Who is desperate and why they should or should not be?

[Trenchcoat]

Seriously Krim,


                      What's the hardship in doing a bit of cooking for yourself ? Plenty of men actually enjoy cooking.


It's really tough having to go to the supermarket once a week eh ?


Where's the hardship in sticking your dirty clothes in a washing machine and hanging them out to dry or sticking them in a tumble dryer. ?


If i don't want to do any cleaning i can bung a house cleaner a few quid and get my place cleaned as i could when i had my first house..it ain't difficult.


I'd rather do that myself than have a woman nagging me to take her to see her family when i'd rather go skiing for the weekend in Italy or diving in the med.


Id fly to Ibiza on impulse for the week,while some of my mates were having to fit a new kitchen in their home,or dragged out shopping for new carpets,three piece suite or whatever on HER orders....fark that nonsense.


How are you gonna cope if your wife should get sick in the future,and you have to look after her ?


Didn't the USA military teach you how to fend for yourself ? The Fleet Air Arm certainly taught me how to be an independent MAN..not having to rely on someone else to look after me.


The relationships i've been in didn't require the women to look after me..i'm capable of doing that myself ....i've never been needy.


I've heard it all now 


Now i know why i see all these blokes with ugly women...they want a housekeeper not a wife..because they're incapable of looking after themselves. 


I remember talking to a Ukrainian hottie a few years back about Ukrainian men,and she was telling me they drive around in nice cars but when you go back to their place they live like animals...and she said why would any woman want a guy like that who can't look after himself let alone look after a woman ?

Yeah but perhaps that's the problem, I don't know why you split from your wife CB, but to my mind there is something in co- dependency so long as it's not taken too far. Not far enough that neither could get on without the other but some co-dependency in terms of preferred tasks one performs fir each other, usually along the traditional gender division of labour set up, woman domestic, man provider/DIYer.

Therein lies the building of the relationship at the coalface, the coming to care for the other in terms of performance of tasks for each other like an exchange of gifts. Don't do that and by-pass a potentially necessary courting routine necessary to build up mutual administration for each other and a place to exist in the relationship. Do the woman's work and deny the a place to exist in the relationship and feel wanted.

Imagine if I met and got with a girl who was a great cook and enjoyed cooking and then I went out and bought a microwave, ready meals and said stuff that, this is a whole lot quicker and easier. It would kind of blast a hole in the relationship I would rather imagine. Better for her to have her area to exist and feel comfortable in a relationship rather than be all at sea and out of it.

[Trenchcoat]

Sweet Aryan Jeezuz, Masha, and Ioseff
Birmingham is the 2nd largest city in Britain
you seriously can't gain some traction in Birmingham?
why not?
what groups, organizations, clubs, etc do you belong to there?
oh NONE!!!!
hmmmmmmmmmm....
I wonder if that might be connected somehow...

your plan of waiting until a comely female magazine saleswoman knocks on your door
seems to be suffering from an excessive delay....
I would urge you to reconsider your approach in light of this

I'd think an "academic type" like you (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) would find Birmingham/Rochdale, etc
to be a ripe target for your discerning artistic eye
and you can learn to transform a craft into an art
if you have even a wee bit of imagination

from there you can search for the female counter-part of this species
which exists in abundance in every university city in the UK, of every age strata
lonely intellectual women (usually with cat(s))
who are horny as hell (you have to compete against their toys, so you better know WTF you're doing, or you'll get dumped for a $30 vibrator)

why are you 'sweating' trench, you worried?

OTOH, I am the man with "the golden touch and tongue"
cuz women taught me how they do it to each other...
and, try though I might, I really could't offer any improvements to what was demonstrated to me...
and after I saw this with enough frequency, I was able to copy it on my own...

do this, and guess what you get in return?
when was the last time YOU "had that" Trench?

you got "slack" and yo mama's pudding on Sunday
in your nice, comfortable, familiar surroundings...
you are the lonely little mouse who never left his house
a heart-wrenching tale of regret documenting the 'life of a middle aged British Slacker' on BBC called "In House and OutHouse"
Trench's name has been changed to "Ditch" for the show

Ditch is a nebbish (I'm not sure if I am allowed to say this word)
who is completely unaware that he's a nebish
and it gives him a kinda authentic comedic charm, like the character Zelensky played in his hit movie

a pseudo-Mr Bean
in real life, Rowan Atkinson was like a jar of honey to starving ants for those "intellectual women" (usually with long hair)
so the same person who "played a nebbish" is in reality a top Alpha
just like Zelensky
vrs
someone who is actually a nebbish
sorry...I can't think of anyone off-hand

Krim, I've never ever lived in Birmingham or anywhere close. I wasn't born around their either and I don't even have any close relatives up there. I'm from Southern England, that was where I was born and generally where I live.

