Hello guys!

[ML]

Quote from fellow poster BillyB:"Paranoia will Destroya"

But just because you think someone is 'out to get you,' . . . doesn't mean they are not.

[Trenchcoat]

But just because you think someone is 'out to get you,' . . . doesn't mean they are not.

So funny but true, it like when people say Indel King was paranoid, he wasn't paranoid it actually was happening, his wife was playing away and she did want to ditch him as soon as she qualified for green card.

Kyn, I don't think its being paranoid for Rod to question where he is really most likely at in this relationship, love may blossom or it may be a mistake. When meeting her he should go in thinking on his feet as to whether this girl is really into him or if he just wishes for a relationship with a girl. She may very well end up the love of his life all I suggest is that he appraise how things have been/are for his own mind.

[msmob]

Rod,

as this is 'your' thread - you can ask a kind mod to move the 'noise' which has nothing to do with your visa question

[Trenchcoat]

hey Rod how long were you in Russia that time?  I worked in the Moscow area twice for a few months each time.  I build up a social circle the normal way, meeting people in real life. 

Trench and many others here do "trips" to Russia, Ukraine for the sole purpose of finding a girl.  That's probably why he is more worried about a girl scamming him.  The women they contact with online are much different from if you went there and met someone normally even as a tourist.

I think there is something worthwhile in doing what you do Sting. There's nothing like feeding of the energy you get from the right girls on chance encounters and through social circles. Almost like there is a natural magic to it and right time, right place feeling you don't always get with online dating. When I started looking a couple of years ago on here I was talking of just going to St. Pete's for a holiday and seeing if I could pick up a girl along the way. I got comments like, are you Brad Pitt? Do you think girls are going to fall around themselves at your presence walking along the street. Now while the honest answer is no and online dating certainly has its place/uses, I think sometimes it may be easier just wondering around - if a girl does seem to make an impact on you & vice versa it may well be a good way of going about it. Going in for the quick fly in & out is what I'm wanting to get away from this year as I don't feel for many guys that it helps the relationship situation much.

[Trenchcoat]

Rod,

as this is 'your' thread - you can ask a kind mod to move the 'noise' which has nothing to do with your visa question

Its all part & parcel of the visa question moby, unless you understand where exactly Rod is at in his relationship you are adrift from giving him the specific tailored help he needs.

[msmob]

Its all part & parcel of the visa question moby, unless you understand where exactly Rod is at in his relationship you are adrift from giving him the specific tailored help he needs.

Again, remind us of your 'experience' to advise him on this subject ?

[GM_Rod]

Well actually...

When I was in Ukraine and Russia, I did a lot of random walking around and believe me, you DO pick up girls on the spot there.

Just find one you like and try eye contact. I have huge green eyes so that helps but... hey.

It worked more than a couple times for me! ;-)

[Jumper]

It's been the same question from the start,  and yes the situation matters.

He cannot, at this time, take the time needed to establish a relationship, or see if there even is one.
Her parents don't approve, or din't want her to leave,  the first time they met. Took her passport. How thats been  glossed over I'm unsure.They are allegedly out of the picture now  two years later, but will they be really? How old is she? How close is she to them? Noone here knows and it's doubtful OP truly knows.

He just wants the girl in his area. Period.
Nothing new,that is the same as most men would prefer ,but it most often isnt realistic.
We have had that question and mentality here a thousand times.

 If it was a Canadian,Australian or American asking they'd get the same advice  to make sure there is a relationship as the first thing,as his interests are not truly about anything else.  He wouldn't be doing any of  this if she wasn't hot ,and if he did not havev  romantic interests, so any of the means for her to just be in his country ,are just  too many hoops to jump thru for a girl a guy  hardly knows.

No relationship established and no means or  want of any,  means no family based visa.

Immigration on tourism or student visas are unlikely.UK or not.
And less likely given her lack of ties to home country,finances,current studies,and his finances currently.

To be fair, that bit has been done by some men,  so it's not impossible , but the advice here has  always been overall  the same to them, establish the relationship first.
Certainly most did so.Their country of residence might change whether they revealed the relationship on the visa app.
They also were in positions of having the time and funding to establish her ties to home country ,. to visit and build the relationship etc.

Otherwise they were advised to just sponsor random folk if humanitarians.

