Sending Money Back Home

[jackhammer]

There is constnat request for money. Now its a new garage for the car (3000$).  In-laws cannot manage their money at all. They take vacations have nice clothes and furniture, plenty of food, dadcha and all. Probably for Russia they live in the top 5%.  What would others do send the 3000$ or say that they should manage their money better.

 

[TigerPaws]

There is constnat request for money. Now its a new garage for the car (3000$).  In-laws cannot manage their money at all. They take vacations have nice clothes and furniture, plenty of food, dadcha and all. Probably for Russia they live in the top 5%.  What would others do send the 3000$ or say that they should manage their money better.

 

LoL,

 You are the RICH American, therefore you have money to burn. Only you know what is going on, so only you can decide what to do about requists for money from your ladies family, as for me I said NO at the very first requist and set the rules in stone.

[jb]

Tiger, (Michael)

I have an 75+ y.o., widowed, mother-in-law, who would live on the smallest pension you could imagine. (like $35.00 per month). I find no harm in sending a few bucks each month to ease this nice old woman's life.  In fact, it gives me great pleasure to be able to help my wife's mother, but that's just me.

Be as tight with a buck as you wish.

[TigerPaws]

Tiger, (Michael)

I have an 75+ y.o., widowed, mother-in-law, who would live on the smallest pension you could imagine. (like $35.00 per month). I find no harm in sending a few bucks each month to ease this nice old woman's life. In fact, it gives me great pleasure to be able to help my wife's mother, but that's just me.

Be as tight with a buck as you wish.

jb,

 There is a big difference between helping out because you want to and having people ask for money on a regular basis as jackhammer said.

[TheArrow]

There is constnat request for money. Now its a new garage for the car (3000$).  In-laws cannot manage their money at all. They take vacations have nice clothes and furniture, plenty of food, dadcha and all. Probably for Russia they live in the top 5%.  What would others do send the 3000$ or say that they should manage their money better.

The apartments (we call is "a flat" here), the garage, the car, the summer residence (dadcha) - most of Russians have all these things, by the way

But if your in-laws were in the top 5% - they'd never asked you for money then!

[BC]

... I find no harm in sending a few bucks each month to ease this nice old woman's life.  In fact, it gives me great pleasure to be able to help my wife's mother, but that's just me.

Same here.. also contribute a small monthly amount voluntarily. Would not hesitate to do the same for my parents if needed so why hesitate with the in-laws..

[Jack]

I am just amazed at the love that so many of these Russian women who come to America have for their family back home. Most American's could only dream of such a relationships.

My wife's family does not ask for anything, they don't have to. My wife, and her sister who is also married to an American man here in the states, every month send money to their mom, father and younger sister. And WHY?  So that their family back home in Ukraine can live a better life. If Natalia and her sister were still living in Ukraine they would be helping there family, as they were before they came to America. Why would it be any different now that they live 6000 miles away?

These two ladies have good jobs here and they work hard. If they want to send some of their hard earned money to help their family, so be it.

 

[ConnerVT]

I must echo Jacks sentiments.  In fact, I believe I like my family in Russia as much (or possibly more) than the ones I have here in the US.

My wife and I have a 'business' arrangement back home that her family manages for us.  While the money they hold is technically my wife's, we instruct her family to take certain amounts at times to help them out.  Most recently, we financed the new telephone line construction to their home, giving them a wired telephone for the first time in over a decade.  For those of us in the US who b!tch about the $30 service fee to turn on their telephone service, trust me, you can do it 20 times and not pay what we needed to...

[jb]

I think Jack has the hang of it on this topic, I do believe the ties to family are so much stronger in Russia than we see here.  I've seen my wife argue and fight with her mother like cats in a bag, but there's never a question about family loyalty and mutual support.  We just don't see it in this country.

It's a thing of beauty to be a member of such a family.

[Elen]

Ah, JB sir may I say something at that tread too? Ple-e-ease:D:D

[jb]

No~![/b], absolutely not. This is a discussion among married men who have wives that wish to aid and support the family back home.  You are not in a position to be sending money back home from America, therefore your ideas can't count.

Give it a rest, Elen, there are some things you just can't comment on.

[Elen]

May be I'm on the other side of reciver and the very persone who does know something about life of those who you send money to? Don't want to know what an opposite side thinks and feels about those "few bakcs each month" of yours?

[TigerPaws]

May be I'm on the other side of reciver and the very persone who does know something about life of those who you send money to? Don't want to know what an opposite side thinks and feels about those "few bakcs each month" of yours?

Nope don't want to know, remember "don't ask, don't tell".

 

[Elen]

Well I KNEW you didn't want to know:?

[wxman]

Elen,

I want to know, plus I always enjoy when you get the pot stirring! It makes reading this forum quite enjoyable   It's always good to hear from an intelligent woman who doesn't back down. I believe in learning something new everyday, or it's a wasted day. Since I have little knowledge of the Russian perspective, your input opens my mind! of course, I will probably now get flamed for this. I smell the smoke already! :cool:

[jb]

wxman

As a potential marriage partner to a RW, one of the things you must learn is; how to say "No~!"[/b] to a woman, otherwise they will own you.

