Who's hunting Who?

[Photo Guy]

** BC write :

I don't know why my fellow countrywomen have an opinion that man must be chief in the family. I see different families and relation's around me. In the family of my grandparents my grandmother was the chief and I don't wish to have such relations. I see a lot of reverse situations around me, when the opinion of a wife isn't takes into consideration and after several unsuccessful attempts she even doesn't try to express it. I don't like such a situation too, though I don't suppose myself to be feminist. It just seems to me that there are less quarrels, more understanding and trust in families where husband and wife respect each other's opinions."

This makes me think of my sister and bro-in -law.
She is the boss/leader. He gets her permission
concerning any little or big decision. I would hate that,
but the two of them are 'happy'. Relationships are rarely
50/50. Usually one person is more dominant. When it comes
to important decisions, I think a couple should strive for
a happy consensus or compromises have to be made.  -doug

[Bruno]

Doug... in your last post... it was not a text from BC but from Galina.... with her, i don't always agree but each say our own meaning and we begin the negociation... some time, i have right, sometime her and sometime we try to find a solution perfect for the two...

Doug write : "Can I keep her from becoming the typical AW? Gosh I hope so. How about other guys - Has anyone experienced the problem of their RW turning into an AW?!! Yikes! No, I certainly do not want her to transform into an AW and I didn't imply that. I should've made that clearer."

I have know this with my first russian wife... she was become a Belgium woman... but it was my error... this time, i am a little more ready... and it is enough easy... she need to keep contact with her own culture... the trip each year for visit her familly is not enough... some tips :

- when you life together, she need learn english but yourself try to lean some russian

- try to find some russian shop ... she can buy some food, book, magazine, newspaper,...

- allow her to decorate the home like some russian home... maybe not fully but make a mix

- when you have child together, allow her to learn her own language to the child

- go sometime to orthodox church with her ... same when you are not believer... this can allow her to make new friend from russia after the office...

....

and for more, use your imagination...

[jb]

Doug,

Be careful of what you wish for.  RW are not a seperate breed, like puppies where a Labrador will always be a Labrador.  It just doesn't work that way.  Your RW/UW will always have the personality, values, and traits she was raised with, but she will adapt and become Americanized to some greater or lesser extent.  Will she become a typical AW?  I firmly doubt it, she will probably always retain her roots, but she will certainly learn a new trick or two within a very short period of time.  Learning to function in our society will change her, it's inevitable.  A new immigrant cannot adjust and stay fully dependant at the same time.  Just learning how to drive, buying her first car, going to the mall on her own for the first time, making new friends.  She won't become a new person but all of these things alter that part of her that you found so attractive in the first place.

I took great pride in watching my wife grow as a person during those early months here, she became even more beautiful in my eyes with each new accomplishment.  Whatever you do, don't marry a RW/UW and expect they will not change, for you will surely be dissappointed.  Your job as a responsible husband is to guide her, try to steer her clear of the potholes, try to make her a functioning, reasoning, new American citizen capable of living within our society without you, should you get run over by the beer truck on the way to work one day.

Marrying a foreign woman is a tremendous responsibility, not to be taken lightly.

[Photo Guy]

Bruno and JB,
Thank you for the sage advice.
I realize she will change over here, but I haven't
experienced that yet. I look forward to the challenge
and responsibility of guiding her cultural adjustment.

Who's hunting who?
It's interesting that men are considered the aggressive
pursuers of women. In reality, women choose the man.
For example, at a bar or big singles party, the woman will
often use eye contact and physical proximity to catch
the man. She will place herself within speaking range.
He makes the next move and starts a conversation
and buys her a drink. It appears he's taking action, when
actually the first move was the woman's. She noticed who
was intersted in her and then decided where to position
herself. I remember quietly following a woman away from a
party, out under the stars and then she went into
a soothing romantic talk about the beautiful night sky.
Then I placed my hand on her hip. Who made the
first move?   ...She did. Psychologist tell us women
actually make the first moves, however subtle they may be.
 -doug, the hunted

[Muzh]

Sorry if this may be a little irrelevant to the topic since it has progressed from the original premise, but I'll tell you my story.