Given the scenario of the past visits limited interaction, parents not happy obviously, the time frame of two years ago , and not able to visit her again,isn't white noise.
It's the real issues , not the attempt to manipulate visa regs to suit a rather whimsical  romantic interest.They were both busy with life the last two years,understandable but not groundbreaking romance.

 This has been treated with kid gloves compared to normal, because it's an introduction thread.

Anywhere else a guy in this scenario

  would just be told they arnt in a good position to even look, at this time, regardless someone they met briefly  two years ago suddenly  popping back up on the radar.

Then they would try to do, what they already had in their mind to do before ever posting. ..
And we'd wish them luck.

Same as it ever was.



 

[BillyB]

So funny but true, it like when people say Indel King was paranoid, he wasn't paranoid it actually was happening, his wife was playing away and she did want to ditch him as soon as she qualified for green card.

Indle King's first marriage to a RW ended in divorce. She got a protective order after he pounded her head on a wall. Maybe it's the wall's fault.  He then married Anastasia from Kyrgyzstan. He has poor hygiene, was controlling, and threatened to kill her based off what her diary said. The last straw for Anastasia was when she caught her husband screwing his gay lover. She decided to leave and that's when King killed her. But you think she's bad because she married for the green card?

[Trenchcoat]

Indle King's first marriage to a RW ended in divorce. She got a protective order after he pounded her head on a wall. Maybe it's the wall's fault.  He then married Anastasia from Kyrgyzstan. He has poor hygiene, was controlling, and threatened to kill her based off what her diary said. The last straw for Anastasia was when she caught her husband screwing his gay lover. She decided to leave and that's when King killed her. But you think she's bad because she married for the green card?

Well, it was not portrayed like that on the docudrama I watched 'Hidden Lies'. The gay element was almost no mention off. They just were portrayed as two guys that hit it off, at best any connotation was only subtlely allured to. The docudrama made it clear that she was not keeping to her end of the bargain and while they initially got on she soon saw she could get better than him. There was no mention on there of the headbanging of previous wife. So from viewing docudrama that is how it was portrayed to me, whether the relaity was much different I do not know.

[Trenchcoat]

Again, remind us of your 'experience' to advise him on this subject ?

It's not experience it is just general common sense that if Rod (the OP) has not given all details then relevant details could have been missed out which affects advise given. For example Rod later told us he has a Brizillian passport which means he gets visa free for Russia. That will affect the advise he is being given even by experienced members. Some will say go either way, some will say go as it makes it even more easy while Rod says he still wishes to stay. Other examples are apparent throughout this thread.

[Trenchcoat]

Well actually...

When I was in Ukraine and Russia, I did a lot of random walking around and believe me, you DO pick up girls on the spot there.

Just find one you like and try eye contact. I have huge green eyes so that helps but... hey.

It worked more than a couple times for me! ;-)

Thanks Rod for that, it's valuable info for me. I too think it's best to spend a while out there stroLL around and try to engage as many people/girls as possible if only by doing mundane stuff. The dating sites I would not rule out and people have had success but I think a lot of people make value judgements online no doubt myself included but particularly woman that they would not do in person if the attraction was there. Thereby missing out on a potentially good match.

[GM_Rod]

A LOT of assumptions there, Jumper.

The DAD was never against it. He's not in contact with her or the mom enough. They are separated and the dad lives back in Moldova, where they're originally from.

The mom works at a bar/nightclub, I've been to the place. My girl no longer lives with mom. She's living in a student housing place with roommates, but it's not inside a school, obviously because she's not actually a student.

There's nothing the parents can do to prevent anything right now, because first, they don't know she's coming. Second, she already has her passport and that's all she needs.

You're also talking as if I was ignoring everything everyone is saying. I am not. I've done that before, I had discussions on forums before I went to Ukraine and Russia, and I also posted there during the visits. That forum doesn't existe anymore, it was called Russian Meeting Place. Maybe some of you here already knew that one?

I'll post back here once I make contact with the school, and see what they say.

[Boethius]

Given the scenario of the past visits limited interaction, parents not happy obviously, the time frame of two years ago , and not able to visit her again,isn't white noise.
It's the real issues , not the attempt to manipulate visa regs to suit a rather whimsical  romantic interest.They were both busy with life the last two years,understandable but not groundbreaking romance.

 This has been treated with kid gloves compared to normal, because it's an introduction thread.

