Divorced RW experience of dating in the US.

[Misha]

Fashionista, last year I had several dates with one man. The guy was financially stable, good job, etc. But full of weird "details". One time he mentioned he had a really serious relationship with the woman who had a kid from her previous marriage, they had been dating for 4 years and when he explained why they broke up I was shocked: he said: I asked her if she wanted to have kids and she explained that she had a kid and she didn't want to have more.

Now I have a question: what had they been doing for 4 years' time that he didn't realize that she didn't want to have more kids with him which were of such huge importance to him?! Discussed strawberries in the salad?!

He could have simply loved her greatly and hoped that eventually she would change her mind. Not all men love discussing in detail painful past experiences...

[Lily]

Thanks, Jason.
As I said, the conclusion I made is if you are in the US and date the locals  go to the website where they discuss American dating, not RW in FSU dating. The subcategories on interests, principles  and moral values are also important. 

True. We can hardly apply here what we learned about dating during our lives in Russia. American men and women did not grow up in a patriarchal society.
Can someone recommend a good American forum on the topic?

[JohnDearGreen]

True. We can hardly apply here what we learned about dating during our lives in Russia.
Can someone recommend a good American forum on the topic?

Everyone is different.  Not sure if others ideas would be very applicable.
I don't know any dating forums, but if you want info about places to go, things to do, restaurants, night clubs, or to just ask any kind of question (best place to meet a 35 year old guy, etc), these forums are pretty good:
http://www.city-data.com/forum/austin/
http://www.city-data.com/forum/austin/1396610-dating-scene-austin.html
Similar but with more spam and politics on this one:
http://www.topix.com/forum/austin

[vwrw]

Can someone recommend a good American forum on the topic?

POF forums are good. It is all about dating, relationships and philosophical issues.

[vwrw]

Fashionista, last year I had several dates with one man. The guy was financially stable, good job, etc. But full of weird "details". One time he mentioned he had a really serious relationship with the woman who had a kid from her previous marriage, they had been dating for 4 years and when he explained why they broke up I was shocked: he said: I asked her if she wanted to have kids and she explained that she had a kid and she didn't want to have more.

Now I have a question: what had they been doing for 4 years' time that he didn't realize that she didn't want to have more kids with him which were of such huge importance to him?! Discussed strawberries in the salad?!

People change over time. He might not want children earlier in the relationship, and as a result, he did  not care what her views were on having more children. Four years later, his wishes changed, so he asked his GF if she wanted to have more kids.


Alternatively, they might have been discussing WW2 and did not have time to converse about children . and that is why he refused to discuss that topic with you. He did not want to repeat his mistake. 

[LiveFromUkraine]

Alternatively, they might have been discussing WW2 and did not have time to converse about children . and that is why he refused to discuss that topic with you. He did not want to repeat his mistake.

I can't tell you how many times the WW2 subject came up and destroyed the baby making mood.   

[newjason]

Hey Jason, wipe your nose. 

 

[Muzh]

LOL
 
Cool.

[happyandstable]

      I'm still waiting for Vasilisa's photos! Let's get them posted there

[Gator]

      I'm still waiting for Vasilisa's photos! Let's get them posted there

She has so much natural beauty that she is worried that someone will choose her simply because she is beautiful.  She wants a man who is not distracted by her beauty and focuses on her inner qualities.

[Anotherkiwi]

She has so much natural beauty that she is worried that someone will choose her simply because she is beautiful.  She wants a man who is not distracted by her beauty and focuses on her inner qualities.

That's all very well, but how will he recognise her when they meet?

[happyandstable]

That's all very well, but how will he recognise her when they meet?

She will be the only one there with a WWII history book under her arm!

[SANDRO43]

She will be the only one there with a WWII history book under her arm!

This'd be adequate, but won't fit in a handbag .

[Belvis]

      I'm still waiting for Vasilisa's photos! Let's get them posted there

She is young for american standards, girl of character, russian mentality, family values, healthy (can walk in rain). Enough info to start dating her, no need for photos

[happyandstable]

She is young for american standards, girl of character, russian mentality, family values, healthy (can walk in rain). Enough info to start dating her, no need for photos

You left out Divorced, Strongly Opinionated, and completely lacking an ability to relax and have fun on a first date.

     Do not know about anyone else, but when I am going on a first date I am not looking to experience a job interview is opposed to a relaxing dinner/get to know you event.

[Belvis]

     Do not know about anyone else, but when I am going on a first date I am not looking to experience a job interview is opposed to a relaxing dinner/get to know you event.

As for me, I would prefer not to waist time and take as much as possible from the first date. Life is short.

[Daveman]

As for me, I would prefer not to waist time and take as much as possible from the first date. Life is short.

True enough.  And, those men who have read about, dated, gotten to know FSUW understand this direct to the point, to the goal, don't waste time approach.  We are studying FSUW so tend to understand what is happening somewhat better/deeper than someone who has not been exposed.


She's dating AM from american dating sites.  They are expecting "dates" that they are used to and define good/bad/etc from their western programming.  That is the point some of us were trying to make - some serious, some with humor, etc... what we saw in return was the dramatic effect which is inherent in all women, but RW tend to take to another level.    


