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Author Topic: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...  (Read 34427 times)

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Offline Paulie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #175 on: March 13, 2013, 02:11:33 PM »

Sadly, I doubt it. We have a friend in her mid-fifites who has a similar mindset, she is looking for a millionaire to pay all her bills, wine her, dine her, entertain her and take her on exotic vacations, and she does not understand that the odds of her finding it are quite remote. The closest she came was a Nigerian scammer who told her that he had three houses in London and would pay for her to travel to meet him...

It is sad when women think there is a 'night in shining armor' with a bank account waiting for her.  What you describe is what Ms. Istanbul is seeking.  She said she is tired of working and wants someone to give her an easy life.

She almost came close.  My last wife had it 'easier' in that she didn't have to work, but she did take care of our young son.  She had the ability to do whatever she wanted.  I did not mind.  Ms. Istanbul could have had this too, to an extent. But her greed and lust for $100K-$150K pushed me away.  The negative behavior also pushed me away. 

I don't mind wining and dining, I like a nice vacation once in awhile, I don't mind paying for things my wife needs.  But in this case, we were not married and I was being asked to support a second household - hers. 

Offline Paulie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #176 on: March 13, 2013, 02:15:12 PM »

Time to man up.  With RW it is best to vaporize so that they get the message and stay out of your life.  Have her come to California?  No fooking way! I was only joking.
 
You made a well deliberated decision to terminate something even though you still felt some emotional attachment.  The decision is solid.  So don't leave the door open.  Exactly!
 
There is a good reason why one calls something off.  You know absolutely that this woman is not good for you.     I am not saying to burn the bridges, but do close the door, then lock it and throw the key away.
 
So puff up your scrotum and write her a short letter saying goodbye.  That's it.   There is plenty of evidence to suggest that this woman is not good and that she will only become worse if you were to marry.   Enjoy your life.  That means to forget about her.  Never answer her emails.  Never, never, never, unless your doctor says unsafe roller coasters are good for you.

Thanks!

Offline pitbull

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #177 on: March 13, 2013, 02:15:31 PM »
Pit,
My fiance has been reading this forum as well as the whining RW forum for months.  Her attitude appears to be similar to Tulip's.  She does not want our relationship poisoned by a bunch of angry, bitter, people that are insignificant to us.

Since I love and respect her, I will comply with her request.  We only share personal information with trusted friends and members off-lline.   It does not take long for someone to realize this is the safest route for couples to take.

If you both believe a prenup is a way to go, and you have been defending this route as a sensible option for FSUW-AM marriages, I do not see anything too personal in disclosing whether you are going this route or not. I believe every participant in this thread has stated if they have/will have a prenup or not, and this generally coincides with their position.
 
To be fully open - I do not have prenup, the question has never been raised by me or my husband.
Be the person that your dog thinks you are

Offline calmissile

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #178 on: March 13, 2013, 02:19:01 PM »
No offense intended, but, to be frank, if she thinks a bunch of strangers online, who she likely will never meet, can poison your relationship, you don't really have a relationship.

Now that's a silly notion!  For a woman that has not yet experienced being in the US they are susceptible to the crazy stories that are propagated such as all American men are bad and abuse their wives, throw them out penniless, sell babies, harvest organs, etc. and on and on.

You would not believe how many women asked these questions during initial contacts.

I am convinced it would not matter in our case, but why complicate matters or take the risk.  It was her request, not mine.  I would much rather focus on the love we have for each other than have to defend it among the naysayers and negative thinkers.
Doug (Calmissile)

Offline calmissile

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #179 on: March 13, 2013, 02:20:59 PM »

If you both believe a prenup is a way to go, and you have been defending this route as a sensible option for FSUW-AM marriages, I do not see anything too personal in disclosing whether you are going this route or not. I believe every participant in this thread has stated if they have/will have a prenup or not, and this generally coincides with their position.
 
To be fully open - I do not have prenup, the question has never been raised by me or my husband.

That's very nice, I hope you two live happily ever after.

Doug (Calmissile)

Offline Boethius

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #180 on: March 13, 2013, 02:23:35 PM »
Now that's a silly notion!  For a woman that has not yet experienced being in the US they are susceptible to the crazy stories that are propagated such as all American men are bad and abuse their wives, throw them out penniless, sell babies, harvest organs, etc. and on and on.

You would not believe how many women asked these questions during initial contacts.

I am convinced it would not matter in our case, but why complicate matters or take the risk.  It was her request, not mine.  I would much rather focus on the love we have for each other than have to defend it among the naysayers and negative thinkers.
I don't think there is a risk, and the advantage of RW forums is women explaining how things "work", stages of culture shock, even where to shop, etc.
 
I don't think you should defend yourself at all to naysayers, unless you enjoy the debate. :)
 
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline Paulie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #181 on: March 13, 2013, 02:24:17 PM »
Or she wanted you to believe that, in the belief it would fuel your desire for her, Yes i have already think so.

