Forum > Research Projects
Experiences with American women -- a question from jen
Gator:
--- Quote ---feel free to post your observations based on your experiences with men
--- End quote ---
I have no experiences with men - am I allowed to post?
Assuming yes, I will say this about my two AW girlfriends and my two RW girlfriends since my divorce 6 years ago.
- AW were more demanding and emphatic about what they wanted from a relationship, while the RW just allowed the relationship to evolve even though marriage is the goal. I prefer the latter.
- With AW I had to play amateur therapist about their past failed relationships. In contrast, RW were trying to forget past relationships, and besides saying they did not want to discuss them, they would even claim to have blocked them out. I do not think either is good. While RW say "past is past", I contend "past remains with us today in profound ways". Nor do I wish to dwell on past relationships because I think AW should focus on me rather than past lovers/husbands/etc.
- Sex - no difference, all four varied widely with no pattern regarding country.
- Beauty - RW win, but not by much.
- Body - RW win by a significant margin, but not enough to compel a man to fly 8000 miles just for better body.
- Age - RW were on average about 7 years younger.
- Street smarts - RW win easily, and it is something I appreciate. They are survivors.
- Sense of adventure - RW win easily.
- Emotional stability - RW win easily. They have seen far worse in the past than they would ever experience with me.
- Sense of humor - AW win easily, perhaps because this is influenced by culture.
- Dedication to family - RW win easily, although I had no problems with AW. RW take it a tribal level.
- Self-centered - No difference, all were acceptable.
- Feminism - I felt no competition pressures with AW, and I do not subscribe to this term other than for a very, very few AW who I would not give the time of day. One RW is driven to accomplish something with her life and she wants to make her own money.
- Independence - Rather than feminism, can we use the term "independence". In this regard, I note no difference betwen RW and AW. I do not have a problem with a woman not living in man's shadow and receiving the same privileges and treatment as a man. One RW is driven to accomplish something with her life and she wants to make her own money. Why deny a woman the "joy of success." The two RW were survivors and adamant about being ble to take care of themselves. I support that.
There is a difference between the AW and RW that may explain why RW excelled. The two AW just happened into my life and came in my early rebound days. The RW were screened from the Internet and I evaluated a huge number of RW in searching for compatibility. For whatever reason, I did not return to AW after the first failed RW experience. I felt a kindred spirit with them, and there so many more attractive RW from whom to choose candidates for correspondence and possible meetings.
There is more but I am busy these days in Moscow with a fine and decent RW.
jen:
jazzyclassy said:
I met only one American woman in person , I mean the one with whom I did talk pretty good and got to know her interests and thoughts, she was absolutely amazing and Feminism was not her priority as for the author of the topic and other most American women
Well, for the record, I declared myself a feminist because I do identify that way and I think it is important to be honest here...but for many of us, this does not mean being any less committed to family and children...though I have a career, I have one that allows me to spend a great deal of time with my small child, which is a top priority for me. The feminists I know do not believe that women should prioritize career over childbearing; only that they should be able to make whichever choice they prefer, and more generally, that it is worth examining, discussing, and debating these issues.
Just my two cents...looking forward to hearing more responses.
Jazzyclassy:
--- Quote from: jen on July 10, 2007, 08:28:36 AM ---
Well, for the record, I declared myself a feminist because I do identify that way and I think it is important to be honest here...but for many of us, this does not mean being any less committed to family and children...though I have a career, I have one that allows me to spend a great deal of time with my small child, which is a top priority for me. The feminists I know do not believe that women should prioritize career over childbearing; only that they should be able to make whichever choice they prefer, and more generally, that it is worth examining, discussing, and debating these issues.
Just my two cents...looking forward to hearing more responses.
--- End quote ---
well I am glad that you feel this way , why are you so worried:) it is just a research no need to be so aggressive....
jen:
I didn't think I was being aggressive...just entering the discussion in the same spirit as you. I want to hear what all of you guys think, but I should say where I am coming from sometimes, right? :)
KenC:
--- Quote from: jen on July 10, 2007, 07:08:03 AM ---Hi everyone,
OK, here goes. I am very aware of the fact that you guys have been discussing just about everything there is to discuss about international dating for quite a while now -- which is why I am reading the boards and will continue to make my way through them. However, I also want you to have the chance to respond specifically to me: to let me know what you think I need to hear as a researcher. So, let me start with a specific question and we'll see where that goes.
There was a discussion in one of Ada's threads about why you are attracted to Russian/FSU women, specifically. I would like to look at the flip side of this question and ask:
--was a dissatisfaction with American women (or women in your home country, if you are not based in US) the key thing that motivated you to begin searching abroad?
--- End quote ---
Not for me. I was not dissatisfied with American women at all. But I also knew no different either. For me, RW were a curiosity more than anything else. I am of Russian decent so I was naturally curious about Russia in general. I was also not "wife shopping" as I enjoyed being a bachelor. How AW negatively compare to RW did not become apparent to me until after I knew much more about RW.
--- Quote -----if so, how would you describe that dissatisfaction? (From conversations with individuals as well as reading boards like this one, I have seen a number of common responses: unattractiveness, lack of family orientation, self-centeredness, etc.) What is the central problem as you see it?
--- End quote ---
From a physical side of things, pretty women here are as pretty as there. but when you look at the entire groups as a whole, RW tend to be in better shape, dress better and pay much more attention to their looks. In short, they (RW) seem to try harder to be appealing to men. AW might do this if they were going on an important date, otherwise it is all blue jeans and casual wear (The ever hated jogging suit).
It is the attitude that is the biggest difference in my mind. RW LOVE being women! They are very feminine and sexy whereas AW seem to want to be men. Most AW have lost (or rejected) their ability to be feminine. As an example let me explain. While dating an AW, I decided to rearrange my furniture. When I went to move a large couch the AW that I was dating jumped up and picked up one end to help. My Russian wife considers it my duty as a man to carry in the groceries from the car. RW do not fear to be thought of as less a person for accepting the physical differences between man and woman. AW desperately desire to be equal on ALL levels.
--- Quote -----why do you think these problems exist? Do you think that feminism is responsible for these problems, as I have often seen discussed, or something else? If so, what do you think "feminism" means or includes?
--- End quote ---
Yes, I blame the feminist movement in America for this de-feminising of AW for sure. Our American society has accepted that women not only should be equal, but sometimes better than men. It isn't enough to build up women, but it has become common place to degrade men too. Look at almost any TV show where there is an intact family involved. In almost every case the Dad is a helpless and bumbling idiot and the Mom is a pillar of strength and wisdom. My "favorite" is a credit card commercial toting low interest rates. The "High Interest Rate Monster" is beating the hell out of the male figure until the female character intercedes and physically beats the monster. What is the message sent here? That men are weak and women are strong. Sorry, but that isn't real life or at least it wasn't real life before the feminist movement took hold. The flip side to this is that AM have also become much less manly in their ways too. AW have become more masculine and AM more feminine and the gender roles have become confused. There is no such confusion with a RW.
KenC
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