I was scheduled to spend two weeks in Moscow for the 1980 Summer Olympics as a volley ball referee and then Jimmy Carter happened. I knew people that had been in the Soyuz and told me how beautiful and sexy the women were. Based on the propaganda, all I could think of was a 200 lb babushka. However, I never had the chance to see for myself and was always intrigued if these women were for real.

Fast forward almost 20 years. Fresh out of a divorce from The Woman From Hell, I bought a computer for me and the kids. One day I wanted to search for articles regarding Russian women (pre Google) just because I always wondered about what my friends told me. Suddenly, POW. My jaw dropped. My first reaction was the old axiom "too good to be true."

I would spend hours, after the children went to bed, looking at sites and all these honeys were looking for a husband, wow! I was at a time in my life that the single scene was not appealing. I had my share of babes and had nothing to prove anymore. I did enjoyed the married life, unfortunately, my ex didn't. Most of the women my age that I would meet went through nasty divorces or were in the process of getting divorced. Scary sight. At the other extreme, there were a couple young girls that I had to stop them cold because of the age difference and I knew very well they were after my body. Seriously, I could not see myself with a honey 20 years younger and her life ahead of her. Not fair to them. However, these Russian sweethearts were closer to the age I was looking for. My ex is 13 years younger than me so I set that age as my benchmark, nothing younger. There was something in the back of my head that kept saying this is too good to be true. I just wanted to believe that all these thousands of babes were looking for a husband as old as I.

One day I saw a free site from Kharkov. While browsing, I saw the most exotic eyes I've ever seen, and what a smile. Age borderline, a pediatrician (so she's educated and in science as myself), never married and she spoke English. Hmmm. Nah, she's too good. So I kept looking, no bookmark. A couple of days went by and those eyes kept haunting me. Stupid Jerk!! Why I didn't bookmark her page, will never find her. What the hell.

A few weeks later, a friend was telling me that he saw a catalog of Russian Women (I believe it was Anastasia) and couldn't believe the beautiful women from Russia. We went to his computer and to show him more of those gorgeous ladies when I clicked on a hyper link and BAM!, there she was. I couldn't believe it. Wrote the address down and believe it or not while I was driving home I felt I won the lottery. That night I wrote an intro letter to her and hoped for the best. Guess what? Didn't hear from her. About a month or so I got an email with a bunch of ????? so I asked a friend what the hell was that. He told me I had to configure my machine to recognize whatever language it was. Guess who wrote? The most exotic eyes I've seen. I wrote back to her that same day hoping to start a "conversation. Nothing. Another month went by when I got another email from her. This time I told her that if we wanted to get to know each other we had to cut the response time a little bit. Her response? "If you want to call me, here's my number." It was her hospital's number, however, she forgot to tell me what day or time to call her so I called early morning her time. Nyet, Nyet, Irrra not here. Eta Zhenya!!! (Giggles) That night I got an email from her with the dates and times to call her.

The first time I spoke to her on the phone we spent two and a half hours talking nonsense. $145 later (call using my local carrier) and I was walking on clouds and it's been downhill ever since. We talked frequently on the phone, she would give me her 24 hour shifts so I could call her at night (my time). After 4 months talking to each other it was time to visit. My friends and coworkers were skeptical about this but at the same time curious. None made disparaging remarks, just words of caution. My children had talked to her during that time and were very excited when I was going to visit. What I didn't know was that most of the hospital where she worked knew about me and when I was visiting, however, her parents were told the day before I arrived in Kiev. Ho boy.