Sending a bouquet is more a feminine thinking, but i would not reward her behavior by sending her a bouquet. I would just tell her" how i have loved her but how i felt disrespected in my generosity, and this why my heart is broken, i have so much to give, but you are just focusing on what is given". I would tell her something like that, she understands or not ... it is not his problem after the fact.

Actually I think she is still not over this dude.  In fact, perhaps she is keeping her options open with him in the event I bail. 

I am not sending her any bouquets, I gave her enough already.  I do like Patagonie's suggestion to tell her how she broke my heart - which she did, how much I love her deeply, so much that I allowed her to continually disrespect my generosity, how her angry outbursts - caused me to not trust her.  Will she get it? I doubt it because she is not willing to look at herself.  Not my problem anymore.  I had enough heartache (literally).

Offline Boethius

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #182 on: March 13, 2013, 02:25:58 PM »
Why do that?  She will just perfect her act for the next guy.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline calmissile

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #183 on: March 13, 2013, 02:26:24 PM »
It is sad when women think there is a 'night in shining armor' with a bank account waiting for her.  What you describe is what Ms. Istanbul is seeking.  She said she is tired of working and wants someone to give her an easy life. She almost came close.  My last wife had it 'easier' in that she didn't have to work, but she did take care of our young son.  She had the ability to do whatever she wanted.  I did not mind.  Ms. Istanbul could have had this too, to an extent. But her greed and lust for $100K-$150K pushed me away.  The negative behavior also pushed me away. 

I don't mind wining and dining, I like a nice vacation once in awhile, I don't mind paying for things my wife needs.  But in this case, we were not married and I was being asked to support a second household - hers.

Funny that you mentioned that.  When I was searching for a middle aged FSUW, I got the same response from many of them.  At least they were honest with their intentions, if not a little naive about their chances.      ;D
Doug (Calmissile)

Offline ML

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #184 on: March 13, 2013, 02:27:24 PM »
1.  I am very relieved that you came to a rational decision to end it.  I was really worried about you.

2.  It is quite scary to think that a woman (or man) can actually be such a good actor that a person can think she/he loves him/her.  We are all a million miles from seeing the two of you together, but I have a strong feeling that it was acting on her part.

3.  Send her a short note telling of the end . . . and do not answer or even look at reply messages she may send you.  In your state of mind, it is possible you could be easily sucked back into the maelstrom.

4. Read 'Pursuing FSUW 101' in the Starting Out section . . . and get back on the horse.

5.  I wish you the very best.
« Last Edit: March 13, 2013, 02:43:16 PM by ML »
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline Ade

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #185 on: March 13, 2013, 02:28:48 PM »
I'm not pro pre-nup by any stretch of the imagination but in Doug's case I'd say he needs the best that money can buy.

Offline calmissile

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #186 on: March 13, 2013, 02:34:04 PM »
I don't think there is a risk, and the advantage of RW forums is women explaining how things "work", stages of culture shock, even where to shop, etc.
 
I don't think you should defend yourself at all to naysayers, unless you enjoy the debate. :)

Agree, and to not provide the ammunition (personal data) is the easiest way to avoid it.

Trip reports are one of the most valuable resourses newbies claim to enjoy.  Why do you think there are so few trip reports written.................... because they have read the forum and do not want their lives and decisions ripped apart by those that are inclined to do so.
Doug (Calmissile)

Offline calmissile

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #187 on: March 13, 2013, 02:36:31 PM »
I'm not pro pre-nup by any stretch of the imagination but in Doug's case I'd say he needs the best that money can buy.

Thanks for the vote of confidence and the hidden message.  You are such a nice person.     ;D
Doug (Calmissile)

Offline Paulie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #188 on: March 13, 2013, 02:36:56 PM »
Funny that you mentioned that.  When I was searching for a middle aged FSUW, I got the same response from many of them. At least they were honest with their intentions, if not a little naive about their chances.      ;D

There are not many of them here in the States, that is for sure.  I recall talking with a woman several years younger than me who lived in Florida.  She said she had her own money, her own home, car, etc.  She was happy to split the cost of vacations together too.  Her only request was that we do it 'top notch."  I did not have a problem with that. 

Offline Ade

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #189 on: March 13, 2013, 02:39:28 PM »
Thanks for the vote of confidence and the hidden message.  You are such a nice person.     ;D

Not planning on failing are you?

Let us know how the pre-nip holds up in court.

Offline Boethius

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #190 on: March 13, 2013, 02:42:29 PM »
Agree, and to not provide the ammunition (personal data) is the easiest way to avoid it.

Trip reports are one of the most valuable resourses newbies claim to enjoy.  Why do you think there are so few trip reports written.................... because they have read the forum and do not want their lives and decisions ripped apart by those that are inclined to do so.
Personally, I am not particularly interested in trip reports, but I think if there is a discussion of the red flags, you will get good advice from those who are intimately familiar with the culture.

BTW, lonedrake wasn't ripped apart in his TR.
 