I've only twice visited Birmingham, there are a lot of Asian people living up there. I don't really date Asian girls.

I'm looking to join sone stuff when I finish the house. I don't see my best chances as being in the UK. Girls are very difficult to date here. Dating girls in the FSU is really a much better option for me. Unless a girl really came out of the blue and was real into me then I don't see it happening for me with a UK girl, generally they haven't been brought up with dating in mind, more study, careers, themselves.

[krimster2]

I see...
who needs a woman, when you can do everything yourself?
I'm sure that philosophy makes you, "very handy"
but, does it give you freedom from lonliness and horniness?
no...

so, you're not free, just enslaved to a different master

Trench, I thought you lived in the Midlands
southern UK, isn't that some kinda unmapped wilderness?
don't mostly old retired people live there?
hey, maybe you just gotta wait 20 yr and you'll have a pool of women around you!!!!

[Trenchcoat]

I see...
who needs a woman, when you can do everything yourself?
I'm sure that philosophy makes you, "very handy"
but, does it give you freedom from lonliness and horniness?
no...

so, you're not free, just enslaved to a different master

Trench, I thought you lived in the Midlands
southern UK, isn't that some kinda unmapped wilderness?
don't mostly old retired people live there?
hey, maybe you just gotta wait 20 yr and you'll have a pool of women around you!!!!

Yep got it in one, a lot of old people, there are some younger women in all age groups but they are well known for being as cold as ice. Even sone of the uglier girls think they're something.

The south tends to be the most wealthiest part of the UK even outside of London. Not that it helps you a lit with the women they really have their head stuck up their arse. Yank and yank for all you like but it won't come out!

[Chelseaboy]

Yeah but perhaps that's the problem, I don't know why you split from your wife CB, but to my mind there is something in co- dependency so long as it's not taken too far. Not far enough that neither could get on without the other but some co-dependency in terms of preferred tasks one performs fir each other, usually along the traditional gender division of labour set up, woman domestic, man provider/DIYer.

Therein lies the building of the relationship at the coalface, the coming to care for the other in terms of performance of tasks for each other like an exchange of gifts. Don't do that and by-pass a potentially necessary courting routine necessary to build up mutual administration for each other and a place to exist in the relationship. Do the woman's work and deny the a place to exist in the relationship and feel wanted.

Imagine if I met and got with a girl who was a great cook and enjoyed cooking and then I went out and bought a microwave, ready meals and said stuff that, this is a whole lot quicker and easier. It would kind of blast a hole in the relationship I would rather imagine. Better for her to have her area to exist and feel comfortable in a relationship rather than be all at sea and out of it.

I split from my wife because she was addicted to gambling....bingo,lotteries,forex trading.


She got paid monthly at her job and within a week all her money had gone.This happened EVERY month.


If you've never lived with a gambler you have no idea what it's like..it's hell.
On the rare occasions she had a winning day it was great....all sweetness and light,,but when she lost,which was normal, it was awful...she'd loath herself so take it out on me and our son.


I only stuck it out with her for 13 years because she was gorgeous to look at...a real traffic stopper.
We walked along the Embankment in the west end of London one night on our way to a nightclub...and the traffic came to a standstill as drivers just stared.


The police took her away in the end after she'd attacked me in a rage clawing her nails down my chest and leaving me looking like Bruce Lee out of Enter the Dragon...during yet another argument about her gambling.
They wanted to charge her with GBH and stick her in a cell,but i told them to just caution her and they told her to pack her bags and move out because she was a danger to me and our son ...who chose to stay with me as he was 12 and could choose for himself.They stayed to make sure she left too.


She was a good cook though.


Back to how being in a relationship often isn't the nirvana some on here make it out to be.
I have a good mate who shares a common interest in wildlife with me.We'd travel around together to places people can only dream of seeing.
He married a woman from the Philippines and everything was ok until they had a son.
She works as a carer at night and has not given up her lifestyle one bit.
He on the other hand can't do anything as he has to work all day and babysit at night,including weekend nights..he has to run her to work at 7pm...so he can no longer join me in wildlife trips
He's begged her to take a nights holiday so he can join me..but she won't .


So now he has no life.


She went back to the Philippines in January this year for a friends wedding for three weeks,whilst he babysat their now nine year-old son here in the UK
But she refuses to take time of work to give him the chance to do something he loves.


She doesn't work because they need the money..she just loves her job.


It's killing him...his health has now gone as he sees his life slipping by...Diabetes has now hit him as he spends days/nights stuck in front of the tv/computer rather than hiking in the fresh air,keeping fit and seeing sites of wonder.


Relationships ?


Be careful what you wish for.

