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Reactions from other people in your life

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Hi everyone,

Thanks for all of the useful comments on the last thread. That one can continue, but I am starting a new thread to consider a question that was just raised there since I had been planning to ask it anyway. (One of those comments is quoted below for reference.)


How have others in your life -- friends, family, and colleagues from home -- reacted to your interest in FSUW?

Do people "get it"?  How do you explain it to them? Do they have particular stereotypes about FSUW, and/or do they assume anything about you (AM) and your motivations?  If so, does this lead to any conflicts, particularly if you are already married and have a family or network of friends that is not accepting of your choice?  (Or perhaps the people in your life are happy for you -- I imagine people have had some different experiences.)

I am not asking here about general perceptions you have observed in the U.S. (e.g., as seen in mass media), but about the reactions of those close to you, the people who know you but have not had experience with international dating before you.

I am still away from home and am doing my best to check in when I can. I'll do a better job of responding when I am back home Wednesday.

Thanks everyone, J.

--- Quote from: MaxxumUSA on July 16, 2007, 09:04:54 AM ---Ken,

Elena is not even here yet and I am getting extremely rude comments about the whole deal.  I guess many of my friends were not sure of my sincerety and subsequently left their opinions reserved.  I have been very open about my visits to russia and the purpose of those visits.

I almost started another thread about the rudeness and crudeness I received Saturday night at a large social gathering.   Some of the woman (not all) were already insulting Elena - sight unseen.  These are wives and GF's of aquaintences of mine.  Many of the men are giving me suggestions of prenup and already have us divorced as soon as she gets her green card.  I'm in a small area as far as population goes - only about 40,000 people in the area.  So this means many of "us" know each other over the years.

I was having drinks at a bonfire at a friends camp and some of the women got me to a point that I said I was tired - and called a taxi.  Not only were they rude to me, but they were just rude in general to their own husbands.  The crap that comes out of their mouths is shocking.  It's like they want to be one of the boys.

I can only imagine what will happen once Elena gets here.  I know there will be some people that I will kick out of my life.  I think Elena will handle herself great - but I am not so sure how I will handle myself if I overhear some woman insult her.  I think there is going to be an adjustment period with a switch of "friends."

Don't get me wrong - I have many friends both men and women that I know will welcome Elena with open arms and go out of their way to make her feel comfortable.  I am referring to the "Some people" that I am unsure about.

--- End quote ---

When Lena first arrived here, my social circle was in shock.  But what was funny was how the AW reacted.  The single AW were pissed that I had the audacity to select a woman outside the "norm" (one of them).  And the married AW were threatened that maybe their husbands would dump them and go the route I took.  Women from the fsu were few and far between at the time, but it only took one to shake up their world!

I didn't tell everyone what I was up to when I went to meet Lena in Russia.  In fact, I really only told the true and complete story to a very close female friend of mine.  She knew that I had met many an AW on line so that wasn't much of a shock to her.  The best answer I could have imagined was when I asked this friend if I was crazy to go meet Lena?  She told me I was only crazy if I didn't go!

My ex had a funny comment to my daughter.  She asked "How is your father's Russian adoption going?"  My daughter responded, "just fine and I think Dad is going to go for a boy the next time!"

Like anything out of the "norm" people will not understand what it is that you are doing with a RW.  Many will hope and predict failure for you.  Prove them all wrong and live happily every after!  After almost 8 years of marriage, I am sure there are still some doubters out there on our situation too.  Whatever!

Wayne B:
I remember my first trip was to Novosibirsk, father was beside himself.....wanting to know how I could be so 'crazy' He was still stuck in the cold war mentality.... ;) For the most part my family and friends thought the same way...I believe that they were more concerned about my safety... As time went on I made several trips to the Ukraine, Kiev and luck with women but, I enjoyed my trips learning about the culture, food and the views of these two cities ;) In 2006 I decided to visit Kharkov, to meet a few women that I had been talking with especially one...we had a date my first day there....good date, had fun but, no second day in Kharkov I met Anna!  Many and I was one of them believe in no love at first sight......Boy was I wrong....I had wrote Anna maybe 5 letters before my trip and she seemed very sincere in her letters to me...but, she was not my first choice because of her photos.....but, when I saw her eye to eye for the first time....I almost fell on the floor ;)  We were together, the rest of my stay there, after her work or before her work. After a few trips later, we became engaged!  :D      When I told my family that we were starting the K-1, They became more and more interested about Anna and her family.....My guy friends became more curious and girl friend all of them...had the smart-a$$ remark...of ooh you got you a MOB....To them I said yes...FedEx is supposed to deliver her here any day now >:(   That pissed them off :D   Since Anna, has arrived here...every one has accepted her with open arms....especially my children, mother, brother and close friends :D   A few of my girl friends...while being nice to Anna...I can see the jealousy on their faces :-[ 

Jen though you have already read this so I am posting it here with some additional comments for others,

KenC, while some of what is written below reads very similar to what you have written I wrote this 6 years ago.

You need to understand that some of your friends and associates may change, the men I have associated with who have American wife's have diminished considerably mostly because their wife's are extremely jealous of my wife and uncomfortable being around her. They do not like the differences and although my lady is generally very quiet about replying to snide comments and at times out right preaching by some of the American wife's, my lady has from time to time replied with brutal truthfulness to these ladies, much to their collective dismay. So after a while these same ladies have pressured their husbands to not attend our social functions or accompany me on hunting, fishing or other activities we have enjoyed for many years.

To continue further my friends and family knew nothing about my search for a lady from the FSU, even my numerous trips were unknown to them so it came as surprise when I let both friends and family know about Victoria. Generally the first question was "why" and honestly that was the most difficult question, then came they "how" and that brought the reference to her as a "Mail Order Bride" to which I replied that nothing could be further from the truth but they still did not understand. Then came the quiet acceptance that this was something that was going to happen but no one understood the "why and how" but they did know the when which was going fairly soon.

After Victoria arrived and had some time to rest we went about the process of meeting the family which as expected went very well. My friends and associates were another issue as you have already read above but I will say that the reaction by the men was far different than the women who as KenC so aptly stated were very concerned if no outright worried that their husband would dump them for a lady like Victoria.


Good question jen. Sorry I cannot contribute on the substance, but this issue bothers me a lot. For a part, my participation in this forum was aimed at getting info on how such couples are perceived in the West.

I am looking for a man in order to make him very happy. I am here to improve his life. Otherwise the whole pursuit is nothing worth for me. As far as his social circle is important for him, it is similarly important for me. Obviously, the reaction of shock or disaprovement is not quite my vision of him being happy..

It looks like the image of MOBs and illegal immigrants make this task a challenge for a woman. Prejudices are a mighty thing, so we are having a strong enemy here. Somehow we would have to pave our way to the hearts of his important ones..


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