Lady with child - Advice needed

[ViVi]

And we deviated a little from the main topic.

[BillyB]

You're right, ML...

...but I can also tell that the person in your photo is wearing sunglasses and has a short haircut;)...this is not so small.

Did you see that thing growing on top of his lip?

[I/O]

I'm somewhere between Momma D and Grumpy old Men - just mount the woman...!!

The rest tends to sort itself out...

[japtats]

You will struggle finding a russian man who takes care of his biological kids after divorce, let alone another man's child. It is not the West down here, FSU don't shame dead beat fathers.


In most cases, everything happens as you described, unfortunately.

I am now dating someone , she told me there is a bad father culture , maybe both during and after marriage. But I am sure it is a lot worse after divorce compared to Western countries

[ViVi]

I am now dating someone , she told me there is a bad father culture , maybe both during and after marriage. But I am sure it is a lot worse after divorce compared to Western countries

 Judging by my generation ... not only the culture of the father is blurred, but also the culture of the mother. Divorce is the result of unresolved problems in relationships, lack of common attitudes and values, goals.       This is a problem of two people, but not one.
 After a divorce, material support (alimony) is often insignificant and the woman finds herself in a difficult life situation not only from a material point of view, but also from a psychological point of view (the father either interrupts contact with his ex-wife and children, or devotes very little time to them)
 I'm not saying that this is the whole situation, but such things happen quite often in our time.

[2tallbill]

And we deviated a little from the main topic.

When I found my wife Angel Eyes, she had a daughter, I call her Smiley Girl,
and I realized I had two hearts to win, not one. We had Smiley Girl translating
for her Grandparents when I told them I was going to marry Angel eyes. She
was the happiest person in the room.

I wrote about my 9 year search to find Angel Eyes here.
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=3432.0

[DCCowboy71]

From a relatively newbie FSU dating perspective, I was married long enough to raise two children to adulthood, now in my late 40's, divorced. It would not scare me to find a FSU Single Mom. In fact the lady I am communicating now is a Single Mom. Once you are a parent it is not hard to see yourself doing it again.

[japtats]

For some men raising someone else's child isn't something they would want to do.

[2tallbill]

For some men raising someone else's child isn't something they would want to do.

Children aren't for everyone and other people's children aren't for
everyone either. I reopened this thread so that people could discuss
the thought process(es) involved in deciding.

[ML]

Many American men and their wives (or partners) adopt children every year.

So what would be so different from this compared to marrying a woman who had a child?

[I/O]

Tricky slope to traverse. My Ol' lady was pretty easy going in this space and hands off for years. I kind of figured it out as I went. She's a bit more painful now he's just on 17 - me thinks it's more about the fact he's nigh on leaving the nest age..🤔

The control freak in your RW (and trust me, it's there in all of them to some extent) will surface eventually - I did say to her recently that she probably wouldn't be welcome on his honey moon. I touched a sensitive area by the reaction I got....🤣🤣

[japtats]

Many American men and their wives (or partners) adopt children every year.

So what would be so different from this compared to marrying a woman who had a child?

One is a choice, one is given. If asked whether they want to take on a child, i doubt many people would say yes.

[John Gaunt]

One is a choice, one is given. If asked whether they want to take on a child, i doubt many people would say yes.

Of all the WM/FSUW married couples I know or am aware of, I would say about 2/3s  included children of the FSUW in the family setup.

[japtats]

Of all the WM/FSUW married couples I know or am aware of, I would say about 2/3s  included children of the FSUW in the family setup.

Generally those are the first women to be seeking men from abroad , to provide a better life for their kids. Also age is a variant , women I go for are between 18 to 25 , so many are without a child still.

[John Gaunt]

Generally those are the first women to be seeking men from abroad , to provide a better life for their kids. Also age is a variant , women I go for are between 18 to 25 , so many are without a child still.

What I’m trying to say that it’s still a choice and more men than not make that choice regardless of the motivations of the women.
It stands to reason that the age group you target are less likely to have children.

[Trenchcoat]

One is a choice, one is given. If asked whether they want to take on a child, i doubt many people would say yes.

Indeed, I ruled out single mothers fairly early in my search after messaging one on Elena's Models. She was in one of the stans, she used to message me lengthy messages all about the history of the place, facinating stuff I was impressed though I wondered that it might have been largely scriped out and sent to every guy that or she may have been bored during the day. Anyway, in message terms we got on fine but I bailed before taking things to video chat. I decided that I didn;t want to lead her on any more than I might have already accidently done. It had dawned on me during our messaging that taking on her one son would be a big responsibility and most importantly a big financial strain at that time. I was ready for neither. As you know doubt already know importing a child from the FSU can be a big headache finacially and otherwise, that's something I didn't need the stress of early on in a relationship.

I know a few guys on here suggested that single mums would be a easier and better bet for my at my age in my early forties so shouldn't be discounted. I don't actually have anything against that and can see why they said it but I'm not sure it heightens the odds of finding a successful relationship in the FSU all that much. Would really need a girl to be totally committed to the guy rather than seeing him as someone to just carry her to a new life in the west I think.

