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Changes in friends and family after your marriage?

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jen:
In the thread on "Reactions from other people in your life," a few people (esp. groovlstk) commented on how after their marriage to a FSU woman, the people around them changed -- for example, long-time friends disappeared.

TigerPaws suggested this should be another thread, which I take to mean that some of you might have a lot more to say about this. So, anyone?

catzenmouse:
Perhaps I am overly picky or maybe even restrictive in who I have ever called a friend. Those that I would say this about are still my (and our) friends. These people are very happy for us and have been delighted with Elena who they have found to be a warm, sweet, talented, and wonderful woman. They are correct in their assessment too!  :D

There have been a lot of what I would call acquaintances that would make a snide remark, have an attitude, or turn their nose up at our marriage. I've either put them in their place or ignored them depending on how much, if any, effort I wanted to exert on them at that particular time. Those people are pretty much meaningless in our lives and we take their comments for what they are worth. Nothing.


The only garbage that we got from my family were from the ones that I do not bother with and have since cut them off completely. I guess that would make me a hard @ss or a snob or whatever you want to call it. I feel that I (we) have much better things to do with our time and our lives than to try to educate those who have this attitude and belief system.

FWIW,
 Ken

TigerPaws:
jen,

As I have already said I experienced a number of friends, business associates, long time hunting and fishing partners as well as some family members have difficulty with accepting my Russian bride. When my lady was first introduced to my family (and I have a very large extended family) there was general acceptance but the overriding question was why did I look to Russia for a wife. How could I explain to people who for the most part have never been outside of the U.S. who grew up during the cold war and believed the Soviet Union and Russia was the Evil Empire. My hope was that over time my family would come to understand who my lady was and see the differences but alas that was not to be for many of them.

As for the friends, business associates, hunting and fishing partners, things were more interesting, universally the men were curious and interested in who Victoria was and why she went looking for an American man. Their wife's all but ignored my wife, I would go as far as to say they did their best to avoid her whenever we arrived at a social function or came to one of ours. Over time we were no longer invited and many of those same people always seemed to have something else to do.

I did hear the occasional snide comment from someone's wife about my lady being a MOB and poor desperate thing but for the most part people politely faded away.

TigerPaws

jen:
p.s. I just wanted to add that I am going to be visiting family for about a week and the connection they have there is AWFUL. So if I am relatively silent, please know that it is not because I am not interested in your comments!

Thanks for posts so far.

Jen

KenC:
jen,
I think there is a correlation between how happy your friends are for you and their own happiness.  I have friends that are in happy long term marriages (to AW) and they were happy for Lena and I.  The women who were not happy in their current situation had to find fault in our union.  The guys that were not satisfied in their current status, were wondering how they too could pull it off.
KenC

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