 
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline Paulie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #191 on: March 13, 2013, 02:45:38 PM »
1.  Very relieved that you came to rational decision to end it.  I was really worried about you.

2.  It is quite scary to think that a woman (or man) can actually be such a good actor that a person can think she/he loves him/her.  We are all a million miles from seeing the two of you together, but I have a strong feeling that it was acting on her part.

3.  Send a short note telling of the end . . . and do not answer or even look at reply messages she may send you.  In your state of mind, it is possible you could be easily sucked back into the maelstrom.

4. Read 'Pursuing FSUW 101' in the Starting Out section . . . and get back on the horse.

5.  I wish you the very best.

ML, I appreciate your concern.  As for your #2 comment, the only reason I gave a thought to the possibility of it being real was that she exhibited some of the most tender thoughts and feelings.  And today, at the airport, she was in tears, would not leave as I went through security.  She lives a life alone when she is not working.  Honestly, it is hard for me to believe that she would be acting.

I think in her own way she really loves me.  I think she feels entitled (deserves was the word she used) to be 'spoiled' in return for that love.  Maybe it is more "love for sale."

Offline LiveFromUkraine

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #192 on: March 13, 2013, 03:01:15 PM »
Not planning on failing are you?

Let us know how the pre-nip holds up in court.


Ade, if you spend anymore time sitting on the toilet peeing/reading you will have a problem with blood flow to your feet.


« Last Edit: March 13, 2013, 03:08:29 PM by LiveFromUkraine »

Offline LiveFromUkraine

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #193 on: March 13, 2013, 03:04:57 PM »
Good to see you stopped making excuses for her poor character even if it borders on precipitous.  ;)

Offline TheTraveler

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #194 on: March 13, 2013, 03:45:47 PM »
While I was there, her ex-husband must have called/texted her at lease a dozen times.  She hasn't told this guy she's moved onto another life.  What kind of woman does that?

a woman who's still sleeping with her ex-husband.

Offline Fashionista

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #195 on: March 13, 2013, 03:49:36 PM »
What suggestions do you have?

I suggest you don't shower people with money particularly if they say you should. Develop friendship. Whatever women you will meet, they are not YOUR women.
Find your inner Bart!

Offline Paulie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #196 on: March 13, 2013, 04:13:02 PM »

I suggest you don't shower people with money particularly if they say you should. Develop friendship. Whatever women you will meet, they are not YOUR women.

Please explain further your comment  "they are not YOUR women."

Offline Fashionista

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #197 on: March 13, 2013, 04:32:42 PM »
I am not sure I can explain it well in English. I sensed a hint of possessive attitude in your posts, but I could be wrong of course. Like you are trying to win people over with money. This is just a feeling, intuition if you wish. What you do may be insulting to people that you want to attract, and draw out those who you shouldn't associate yourself with. This is not to offend you, I am just being honest. You did ask for advice though.
Find your inner Bart!

Offline Paulie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #198 on: March 13, 2013, 04:50:47 PM »
I am not sure I can explain it well in English. I sensed a hint of possessive attitude in your posts, but I could be wrong of course. Like you are trying to win people over with money. This is just a feeling, intuition if you wish. What you do may be insulting to people that you want to attract, and draw out those who you shouldn't associate yourself with. This is not to offend you, I am just being honest. You did ask for advice though.

Hi,

I kind of thought that is where you were going.  And that is totally incorrect.  Perhaps you should know me.  I do not try to, nor have to win anyone over with money.  I actually ENJOY sharing.  I was raised that way.  My family of origin is Ukrainian and Russian.  We were taught to be giving in many ways. 

I have always cared for the women in my life - girlfriends and the two women I was married to in my life.  Neither of them had to work as I was the 'breadwinner.'  I know of no other way. 

However, the woman I was seeing, who lives in Turkey and is of Ukrainian descent, was very forward in her need for things, and to be taken care of.  She seemed to 'expect' a certain 'treatment' by me.  Everything had to be, well almost perfect.  No dive restaurants for her.  And I am not saying I go to dives to eat. What I am saying is that she has an 'entitlement' issue as if things are 'owed to her.' 

The reason I came here was for advice because I thought these type of expectations and forward requests were a norm.  I found out they are not. 

As for me possessing women, that is not Paulie.  I respect women, care for women in my life and treat then with the utmost dignity.  I learned this from growing up around a village of women in my building and all of them were...Russian. 

So, there you have it.  I just managed to pick someone who has a very big ego and her needs are as big.  Sadly, she can have all that she wants and more.  She is going about it in the wrong way. 

Thanks for your post and I hope this clears it up.  I care about this forum and want to be sure people get to know me as I want to get to know them. 

Offline Fashionista

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #199 on: March 13, 2013, 05:13:30 PM »
I believe you, Paulie  8)  . You have to rethink the way you meet people then, because you had to be very unlucky or seek in very wrong places to find such treasure.
Find your inner Bart!

 

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