I rented an apartment in Kiev from a writer and Ira told me she would meet me at the airport. While I was going through Visa control and customs torture she patiently waited for me to show up. Then she noticed a middle-aged lady holding a sign with my name on it. She didn't know that was the lady who was taking us to the apartment, she thought that I had scheduled a visit with another lady. This is her telling me after the fact, like two years after the fact. She mustered some courage and asked the lady why she was waiting for me. "Ahh, you must be Irina. I'll be driving you both to the apartment." Finally, I get through the doors and there she was, more beautiful in person. I walk over to her expecting my kisses as she promised and instead she grabs one of the bags and says, "Let's go." I had no clue what was going on, all I did after 36 hours with no sleep and a very uncomfortable flight was to drop my bags and yell "WAIT." She turned around, I walked to her and gave her this bear hug as she was about to collapse. She just looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "I'm so glad to finally see you." My brain was about to explode from all the illogical information being processed. That's when the other lady interrupted us and told me that the taxi was waiting.

But it doesn't get any better. We are taken to one of the old Soviet communal complexes on the other side of the river, you know the crumbling boxes with no working elevators and dirt everywhere. Similar to the east side of Bronx. Actually, the Bronx looks like an upscale neighborhood compared to this. We are shown to our apartment which consisted of a kitchen, a bedroom/living room, and bathroom. The lady asks us to walk with her to show us the closest metro station. When we come back we cannot get in our apartment. Good ol' Soviet locks. It seems that this lock would open ONLY in one certain way and they forgot to tell us. After a three or four futile hours of trying to use the key, call the superintendent, use a hammer and a spike from one of the neighbors to force the lock, and finally threats to call the police from the writer's next door neighbor, I decided enough is enough. I asked Ira if she ever seen American police shows. Nyet. "Well, this is how they get inside a house." Took a few steps back and broke down the door a la NEA drug busting agents. Was she impressed. My hero!!! In all honesty, I was her hero for taking care of the situation.

After that it was smooth sailing. We spent 4 beautiful days in Kiev before going to meet her family and in retrospect, the best thing I did. It gave us time to be with each other and really get to know each other. The last night we were there, the apartment's owner showed up unannounced with some Georgian wine and invited himself in to get to know the Amerikanski. We talked about everything from politics to women. This guy told me (in 1999) of the Orange Revolution even though it didn't have a name yet.

Then it was to Kharkov to meet the family. Needless to say the first few days they were sizing me up. Who is this guy???? Then came the weekend. It was party central. First night, big dinner and lots of booze to meet the whole family. The next day, big dinner and lots of booze to meet her friends. The following day, big dinner and lots of booze to meet her coworkers. The following day, big dinner and lots of booze because it was a nice day and so on and on. People just kept coming and coming and drinking and eating and lots of questions. Ah, yes. Lots of questions. How is Amerika, how is New Yorrrrk, have you been to Santa Barbara? Have you met Ricky Martin? (As a matter of fact yes, he was 2 years old the few times I saw him. His father worked with my mother back in Puerto Rico)

The sad part was when I had to leave. The night before, big dinner and lots of booze to say good bye. The next morning, Ira's niece drove us to the Kharkov airport where we said our good byes. She was very stoic because as she explained to me she didn't want me to see her cry, it's bad luck. Just a couple of kisses in the cheeks and walked away as if she said good bye to a coworker.

[BC]

[user=134]Photo Guy[/user] wrote:

I realize she will change over here, but I haven't
experienced that yet. I look forward to the challenge
and responsibility of guiding her cultural adjustment.

IMHO she won't 'change' much as far as it concerns her basic values learned from past experience.  She will apply her principles to a great extent in her new environment. She will 'learn' more from her mistakes than what she is told to do.  Also be prepared to accept 'her way' no matter how incongruent it seems.. sometimes it makes sense.

Take for example money..

Sitting down to talk about a monthly budget may prove to be useless monologue ending in a frustrated spat.  Just give her your takehome and all the bills to see what she does..   Start off in her known environment.. CASH.  She will make some mistakes but that's ok.. once she gets a feel for the financial environment introduce the checkbook and plastic.

Learn something..

I was always amazed with the dishwashing technique in RU.  A soapy rag or sponge under running water, wipe, then dry. No fuss and everyone chipped in.

