Considering a woman significantly younger?

It is very easy to get into searching for a young hottie on the agency sites. You may start out looking at women your age or a few years younger, but end up studying the fine details of a profile for a woman your son should be dating. Of course the agencies will encourage this to a point. Ever wonder why? Maybe it is because their target market for men is 20 years older than their target market for women? Of course they will encourage the women to push the upper limits of their age requirements and tell the men what they want to hear: “Russian women love older guys.” How much of this is truth and how much is marketing fiction? Let us look at some of the areas for consideration regarding this issue.

Russian Women love older guys-

Not necessarily true. Most RW date and marry RM close to their own age just as in America. But there are some differences too. When you cross thread Russian and American cultures it seems to bring these differences to the surface. Life in Russia is hard. People tend to grow up on a faster track than Americans. Therefore they tend to mature at a faster pace than most American kids. Russians also tend to marry at a younger age than Americans. It is not unusual for a 19 year old RW to marry. The American trend is to marry later in life and maybe not at all. RW have a strong desire to be married and to bear children. It is not unusual to see a 25 year old RW seeking a foreign mate after a failed short term marriage. American 25 year olds are just hitting their dating stride. The RW may even have a child in tow. As a matter of fact, many Russians think that hitting 25 and not being married is a warning signal that she may be headed for a life as an old maid. AW might hear the same “biological clock” ticking 10 years later. In Russia, a single woman approaching her 30’s is in a bit of a panic to find a decent husband. She is in the mind frame to compromise. And that is what an older AM is, a compromise for the most part.

I would be remiss not to mention the financial aspects as another reason for RW to compromise in choosing an older foreign man. It is human nature for a woman to seek out a man that can be a good provider for her and her future children. Think about the young RW’s choices here. She can opt for an age appropriate RM that cannot afford to support her let alone any future children. She and her new Russian husband can move in with either her parents or his parents because they cannot afford their own flat. Or she can consider an older financially stable man from a foreign country that can afford to support her in a lifestyle that she has only seen on TV. Now that older AM is looking better and better to her.

The scam factor-

The larger the age differences the higher the possibility of a scam being in the making. Rich old men with pretty young women have happened since the beginning of time. Usually it is the prettier the woman the richer the man. When you mix a group of women that are significantly younger than the men and the men are significantly richer than the women, you are going to get some very dubious motivation for match making. AM with moderate income will find it difficult to see the truth rather than to believe the fiction here. A woman wanting you for your financial status is still a form of flattery that many men choose to overlook.

Do you really want a wife that young?

There is no doubt that men of any age will find a 20 something year old hard body sexually attractive. Again, that is human nature. But what about the rest of your life, after the 30 minutes of sex is over? Are you man enough to have such a young woman as your wife? Are you strong enough to take the potential flack from strangers or even friends and family members? Are you confident enough to not be wrought with jealousy when younger men are drooling over your young wife? Do you have enough in common to enjoy each others company? Just how many quiet nights at home can she take? Just how many late nights clubbing can you take? Are you prepared to have children at an advanced age? Maybe the age difference is OK now, but what about when you are 65 and she is still in her 40’s? Even if you can “get her”, can you “keep her?”

Marriage to a foreign bride is a very tough row to hoe as it is. One's patience is severely taxed because of the language and cultural differences as well as the additional legal hoops needed to be jumped through. There are plenty enough age appropriate women from Russia to choose from that it is not necessary to push your luck with the additional burden of a big age difference with your future wife. A woman that has some experience in being a wife and even a mother would make a lot more sense.

What makes you want such a young wife?

OK, I know it is such an ego boost to have a hot young chick on your arm and the sex will be incredible! (Maybe) But just why is it that you think you need to have such a young wife? Explore your motivations carefully. Remember that this young woman is not some shiny new red sports car to help you over come your midlife crisis. She is also not a good way to get even with your ex-wife. When the initial excitement wears off, you will find yourself with a young woman that needs to go through all the prior experiences you probably have long forgotten about. Things like learning to drive, your first household, and even college are about to be in your future again. And it isn’t like you’re doing this with one of your kids, but with your equal partner in marriage. You must walk the tight rope between guiding her through these stages without being over bearing and demanding as you might be with your children. At the very least, you must be kind and considerate to her finding her own way through the many aspects of life that you have already experienced. You can’t shortchange her just because you have “been there and done that.”

