Time for some Humor!!

[Lily]

 
Usual breakfast
Breakfast after the New Year 

[Lily]

The Wife comes home earlier than usually, and finds her husband having sex with another young woman.
 
'You are the meanest creature', she shouted loud.'I divorce you right now.'
 
'Wait, the husband says.'I tell you how it all happened!'
 
'I don't know what to expect from you now. Let it be the last words that I hear from you. Go ahead'
 
'I was driving home from work and saw a girl who asked for a lift. I stopped to help her. When she was in the car, I noticed that she looks very poorly fed, poorly dressed and could use some bath. She told me that she did not have any food for three days. I was sympathetic for her, brought her to our home and offered her your dinner from yesterday, because you told that you are on a diet and left it untouched. She swallowed the food in two minutes.
Then I asked her whether she would like to take a shower. While she was in the washroom, I looked up her clothes and was horrified how poor and worn out it was. This is why I gave her your jeans, the ones that you don't use anymore as you are not able to fit in them anymore. Then I brought her the blouse that I gave you for your birthday. You didn't even worn it once, and told me that I have a bad taste. I also gave her the jacket that my sister gave you. You did not wear this jacket in order to displease my sister.
Then I saw that her old, worn out shoes do not match her clothes anymore, therefore I offered her the shoes that I bought you in a high end boutique. You never used them as your secretary has the same. The girl was so grateful to me!
After that, I helped her towards the exit door, and then she asked me gently, 'I beg your pardon, may be you have anything else that your wife does not use?'

[SANDRO43]

After that, I helped her towards the exit door, and then she asked me gently, 'I beg your pardon, may be you have anything else that your wife does not use?'

From the site you quote under your avatar :

[Lily]

A Post-New Year piece of horror
 

 
A sexually abused frog 
 

[Gator]

Oh my God, Lily.  That is a new one for me.   I can not imagine that the woman on audio (evidently a mother with children) did not walk away.  She was very amused.

Related frog joke

A woman walks into a pet store and says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a special pet for my husband."
"No worries," replies the clerk.
"We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give blowjobs."
"Blowjobs," says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frog's talent.

With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen.
In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen.
She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
"What are you two doing?" she asks.
"Well," says the husband. "If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here."

[Lily]

Thanks for the joke Gator. You know, every joke is part true.

[ML]

Perhaps wrong thing to say.

[ML]

Related frog joke

A woman walks into a pet store and says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a special pet for my husband."

Similar:

HouseMaid to wife of house:  "I want a big raise."

Wife:  Why should you get a raise?
Maid:  Because I am a better house cleaner than you.

Wife: Who told you  that?
Maid: Your husband; and I am a better cook than you also.

Wife: Who told you  that?
Maid: Your  husband; and I  am better at sex than you.

Wife: Did my husband tell you that??
Maid: No, the gardener, pool cleaner and chauffeur told me.

Wife:  OK, how much money did you have in mind?

[Lily]

Russian Swan Lake 
 

[Lily]

[Lily]

16 Things Russians Do That Americans Would Find Weird
 
http://www.buzzfeed.com/azazello/16-things-russians-do-that-americans-would-find-we-cqjf

[Gator]

16 Things Russians Do That Americans Would Find Weird

And Russians find it funny (as in strange) that Americans do not do these. 

Is it common practice for Russians to do No. 15.  I would think the opposite, Russians are more xenophobic than Americans.  There was a long period when Russians were careful about what they said if a stranger could overhear them.

[CanadaMan]

And Russians find it funny (as in strange) that Americans do not do these. 

Is it common practice for Russians to do No. 15.  I would think the opposite, Russians are more xenophobic than Americans. 

I don't know if it is common practice, but I had the pleasure of meeting a very friendly Russian stranger who became friends in a matter of minutes. 

[ML]

I don't know if it is common practice, but I had the pleasure of meeting a very friendly Russian stranger who became friends in a matter of minutes. 

I thought you were against these 'sex at first meeting' situations.

[The Natural]

And to think Soccer ain't too popular in the States 

http://www.dagens.dk/billeder/44446

The European Championships in naked football in Berlin.

[Gator]

The cry went out, "USE THE TAZER, PARTNER!"

[jazztropy]

And to think Soccer ain't too popular in the States 

That's more entertaining than Lily's post.

[ML]

 I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth. I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife Karen is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
 
 She opens the window and yelled to me, 'You need a piece of tail.'
 
 I turned with a confused look on my face and yelled back,

'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'
   

[Lily]

A little Christmas story

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs: In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 60, they are like onions'. 'Onions?' 'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
 
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there? The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 60's, it is like a Christmas Tree.' 'A Christmas tree?' 'Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration.'

[Lily]

Chicken wings a la Russe 
 

 

 

[calmissile]

These are awsome.  I am going to send the photos to Larissa.  She will appreciate the humor.  Maybe I will get to see them in the future.   

[The Natural]

For those who loves the series "Mad Men":

[Lily]

The underground parkings are something that is rare in the FSU. However, there is always a time to show your IQ even there:
 

 
A few creative prints
 

 

[Gator]

My Russian stepson (8th grade) thought it funny:

[Lily]

I like that, Gator!!