Of course we had a diswasher here and sure enough no dishes in cupboard, daily spats over didn't fill, who's turn it was to empty the machine or who didn't start it last night not to mention who forgot to buy the 'chemistry'.

Dishwasher broke so we just went to sponge and soap not even filling the basin with soapy water. Everyone automatically started chipping in and the dishes got done quicker than it takes to rinse, fill and empty the machine. Cupboards always full. Took some adjustment but works just fine. My wife initially wanted to get a new machine but I explained how I thought the RU system is so much better.  She now wants me to take the broken machine out and add shelves in the space left behind. Even saves a bundle on electricity, diswasher soap, salt, and that glass clear stuff.



 

[KenC]

OK, [user=100]Muzh[/user], don't leave us hanging, how did it all turn out?

KenC

[jb]

I got so enthralled with Muzh's story I forgot what was the topic..

Yeah,, come clean,, did you end up with "exotic eyes" or not?

[jb]

BC,

She will 'learn' more from her mistakes than what she is told to do.

Absolutely agree 100%.  We've been married almost 3 years and my wife can be told something is so a thousand times, but until she sees it herself and holds it in her own hands, it isn't real to her.

Just the nature of the beast.

[KenC]

jb,

Yeah, doncha just love it when they come to a "conclusion" that you have been tellin them all along?  LOL.

KenC

[jb]

Yeah, but I don't dare say, "I told you so"

[BC]

Yeah, but I don't dare say, "I told you so"

Yeah! instant answer: "You want a confuse????"

[Vaughn]

Gang,

 This thread's like a prairie fire - taking on a life of its own. I've enjoyed reading it start to finish, some great insights by Bruno, jb, BC, KenC and everyone.

 My Russian wife, Elvira, has been in the States for just over 2 years. The first few days were difficult for her, extreme culture shock, and utter disbelief at the "casual" condition of my bachelor home. She didn't unpack her bags for several days, and it was her daughter, Lenara, who encouraged her to give it a try. Weeks later, she began to feel much more comfortable, venturing out alone on foot; fortunately we live near suburban retail areas, making her transition somewhat easier. Even though I speak fair Russian, there were communication gaps galore, especially regarding finances, credit, utility useage, etc. Home economics are her strong point, and now she was cast into a foreign environment and all was out of whack. We enrolled her into ESL evening classes, good decision. Our daughter, meanwhile took to American school like a fish to water.

  Many months pass, and Elvira sees that the USA is also thick in bureaucracy - every little step toward functioning normally involves long waits. She's not impressed with American dress habits, but loves the way America functions. Now, years later, she's a person again, working full-time, speaking local language, driving her own car, something unheard of back home, where most women never sit behind the wheel. She blends in well (until she opends her mouth, revealing that gorgeous accent) but she's definitely retaining her Russian values. Back home, Elvira taught girls to sew, keep house, cook, and generally prepared young girls for managing a household. Here, she sees little evidence of those values being passed on to American girls. At 5'2" and 110, she can move large pieces of furniture alone, HOW I don't know. Once, on the train to Moscow, she and her padruga, Elena, brought along a can of tuna. No opener. No problem. When my back was turned, they had that can open through sheer will. "We can do anything" they said. I'm a believer now. One of her chief concerns is the change Lenara undergoes as a teenager in this society. Lenara's a little babe - the boys are always calling - and often she's ducking the calls, "I really don't want a boyfriend just yet."

A friend of mine in New Mexico is married to a Russian woman, who one morning asked him what he'd like. "I'll have a bagel" he said. She brought him "half" a bagel.
Another buddy brought his wife on a one-day business trip through central Florida - as they passed the Greyhound Dog Tracks in Daytona, she asked "Do dogs really race here?" "Yep, they sure do," he replied. After a minute or so down the road, she asked, "For medals"? My own wife came home last Saturday from the store with a bottle of hair rinse. "Is this for hair that has been colored?" I checked the bottle and smiled - it read "for Women of Color". What I'm noticing is that language barrier is not to be considered a detriment, but a source of personal joy. Overcoming it can be a goal toward which new couples may aspire, enjoying the long journey. Yeah, we've had our share of tearful nights, especially at the outset, but with patience, work and time, we've grown closer - and in retrospect, I realize that the few "weeks" we spent during my three visits to Russia were hardly enough time for us to know one another at all. Well enough, perhaps, but not very well; fortunately, we've shared a common focus all the way.