[Chelseaboy]

I see...
who needs a woman, when you can do everything yourself?
I'm sure that philosophy makes you, "very handy"
but, does it give you freedom from lonliness and horniness?
no...

so, you're not free, just enslaved to a different master

Trench, I thought you lived in the Midlands
southern UK, isn't that some kinda unmapped wilderness?
don't mostly old retired people live there?
hey, maybe you just gotta wait 20 yr and you'll have a pool of women around you!!!!

I'm at a time in my life when the horniness isn't an issue....something you've said about yourself also recently.


If i was desperately horny i'd go and visit a drop-dead gorgeous hooker and give her a couple of hundred quid for an hour of pleasure..but it's not an issue for me.


I'm not enslaved to any master.


As for loneliness..yeah that happens from time to time..but being in a relationship isn't always the answer.....what happens when your partner dies ?


My parents were married for 61 years,then my mother died at 78.leaving my father alone at 81.
Can you imagine how lonely he felt..knowing nothing else but my mother around for 61 years ?
He had three years of insufferable loneliness before he died....because he wasn't used to it.

[krimster2]

but...
cookies/cake/pies...
homemade...
fresh, still warm when you eat it, chocalate still partly melted
no way you can top that...
except for pool sex at night with the lights all turned-off and the water makes goosebumps on your skin

[krimster2]

I greatly value women
they make life infinitely more livable and not just comfortable
but every visible virtue a woman has
conceals a hidden vice

I prefer my women like my cars to be simple and have proven reliability
before I entrust my future to it

when you have a reliable car or woman
you can go places and do things you couldn't do just on your own
and when you have a car AND a woman!!!!!
you can drive to the beach at night and have sex under the stars after swimming nude in the Gulf of Mexico
would not have the erotic edge to it, doing it "solo"

yes, guys without, can always "rent" instead of "owning"
but look how much time and trouble you gotta go through

if I wanna have sex...
all I need to do is show an erection after a shower (not as easy as you might think at my age - so I employ a "fluffer")
that's the miniscule amount of effort I must employ to have sex
compared to your "expedition"

because the necessities of life are available to me in abundance
I can focus my energy on things that are not necessities
like writing here on RWD

thank you all for the opportunity to practice English
but "mat" beats the crap out of English for insulting people
you smelly, wrinkled old greasy goat's penis
say it in Russian, loud and fast, in a hoarse, cold as ice voice
man, you english speaking peoples can't touch this

Russians invented a sub-language called "mat" solely for the purpose of insulting other russians!!!
live in Russia and you will understand the necessity of doing this

living with Russians is NOT the same as living with westerners
it's why if you ever get rich in Russia, you LEAVE ASAP!!!!
cuz you're tired of putting up with other Russian's CRAP!!

[mhr7]

I split from my wife because she was addicted to gambling....bingo,lotteries,forex trading.


She got paid monthly at her job and within a week all her money had gone.This happened EVERY month.


If you've never lived with a gambler you have no idea what it's like..it's hell.
On the rare occasions she had a winning day it was great....all sweetness and light,,but when she lost,which was normal, it was awful...she'd loath herself so take it out on me and our son.


I only stuck it out with her for 13 years because she was gorgeous to look at...a real traffic stopper.
We walked along the Embankment in the west end of London one night on our way to a nightclub...and the traffic came to a standstill as drivers just stared.


The police took her away in the end after she'd attacked me in a rage clawing her nails down my chest and leaving me looking like Bruce Lee out of Enter the Dragon...during yet another argument about her gambling.
They wanted to charge her with GBH and stick her in a cell,but i told them to just caution her and they told her to pack her bags and move out because she was a danger to me and our son ...who chose to stay with me as he was 12 and could choose for himself.They stayed to make sure she left too.


She was a good cook though.


Back to how being in a relationship often isn't the nirvana some on here make it out to be.
I have a good mate who shares a common interest in wildlife with me.We'd travel around together to places people can only dream of seeing.
He married a woman from the Philippines and everything was ok until they had a son.
She works as a carer at night and has not given up her lifestyle one bit.
He on the other hand can't do anything as he has to work all day and babysit at night,including weekend nights..he has to run her to work at 7pm...so he can no longer join me in wildlife trips
He's begged her to take a nights holiday so he can join me..but she won't .


So now he has no life.


She went back to the Philippines in January this year for a friends wedding for three weeks,whilst he babysat their now nine year-old son here in the UK
But she refuses to take time of work to give him the chance to do something he loves.


She doesn't work because they need the money..she just loves her job.


It's killing him...his health has now gone as he sees his life slipping by...Diabetes has now hit him as he spends days/nights stuck in front of the tv/computer rather than hiking in the fresh air,keeping fit and seeing sites of wonder.


Relationships ?


Be careful what you wish for.

