of 7 August, we will marry off a daughter, the third to walk down the altar. From my first marriage she was the second child, and Mrs M and I added another who has now grown into her young 20s and married a couple years ago. My son-in-law from the youngest works for me and so I can keep an eye on him, which is necessary as many young Russians don't make very good marriage partners in their 20s. Both of them should have waited to develop a little more maturity, but that is entirely another story.

Some general observations from someone who lives and works in Russia and has been around this part of the world for a long time:

- How you feel is not as important as how old you are, because even if it doesn't matter now, it most certainly will be a factor someday in the future. As a single Dad myself back then, I determined that the last thing my kids needed was an still-maturing older sister to sleep with their Dad. So, I was realistic in my age requirements. We are almost exactly ten years apart, and sometimes even that is a factor, especially given that we grew up with very different cultural norms.

- Russian and Ukrainian women love a man who keeps in shape. My times at the gym and on a bicycle are a point of pride for my wife. In your profile it is perfectly okay to call yourself a "sportman" or to use the phrase "I go in for active sports." Those can score you points, however we must also realize that Russian women who look for a husband don't usually find extreme sports as attractive. In her mind the husband is the primary breadwinner, and in her cultural experience often extreme sports can be synonymous with widow-making.

- As Bo and others have said, most Russians find it odd that guys like you and me took on the task of raising kids alone. They do respect it, however, and over the course of time will ask a billion questions trying to wrap their minds around the concept of children living alone with the father. I was fortunate, and over time have come to realize that I was very lucky because not every FSU woman wants to become a stepmother out of the chute. The exception might be a young widow, or not so recently divorced gal who has a young child herself. This type of lady understands your situation in ways that a 21 or even a 25 year old has no ability to comprehend.

- That you like to cook, and are good at it, is a great plus. Gender roles are a bit more defined in the FSU, however in one sense, men in the FSU and West are both consigned to roles of cooking outdoors. Men often grill steaks and burgers in the West, and men often handle "Shashlik" (BBQ skewers) duties in the FSU. That being said, when it comes to handling duties inside a kitchen, it will be a pleasant surprise for most ladies to discover a man with culinary talents.

- Disregard about 25% of the "advice" you read on FSU matchmaking sites, then proceed to literally trash and mutilate the remaining 75%. For the most part, they are selling dreams and about the only thing they get right is your credit card number.

- Do not buy the bad rap given to Russian men. Most are actually capable of being good husbands and fathers, as long as they know how to say no to the next vodka shot. Contrary to what you will likely read and hear, if you come to the FSU one thing you will quickly notice is men out in parks and such with their wives and children. Divorce happens in every country--and in every country we create demons of the opposite sex in order to ease our own sense of responsibility.

- Unless you enjoy the company of 70 year old chain-smoking men who fart on the bus, avoid "tours" like the plague. Just my two kopeks as Bill often says.

- Someone up-thread gave some excellent advice about considering your first trip as primarily a vacation to see an exotic part of the world, and to scope out the lay of the land.

- Show genuine interest in her family, her country, her culture, and her language. If you ever take the attitude that you "rescued" her from a bad situation, and thus she should be grateful, then the marriage is doomed. She will leave behind her family, her country, her culture, her friends, her job, her life, her experiences, and her language in order to make something new with you. Do not ever forget that emotionally and physically, her sacrifice will be far greater than the money you spent to make it happen.

- There are a lot of divorces and broken dreams, on both sides, in this venture. There are exceptions, but I'd advise taking your time. Don't be rushed just because some hot babe needs the stability of your paycheck. Don't be a sluggard, but neither is this a competition to race for the finish. Take your time and get it right.

- Do not put the honeymoon before the courtship. The only thing to learn about her after a week in the Dominican is that she likes sex, just like a billion others like her, and that she dresses up nicely for dinner. Go and spend time in her environment, get to know her family, her friends, and her culture first. Save the honeymoon for the one who deserves to have that trip.

