Interesting story about your days as a single woman.
i bet
When those “several” men
4-5 or so. if you need exact number - i can try to count how many people did it.
flew from Europe, America, etc. to see you even though you had discouraged them, was each a WOVO trip?
see - you (personally, and as a male population in this section of internet) tend to view every correspondence between male and female in WOVO-WMVM framework. You totally neglect all other possibilities how people can meet.
I met those people in everyday life - on my trips, at music concerts, through my work, in Ukraine or abroad. We started correspondence as friends. Then suddenly this whole idea of "we are perfect couple" was coming up, and I was not interested. Then guys thought that if they come to visit me - they will get a closure, or maybe will convince me that we are indeed a perfect couple. They could not imagine why i possibly want to be single and be happy being single and independent. They thought that if I am single - this should be immediately corrected.
If a WMVM trip, I could understand your saying that you perhaps will have coffee and cake for an hour with no promise of a second meeting.
you understand me. this is what i thought. plus - coffee and a cake with a sad/angry guy sitting across the table, especially if experience repeats with different people, - can easily lead to stress, ulcer, and eating disorders. In russian we say about such moments "kusok v gorlo ne lezet" - "the chunk does not go into throat" meaning "I am so worried/stressed I cannot swallow food and don't feel hungry" cannot swallow food - both literally or metaphorically.
However, if a WOVO trip, you should have been more convincing.
well - I don't know how you can be more convincing.
"-I am buying tickets for the end of this month!
-please don't
- but it's going to be great - we can spend time together!
- no, sorry I can't. I am not able to spend time with you.
- It will be great!
- No. Sorry. I will not be able to meet with you. I am busy. I spend most days in uni or studying
- that's no problem - I can stay by your side while you will be studying
- no. that will not work
- i can just stay with you in the library while you will be studying
- no. I cannot do it. I do not have time now to spend with you.
- I just bought tickets!"
this is part of correspondence about meeting. I will not quote here part of dialogue about friendship and love - that would be too personal to share on a board.
If I started ignoring e-mails - I was called rude for not keeping in touch with old friends or asked "are you alive? i thought you died!". If i responded e-mails - i was getting all the same cr-p describing me how heartless i am, or the love cr-p telling me how happy we'll be together and how many children (5 at minimum) we are going to parent together. It is quite evident that love causes temporary deafness and blindness to people.
So you did meet a few! Did you spend a lot of time with these men? Just spending time with a weak man will encourage him regardless of what you say.
you mean before or after they were starting love talk? Before they laid out in front of me their beautiful vulnerable heart - from a week to several months. It was first just work, then friendship; or first - just fun, time together hanging out in city, nothing romantic. Then we were corresponding casually for some time. Then they were telling me "i fallen in love with you at first sight"
Did these men offer expensive gifts? Did you accept the gifts even though you were not interested in seeing the man again.
one offered me apartment in downtown Kyiv in exchange for dating and marrying him. If i were more clever - i'd took it. There were few other equally valuable offers from other men. I was young and too idealistic (still am), did not want to keep communication with a man who was unattractive to me or trying to buy me. The man who was offering it - got very angry at me and started telling me many unpleasant things about my bad manners, cold heart, and something else. For only this single reason I think I should have taken an apartment and dump him right after - then he would be pissed, and would be telling me same things - but at least they would be well deserved, and I would have a soothing precious present healing up my heart after his ugly comments
.
Luckily, i met my husband just few months later that apartment story, and my husband is clearly much better life prize than apartment in downtown Kyiv.
other gifts - i don't know what you guys consider expensive. For some western men here even a dollar worth of present is TOO MUCH for a traditional russian woman - because some russian women earn less than 100$ a month, and "love should not be purchased".
Roses, restaurant for my birthday, a collection of books. Books again. framed photos, chocolates, CDs, some accessories for my gadgets. Usually the gifts were not too expensive and nothing too unusual for friends. Especially taking into account that i have a habit of giving gifts to my friends - and those people were receiving gifts from me too. I mean.. while we were still friends and before that whole romantic story was starting. Maybe i do have cold heart. Only my husband heats it up.