Bruno wrote: "She need to adapt to US not to transform in a US woman...."

Photo Guy wrote: "She doesn't
ever complain about her current conditions....She comes across as adventurous..."

jb wrote: "she will probably always retain her roots, but she will certainly learn a new trick or two within a very short period of time."

These were just a few quotes that spoke volumes to me, direct reflections of my own experience...

BC wrote: "Just give her your takehome and all the bills to see what she does.. Start off in her known environment.. CASH."

  BC - I TRIED this - it worked! In fact, she stretched the money further than I knew was possible.

 Today on another list, some Russian lady wrote: The adjective "married" in describing a man is "zhen-AHT" - literally, "wifed". The same word to describe the wife is "ZAH-moozh" - literally, "behind the husband". She continued, "A Russian lady follows behind her husband, just as a driver follows behind a mule." Now Elvira, once a total dependent - needing me to drive her here and there, speak for her, teach her to operate an electric can opener - is now running the household, safe and comfy in the very environment in which I found here four years ago - only the location, and our respective states of loneliness, have changed. Life is good.

Vaughn



         

[KenC]

Vaugn,

Very nice post.  I have already warned Lena if she loses her accent, we're history!  LOL.  I too love the little in flubs in English like: it grosses me off!  We did figure out that most of our early arguments involved miscommunications due to language differences.  It took a while to understand that.

My Lena is not the domestic Godess your wife appears to be.  As a matter of fact, that is probably her biggest downfall.  But that might be the age and circumstances.  Young and living with Mom & Dad.  She now has changed from a Russian in America to a Russian American.  Which I consider a functioning RW in America.  LOL.

Take care.

KenC

[Vaughn]

KenC

I too love the little in flubs in English like: it grosses me off!  

That's a good one! My wife's a light sleeper, and often I get a small plea,
"VAW-gun, pleeeez, NOT snoring!"
 
From the get-go, she's never been able to pronounce my name. After several months of letters she really thought it was VAW-gun. It stuck. Whenever we travel to visit family, my sisters get a charge out of it, even some co-workers call me that.

[jb]

During her first months here there were several "verbals", as I call them.  Once during a shopping excursion to pick up some underwear for her, like the good wife she is, she inquired if I didn't need some new "panties". This was all done within earshot of the clerk and several other customers.  Trying to explain that men don't wear "panties" as quietly as possible only made the others in the store listen all the harder.  

We have also had run-ins and confusion with words like forearm, forehead, and foreskin.  Usually the wrong one used in place of the correct one, i.e., "don't bump your head, you'll bruise your foreskin."

And I think toenails will forever be known as "footnails".

[Muzh]

I got so enthralled with Muzh's story I forgot what was the topic..

Yeah,, come clean,, did you end up with "exotic eyes" or not?

 

Sorry I had to cut it short, had to go.  Anyways, where was I???  Oh yeah, Prince Charming "rescued" the damsel in distress and lived happily ever after.

Actually, I went back 3 months later with an engagement ring.  This is after the phone calls intensified (sizzle) and we could actually visualize each other.  The days I was to call her, she would wait in her office (5 AM) for my call and you could tell the excitement in her voice.  Once in a while I would use a payphone to call her during my lunch hour just to say hello and it was 100 times better than to send her flowers.

So this time I tell her that I will try to find Kharkov on my own.  I rented an apartment in Kiev for a couple of days so I had time to recover from the flight and wander around.  As soon as I got though customs, there she was.  "You think I was going to leave you along with all these women?"  It was great!  Her uncle (4 years younger than her) drove her to Kiev and he was our personal driver, not to mention he is a pisser.  Great guy, spent 6 months in Lorraine, OH.  We did the tourist thing for a couple of days and then went to Kharkov.