Vasilisa's presence and participation here is an excellent learning experience for any guys willing to just pay attention.  My wife is actually very similar in that she's aloof, more serious, analytical, etc until she gets to know someone.  I understood this and was a little more patient. She warmed up soon enough. 


Perception(s) and impressions, rather than truth or fact or reality or whatever, is what makes or breaks the process.

[happyandstable]

Vasilisa's presence and participation here is an excellent learning experience for any guys willing to just pay attention.

 +1 Could not agree with this more we are very lucky to have Vasilisa here. Her contributions are invaluable!

[Gator]

You left out Divorced, Strongly Opinionated, and completely lacking an ability to relax and have fun on a first date.

     Do not know about anyone else, but when I am going on a first date I am not looking to experience a job interview is opposed to a relaxing dinner/get to know you event.

When she has a date with Mr. Right, I imagine she will relax and laugh and have a lot of fun.  And advance to the Civil War, the most interesting period in American history.

[missAmeno]

You left out Divorced, Strongly Opinionated ...

May I ask are you divorced? And do you believe you are not strong opinionated?   

... and completely lacking an ability to relax and have fun on a first date.

Are you stalking Vasilisa on all her first dates? 

[newjason]

You left out Divorced, Strongly Opinionated, and completely lacking an ability to relax and have fun on a first date.

     Do not know about anyone else, but when I am going on a first date I am not looking to experience a job interview is opposed to a relaxing dinner/get to know you event.

Fun is different to different people.
--Personally I don't like casual/relaxed dates with women who offer no opinions or knowledge of anything at all of substance beyond the radius of her own breasts.
--Most times I enjoy stimulating conversations and learning a woman's opinions on un-popular and obscure (often controversial ) topics and or current and past events of the same nature.
--Other times, a day hike in the mountains or an adventure to the San Jaun or Victoria Island(s) can be very fun too.



Her definition of a fun first date is most likely VERY different from what  HappyANDStable would consider a fun first date.

Obviously the topics discussed on a date with Vasilisa would be absent from a first date with HappyAndStable.  So just because she doesn't fit your template of what a fun date should be, doesn't mean she doesn't have fun dates.

I even did this on a first date ----

[happyandstable]

May I ask are you divorced? And do you believe you are not strong opinionated?   

   Most of the opinions I put out there are not really my own or any where near what I think.

I have learned that the fastest way to get to understand people is to put forth an opinion that you know they will find controversial and see how they handle it. For people who truly believe in freedom, freedom means being willing to let someone speak their mind even if it makes your skin crawl. It is very interesting to me to see who comes froth with a rational debate and who rushes to judgment and condemnation. We only become better people by being willing to hear and try to understand points of view that are very different then our own. It is through this kind of personal growth that we can become the kind of people that we ourselves can be proud of. ( I know ironic because Pride is a sin LOL) But seriously some pride is a good foundation for positive self esteem.

   I also whish to apologize for the late response, I have been going though a personal crisis here at home. Which has taken up lots of my time as of late.

Are you stalking Vasilisa on all her first dates?   

I would consider myself lucky to go on a first date with Vasilisa



To answer your other question married for 10 years, divorced for 12. What bearing that has on the topic at hand in your mind would be interesting to know.

[missAmeno]

What bearing that has on the topic at hand in your mind would be interesting to know.

Just you used divirced and strongly opinionated in negative way towards Vasilisa but same things apply to you as well 

You left out Divorced, Strongly Opinionated, and completely lacking an ability to relax and have fun on a first date.

I have learned that the fastest way to get to understand people is to put forth an opinion that you know they will find controversial and see how they handle it. For people who truly believe in freedom, freedom means being willing to let someone speak their mind even if it makes your skin crawl. It is very interesting to me to see who comes froth with a rational debate and who rushes to judgment and condemnation. We only become better people by being willing to hear and try to understand points of view that are very different then our own. It is through this kind of personal growth that we can become the kind of people that we ourselves can be proud of.

In such case you understand very well that people around you may form opinion about you based on controversial opinions you put forth and those may given impression that you by yourself rush to judgment and condemnation.

[Gator]

I have learned that the fastest way to get to understand people is to put forth an opinion that you know they will find controversial and see how they handle it. ... It is very interesting to me to see who comes froth with a rational debate and who rushes to judgment and condemnation.

Philosophy 101?
 

In such case you understand very well that people around you may form opinion about you based on controversial opinions you put forth and those may given impression that you by yourself rush to judgment and condemnation.

Logic 101, definitely.   
 
BTW, happyandstable, I hope your crisis at home has subsided.

[Vasilisa]

Well, here is an update.
I haven't dated much since the last time I posted something here, in this thread. I've had  several "first dates" though.

All I can say is that the process of dating AM in the US is pretty difficult and dangerous for some reason.
I didn't date that much in Russia and most men I met there I met through mutual friends.

It's different here and I meet a lot of men who don't understand the word "no" for some reason and don't want to leave you alone.

So for the girls that try dating here I'd highly recommend meeting in the place with a lot of people around and not to give the men your real phone number, maybe a google voice one which I created yeterday.

Another observation. If you are more like a quiet and traditional type and have never been into extremes I'd not recommend trying now, so I'd look for somethingand someone more or less close to what you got used to in the  cultural background terms.