- Marriage to an FSU lady will strain relationships with your family (brothers, sisters, parents), your co-workers, and your friends. After a year or two of marriage you will look back and realize that many of your friends simply could not take the journey with you. You are stuck with your family, but that doesn't mean that some of them won't have strong opinions about it. Prepare yourself for that eventuality.

- In most cases she will have been privy to, and often unbeknownst to you, lots of advice from her family members and close friends. She may indeed experience some of the same reactions as you.

- Finally, do not ignore the needs or wishes of your children. They come first, and if you must make a choice, remember that they came to the dance first. By the same token, rarely will a child find it thrilling that Dad is bringing home a new and unknown member to the family. Especially if she is from (fill in name of country here). Ugh! OMG, how could you ruin our lives like that?! You will need to balance a lot of needs and feelings into the decision. Again, do not rush.

с наилучшими пожеланиями,

Менделеев
« Last Edit: July 25, 2015, 02:54:13 AM by mendeleyev »
The Mendeleyev Journal. http://mendeleyevjournal.com Member: Congress of Russian Journalists; ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.RU (Journalist-Russia); ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.UA (Journalist-Ukraine); ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.KZ (Journalist-Kazakhstan); ПОРТАЛ ЖУРНАЛИСТОВ (Portal of RU-UA Journalists); Просто Журналисты ("Just Journalists").

Offline brownbeard99

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Re: Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife
« Reply #129 on: July 25, 2015, 01:35:53 AM »
Welcome to the forum. I don't always chime in on dating issues as my work is fairly demanding, but wanted to reply. I will admit that I read page one of this thread, then the last, and skipped the middle. If I missed something important, please forgive me--no disrespect intended.

On the eve of 7 August, we will marry off a daughter, the third to walk down the altar. From my first marriage she was the second child, and Mrs M and I added another who has now grown into her young 20s and married a couple years ago. My son-in-law from the youngest works for me and so I can keep an eye on him, which is necessary as many young Russians don't make very good marriage partners in their 20s. Both of them should have waited to develop a little more maturity, but that is entirely another story.

Some general observations from someone who lives and works in Russia and has been around this part of the world for a long time:

- How you feel is not as important as how old you are, because even if it doesn't matter now, it most certainly will be a factor someday in the future. As a single Dad myself back then, I determined that the last thing my kids needed was an still-maturing older sister to sleep with their Dad. So, I was realistic in my age requirements. We are almost exactly ten years apart, and sometimes even that is a factor, especially given that we grew up with very different cultural norms.

- Russian and Ukrainian women love a man who keeps in shape. My times at the gym and on a bicycle are a point of pride for my wife. In your profile it is perfectly okay to call yourself a "sportman" or to use the phrase "I go in for active sports." Those can score you points, however we must also realize that Russian women who look for a husband don't usually find extreme sports as attractive. In her mind the husband is the primary breadwinner, and in her cultural experience often extreme sports can be synonymous with widow-making.

- As Bo and others have said, most Russians find it odd that guys like you and me took on the task of raising kids alone. They do respect it, however, and over the course of time will ask a billion questions trying to wrap their minds around the concept of children living alone with the father. I was fortunate, and over time have come to realize that I was very lucky because not every FSU woman wants to become a stepmother out of the chute. The exception might be a young widow, or not so recently divorced gal who has a young child herself. This type of lady understands your situation in ways that a 21 or even a 25 year old has no ability to comprehend.

- That you like to cook, and are good at it, is a great plus. Gender roles are a bit more defined in the FSU, however in one sense, men in the FSU and West are both consigned to roles of cooking outdoors. Men often grill steaks and burgers in the West, and men often handle "Shashlik" (BBQ skewers) duties in the FSU. That being said, when it comes to handling duties inside a kitchen, it will be a pleasant surprise for most ladies to discover a many with culinary talents.

- Disregard about 25% of the "advice" you read on FSU matchmaking sites, then proceed to literally trash and mutilate the remaining 75%. For the most part, they are selling dreams and about the only thing they get right is your credit card number.