I agree with Jumper.  No one would be suggesting this is a good idea in any other context.


What happens if 3 weeks or 6 weeks in, the girl decides she can't stand the OP?  Is she expected to abandon her studies and return to Russia?  What if she meets someone at school she likes better?  Will she return the money in her bank account, dutifully get back on a plane, and resume her life in Russia?

Having someone so dependent on you is not an easy thing, even if you have no money problems, from both sides of the equation.


I am aware of RMP.  Full of pollyannas, most of whom are now divorced.  Did you really take the advice of a moderator there who was on his sixth marriage?  Or the moderator who claimed he was a "secret agent" when in fact, he was a security guard?

[Trenchcoat]

  Hilarious, you see Mobers, Jumper & Boe agree with me, how good that makes me feel

[Jumper]

A LOT of assumptions there, Jumper.

The DAD was never against it. He's not in contact with her or the mom enough. They are separated and the dad lives back in Moldova, where they're originally from.

The mom works at a bar/nightclub, I've been to the place. My girl no longer lives with mom. She's living in a student housing place with roommates, but it's not inside a school, obviously because she's not actually a student.

There's nothing the parents can do to prevent anything right now, because first, they don't know she's coming. Second, she already has her passport and that's all she needs.

You're also talking as if I was ignoring everything everyone is saying. I am not. I've done that before, I had discussions on forums before I went to Ukraine and Russia, and I also posted there during the visits. That forum doesn't existe anymore, it was called Russian Meeting Place. Maybe some of you here already knew that one?

I'll post back here once I make contact with the school, and see what they say.

Fair enough.

The basics remain the same:
The mother was agaisnt it enough to hold her passport , of course she's an adult and can do as she pleases.
I have a great MIL, and if she'd been against our relationship, or against us even starting one, it would have factored highly into things.

 Part of this,  since it will effect other lives than your own,  is to take into account her relationships with family.particularly since you guys havnt established a solid relationship yet.
You simply want her there, and using the visa system to attain that.

I'm not knocking it, or condoning it, I was just pointing out the normal advice that would be given.

You do seem to entertain all the input,and obviously fairly reasoned individual.
In any case  I'm pretty sure you'll go down the path you choose regardless input, it just may change how you approach the path you already choose.

It's completely normal,  expected even.
forum advice is free and varied of course lol

I actually do wish you luck. I did not mean to imply otherwise.

 And as I stated I've personally known men who brought their romantic interests on student or tourist visas, so it is possible.
 
 You do have several more challenges than they did, the most important ones being time available, and a pre established relationship.

[Jumper]

Hilarious, you see Mobers, Jumper & Boe agree with me, how good that makes me feel

The difference being I'm not worried she'll leave him, or run to another man.
I think.the OP can handle himself well regardless .


My concerns are for her.
Obviously younger and possibly impressionable.Likely no set path in life yet.
If the visa flops or isn't accurate it can harm her chances for another one ,a legit one, later.
Also if they don't mesh as a couple , she can just return home, it may not be a big deal.
But if it was a us student visa ,she wouldn't eligible again for any visa for some time, so dependent on regulation that can be far reaching. If it was a fiancee or family visa as long as there was no over stay it shouldn't impact anything.But those are things to find out and consider if her best interests are at heart.
She's an adult and can choose of course, but should have all the info first to make an informed decision.
Obviously if she had strong feelings and an established relationship, it changes the outlook.
Someone she doesn't know that well, with only a hope it might work out, my advice to her would be the same as it is to him.
Let time be your friend and establish a relationship worth the visa shannanigans.

*shrugs*

[Boethius]

I second Jumper's post again.  My concern is not his "sunk costs", but the interpersonal relationships and the emotional aspects of a potential failure.

[kynrazor]

But just because you think someone is 'out to get you,' . . . doesn't mean they are not.

Well you've got to admit nothing in life is 100% risk free. I.e No matter how thoroughly pilots go through their checklists, accidents can still happen in the air. There probably comes a point of diminishing returns, where it's no longer productive to worry more than is necessary.

[Trenchcoat]

The difference being I'm not worried she'll leave him, or run to another man.
I think.the OP can handle himself well regardless .


