What is a strong man?

[acrzybear]

I've never seen  (nor heard) of a situation where whining was the solution to a problem.  If a person has a problem then deal with it the best you can, if you are unable to find a solution then ask your partner or friend for suggestions-end of story!!

  As far what makes a strong man-that depends on the woman.  Each woman has her own criteria and belief system.  The traits that Bill listed are a strong foundation for a person's core beliefs.

[Gator]

The answer has been around for a long time. 

A Russian woman, fluent in English, gave the following answer to "What is a strong man?":

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

[Blues Fairy]

Gator - I never doubted Rudyard Kipling's fluency in English, but I didn't think he was actually a Russian woman. 

[Gator]

Blues Fairy,

You are the literal one.  I will try to be the same next time.

How are you!  Good to see you around here again.

[beachcomber556]

BillyB is right on the mark.  Money, and lots of it.  Character, decency, honesty??? Please!!!!  Maybe not to the gold digger level, but pretty close.  And don't be surprised to learn that she maintains communication with other men so she has a Plan B to go to in case you don't meet her financial needs. 

[jj]

saw bumper sticker last week.  It said "woman looking for a man with little sense , but lots of dollars"    . Just had to laugh

[2tallbill]

I wouldn't go in that direction if I were you, Bill.

Don't worry I was just trying to see if I understood what she was saying.

Bill

[2tallbill]

Well, in the non-physical terms you apparently did not leave us any space 

Are there also some physical things that most RW require?
We might as well get these things in the open as well.


Take care,

Bill

[Lily]

Bill,

we can hardly tell 'for most women' here. The taste in physical is rather individual.

I remember there was a thread at RWD when we were offered to pick up among several photos of men from dating sites, the tastes of Jazzy and of me were quite in the opposite 

One should better ask what a particular woman prefers in men.

[2tallbill]

see photo......

[Kuna]

Bill,

A lot of ground has been covered in this thread but I think detailing "What a strong man is" runs the danger of a man reading it and ticking the boxes, whilst saying to himself "I can do that, I can do that".

In my belief, being a "strong man" is more about attitude than pure actions... or rather a strong man is identified by his attitude - because it would be impossible to list all the situations in which a man is expected to be "strong".

If I may give an example from something my MIL said to me... she said, "A man in marriage must be like a stone wall protecting his family from everything bad.  If he cannot be the wall his wife will take the role of protecting the family but then she becomes hard - and that isn't good."

It goes hand in hand with advice she gave when we were together in Dnepr.  She said, "If you marry a Russian woman you must be strong...  if you're not strong she will become strong - and no man wants that!".



The values I was raised with told the boys in my family that to be "men" we must be able to "Protect, defend and honour" our wives.  If you feel that... believe that... and live like that...  you will be seen as strong (IMHO).

[Phil dAmore]

Bill, W/R/T making decisions: I may have shared this with you when you visited but I will repost it for the community:



The whole 'strong man' concept exists for one reason and one reason only:  So she doesn't have to accept responsibility for anything.  You're the man, you made the decision, if something goes wrong it's your fault and not hers.

Speaking from personal experience now; I spent a great deal of time and an absurd amount of an insurance company's money to learn that to admit when you don't know something is not a mortal sin and does not make you a weak person.  Quite the opposite in fact.  To freely admit when you don't know something takes an enormous amount of inner strength.

RW are not nearly as enlightened. 

The absolute quickest way for an RW to lose respect for a man is to hear him utter the words 'I don't know'.  You're the man.  You are supposed to know.  You need to have all the answers all of the f*cking time! Tell her you don't know something and you are finished.

Once that respect is gone it is almost impossible to regain.  Because you admitted you didn't know something she thinks -in that all-or-nothing mentality that they have- that since you didn't know one thing, you don't know anything.  From that day forward if she will ignore your opinion or input on any issue... if she even asks for it at all.

сновым годом

[Lily]

Phil pointed out an interesting point.

The all-or-nothing mentality really happens sometimes, making one of the most saddest parts of so-called 'Russian' mentality, IMHO. That goes in line with Russian inclination to extremism. When I hear someone complaining about Russian mentality, he or she would mention this tendency. A preference for a 'golden middle', or conformism were historically condemned in Russia.

I would also agree with Phil that some women who want a 'strong' man may prefer to switch every responsibility on him. For everything. If her wishlist on a dating profile goes like "I want to meet a strong, sincere, honest man', IMHO I would question not only her intellect but her integrity as well, because actually this list does not mean anything. Those qualities are all very general and too complex, and could hardly show any guidance to a breathing person reading her profile thinking whether he may have a chance. No one would consider himself a week, insincere, dishonest man.