That's rough. I'm sorry you and your friend had/have to tolerate that.

[krimster2]

everyone's path in life, is rough and steep

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity.
The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.

who you are determines what you do
what YOU DO is what determines your life
and NOT what someone else does to you

the burden of your success or failure
is ALL on your shoulders

but I will say this about you goy---, er "Anglo Saxons"
your nature is TO NOT be deeply observant of the world around you
for if you were, you'd be aware of the problems with wimmin far earlier, well before you say "I DO" and thus you're free to say "I DON'T!

women with bitchy, negative personality, narcicism, personality disorders, etc, will ALWAYS REVEAL themselves to you, but you have to PAY ATTENTION and stop listening to your penis!!!
I guess some of ya'll got a smooth, jive-talkin willy, that you just naturally listen to
mine is kinda quiet and unassuming and speaks with a soft german accent, "willst du..." he calls me "du"


all you guys with self-esteem issues who end up with a hot woman, most of ya'all get steam-rolled this way
cuz your ego gets tangled up and dependent on this woman besides everything else
take away your drug - you have withdrawal
and then you swear off drugs

yes kids, put the bong and joystick down
stay in skool, and stay off drugs

and kids, don't forget to register with your local selective service center
or ELSE!!!
cuz we have plans for your future!!

[Trenchcoat]

Pessimists may be able to spot a bad opportunity better as they are more observant of the negatives.

Optimists may fail to spot a bad opportunity as they may be too eager to only see the positives while missing the gravity of the negatives.

I think with CB's situation sure having a gambling addict of a wife is not a good place to be. However, she was by his account amazingly hot. So if she was just spending her money that she earned and not his, then he could have put the price of having an amazingly hot chick down to her having a gambling addiction down side. If CB was earning decent enough money as the military usually pay and he could get by on that then I would say just accept that as the price if having a hot chick. Avoid arguments and talk of her gambling and leave her to it. I get the impression that arguments and talk on it may just add to the problem.

I think a lot of people set out and think, 'ok this is the set standard we should all go by in a relationship'. In theory that works out fine, we don't gamble, don't shoplift, don't throw out weight around or whatever. None of that we know is helpful for a relationship. Yet at the end of the day the world is full of people that don't fit the mold. My younger self I think would fall into the trap of expecting a woman to fit the mold. Now though I think with age I am more inclined to view the whole deal and ask myself just because there is a societal expectation that this girl should not act this way does it actually just balance out ok if we put those societal expectations to one side.

I think in CB's shoes the answer could have potentially have been yes. If I was bringing in good money and she was hot with a gambling addiction then I might just think, 'ok she's not what is expected in society of what a other half should be doing but most guys don't have a hit wife and I have the money to see us through anyway'. So I would just ride it as is I think and accept that that's just the bargain struck, I can't have it perfect but who really does. She wastes money on gambling most other women don't but then most other women are not model looking hotties. So in all fairness I'm getting a fair enough deal, hot girl with gambling addiction Vs everyday looking girl without gambling addition.

[krimster2]

listening is not dependent on your disposition or pre-disposition
TRUE listening, is to be able to completely quiet your own mind
so that your whole focus is on the person interacting with you, instead of partly on your own thoughts/reactions
you see things and understand things not normally apparent this way...little details...that hide their significance in normal conversation

but you Anglos are in such AWE of talking to a woman
there's no freaking way you can escape the thrill and excitement you feel from this
so you turn off your brain, and are oblivious to all the "warning signs" being handed to you...
and as a result, all those warning signs fly right over your head like an errant frisbee
weeeeeeeeeeeee
ya gotter be quicker than that

[Boethius]

Russians invented a sub-language called "mat" solely for the purpose of insulting other russians!!!
live in Russia and you will understand the necessity of doing this

This is not exactly accurate.  "mat" is not a "sublanguage".  It's just a language filled with expletives.  When a country eradicates its intellectuals and the carriers of its culture over seven decades, lifting the "proletariat" to be the "vanguard of society", this is the inevitable result.  If you listen to former Soviets on the streets, on the floor of the Duma, or read comments sections in their online news, you will note that the ability to speak without swearing is foreign to them.  Most former Soviets who meet the better half are perplexed by him because they hear a native speaker who does not swear.  That's practically unheard of. 

[Chelseaboy]

Pessimists may be able to spot a bad opportunity better as they are more observant of the negatives.

Optimists may fail to spot a bad opportunity as they may be too eager to only see the positives while missing the gravity of the negatives.

I think with CB's situation sure having a gambling addict of a wife is not a good place to be. However, she was by his account amazingly hot. So if she was just spending her money that she earned and not his, then he could have put the price of having an amazingly hot chick down to her having a gambling addiction down side. If CB was earning decent enough money as the military usually pay and he could get by on that then I would say just accept that as the price if having a hot chick. Avoid arguments and talk of her gambling and leave her to it. I get the impression that arguments and talk on it may just add to the problem.