- Do not buy the bad rap given to Russian men. Most are actually capable of being good husbands and fathers, as long as they know how to say no to the next vodka shot. Contrary to what you will likely read and hear, if you come to the FSU one thing you will quickly notice is men out in parks and such with their wives and children. Divorce happens in every country--and in every country we create demons of the opposite sex in order to ease our own sense of responsibility.

- Unless you enjoy the company of 70 year old chain-smoking men who fart on the bus, avoid "tours" like the plague. Just my two kopeks as Bill often says.

- Someone up-thread gave some excellent advice about considering your first trip as primarily a vacation to see an exotic part of the world, and to scope out the lay of the land.

- Show genuine interest in her family, her country, her culture, and her language. If you ever take the attitude that you "rescued" her from a bad situation, and thus she should be grateful, then the marriage is doomed. She will leave behind her family, her country, her culture, her friends, her job, her life, her experiences, and her language in order to make something new with you. Do not ever forget that emotionally and physically, her sacrifice will be far greater than the money you spent to make it happen.

- There are a lot of divorces and broken dreams, on both sides, in this venture. There are exceptions, but I'd advise taking your time. Don't be rushed just because some hot babe needs the stability of your paycheck. Don't be a sluggard, but neither is this a competition to race for the finish. Take your time and get it right.

- Do not put the honeymoon before the courtship. The only thing to learn about her after a week in the Dominican is that she likes sex, just like a billion others like her, and that she dresses up nicely for dinner. Go and spend time in her environment, get to know her family, her friends, and her culture first. Save the honeymoon for the one who deserves to have that trip.

- Marriage to an FSU lady will strain relationships with your family (brothers, sisters, parents), your co-workers, and your friends. After a year or two of marriage you will look back and realize that many of your friends simply could not take the journey with you. You are stuck with your family, but that doesn't mean that some of them won't have strong opinions about it. Prepare yourself for that eventuality.

- In most cases she will have been privy to, and often unbeknownst to you, lots of advice from her family members and close friends. She may indeed experience some of the same reactions as you.

- Finally, do not ignore the needs or wishes of your children. They come first, and if you must make a choice, remember that they came to the dance first. By the same token, rarely will a child find it thrilling that Dad is bringing home a new and unknown member to the family. Especially if she is from (fill in name of country here). Ugh! OMG, how could you ruin our lives like that?! You will need to balance a lot of needs and feelings into the decision. Again, do not rush.

с наилучшими пожеланиями,

Менделеев

Thanks for sharing your experience and wisdom. You have given me a lot to think about.  A few positive thoughts... It's a good thing that I am very athletic and maintain a good body. Now I have reason to keep it up. I don't have to worry about losing too many friends by marrying an FSUW. My ex-wife got most of my friends when she filed for divorce. I have had to start new with friends and all of them see my difficult situation and are very supportive. 

The biggest thing is my kids.  My ex-wife was extremely cruel to them (picture Cinderella). They were begging me to divorce her for years. They hate her. When I announced the divorce, the first thing my daughter said was, "Does this mean that now you can marry someone else that will be nice to me?"  We ended up going out for a celebratory dinner. I believe there is a parenting component that my daughter needs that I cannot adequately provide as a man. This is a strong influencer of my decision and will guide me each step of the way. If something doesn't feel right in my gut when I consider my kids, I won't do it.

Offline Anotherkiwi

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Re: Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife
« Reply #130 on: July 25, 2015, 04:57:37 AM »
The biggest thing is my kids....If something doesn't feel right in my gut when I consider my kids, I won't do it.

Great, because that's exactly the way that the future Mrs brownbeard will feel about her child(ren).  If you have the slightest doubt about how she will get on with your kids, dump her - even if she's a 12 out of 10 - because that's exactly how she will feel about her own children.  You and Miss FSU may get on like a house on fire but, unless you can see (through Skype, Viber or whatever else) that she is really making an effort to be involved with, and understand, your children's lives, then there is no point continuing.  The same applies in reverse, of course - if she senses that you have no interest in HER children, she'll cut you off without a qualm.

