Time for some Humor!!

[Olly]

[calmissile]

.

[Eduard]

переписка мужа и жены:


Добрый день, Игорь.
Я вынуждена сообщить тебе, что ты сволочь и эгоист.
Как ты мог?! И где ты вчера шлялся?!
С уважением, Юлия.
P.S. Купи хлеба: белого и чёрного.

Уважаемая Юлия!
Да ты охренела?! Я с ребятами сидел, пил пиво.
С наилучшими пожеланиями, Игорь.
P.S. Не смогу.

Добрый день, Игорь.
Игорь, ты хам. Нинка из бухгалтерии всё видела.
Ты ничтожество, я тебя больше не люблю.
С уважением, Юлия.
P.S. Почему не сможешь?

Уважаемая Юлия!
Извини, Пупсик. Однако Нинка твоя слепая, как моя троюродная прабабка о девяносто пяти годах. Сидел с ребятами, клянусь моим сноубордом. Больше не буду. С наилучшими пожеланиями, Игорь.
P.S. А чо я-то всё?

Добрый день, Игорь.
Возможно, Нина слегка близорука, но не настолько, чтоб не увидеть у твоих "ребят" бюста четвертого размера и сапог Pollini за 900, между прочим, долларов. Кстати, я так и не дождалась подарка на 8-е марта. Враль. С уважением, Юлия.
P.S. Собирай манатки и отваливай.

Уважаемая Юлия!
Малыш, зачем так горячиться? Ниночка немного ошиблась. Во-первых, у Светы третий размер, во-вторых, она страшная и мой секретарь, в-третьих, где купить твои Pollini? С наилучшими пожеланиями, Игорь.
P.S. Куплю хлебушек и тортик. Я тебя люблю.

Добрый день, Игорь.
ГУМ, 2-я линия, 2-й этаж.
Передай секретарше, что в следующий раз я плюну ей в декольте. Прямо в третий размер! С уважением, Юлия.
P.S. И конфеточек.

[ML]

Ed, there is a Russian language forum here:

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?board=29.0     

[ML]

Personal responsibility

[ML]

Advice for older man.

I was working out at the gym when I spotted a      sweet young thing who had just arrived . . .
 
 
 [img alt=[] height=660 width=493]http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=d0d4a78aaf&view=att&th=1386dd56332db967&attid=0.2&disp=emb&realattid=6aa0756db032f068_0.1.2&zw&atsh=1
 
 
 I asked the trainer standing next to me,
"What machine should I[/font][/size][/font][/b][/size] use to impress that lady over there?"
 
 The trainer looked me over and said;[/color][/b]   [/size]"I would recommend the ATM in the lobby!"[/size][/font][/color][/b]

[calmissile]

Personal responsibility

Love this one.

[ML]

Heartwarming Lawyer Story

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor men replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house to eat," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,

"Sir, you are too kind.  Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied,
"Glad to do it.
You'll really love my property.
In places, the grass is almost a foot high."




Come on now. . .you really didn't think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer story . . . did you????

[calmissile]

THE MALE CYCLE....

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

[ML]

This can't end well 

[ML]

One of those 'funnel things' could help.

[ML]

Yes, wouldn't we all . . . .

[ghost of moon goddess]

Maybe someone has pointed this out already but as it just caught my wife's eye as I scrolled past I thought I'd say; that should be yaĭtsa not yeetsa. FWIW, Google translate seems to do a pretty good job of the phonetic representation.
 

this word has a double meaning,  used for "eggs" and also for "balls". And this is what makes Russia so interesting! 

But not as much as it could have been, thanks to Unilever 

I thought the Russian language (in everyday use) did refer to testicles as eggs, whereas we use the term balls.

So not too surprising.

Obviously Uniliver were unaware of this when releasing the Axe's (the name of the Lynx brand in other markets) "Clean your balls" campaign. 

[Gator]

Ghost and ML,
 

[calmissile]

.

[ML]

German plumber invents solution for common occupational problem.

[Muzh]

Very short bedtime story.

[Eduard]

Obviously Uniliver were unaware of this when releasing the Axe's (the name of the Lynx brand in other markets) "Clean your balls" campaign. 

too funny!

[Eduard]

Мужчина никогда не должен забывать постирать свои носки и sms-ки

[Gator]

Russia has another candidate for the annual Darwin award of how not to pass your genes to the next generation (video of fishing with hand grenades if you have already seen it):
 
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=4cf_1343665540

[Gator]

[Anotherkiwi]

Russia has another candidate for the annual Darwin award of how not to pass your genes to the next generation (video of fishing with hand grenades if you have already seen it):
 
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=4cf_1343665540

Another classic!   

[GQBlues]

...along Southern California Freeways

AMERICAN VOTERS CROSSING

[calmissile]

.

[ML]

Gutsy Norwegian gets a "Sense of a Bird Flying"
A Norwegian man jumps off of a mountain top wearing a "bird's wings outfit,"
flies down the side of  the mountain at great speed, and  then lands on
  on his feet at the exact predetermined spot on a road where friends are waiting!
 
 http://www.youtube.com/embed/ER1PGYe9UZA
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