I think a lot of people set out and think, 'ok this is the set standard we should all go by in a relationship'. In theory that works out fine, we don't gamble, don't shoplift, don't throw out weight around or whatever. None of that we know is helpful for a relationship. Yet at the end of the day the world is full of people that don't fit the mold. My younger self I think would fall into the trap of expecting a woman to fit the mold. Now though I think with age I am more inclined to view the whole deal and ask myself just because there is a societal expectation that this girl should not act this way does it actually just balance out ok if we put those societal expectations to one side.

I think in CB's shoes the answer could have potentially have been yes. If I was bringing in good money and she was hot with a gambling addiction then I might just think, 'ok she's not what is expected in society of what a other half should be doing but most guys don't have a hit wife and I have the money to see us through anyway'. So I would just ride it as is I think and accept that that's just the bargain struck, I can't have it perfect but who really does. She wastes money on gambling most other women don't but then most other women are not model looking hotties. So in all fairness I'm getting a fair enough deal, hot girl with gambling addiction Vs everyday looking girl without gambling addition.

Yes,you've basically hit the nail on the head Trench.


She never used my money for gambling,she knew full well that wasn't going to happen.


The arguments started when she started to demand that i buy this and buy that and i'd reply that as i paid all the bills and bought all the food,whilst she wasted ALL her money on gambling,that she was in no position to tell me what to do with my money.


By the way i'd already left the military when i met her.


I also had another person to consider before walking out on her..our son..she was pregnant with him within the first year of our relationship.


You're spot-on in my reasoning as to why i stayed with her so long and put up with all this sh*t from her.
I'd rather be with a super-hot woman that has an issue,rather than be with a "better" woman that doesn't do it for me in appearance.


Obviously, physically attacking me and raking her nails down my chest is something that i'm not going to put up with..it was the second time she'd done this..plus threatened me with a carving knife,all within the last year of our marriage....all because i wouldn't cave in to her demands.


I'm very shallow in that appearance is VERY important to me....always has been and always will be.
No i  don't have self-esteem problems Krim,on the contrary i consider only 9 or 10's in appearance as good enough for me.
My problem has always been i'm far too picky based on looks and figure.
I'm fully aware i shouldn't place such a priority on looks,especially as i don't have the money of a PL footballer,movie star or rock star,but it is what it is.
Even as a youngster i'd go to a nightclub to "pull" a girl,but out of a thousand girls who could be there i'd see only one or two i'd fancy,and they'd always be with another guy in the club...girls like that normally are.


Settling for an average-looking girl who worships the ground i walk on doesn't work for me...i tried that once and had the frustration of meeting absolute stunners through my then work,who made it VERY clear they were ready and willing to rock my world,but as i never cheat on women i walked away to stay loyal to my then girlfriend and started to resent her which she sensed.


We're all different..most guys are far more sensible than me regarding women and marry someone who has a lovely personality,shares the same interests, and not be too concerned about looks.

There's still a 42% divorce rate in the UK though.



By the way my ex-wife was declared bankrupt within two years of us splitting up,
She's lived with four different guys in the twelve years since we split-up ,just gone back to the third  guy she'd walked out on, who's seriously wealthy and in the banking business.
In those twelve years she's been alone for a total of around a month our unimpressed son informs me.


Funnily enough the wealthy banking guy she's currently with was married to a beautiful young woman from Ukraine,but she returned to Ukraine because her mother had become ill and never returned.

[Trenchcoat]

Yes,you've basically hit the nail on the head Trench.


She never used my money for gambling,she knew full well that wasn't going to happen.


The arguments started when she started to demand that i buy this and buy that and i'd reply that as i paid all the bills and bought all the food,whilst she wasted ALL her money on gambling,that she was in no position to tell me what to do with my money.


By the way i'd already left the military when i met her.


I also had another person to consider before walking out on her..our son..she was pregnant with him within the first year of our relationship.


You're spot-on in my reasoning as to why i stayed with her so long and put up with all this sh*t from her.
I'd rather be with a super-hot woman that gives me some grief,rather than be with a "better" woman that doesn't do it for me in appearance.


Obviously, physically attacking me and raking her nails down my chest is something that i'm not going to put up with..it was the second time she'd done this..plus threatened me with a carving knife,all withing the last year of our marriage....all because i wouldn't cave in to her demands.