I would qualify this, of course, by saying that it applies to people who still have children at home.  If you're an empty nester, then the world of FSUW is your oyster.  Just make sure that you find a real pearl, and not an imitation.

Offline brownbeard99

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Re: Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife
« Reply #131 on: July 25, 2015, 08:51:30 AM »
Great, because that's exactly the way that the future Mrs brownbeard will feel about her child(ren).  If you have the slightest doubt about how she will get on with your kids, dump her - even if she's a 12 out of 10 - because that's exactly how she will feel about her own children.  You and Miss FSU may get on like a house on fire but, unless you can see (through Skype, Viber or whatever else) that she is really making an effort to be involved with, and understand, your children's lives, then there is no point continuing.  The same applies in reverse, of course - if she senses that you have no interest in HER children, she'll cut you off without a qualm.

I would qualify this, of course, by saying that it applies to people who still have children at home.  If you're an empty nester, then the world of FSUW is your oyster.  Just make sure that you find a real pearl, and not an imitation.

Before I bring a woman here, I would spend an entire summer in FSU with my kids. If they can't connect, I will pick up on it after a couple months

Offline Muzh

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Re: Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife
« Reply #132 on: July 26, 2015, 11:47:03 AM »
Before I bring a woman here, I would spend an entire summer in FSU with my kids. If they can't connect, I will pick up on it after a couple months


When was the last time you took your kids to a secluded area for the entire summer?
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline TagUrIt898

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Re: Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife
« Reply #133 on: July 26, 2015, 04:39:06 PM »
Brownbeard, I'm trying to be supportive and encouraging. Your introduction thread has far surpassed any that I've seen so far. Just my opinion and I'm a dad, I wouldn't uproot my kids and live in a foreign country just to see if they get along with their potential/would-be step/mom.  Find yourself a suitable FSUW and bring her here. Worst case scenario, you have a 90 day grace period to see if she and your kids are compatible. This is assuming that you've done your homework and found a woman that's worthy of being in you and you children's lives.

Taking your kids to see a foreign country 👍
Taking your kids to a foreign country to there for the summer to see if they're compatible with your potential wife 👎

Of course mine is just one of many opinions offered here. You do what's best for you and your family.


Tag

Wow!!!! Good luck 😁

Offline Boethius

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Re: Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife
« Reply #134 on: July 26, 2015, 04:44:14 PM »

Hmm, I wonder if you aren't excluding not a few keepers who don't need 'managing' - just sharing  ;D


I speak as guy who tended to come across this 'type'


I didn't post all.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline msmobyone

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Re: Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife
« Reply #135 on: August 13, 2015, 08:35:31 AM »

Hi Brownbeard, 


I'd say furgettaboutit regarding another woman loving your kids as much as you do.  If the lady is polite with your children, and likes them a little even,  while you and her enjoy a good relationship, that is more probable.   There are some exceptions though, but they are in the minority worldwide, and they are not likely to be some of the stone cold babes that most men go for. 


I might consider re-framing the foreign wife endeavor something like:  "I would like a beautiful younger lady/wife" "It will reinvigorate me, making me a better father/husband/man"   Just a thought.


Good luck,


Fathertime!

Is your comment based on some ghastly experience..... I ask, as my experience observing folk combining kids with previous marriages - many with FSU partners - is highly favourable

Moat issues involve the kids adjusting 
Please excuse the Curmudgeon in my posts ..he will be cured by being reunited with his loved one ;)

Offline oso

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Re: Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife
« Reply #136 on: August 18, 2015, 04:58:08 AM »
Back this train wreck up.....
I can't believe my eyes, I read this whole thread and all I have to say is WOW!   I am not even sure how to reply, someone needs to get real honest with you BB. I am not going to quote pieces of your thread....Just take the time to go back through it and read it yourself.

First off I am not attacking you in anyway...I am really trying to help. IMO you are not ready to meet a FSUW or any other woman at this time...
You are all over the map here. You speak about logic, statistics and that you are a data analyst.
Everything about you is self image....Not once did I read about your good heart, your high moral standard and character. Life's enjoyment and all the other positives.