In conclusion-

Marrying a RW is a high risk proposition as it is without the additional burden of pushing the maximum age differences. The higher the age difference, the more likelihood of failure. There have been many mathematical equations proposed to qualify the “right” age difference. A common one is ½ your age plus 7 years. Why this one often is presented as correct? I have no idea because it makes no sense to me. The best advice I have seen in this area is to consider the age of the women you would normally date at home and then add a few years more to compensate for cultural differences as mentioned above. If you were dating AW 10 years younger, you might be safe to consider RW 15 years younger and so on. It takes two unique individuals to make a large age difference work, and most people just are not that unique.
KenC

Hay guys if you think you can do it.... go for it.
Your going to anyway...Right?

But Please, don't cry when the party's over.....We, who have read these list for many moons have heard these sad, "someone done somebody wrong" songs .... over and over.

You make a decision to run with it... then you live with the results of that decision.

That is life.....

So think hard and long befor you go for someone young enough to be your daughter. Make sure you are both on the same wave lenght, and can spend a life time togather as friends & lovers.

Actually my primary candidate right now has not much more age difference than Ken and his wife have. The gal I would have considered my number two candidate is closer to the age difference you mentioned though but I think she just bit the dust. I planned to see her in a few weeks for a second visit but she is available anytime except when I can get there so I think that one is not looking good.

Sorry Ken, I never knew that. If I did I had forgotten it. So you are saying it works for you but can't work for anyone else? If the things you posted are in the context that these are the factors you want to look at if you are considering a relationship with a lot of age difference then I disagree less and I think you raised so good points to think about. If it is in the context that this is why it won't work which is what a lot of the discussions about age difference say then I disagree more with what you said. When I read this topic I really thought I should stay out of it. This has been hashed around so much. I guess that did not last long.

Your first paragraph, I agree with. The more correspondence the agencies can generate or the more addresses they can sell the more money they make. The agencies have a lot to gain by promoting the myth. Right on.

Your second section I agree with. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "compromise" I think there are gals who think (probably correctly) that there are so many RW hunting for an AM that they can not afford to be choosy. Particularly those with a child. For a lot of them the choice is to compromise on an older AM or to sit in Russia alone or with guys who are not looking for a serious relationship or won't be interested in their child or children.

The next section is right on the money. Older guys looking for younger gals will not believe what a magnet they are for scammers. I have been through it so many times that I would say it is the biggest difficulty for a lot of guys. It took me a long time to realize what a problem it really is and at one point I hung up my hunt for a year and a half because of that problem. I just go tired of being a sucker.

Now, moving into your next paragraph. I am ok with it down to the flack from strangers and even your family part. I will agree there are people who live their lives based on what others think. If someone is that way then probably a younger FSU woman is not for them. Most people though realize that it is their life and their happiness and those people who are going to whisper behind their backs are not going to give a minutes thought to how someone else thinks they should live their life. I have two really good kids but I could tell a few stories of some hair curling things they did and they sure did not worry a lot about what I thought. If I find someone I am happy with they have two choices. They can accept it or they can accept it. I think most anyone who is looking for a younger gal is not going to worry much about what others think.

Jealousy, yes that could be an issue. If you can't trust her though you don't need her. If you can, then it doesn't matter. Do you have enough in common. You should have figured that out before you got married and I don't think that has anything to do with age.

Just how many quiet nights at home can she take and how many nights clubbing can you take. That argument has been beat to death with Elena Petrova's quote restated in every thread about the subject. First off, if I meet a gal who wants to spend every night at the disco, I am moving on. We are not compatable. Most of the gals I have written even the younger ones do not want to spend every night in the disco. I think this is an individual thing. When I was 45 the second biggest problem in my life was that I could not find a good night club to go to on Monday nights. Every other night of the week, yes, and I was there. So if I had a 21 year old FSU woman who wanted to go to the disco every night I could have kept right up with her. I am sure our former friends Anono and j do not have a problem with her wanting to go out more than him. Yes, this can be a problem. With my Ukrainian friend from NH whose marriage did not work that was the number 1 complaint. His idea of an enjoyable evening was to sit in front of the TV drinking Martinis. She wanted to do things. They had 10 years age difference. The gal I brought up to St Petersburg a few years ago told me her idea of how she wanted to spend her time was to sit in front of the TV and night and smoke cigarettes and drink beer. I dropped her. I want to do things. She was 19 by the way. If I met any gal whose idea of how to spend free time was to sit around and have a quiet night I am looking for another gal.

