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Reactions from other people in your life

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TigerPaws:
Lily,

There is an up side to what we are talking about, a gentleman's family, friends and acquaintances who stay around will be people that will accept you for who you are and those are the people who are important.

TigerPaws

Wayne B:
Lily, our wives are our important path to our hearts....and you will also make a very lucky man feel the same way ;D  That being said....my family...and a very large family mite I add...Have all bent over back wards to make Anna, welcomed and to feel at home here....and our next door neighbors have also made Anna feel at home as well....Anna, will go over to their homes when she see's them outdoors.......A few hours later, I will call them, and ask them if they would please send Anna home....because it is time for supper ;D

ecr844:

--- Quote from: TigerPaws on July 16, 2007, 11:42:35 AM ---Lily,

There is an up side to what we are talking about, a gentleman's family, friends and acquaintances who stay around will be people that will accept you for who you are and those are the people who are important.

TigerPaws

--- End quote ---

It is invaluable to know who your 'real' friends are. Hopefully, none of you will learn the hard way. As the old saying goes...


--- Quote from: unknown, also quoted in the movie Navy Seals-Charlie Sheen ---Trust me with your life,
Not your money, or your wife
--- End quote ---

Rvrwind:

--- Quote ---There is an up side to what we are talking about, a gentleman's family, friends and acquaintances who stay around will be people that will accept you for who you are and those are the people who are important.
--- End quote ---
Exactly & the rest are just trailer trash that you don't want hanging around anyway. The ones that do stick it out will become very good friends to you both, which is exactly what you want in your life!! ;D
I lost what were some very good friends over remarks they made before I even left to come here. As most know I ain't much for being PC & I ain't much for hiding what I feel. I tell it like it is & may all be damned for all I care.
My favorite reply to the question "Why", was "Because I don't want a wife like yours!". Too simple & too true. Every guy I said it to was married to a woman that was severly overwieght & those were the couples I got the most snide remarks from. All they ever saw was her picture but they could tell their wives weren't even in the same ballpark much less the same game. The women were upset because they had been trying to marry me off to their fat cousins for years & I just wasn't going there, thanks, but no thanks.
My family was more concerned about my travelling to Russia. Still had that cold war mentality. After living here for 4+ years I think they are starting to get it. ::) As far as my wife goes they have already accepted her & have never met her. If she makes me happy, they are kool with it. They were concerned at first that she may have been after my money & when I just laughed & said she has likely got more than me the subject never came up again.
Everytime I get a letter from home from my mother or sister they never forget to send their love & a big Hello to Valya. They always ask after her & express their concern that she is well & healthy, so I think she already made the grade. Can't wait till they finally get to meet her!!
You find out fast who your real friends are when you do something as far out of the box as we have!!  ;D ;)

groovlstk:
Since my wife's arrival in the US eight months ago, my list of "friends" has dwindled. I was aware that this would likely happen thanks to posts from other married people who've experienced the same thing and recounted their experiences. One thing surprised me: my family (who are very warm and accepting of my wife, by the way) and friends were very eager to meet Polina; I knew they were skeptical and that they likely assumed the worst (i.e., that I married her simply because she's beautiful and/or that she married me simply because she wants a Green Card), but I figured if they met her a few times and talked to her and saw how we were together they'd accept her.

I was wrong, at least as far as friends go. Many people whom I saw every weekend or every other weekend for years met my wife once after her arrival and we have yet to see them again, 6+ months later. Now, I know I'm terribly biased but my wife is one of the friendliest, funniest, kindest, and warmest people you will ever meet. So why have so many friends gone missing?

I can only speculate... at first I figured that some friends thought I was being naive, assumed she was using me, etc., and that a train wreck was imminent. I could understand why they'd look away - it's not pleasant to watch someone you care about step on a boobytrap that you can plainly see but that they're blind to. Beyond that, who knows? There's a jealousy factor in the wives of my married friends, for sure, but it's impossible to quantify. A few months ago, someone (probably one of my ex American GFs) started sending my wife and I anonymous emails filled with vile insults about our relationship. That really opened our eyes to how, potentially, some Americans look at us.

I'd also guess people are uncomfortable that we did things "differently" and that they view their own marriages as more legitimate. This is something I'd never agree with - only someone who has gone through this knows the difficulties and sacrifices that a man and woman must go through to make this work. We've only been living together for eight months, but in those eight months I've had to show more patience and understanding and sacrificed more than in all the previous relationships I've had in my 43 years combined. Heck, most of my married friends have it EASY in comparison, they were never faced with so many either/or decisions, their compromises to each other about vacation and TV-watching preferences - the stuff they bitch about - seem comical in comparison. I'd be willing to bet most of their relationships could never withstand the tests we've faced in such a short time... And if it sounds like I'm complaining, also know that I'd never choose differently, I'd go through this 1000 times over again just to be with her.

I said this in an earlier post and I'll repeat it, as my wife also repeats it often: there's "us" and then there's "everyone else." I think to have a chance at success in all this you have to be willing to abandon pretty much everything that you held dear before your wife arrives. The things you can keep are gravy - and I don't mean material things - but you have to be ready to let everything go.

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