I had her shut up there for a few minutes until you came along.

[wxman]

I know how to say no, as I have several times already. But in the end, they still "own" you.  They just let us think we are in control. :? ( I'm joking, so no flames). Once they stop providing what men like the most, we cave in.  But yes, we do still have to say no and stand our grounds sometimes, or we will get walked over.

[Elen]

Let follow those "wise" advices of JB,  Wxman, and you will fail for sure with any woman and especially with Russian one( I even don't take in cosideration Ukraine's ones coz I didn't meet a male yet who would be abble to shut up a hohlushka:P)

Say just NO is NOT the best way in converstaion with a woman and will help you only for FEW minutes  (just for the time she would be abble to inhale more air for return you that NO of yours in double measure)

If you have any common sence then the best solution will be to PROVE your possition or just to say "Ñ‚Ñ‹ права дорогаÑ�":P. But not every male has enough brains to understand that so they keep fool themselves with such conclusions I had her shut up there for a few minutes until you came along.



 

[Elen]

So my viewpoint at that problems.

Information for those who will babble once more I have nothing in common with that problem as I'm not a male who sends money to Russia. I'm female who lives next door to old woman. Her daughter ( my friend) moved abroad with her husband 12 years ago.  All those 12 years I observe , take a part in and "clean mess" almost all problems parents who "suddenly" appeared alone in old ages without their children NEXT to them in Russia.

I don't know how old yours in-laws but if they are in pension ages it's just a shame not to help them.( even if they continue to work)

   I don't try to play a role of your "conscience" here like somebody expressed himself in another thread when this issue raised (I do remember who he was just don't point a finger) I just state RUSSIAN ( not only mine) viewpoint at this problem.

I really don't understand why this problem "troubles" you. Is it a matter of money ( and it's really difficult for your to find 100-200$ per month) or it's a "principle" matter and you REALLY think old parents should feel themselves lucky just to have such a wonderful son-in-law:? ?

 Any way the fact that you start such thread at all just shows " There is something rotten in the Kingdom of something of the USA:?"  ( from Russian viewpoint )

  Looks like you never saw how old people live and have not idea that in old ages people face real problems with things you don't even mention in your "youth" In many cases it's hard to do elementary things when there is nobody next to you - to buy something in shop when you fell yourself bad, to move somewhere on public transport to deal with our bureaucrats in order to draw up some needed papers, to call a doctor when you had a heart attack and so far. And I don't even mention how those old parents miss their family - children and grand children (as for me I have to hear out for the 100s time tons of "memories" about times when grand daugther of my neighbour went to kindergarten together with my own daughter) Add to that a problem with short money and life "with hand to your mouth" (is it how you say that?) and you will get a full "nice" picture:?

 So my conclusion would be this - You got "perfect wives" thanks to your old russian in-laws (don't think that to raise kind, well educated daughters was such easy thing in Russia), you took them out and brought to a distance of 1000 miles from their parents, you left old parent alone and deprived them such "joy" as to see how their grandchildren grow up (don't tell russian woman it's enough to see your grandchildren once per year:X) and now you're discussing if those parents deserve "few backs per month"  :? or they should leave on their own and be happy with that.

As for me self on "parent's" place I would not ask money from my daughter being aware how "greedy" sometimes foreign husbands could be and not wanting to do any "damage" to daughter's marriage even if I'd have to leave only "on bread and water" (that's how we say that)

On "daughter's" place I would not take any cent from husband if I feel any his "discontent" in that issue. I'd just go and find a job for to be abble to send my own money to Russia even if that job would be cleaning public toilets:? And let that husband put all 'NOs" of his into you-know-where

As for money for garage then I say that if it would be among parents and children who live HERE then asking with a help for garage would not look such "awful". It would be just common family  conversation "if you can and want then thanks - if you can't or don't want - then say I can't and it will be over"

 

 

 

 

 

 

[TigerPaws]

So my viewpoint at that problems.

Elen,

 What we have here is a clash of cultures and a misunderstnding of how our two cultures treat our eldery population. Right or wrong in very general terms Americans tend to ignore the eldery and push them aside when they are seen as now longer useful, we put them in special communities with others their own age so they can live out their lives in peace, away from the rest of society. Now please understand this is usually done with the best of intentions because of the nature of American society and the high cost of living in most families both husband and wife work full time. When a couple leaves for work at 5 in the morning and dose not return until 7 or 8 at night 5 and sometimed 6 days a week there is little time to care for an eldery relative. Sunch is American society today so all too many people simply do not want to make the necessary changes to their lifes in order to accomidate what it means to care for an eldery parent.

[Elen]

Well I do aware about american's viewpoint at that problem , it's your life and you used to such way of things. I just wanted to show you Russian ones (so don't shut me up JB! I do have what to say to you. Not every Russian wife who fully depends on husband's money would tell you all of that.) So if you wnat your "perfect" wife to "overstep" one of morals she was taught in her former life then send nothing to Russia and good luck for you:? 