I'm very shallow in that appearance is VERY important to me....always has been and always will be.
No i  don't have self-esteem problems Krim,on the contrary i consider only 9 or 10's in appearance as good enough for me.
My problem has always been i'm far too picky based on looks and figure.
I'm fully aware i shouldn't place such a priority on looks,especially as i don't have the money of a PL footballer,movie star or rock star,but it is what it is.
Even as a youngster i'd go to a nightclub to "pull" a girl,but out of a thousand girls who could be there i'd see only one or two i'd fancy,and they'd always be with another guy in the club...girls like that normally are.


Settling for an average-looking girl who worships the ground i walk on doesn't work for me...i tried that once and had the frustration of meeting absolute stunners through my then work,who made it VERY clear they were ready and willing to rock my world,but as i never cheat on women i walked away to stay loyal to my then girlfriend and started to resent her which she sensed.


We're all different..most guys are far more sensible than me regarding women and marry someone who has a lovely personality,shares the same interests, and not be too concerned about looks.




By the way my ex-wife was declared bankrupt within two years of us splitting up,
She's lived with four different guys in the twelve years since we split-up ,just gone back to the third  guy she'd walked out on, who's seriously wealthy and in the banking business.
In those twelve years she's been alone for a total of around a month our unimpressed son informs me.


Funnily enough the wealthy banking guy she's currently with was married to a beautiful young woman from Ukraine,but she returned to Ukraine because her mother had become ill and never returned.

I understand, I too tend to get attracted to the prettier girls bit by choice as such but just because they tend to turn me on at first sight and the chemistry kicks into play. A few girls possibly everyday looking but not often turned on with many of them. Again not through choice I just get turned on involuntarily. There's been girls that are attractive looking that I have not been turned on by so I don't bother with those but often if a girl above average attractive looking I normally get automatically turned on by her. I guess it's just my genetics kicking in. Hence why I don't get much luck in the UK as like you say those girls always have quite a following so aren't easy to get. Unlike you though I don't have as much positive stuff to go forth with so my chances aren't good. In the FSU I think I would tend to be regarded as having more positives due to the way things are.

That all said I've also seen bad character traits in girls that are not so attractive even ugly girls so it's not always a looks thing but for sure I think pretty girls expect to get away with whatever and can do sometimes because if their looks.

I think Krim is right that often we don't pick up on girls showing early signs of negative character traits if we are into them. When I look back at girls I have been interested in and there was some chemistry if I put hand in heart I would say, one had an psychologically aggressive streak, one was a slapper, and one was materialistic of the few I can think of, off hand. They had their positive character traits too and no one is perfect. Sure I could find a woman without any character flaw of significance but not be into her like you say. So possibly just a case of weighing up the situation and what I would be willing to accept. I know 2tallbill says be er compromise on character. Sure there are some guys who have a girl they are into with good character traits, but this isn't a perfect world and out of so many women so many will have bad character traits. So some guys may have to accept some sh*t but as Krim says if you can tell what her issues are upfront (as something usually slips without her realising) then at least you know what you are dealing with and can ask yourself if that is what you want to sign up too.

Probably similar is true for us guys, there are probably many guys with bad character traits and may not realise it or realise how significant it is and the girl has to balance it with what she wants/likes. Occasionally some bad character traits may not be seen so bad by a girl and vice versa. Some of my bad humour for example some girls will be aghast at while some find it funny and I've kind of found that with FSW. So girls like a bit of a dig back and forth for fun others get insulted by it etc. So I think a lot all depends on how people match up and what they are willing to accept.

[Trenchcoat]

Just been down my local Tesco today, in there was a great big fat woman, fat all around the bum, huge amount on the rear, and at the front and sides. Rest of her body also fat, arms also, was ginger and kind of ugly looking. Had two kids with her and a bloke, the guy was roughly normal build possibly slightly over but nowhere near as much as her. Me there would be no way I could stomach that, just the thought of getting into bed with it would make me shudder

I know it can sound a bit superficial when us guys on here go on about going after pretty women as alm important. I get that people may be nice people that aren't attractive or they too could have character flaws. My mind though just couldn't genuinely bring itself to be with such women as I saw today and it surprises me that any man could. So was he desperate and just wanted company and a family at whatever cost? Or just doesn't put much emphasis on the looks stuff?

[krimster2]

BO,
I bet your husband was like me when he got out of the military
and he had to "condition" himself to not swear...
the only way to stop it is by making a decision to completely abandon it's use

I swore like a MFer and civilians were all schocked at my speech
and every time I "transistioned" to civilian life from the military
I had to learn to control my speech

In Israel, this is SUPER COMMON, book stores carry self-help books about it
comedians joke about it, even orthodox will cut ya some slack there

ahhhh... good times....

[Bee Farmer]

I understand, I too tend to get attracted to the prettier girls bit by choice as such but just because they tend to turn me on at first sight and the chemistry kicks into play.