Ok I am up to kids. I don't see where that relates to age difference. Any couple planning to marry no matter what their age difference should work this out before marriage and if they want different things they need a different partner. There are a lot of younger people who don't want kids. One of the things that has surprised me among the friends I have made is how many older guys never had a child and are looking for a younger FSU woman to be the mother of their child. One of the guys in that category was a guy I met on a romance tour that was my age. I think it might be one of those cases where be careful what you wish for because you might get it applies. One of my other friends who is perhaps late 50's has the same goal. He says some of the funniest things though. He is very naive. He has been in love with a gal from St Petersburg, Katya who says she likes him but does not want to marry him. Recently he told me that even if he and Katya never marry they will always be friends. Then he added that he hoped they would still be friends if he stops sending her money. Sure, sorta reinforces what you said about scammers. I just don't see this relating to age. I have only seen one case where this has been a problem and that was someone who posted here a while back that he loved his wife and they had a great relationship but she had suddenly decided she wanted a child so he was divorcing her.

As far as the age appropriate part. I think the younger someone is the easier they can make the change to life in America. I think the older someone gets the more set they get in their ways. When Luda was in English classes there was one older gal in her class from South America. She had been here 10 years and knew almost no English. When I have seen kids come over with their mother in no time they have virtually no accent. Truthfully if I found a gal just a few years younger than me that I liked, I have a feeling I would really have my hands full with her adapting to life in America. I think it would be a far bigger problem than dealing with an age difference.

Moving on to the next paragraph, I am sure for some guys having a hot chick on their arm is an ego boost. It is human nature for some people. Yes, I am sure some do look at her just like a shiny black sports car. (I know you said red but since my shiny new sports car is black.........) Personally I don't think a sports car or a gal has anything to do with a mid life crises. To me it is a lot like worrying about what other people think. If it is important to you, then you have problems. There are lots of stunning older women that would attract just as much attention. I am not disagreeing with you on this point but I think for a lot of people that does not apply. Yes, there are always guys who want a trophy wife.

I also think the part about the prior experiences. Again I think this has no relation to age difference. It is something everyone must go through that has an FSU woman. I think older guys often are more patient. I think there are patient people and those who are not and it has nothing to do with age or age difference. I think anyone persuing this venture needs to ask himself if he is up for that. Yes there are guys who have been there and done that but for everyone of those there are more who would find it makes life interesting. Perhaps a little like helping your kids color Easter eggs brings back some nice memories. Personally I think all the fooling around and challenges is one of the things that makes it really appealing.

Ah, finally I am to the last paragraph. I agree with you. That formula makes no sense. If it feels right to you and it feels right to her, that is what is important. I do agree that a large age difference is not for everyone. I do see couples such as you who manage to make it work just fine. I do think all your points have some validity. I think those are good quesions for someone to ask themselves and think about.

I was quite wary about our age difference (17 years). The fact that we did not plan to meet and learning of prior long-term relationships with men my age allayed my fears.

I would say that prior experience with older men is a plus.

Having / not having kids is an important item to discuss. Had I been in late instead of early 40's when we met I may have had to pass as my wife definitely wanted another child. Remember, a woman in her 20's stating at first that she doesn't want children may change their mind down the road. I seem to remember posts regarding a marriage recently breaking up because of this.

If I were actively seeking a bride I think I would start with women my own age and work down instead of vice-versa.

Don't be her first 'shugahdaddy'.

Turboguy, you make several reference to Elena Petrova's books... who are only a method for promote her own business...

If you will really a interesting book, buy the "Russian Woman F.A.Q" by Steve Markos at http://www.rwfaq.com/ ... $29.95 for 225 pages...

By example, about age difference :

Q: Marriage agencies claim that age is not a factor for Russian women. Is this true?