After all everybody prepare his own old ages by himself - what you give to your parent you will recive from your own children in future. When you will be 75 y o you understand what I was speaking about. And believe me money would not your main problem(though may be I slip to russian way again:?)

[TheArrow]

If you have any common sence then the best solution will be to PROVE your possition or just to say "Ñ‚Ñ‹ права дорогаÑ�":P. But not every male has enough brains to understand that so they keep fool themselves with such conclusions I had her shut up there for a few minutes until you came along.



 

See, that's why they are looking for YOUNG Russian wives - it's easy to shut them up :?

[Bruno]

Elen,

 What we have here is a clash of cultures and a misunderstnding of how our two cultures treat our eldery population. Right or wrong in very general terms Americans tend to ignore the eldery and push them aside when they are seen as now longer useful, we put them in special communities with others their own age so they can live out their lives in peace, away from the rest of society. Now please understand this is usually done with the best of intentions because of the nature of American society and the high cost of living in most families both husband and wife work full time. When a couple leaves for work at 5 in the morning and dose not return until 7 or 8 at night 5 and sometimed 6 days a week there is little time to care for an eldery relative. Sunch is American society today so all too many people simply do not want to make the necessary changes to their lifes in order to accomidate what it means to care for an eldery parent.

For one time, i almost fully agree with Tiger ... but this is the actual situation and it is changing...

Since retired people life more long, have a better health, have good earn during professional life, ... retired people stay enough active... new type of rest house appear... and i work in the garden of one of these...

First, rest house are not more big building with individual bedroom... now, i speak about new one, these build in the last 5 year... they are more big park with individual home, at the center of the park, you have the usual building with individual bedroom but it is more like hospital for elder people who health problem... some old stay in individual home, but go one time day, in the center for medical control... they have own garden but i keep it in order  ...

Since the begin, these village for old people is make specialy for them... easy helth care, way ready for people who need wheelchair, house without stair, service for levering of food home, service of cleaning home, ... and the center of these rest place is really like a village with hairdresser, laundry, book shop, party place ( with old music ), tourist agency, local radio, ...

All is make for retired people have a good rest... Why ? Because of business... now, the elder people have usually a lot of money, they have work hard during a full life and with enjoy the rest of this... here begin the difference with tiger, they are not away from the society, they are the society, they are a economic power that nobody can forget...

Now, Elen, you question about grand children, ... a big step was make 3 year ago... the build of a children garden in the center of the rest house park... and it is a real succes... the number of dead between elder people have drop around 15%... grand children can visit old grandfather of mother without problem... stay together... we miss only the adult children who are hardly working and who have not a lot of time...

Now, about the situation in case of marriage with RW, it is a little more difficult... of course, we can help with financial but the elder miss the familial relation... in my case, i have use a solution who allow the child of my ex-wife to stay in Russian two full month with grandfather and grandmother... in begin July, we send Anastacia with place to Moscow where grandparents was waiting her at airport... we follow begin Augustus for one month holiday... and all three come back in begin September for work of school... i think that two month year is not really bad...

In any case, resolve these problem is the work of the RW... she need to think about this BEFORE begin search a foreign man to marry...

 

[Elen]

Now, Elen, you question about grand children, ... a big step was make 3 year ago... the build of a children garden in the center of the rest house park... and it is a real succes.

 

I'm selfish creature :? I want my own grandchildren next to me. (and I suspect all other would just annoy me with their wails:P:D)

grand children can visit old grandfather of mother without problem

Doubt that:? If you didn't grow up those grand children day after day they most probably would see these visits like unpleasant obligation

she need to think about this BEFORE begin search a foreign man to marry... 
 

 

Agree.  And she is not the only one who should think about that BEFORE marriage

[wxman]

Let follow those "wise" advices of JB,  Wxman, and you will fail for sure with any woman and especially with Russian one( I even don't take in cosideration Ukraine's ones coz I didn't meet a male yet who would be abble to shut up a hohlushka:P)

Say just NO is NOT the best way in converstaion with a woman and will help you only for FEW minutes  (just for the time she would be abble to inhale more air for return you that NO of yours in double measure)

If you have any common sence then the best solution will be to PROVE your possition or just to say "Ñ‚Ñ‹ права дорогаÑ�":P. But not every male has enough brains to understand that so they keep fool themselves with such conclusions I had her shut up there for a few minutes until you came along.



 

I agree that just saying "no" is not the best way to have conversation with woman. Sometimes after long debate where neither side can come to agreement, it is better just to agree to disagree. But sometimes, someone, whether it is the male or female will eventually have to say "no". No conversation should ever start with "no", it should be debated, but eventually a decision has to be made. And my fiancee is Ukrainian, and sometimes I can not get a word in! But I will admit, she has it all well thought out, beforehand, before bringing it up for debate.   At least one of us has logic .