I think Krim is right that often we don't pick up on girls showing early signs of negative character traits if we are into them. When I look back at girls I have been interested in and there was some chemistry if I put hand in heart I would say, one had an psychologically aggressive streak, one was a slapper, and one was materialistic of the few I can think of, off hand. They had their positive character traits too and no one is perfect.

I know 2tallbill says be er compromise on character. Sure there are some guys who have a girl they are into with good character traits, but this isn't a perfect world and out of so many women so many will have bad character traits.

You need to wake up.  There was no chemistry.  Sexual attraction or creating sexual tension is not chemistry.  It's just one tiny piece.

When a girl talks about having chemistry with a guy, she does not mean that he is sexually appealing.  It means he turns her on, and all the other things are clicking too.  Similarities, compatibility, etc.  Oil and water doesn't mix, and when you have two incompatible personalities, there is no chemistry...no matter how hot they are.

Think about meeting an extremely hot girl, but when she opens her mouth, you realize that she's dumber than a box or rocks.  Unless you are dumber than a box of rocks too, you're not going to have any chemistry with the girl.

My mind though just couldn't genuinely bring itself to be with such women as I saw today and it surprises me that any man could. So was he desperate and just wanted company and a family at whatever cost? Or just doesn't put much emphasis on the looks stuff?

When I was a teenager, a guy gave me some advice.  He said to find one thing that physically turns you on about a girl.  Fixate on that, and you won't care about the other flaws.  Maybe she has a great rack, a great butt, legs, pretty face, etc.  Or maybe she can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.  Only you can decide what is important to you.

Odds are the girl wasn't that fat when she got with the guy.  And they probably had some chemistry, and their personalities were compatible.  He actually enjoys who she is and how she treats him, and that's enough that her getting fat[ter] isn't a dealbreaker for him.

Are you too shallow to date a butterface girl?

[krimster2]

"Think about meeting an extremely hot girl, but when she opens her mouth, you realize that she's dumber than a box or rocks.  Unless you are dumber than a box of rocks too, you're not going to have any chemistry with the girl."

OTOH, you can travel to a "pre-technical" society in Costa Rica or some other latin location
setup your villa, and maintain an "open door" policy for the locals (but protect valuables)
supply nectar, and the pretty birds will all gather (literally true, i'd set out a daily bowl of peeled fruit to attract beautiful tropical birds!)

sooner or later, some will take a fancy to you...
they've never heard of Kepler or Newton
but they will bond to you, the same way a cat does
and they will want you to pet them as well...

it's not the worse way to live, of all the possibilities I've tried
young, tropical, smooth bronze skinned girls, gorgeous smiles
standing before you naked in the morning sun

it turns out that humans are adaptable creatures
and can explore alternative erotic lifestyles
besides a monogamous relationship that leads to a socially sanctioned marriage

I for one enjoyed the challenge of enticing young nubiles
to abandon their swimsuits
and enjoy the sun with them
with my freed Willy swingin proudly in the breeze
the water's warm, don't have any shrinkage concerns there
just the opposite, my "blanco diablo" got huge "growing" attention
first circumcized blanco one they ever saw (plus I'm fully "manscaped", unlike locals)
of COURSE, I let them TOUCH IT!!!
DUH!!

it was so popular I coulda charged for having a "selfie" taken with it
latins don't get neurotic about sex or their bodies the way anglo saxons do
it just becomes an every day part of living there
the exact opposite of Incel Land

having a uniquely colored and shaped willy, is gonna gain ya some attention there, especially in settings where nudity is more common and open
all small town river "playas" are all "clothing optional"

and when a "white boy" shows up there
EVERYBODY will be eye-ballin your willy, even all the OTHER naked people
you just shrug it off, "like whatever" and give a little modest smile


in Latin America, I'd have to work HARD to avoid having sex (so why bother, easier just taking path of least headache)
so it's easier to just "go with the flow" so to speak
and Latin women are VERY volatile, best not to upset them

all you have to do is be kind, sweet and caring with them
and THEN get them drunk

100% guarantee, you're gonna see their "VJJ"
ummmm hmmmmmmm....

and when they show it to you, they're watching your eyes and facial expression
while you're watching what they want you to

all you "goobers" would go into cardiac arrest right away
it's NOT a place for you

in this latin world, you anglos would be "gob smacked" so hard, you'd forget who you are, like I did

on top of the young women, you got amazing stuff there...
and these women are even cheaper to hire than ukrainian women

young, smart, well off guys
have SO MANY options...
like ALWAYS!!

[Daveman]

I understand, I too tend to get attracted to the prettier girls bit by choice as such but just because they tend to turn me on at first sight and the chemistry kicks into play. A few girls possibly everyday looking but not often turned on with many of them. Again not through choice I just get turned on involuntarily. There's been girls that are attractive looking that I have not been turned on by so I don't bother with those but often if a girl above average attractive looking I normally get automatically turned on by her. I guess it's just my genetics kicking in.