To be honest I do like children, even other peoples can be quite charming but a FSU with a child would just be too much off an initial strain for me I felt. Here in the UK I get to see young single mums, one I have seen of late I would give a sraight 10 to on looks, young (early twenties, very pretty, petite but great figure, toned no fat, nice long hair) she has one young child and I would date her in a heartbeat. So I assume would loads of other guys her age as even if they don't like children that much that would be of hardly any weighting against her due to her being so attractive, she also seems a nice persona and personality as a sidenote. So my chances with a girl like that is almost certainly way, way down the line of guys, guys younger than me, good on looks, etc, etc. End of the day there is the realisation of how I stack up as a guy. A girl like that in the FSU she may get with me but it would be a toss up whether such a girl would stick around once in the west as she would likely gain many options.

[japtats]

It stands to reason that the age group you target are less likely to have children.

Yes, i think 25-30 age group tends to be the best mix of knowing what they want, and beauty. Many of women in that group don't have a child.


What I meant was if they could remove the child from the picture , they would , not an added bonus

Indeed, I ruled out single mothers fairly early in my search after messaging one on Elena's Models.

I think if i was in my 40's, and i found someone i liked in their late 20s , who had a child. I might take the plunge. Depends on the dating market. I want a child now, but i need emotions for them.

[I/O]

I don't think pontificating on who's got what adds up to much.

The important factor is, if you consider a lady with a child, think very carefully before proceeding. The "package" is much more complicated than simply finding a solution for your ailing sex life......

[2tallbill]

Generally those are the first women to be seeking men from abroad , to provide a better life for their kids. Also age is a variant , women I go for are between 18 to 25 , so many are without a child still.

You are in an age specific situation and you are boots on the ground.
You have a supply and demand situation different than others.

For men who are older and don't have boots on the ground the situation
is considerably different. There is a surplus of US men who are 40+ years
old who want a wife and family. There is a surplus of FSUW who are over
35 who desire the same.

For those 40-50 years old, they need to figure out what they are getting into
and what this kind of commitment entails. 

[2tallbill]

The control freak in your RW (and trust me, it's there in all of them to some extent)

You are 100% correct, preaching to the choir. 

[DCCowboy71]

so that people could discuss the thought process(es) involved in deciding.

My thought process

I raised two of my own, I think I did it right! Saying that sarcastically. Ultimately I wanted to raise them to be healthy functioning people in society that could think for their self, sometimes they seem to be smarter than me. But I don't think there is a correct way to raise children, there are good practices you can use, but as long as you raise the children in a house of love, I think it will work out. A manual certainly would of helped. But that is what all parents say in hind sight. But I also was a boy scout leader as well, and before we go down that road, no, not that kind of boy scout leader. So I have worked with boys from several personality types. I always enjoyed working with children. I would not of mind helping raise another.

[2tallbill]

There are guys that get married and move their Russian wife and family
to the USA and then they have 147 fights about raising the kids especially
disciplining a sullen teen age Russian boy. (all male teen age step kids are
sullen at least half of their waking life).

The man assumed that he would be able to tell the boy that he is grounded
and the wife assumed that ONLY she would discipline her perfect Angel.

Both Assumed incorrectly and they got a big divorce and broken hearts they
didn't live happily ever after the End. F#ck!

It's my advice to have at least a hundred conversations about every single
facet of parenting with a woman before you marry. Including how to pay
for college, what to do if they run away from home, what to do if they are
caught smoking, naked with a teenage girl, wreck the family car, smoke weed,
have naked photos on the internet, took naked photos of the neighbors and put
them on the internet on and on and on and on.

I would assume NOTHING. I would talk about EVERYTHING. You are marrying your
future partner in crime, you both need to be on the same page.

[DCCowboy71]

It's my advice to have at least a hundred conversations about every single
facet of parenting with a woman before you marry. Including how to pay
for college, what to do if they run away from home, what to do if they are
caught smoking, naked with a teenage girl, wreck the family car, smoke weed,
have naked photos on the internet, took naked photos of the neighbors and put
them on the internet on and on and on and on.

I would assume NOTHING. I would talk about EVERYTHING. You are marrying your
future partner in crime, you both need to be on the same page.

That is a HUGE Given! I would say thousands on conversations need to take place. Hell.... I even did that with my own children and my previous wife.

[2tallbill]

I raised two of my own, I think I did it right!

I was the oldest of 6 kids, I changed a thousand diapers before I ever
saw a real girl nekkid. I've raised three boys to adulthood and as far
as my Russian wife is concerned I am barely trusted to keep the house
from burning down in their absence.

It's possible other FSUW have different opinions, I've only married the one
girl and that was her opinion.

[DCCowboy71]

I raised two of my own, I think I did it right! Saying that sarcastically.

Lets put that in context. But yes I get what you mean