When I got to her house there was a crowd wating for the Amerikaner.  Party central, again.  One thing about Russians is that they will use any excuse to have a party.  This time I told Ira that I wanted to help with the bill because they were constantly buying things to make my stay very, acutally, exceedingly comfortable.  Nyet, I'm the guest and they will not hear it.  As a matter of fact, it was considered rude for me to offer, however, they know these Americans have no manners so I was excused.

On the second day in Kharkov Ira told me that all her friends were coming for a party, that was a great time for me to ask her to marry me.  As she was getting ready for the party I called her aside and asked her to see her right hand, I knew of the tradition of wearing the wedding ring on their right hand.  AAs she gave me her hand (pun) I slid the ring in her finger and looked at her.  Her eyes were about to pop out of their orbit, she just stood there in shock.  When she finally reacted she walked very calmly to her sister and showed her the ring.  Ho boy.  Her sister came to me and started talking to me in a mixture of English and Russian, something along the lines congratulations and better be a good man.  Then Ira walked to the living room where everyone was there and all the ladies started to cry and say things to each other.  Sorry, ya nye panimayu parusski.  Look at the ring!!!, they all seem to say.  Hugs and kisses and pats in the back.  Toasts to the bride and groom!!! Lots.

One day when it was calm I took Ira aside and asked her if she was okay with the engagement, the ring, her friends knowing.  She was fine with it, all she wanted me to tell her how life was going to be in Amerika.  I tried to explain the best I could but no words would prepare her for the reality of living here.  we filled out the IF-129 there and brought all the paperwork with me which I submitted to the Vermont Sercice Center as soon as I got back.  Thank god for VSC.  They are fast and reliable.

My third trip was to go with her to Warsaw and get the visa.  This time the parties were a little bit somber.  Ira was the glue that kept that group together and they were losing her.  I even got a reprimand from the hospital administrator for taking away his best doctor, but he congratulated me anyway with the usual double-cheek kiss.  I still can't get used to that.  The whiskers tickle me.  There were lots of tears the day we let.  I got a severe admonission from her mother, "If anything should happen to her..."  I don't know how many times a tried to reassure her family that I would take care of her, however, I could understand.  We flew to Warsaw (scam city) and got her visa with no problems.  They asked her three questions: where are you going, how long you know the dude, and do you speak English.  That was it, come back at 4 PM to get your visa.  While we were there, there were a couple of American guys doing the same thing, both around mid-sixties.  One guy had a big problem obtaining a visa for his fiance because of her son.  The son look like an adult to me.  I don't think they got it.  The other guy was with this 18 - 19 yo bombshell.  The immediate response was resounding NYET!!!  Ira was so furious at the girl: "Prostitute, she makes us all look like prostitutes."

After missing our flight from Warsaw because of the goddamn military time and spending the night in Scam City, we arrived the next day in JFK.  I had all her paperwork with me and was waiting in line with her when some Immigration officer saw my USA PP and told me to go to the other line which was for US citizens.  In all the commotion, I forgot to give Ira the paperwork which she has to give immediately to visa control so she can go to the INS counter.  As soon as I realized what happened, I was already on the other side.  I tried to go look for Ira but JFK security would no let me go there.  I tried to explain what happened and all I got was a threat to put me in jail if I didn't go to where I was supposed to be.  I had no choice but to wait outside until, I hoped, an INS official would come looking for me.  I had no clue if INS was going to put her in the next plane to UA.  Finally, this nice lady came out calling my name out loud.  "Here, it's me."  She looked at me with eyes saying, "Boy, you in trouble."  She was nice to me as I explained what happened.  Her response was, "I don't know why they keep hiring these morons", referring to  JFK security.  Well, I finally saw Ira, daggers coming out of her eyes.  Welcome to Amerika, honey.  I tried to reason with her that we were both extremely tired and it was a simple mistake.  "Everything is right now." It took her about 5 years to forget that incident.