Anyone that gives you advice and you don't like it, you want to defend your position or attack them.
Try that with a normal FSU woman and you will get your ass handed to you.

You mention that you are the "Dad of the year" and you would take on a wet bobcat for your children. Then you boast about riding a 180mph motorcycle, skiing, mountain climbing, boating and extreme sports. Doesn't sound too logical for a single parent to engage in high risk activities for fear of losing his life, making his kids life a living hell. Also showing your new woman that she well could be a young widow with a bunch of kids.

You talk about being one of the most intelligent people, with a IQ that is only of 1-2% of the earths population. The truth is a IQ of a 140 something won't even get you a application to Mensa which they claim to have 1-2% intelligent people in the world. Statistics show intelligent people don't have basic common sense.

You always mention that you are looking for a smoking hot woman, external beauty is #1 on your shopping list....Why is that? to make yourself look good? maybe ask yourself that question. Not once have you mentioned you are looking for a good woman. A woman who has a good heart, who is kind and loving. A woman of integrity and is as loyal as the day is long....all you are looking for is a hot body that will play mom to your kids. You even mention that you are not in it for love....Isn't that what it's all about? Love...

Then you think having a Masters from a ivy league like Harvard is something. When the truth is that statistics show most "white collar criminals" come from Harvard.

How can you be at the peak of your game with only a few hours of sleep a day....it takes longer than that to reach REM.

I could go on and on here. My advice is you need to learn yourself, you haven't yet. If we don't learn from our mistakes, we get to repeat them until we learn.

I probably know what your bio reads on your profile.

Maybe you need to look for "sponsors", not dating or marriage sites. Look at some of the FSU sponsor sites. They are for people who are looking for "benefits"...You can find your beautiful woman...she will play mommy and she will have things that she wants from you...check it out, it may work for you




Offline Rick4G

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Re: Introduction: Searching for my FSU wife
« Reply #137 on: August 18, 2015, 04:43:41 PM »
Welcome to the forum. I don't always chime in on dating issues as my work is fairly demanding, but wanted to reply. I will admit that I read page one of this thread, then the last, and skipped the middle. If I missed something important, please forgive me--no disrespect intended.

On the eve of 7 August, we will marry off a daughter, the third to walk down the altar. From my first marriage she was the second child, and Mrs M and I added another who has now grown into her young 20s and married a couple years ago. My son-in-law from the youngest works for me and so I can keep an eye on him, which is necessary as many young Russians don't make very good marriage partners in their 20s. Both of them should have waited to develop a little more maturity, but that is entirely another story.

Some general observations from someone who lives and works in Russia and has been around this part of the world for a long time:

- How you feel is not as important as how old you are, because even if it doesn't matter now, it most certainly will be a factor someday in the future. As a single Dad myself back then, I determined that the last thing my kids needed was an still-maturing older sister to sleep with their Dad. So, I was realistic in my age requirements. We are almost exactly ten years apart, and sometimes even that is a factor, especially given that we grew up with very different cultural norms.

- Russian and Ukrainian women love a man who keeps in shape. My times at the gym and on a bicycle are a point of pride for my wife. In your profile it is perfectly okay to call yourself a "sportman" or to use the phrase "I go in for active sports." Those can score you points, however we must also realize that Russian women who look for a husband don't usually find extreme sports as attractive. In her mind the husband is the primary breadwinner, and in her cultural experience often extreme sports can be synonymous with widow-making.

- As Bo and others have said, most Russians find it odd that guys like you and me took on the task of raising kids alone. They do respect it, however, and over the course of time will ask a billion questions trying to wrap their minds around the concept of children living alone with the father. I was fortunate, and over time have come to realize that I was very lucky because not every FSU woman wants to become a stepmother out of the chute. The exception might be a young widow, or not so recently divorced gal who has a young child herself. This type of lady understands your situation in ways that a 21 or even a 25 year old has no ability to comprehend.