That new hit song from Toxic Chemical Reactions, "Blood in Your Brain.. Not in Your Head"   

You just summed up the major cliff from which many if not most plummet to their dooms in the beginning.

Hence why I don't get much luck in the UK as like you say those girls always have quite a following so aren't easy to get. Unlike you though I don't have as much positive stuff to go forth with so my chances aren't good. In the FSU I think I would tend to be regarded as having more positives due to the way things are.

If you can go there/ live there you may indeed be her better/best option.  If you are her best option there, then what's the problem?

[Boethius]

BO,
I bet your husband was like me when he got out of the military
and he had to "condition" himself to not swear...
the only way to stop it is by making a decision to completely abandon it's use

I swore like a MFer and civilians were all schocked at my speech
and every time I "transistioned" to civilian life from the military
I had to learn to control my speech

In Israel, this is SUPER COMMON, book stores carry self-help books about it
comedians joke about it, even orthodox will cut ya some slack there

ahhhh... good times....

He said it didn't take too long, because his family spoke a language that practically no longer existed.  When he returned, he spoke with the Soviet military accent, which is one where you can't really tell where the speaker is from.  His mother told him to "lose the accent".

[Trenchcoat]

You need to wake up.  There was no chemistry.  Sexual attraction or creating sexual tension is not chemistry.  It's just one tiny piece.

When a girl talks about having chemistry with a guy, she does not mean that he is sexually appealing.  It means he turns her on, and all the other things are clicking too.  Similarities, compatibility, etc.  Oil and water doesn't mix, and when you have two incompatible personalities, there is no chemistry...no matter how hot they are.

Think about meeting an extremely hot girl, but when she opens her mouth, you realize that she's dumber than a box or rocks.  Unless you are dumber than a box of rocks too, you're not going to have any chemistry with the girl.

When I was a teenager, a guy gave me some advice.  He said to find one thing that physically turns you on about a girl.  Fixate on that, and you won't care about the other flaws.  Maybe she has a great rack, a great butt, legs, pretty face, etc.  Or maybe she can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.  Only you can decide what is important to you.

Odds are the girl wasn't that fat when she got with the guy.  And they probably had some chemistry, and their personalities were compatible.  He actually enjoys who she is and how she treats him, and that's enough that her getting fat[ter] isn't a dealbreaker for him.

Are you too shallow to date a butterface girl?

There could be some truth in that, but many girls go after the 'hot' guys - the good looking guys, gym rat guys, etc. So while what you say comes into it which the more everyday guy a girl will weigh up with the everyday guy that stuff but a physically attractive guy she won't so much. If anything is said by the girl on that stuff with a physically attractive guy it will be his she thinks they are so right for each other and share all the same this or that even if it's bs or her trying to be a bit that way.

The focusing on one good thing about a girl is an interesting outlook. Not bad if you're an everyday guy as if you're unlikely to get a pretty girl as a result then focusing on something that you really want in a girl can probably help avoid the pretty girl magnetism somewhat and be more accepting if the less pretty girl. I once knew a girl who was mediocre looking facially, ok but not alm that attractive, shortish but decent figure, just below shoulder length hair, hair nice enough. Main thing though was that she had nice big tits, not huge but a good handful either side so biggish for her height/width, my guess probably around a D cup. That would have done it for me as could see myself being turned on, especially in bed. However she had a guy and was religious (Catholic) where I was not. So she tended to date long term and with guys who were either of the faith or willing to get with it. She wasn't really bible thumbing or conservative like that but was just her background. I didn't understand that at the time as not of that background and could only be honest about mine. She was the type of girl though that you could get in with, without too much fuss in theory at least. If the other stuff aligned who knows, I'm not saying I wouldn't have gotten with her if she hadn't slightly above average sized tits but it was a definite turn on.

[Trenchcoat]

That new hit song from Toxic Chemical Reactions, "Blood in Your Brain.. Not in Your Head"   

You just summed up the major cliff from which many if not most plummet to their dooms in the beginning.

If you can go there/ live there you may indeed be her better/best option.  If you are her best option there, then what's the problem?

I could go there but I can't stay there all the time, not at the moment as I couldn't just abandon my Mother by not being there at all. I would essentially have to travel back frequently to spend some time with her and do stuff she needs doing. Video chat and doing stuff over the internet helps a lot these days but I'm not so sure she would do well on her own long term.

So just going there and meeting girls and having fun like you say is probably the main thing at the moment. Until I find the right one (if) it's all a bit subjective. But yeah I definitely think I would be well placed there so kind of want to go there soon once the house is done to try to tap into that.