This June we will celebrate 5 years of marriage and have a beautiful 2 and a half year old boy.

[KenC]

Muzh,

What a great story!  Thanks for sharing it with us.

KenC

[jb]

ditto;  great story...

[Photo Guy]

Vaughn,
Muzh,
Excellent stories! Non-fiction is my favorite.

Muzh,   -about partying over there. Larisa's profile says
Drinking: 'Never'
Can that be possible in a society so immersed in Vodka?
What are the traditions regarding engagement and
marriage over there?   -doug L.

[Vaughn]

Photo Guy wrote:

Larisa's profile says
Drinking: 'Never'
Can that be possible in a society so immersed in Vodka?

Very possible. There are many who never touch the stuff!
Like Muzh, I was treated to many a party, replete with toasts never-ending. And I can confirm the valley of tears at the train station when one (or in our case, two) of their own make their departure. The guilt I felt was overwhelming...

Vaughn

[Muzh]

[user=134]Photo Guy[/user] wrote:

Vaughn,
Muzh,
Excellent stories! Non-fiction is my favorite.

Muzh, -about partying over there. Larisa's profile says
Drinking: 'Never'
Can that be possible in a society so immersed in Vodka?
What are the traditions regarding engagement and
marriage over there? -doug L.

It is very possible.  My wife seldom drinks and has enough with one glass of wine.  However, the babushkas will consume for their daughters.

Regarding engagement traditions over there, there are none.  The women, however, know it's a western tradition and will humor you since it's more important to you.  Marriage?  Do you have at least three days for partying?

[Turboguy]

There is also a conception over there that drinking is Vodka and not drinking is wine.   A gal can consume a couple of bottles of wine or bubbly and consider herself to be someone who "never" drinks.

I have met a gal or two who does not drink at all but they are not the ususal.

[Todd]

Hi All,

My story of how I met Kate isn't very byzantine and is downright boring in comparison to some of the other stories.  On Jan 1 2004, my New Year's resolution was to travel on six international vacations in 2004.  (I figured it beat the standard losing 5 lbs.)  This resolution came as a way of celebrating life after losing my father and both stepfathers to cancer within a 4 year period.  (All too modern of family growing up.)  

Anyway, I've always wanted to go to Russia and have studied their history quite a bit, but none of my friends were particularly interested in going with me.  In doing some Internet dating in the US, I came across some Russian sites, and I thought why not put up a profile and see what happens.  If I met a wondeful woman to travel with, then I could certainly come back for another visit.  

After sorting through all the resulting mail, I found myself writing and talking with four women.  Of those, one was by far the easiest and most interesting to talk to.  So, after talking with her for about a month, I decided to go visit.  (Our firm has liberal vacation policies.)  Kate met me at the airport.  At first, I didn't recognize her as I must have written down her height incorrectly.  (I thought she was roughly 5 ft 1 in, and it turned out that she was 5 ft 10 in.  (Gosh, they really should teach metrics better in the US...although, I just had a transcription error.)  

We spent two weeks together primarily in Minsk and had a lovely time.  Traveling with a native is probably the only way to get around in Belarus...it isn't what you call a cultural tourism site.  When I got back to the US, I had to decide between seeing Kate seriously or one of the two women that I was dating in the US.  I realized that while I enjoyed the US women's company that I truly felt inspired by Kate.  About two months later, we met in Moscow because she had to do some work on her thesis.  It was there that I proposed.  It is about 4 months later, and I haven't regretted my decision one moment.  Presently, we are in the middle of the fiance visa, and Kate is turning in her thesis next week.

By the way, I managed to achieve my resolution goal:  New Zealand, Iceland, Turkey, Belarus, Russia, Czech Republic, and Chile.

[Turboguy]

I have a ukrainian friend that stayed with me for a month or two last year.  The favorite thing she had in her vocabulary was her favorite place to stop for coffee.  That is Drunkin Donuts.