- That you like to cook, and are good at it, is a great plus. Gender roles are a bit more defined in the FSU, however in one sense, men in the FSU and West are both consigned to roles of cooking outdoors. Men often grill steaks and burgers in the West, and men often handle "Shashlik" (BBQ skewers) duties in the FSU. That being said, when it comes to handling duties inside a kitchen, it will be a pleasant surprise for most ladies to discover a man with culinary talents.

- Disregard about 25% of the "advice" you read on FSU matchmaking sites, then proceed to literally trash and mutilate the remaining 75%. For the most part, they are selling dreams and about the only thing they get right is your credit card number.

- Do not buy the bad rap given to Russian men. Most are actually capable of being good husbands and fathers, as long as they know how to say no to the next vodka shot. Contrary to what you will likely read and hear, if you come to the FSU one thing you will quickly notice is men out in parks and such with their wives and children. Divorce happens in every country--and in every country we create demons of the opposite sex in order to ease our own sense of responsibility.

- Unless you enjoy the company of 70 year old chain-smoking men who fart on the bus, avoid "tours" like the plague. Just my two kopeks as Bill often says.

- Someone up-thread gave some excellent advice about considering your first trip as primarily a vacation to see an exotic part of the world, and to scope out the lay of the land.

- Show genuine interest in her family, her country, her culture, and her language. If you ever take the attitude that you "rescued" her from a bad situation, and thus she should be grateful, then the marriage is doomed. She will leave behind her family, her country, her culture, her friends, her job, her life, her experiences, and her language in order to make something new with you. Do not ever forget that emotionally and physically, her sacrifice will be far greater than the money you spent to make it happen.

- There are a lot of divorces and broken dreams, on both sides, in this venture. There are exceptions, but I'd advise taking your time. Don't be rushed just because some hot babe needs the stability of your paycheck. Don't be a sluggard, but neither is this a competition to race for the finish. Take your time and get it right.

- Do not put the honeymoon before the courtship. The only thing to learn about her after a week in the Dominican is that she likes sex, just like a billion others like her, and that she dresses up nicely for dinner. Go and spend time in her environment, get to know her family, her friends, and her culture first. Save the honeymoon for the one who deserves to have that trip.

- Marriage to an FSU lady will strain relationships with your family (brothers, sisters, parents), your co-workers, and your friends. After a year or two of marriage you will look back and realize that many of your friends simply could not take the journey with you. You are stuck with your family, but that doesn't mean that some of them won't have strong opinions about it. Prepare yourself for that eventuality.

- In most cases she will have been privy to, and often unbeknownst to you, lots of advice from her family members and close friends. She may indeed experience some of the same reactions as you.

- Finally, do not ignore the needs or wishes of your children. They come first, and if you must make a choice, remember that they came to the dance first. By the same token, rarely will a child find it thrilling that Dad is bringing home a new and unknown member to the family. Especially if she is from (fill in name of country here). Ugh! OMG, how could you ruin our lives like that?! You will need to balance a lot of needs and feelings into the decision. Again, do not rush.

с наилучшими пожеланиями,

Менделеев

Just wow! Could not have said it better and agree with this.  I can also not dismiss I "oso" either as he makes valid points to you.

I live most of the year in Ukraine and my GF absolutely wants to marry.  She is willing to do the back and forth between countries but most critical is the relationship with my youngest,  which is a daughter.   I am with a young girl for nearly a year and have no problems with breaking it if my daughter says no.  So far they get along great. My GF has no kids buts wants them but is also willing to adopt as I have no limit on how many kids i have.

Dude, BB, this isn't something to take lightly.   Its a big deal for your  kids.  You must be willing to do not only what you want but is right for your kids.  Mine is old enough to adapt....some.  yours are little and need an absolutely sound foundation.
Personally,  im not sure that you are ready based on your posts.  Im not judging,  just being honest.
Im willing to dump my girl for my daughter as family comes first.  I've been since 2009 without a wife,   whats a few more to get I t 100% right

 

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