I guess that if a woman starts her wishlist with 'strong', you should probably ask her to be more detailed on this.

Luckily, not all women are like those described by Phil below.

[jb]

Yes, the "all-or-nothing" mentality is probably pretty common with RWs.  While putzing around in the back yard yesterday my wife discovered some weeds growing in the turf.   Her suggested fix was to buy a new house where there were no weeds in the lawn.

I'm still working on the problem...

[SANDRO43]

Yes, the "all-or-nothing" mentality is probably pretty common with RWs.  While putzing around in the back yard yesterday my wife discovered some weeds growing in the turf. Her suggested fix was to buy a new house where there were no weeds in the lawn. I'm still working on the problem...

Try blasting them out with a heavy dose of your seismic waves, it might open up an entirely novel and possibly rewarding approach to weed control .

[jb]

I was thinking in terms of a bag of "Scott's Weed & Feed", I don't think my back yard is big enough to hold a full seismic source array.  (That,,, plus none of my neighbors would still have working plumbing for several blocks away if I did  This stuff is measured on the Richter scale.)

[I/O]

I'm still working on the problem...

Which one? The lawn, the new house or the RW?

I/O

[Serebro]

....he makes you be proud of him...

[Curious_George]

I respectfully dissent.  There are many more layers to a FSU/Am/UK/you name it companion than the atavistic "all-or-nothing" concept.  We can only share our personal understanding of what makes people strong. A broad generalization at this point is ... unwarranted.

[Phil dAmore]

I respectfully dissent.  There are many more layers to a FSU/Am/UK/you name it companion than the atavistic "all-or-nothing" concept.  We can only share our personal understanding of what makes people strong. A broad generalization at this point is ... unwarranted.

Dissent is good as it is the basis for civilized debate and the exchange of ideas.  The original statement was based on my experience and observations   over the past 6 years of living and working in Russia.  The overwhelming majority of those experiences and observations led me to my opinion. 

[2tallbill]

Dissent is good as it is the basis for civilized debate and the exchange of ideas.  The original statement was based on my experience and observations   over the past 6 years of living and working in Russia.  The overwhelming majority of those experiences and observations led me to my opinion. 

Phil you definitely have the street creds & bonnies (bonafides)

Bill

[Eduard]

My 2 cents on this is that  a definition of a "STRONG" man will be different for pretty much every woman you ask. One woman might describe it as being strong enough to show weakness or the ability to admit when he is wrong, while the other woman will refer to pure physical strength and the size of a man's muscles.
i don't think you can generalise here.
I think that Lily was basically trying to say this as well. There are RW who actually had a bad experience with a "strong man" they are over that, and are looking for a gentle Teddy bear that they could just call "their own"
When I lived in Russia I've heard women say things like "A moy menya lupit, pyet, gulyaet...no ya vse ravno ego lyublyu, no zato ON MOY!!!" which translates: "And my (man) beats me, drinks, cheats on me...but I still love him, because at least HE's MINE!!!"
I actually truly admire Russian women. During tough times in Russian history they always were able to assume a man's role and become a mother and a father and a sole provider for her family when men went to war or were arrested during repressions. They were always the glue that held families together. Yes there were always skanks among them as well as among the women anywhere in the world, but the good ones were always the true treasure of mother Russia.

[Al_C]

I don't think there is a one size fits all definition of a strong man for RW.  Although they are, to an extent, a product of their culture, they are also individuals, just like AW.  They all seem to ask for a strong man because their culture has led them to believe that that is what they want, but some might see a strong man as an emotional rock to support them in a vulnernable time, some might see the strong man as the one who has all the answers and solutions, some might see him as the man who can respect her and her wishes and still be the family rock, and yet others might want their sugar daddy.  I have seen them all, from the ones who have had their hand in my pocket at every turn to the ones who want to show me that they can provide for themselves, and everything in between.

Instead of trying to fit the strong man stereotype, I try instead to get to know the lady and find out what her version of the strong man is.  One RW's strong man is another RW's overbearing clod.

[Russiangirl]

I would like to know what RW consider a strong man to be.

I agree with almost everything in your list, except:

3. Strong convictions: He believes in certain things and doesn't waiver

(Sometimes strong convictions are a sign of a limited mind, not strength.)

IMO, you can boil down a "strong man" to a couple of points:

1. Trust worthy: You can rely on him
2. Able to support his family, able to stand up for himself and his family
3. Doesn't give up, and doesn't expect others to solve his problems