As a general rule of thumb, the more you find yourself saying, "Man, I can't believe a beautiful, young woman like this wants to have anything to do with an old guy like me," well, as the saying goes, "If it's too good to be true then it probably is." Certainly a young woman is every man's fantasy and an agency is not about to turn down a sale to an older man who wants to meet a younger woman.

Any man over 35 years old who wishes to contact women under 25 years old should deal only with agencies that publish information stating the age ranges of men the women are interested in meeting (example: "I want to meet men from age 25 to 40). In fact, it is good advice for men of any age to deal only with agencies that provide this information. If this information is not given, then there is a very, very good chance that you are wasting your time and money by writing to women who simply aren't interested in you because of your age. Given this information, if a man still chooses to go beyond the woman's acceptable age range—which many often do—then it's his money and his decision. If a man can't read or chooses to ignore the facts, rest assured that no agency is going to point this out to him.

Any agency that claims that age is not a factor is full of crap and is simply lying to you in order to take your money. I have found that nearly all women will accept a man who is ten years older, and about half the women will accept men up to fifteen years older. Choosing to write to a woman who is more than fifteen years younger than yourself is probably a waste of time and money unless she specifically states that an older age is acceptable.

Bellow, a list of topic from these book... maybe it can give idea to some for other topic here, for the RWD F.A.Q :

---

Sorry for the long post but i have wish show that valuable information and book exist on the internet... usually, the best one are not well know but if you seek, you will always find the right information...

For these who wish, they can download a free preview ( 49 pages, 1.1 MB ) of the book at http://www.rwfaq.com/FreeRWFAQ2005.pdf ...

Gentlemen,

May I remind you of the purpose of this secton.

The thrust is dedicated to providing a brief, yet comprehensive synopsis, and perhaps a few color comments on FAQs, not starting new battles over things which are always going to be *Hot Button Topics*. We have here three or four well thought out comments pertaining to one of the board's most often belabored areas, which I believe will certainly give any newbie a starting point if he has visions of nubile young sugarplumbs dancing in his middle aged brain.

I think this topic has been very well summed up as it stands. Well done, troopers.

Therefore, I am going to lock this thread for the time being. If any of the principals who have posted so eloquently above wish to get in a last word, please write up your thoughts and forward them to me via PM. If I see further comment breaking new ground, I will unlock the topic so that you can post additionally.

Fair 'nuff?

P.S. I have taken some editorial license and deleted a couple of the nonsensical posts which seemed more inclined to poke fun, rather than enlighten. One of which was my own tongue-in-cheeker, so you see, no one is immune.

Many times , the large differences in the ages makes the marriage more stable. The woman is seeking a man who will not have an affair with another woman, and economic stability. It is a tradeoff. The man gets an attractive woman with great sex, and becomes the envy of the men of his age. Do what is best for you

beattledog

If I were, say, 38, a woman 20 years my junior would be 18 . . . and that's a recipe for disaster even with NO cultural differences or immigration involved! :o In my experience, an 18 year old woman is going to be at least 5 completely different people by the time she's 21, and someone else entirely by 25.

By 27 or so, however, people mostly are who they are . . . perspectives may change, experience and even wisdom may be gained, baggage may be acquired, but the essential person is more likely to remain unchanged.

27 happens to be 20 years younger than I am right now, and about the youngest woman I'd consider dating, from there OR here. I've been lurking on several of these fora for a couple months, reading the archives, and my impression has been that those squealing about large age differences being a recipe for disaster have inadequate experience with women in general, and younger women in particular. ::)

No, you can't expect a 25 year old woman to act like a 50 year old woman, lol. But if you can manage to act like a 30 year old MAN---and take her places, and learn to have some fun again---it's not going to be nearly the problem some think it is. Seriously, some of y'all (not so much on this board, but still) seem to think once someone hits 50 their skin wrinkles up, their teeth fall out, their waistline balloons, and they get issued a walker and start dozing in front of the TV . . . lol. It's not quite so grim as that, I assure you!

Hugh Hefner is what, 80 now? And still dating women under 25, all of whom ADORE him? Sure, he's rich, he's famous, he owns Playboy . . . but if that were all there was to it, Guccione, Flynt, and all the other porn kings would be living the same life as Hef---and they're NOT. Hef understands young women, and knows how to create and maintain a "target rich environment" . . . and how to keep up. ;)

~Boar