My concerns are for her.
Obviously younger and possibly impressionable.Likely no set path in life yet.
If the visa flops or isn't accurate it can harm her chances for another one ,a legit one, later.
Also if they don't mesh as a couple , she can just return home, it may not be a big deal.
But if it was a us student visa ,she wouldn't eligible again for any visa for some time, so dependent on regulation that can be far reaching. If it was a fiancee or family visa as long as there was no over stay it shouldn't impact anything.But those are things to find out and consider if her best interests are at heart.
She's an adult and can choose of course, but should have all the info first to make an informed decision.
Obviously if she had strong feelings and an established relationship, it changes the outlook.
Someone she doesn't know that well, with only a hope it might work out, my advice to her would be the same as it is to him.
Let time be your friend and establish a relationship worth the visa shannanigans.

*shrugs*

I think Rod may be thinking along the lines of providing himself with a sex slave here, lol 

[GM_Rod]

Ok let's see... many things to address.

First, she never asked me to go to Russia again.
I suggested that first, and she responded that with "If you come here you can't stay with me... is that ok with you?"
To which I replied "Sure, but you're staying with ME right"
She said "Duh of course".
Then we discussed it for a bit more and she said the same thing I'm saying here: "Is it worth it spending money to be here, when we can use the same amount of money for me to go see you?"
Also mentioning here that she got a job basically to HELP PAY for the expenses of her coming. And by the way, she told me today she got fired because she was late. Poor girl lasted one week in the new job.

Now, the parents. Dad isn't worth mentioning because he never expressed anything in favor or against her coming. But mom, when I was there, was nice to me. It was her birthday and I gave her a present, we actually had a nice time there, the three of us.
My girl says her mom was trying to mess with our thing because mom is JEALOUS. I didn't notice this while there, but I have to trust what she says.

Now, the concern for her: She has two options, really... she can stay there and accept her life, or try to get out. She obviously chose option 2, and after that, she could've picked ANY guy for that. I met her originally through one of the less honest sites, so I'm sure if she wanted, she could talk to a number of other guys who would be ready to get her out of there and maybe even with a higher success chance than I can.
But no, she talked to ME. She chose ME. Came after ME. After such a long time. In my experience of over 20 years of dating, for a girl this hot, that's a lot.

How is this not a legit thing? I do really intend on her coming to study english. She can only gain from coming, in every possible way. I won't make her do anything she doesn't want to do, and if maybe we have a falling out or something, I would never throw her out or anything. This also won't be the first time I bring a girl from far away to stay at my place a while and see what happens. I've had it work before, and I've also had it NOT work. I'm still friends with every single girl to this day. And, on the day she comes, the school will ALREADY be paid for, so there's no risk there.

Sex slave? Nah. If the idea was to ONLY have sex, it'd be a LOT easier, cheaper and more convenient for me to just go on the adult escort websites, or even a brothel. Manchester is FULL of them.
Or, I could just go to bars here, use tinder, etc. Do the normal stuff.
No, I like this girl. She likes me. We talk on camera and we're excited to do this. So we are doing it.
Her being young is another advantage for her. If it doesn't go well she's got more time to start over.

Also, I agree with what Kyn said. Nothing good ever comes without any risk. In fact the riskier stuff are what always bring the best rewards. Just ask people who invested in Bitcoin back in 2009.

;-)

[kynrazor]

I think Rod may be thinking along the lines of providing himself with a sex slave here, lol 

Oh dear Trench, unless you're being sarcastic, you're over-thinking this again 

Why would Rod even spend £1000s of pounds just for that?

[kynrazor]

In fact the riskier stuff are what always bring the best rewards. Just ask people who invested in Bitcoin back in 2009.

;-)

Erm, not exactly what I said. It's more about the potential rewards compared to the risk you are taking. I.e. Is it worth it?

Simply put: Risk : Reward Ratio. The lower the better.

Nb: Bitcoin is a speculative bubble now. When the music stops, many will get hurt financially. 

[ML]

In fact the riskier stuff are what always bring the best rewards.

Totally false understanding of risk/return relationship, in financial terms.
Most people have the relationship turned around backwards.

In truth, taking higher risk does not always lead to higher returns.
But earning higher returns means that you have incurred higher risk, whether you knew it or not.

Most higher risk ventures lead to no return and even negative return as you lose all your investment.  That merely follows from the definition of 'high risk.'

[GM_Rod]

Yes it's worth it.

This girl is super hot and at the same time, REALLY nice, caring, interested, intelligent.

That's a unicorn, in my experience.