Hello from Central Texas

[Texylvania]

Hello everybody.  I've been checking out different sites for a while and it seems many are a scam.  I came across this site last night and appreciate such a community and insight.  Looking forward to talking and learning. 

[Hammer2722]

Welcome.  Tell us a little about yourself...

[Texylvania]

Thanks.  I'm 38, a single father of 7 years. Been raising my son on my own since he was 6 months old.  I have my own business doing art.  I have a degree in film and hoping to get back to that at some point.  My luck meeting local women is horrible in that they tend to end up having some sort of questionable history or mental issues. When I have free time, I like to make stuff or workout.  I;m not big on talking about myself.  Is there anything I should mention specifically?   

[2tallbill]

Welcome to the forum.
You've found us here and the best advice I can give is read, read and
read some more

Here is a good place to start
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14615.0

Here is my story
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=3432.0


Udachi!

Bill

[BillyB]

My luck meeting local women is horrible in that they tend to end up having some sort of questionable history or mental issues.

Welcome to the forum Tex. Your bad luck can continue the in FSU if you don't choose wisely. Some men here have gotten involved with real losers.

[Bigtex]

Welcome Tex, I live in Central Texas as well.  I was told that FSU women aren't clammering to become step moms, curious to see if you get the same advise

[Sailor291]

Welcome Texylvania, I live in the DFW area.  what are are you thinking of looking, Ukraine or Russia or some other?  I believe there are alot of guys on this forum that have been in long term relationships, my wife and I are approaching our 18th anniversary.  So,  you can find your sole mate.  I wish you good luck.

[msmob]

Welcome Tex, I live in Central Texas as well.  I was told that FSU women aren't clammering to become step moms, curious to see if you get the same advise

Welcome Tex,

Having a child and raising him will be looked on as a plus by a FSUW who also has kids of her own ...shows responsibility.

[ML]

Welcome Tex,

Having a child and raising him will be looked on as a plus by a FSUW who also has kids of her own ...shows responsibility.

Your thoughts are invalidated by the comments here of FSU women and other women who know the mind set of FSU women.

This was covered recently in the Bigtex thread.

[msmob]

Your thoughts are invalidated by the comments here of FSU women and other women who know the mind set of FSU women.

This was covered recently in the Bigtex thread.

My opinion was 'validated by FSUW' I met and lived with on observing my behaviour with my kids ... 

[GQBlues]

...
Welcome Texylvania, I live in the DFW area.  what are are you thinking of looking, Ukraine or Russia or some other?  I believe there are alot of guys on this forum that have been in long term relationships, my wife and I are approaching our 18th anniversary.  So,  you can find your sole mate.  I wish you good luck.

 

[Boethius]

My opinion was 'validated by FSUW' I met and lived with on observing my behaviour with my kids ...

How old were your children?  Was she raising them? 


The advice to Bigtex was that FSUW are not usually interested in raising another woman's children.

[msmob]

The advice to Bigtex was that FSUW are not usually interested in raising another woman's children.

I didn't subscribe to the viewpoint - based on my experience with FSUW with their own kids over 35 yrs- when I was a little older than the OP .. I think it was a mistaken generalisation

How old were your children?  Was she raising them? 

My kids were 2 and 9 ( in the beginning ) and although their Mum had residency ( custody)  - I had Court arranged visitation rights on UK visits and visits to my home in Cyprus

I also base this on my observing 4 other guys with kids, ( from 5yrs  to late teenagers ) with whom I observed how their FSU wives interacted with their husband's kids.

I guess it depends on the circumstances of the divorces and the characters of all concerned - including the kids





 





 

[Boethius]

I've seen it mostly from the other side, where the FSUW treats her child differently (i.e., better) than she treats her husband's children.  In two cases I know of, the FSUW did not have children, and still treated her husband's child badly.  In each of these cases, the children were young, under 10.  In all the cases I am referring to, the father had primary custody of the children.


In one case, the children complained about their stepmother's treatment of them, and the father assumed they were exaggerating (their natural mother's parental rights had been terminated).  But, one day, the father came home from work early, and found his children locked out of the house and unfed by their "loving stepmother".  That ended the relationship.


I think when one has children, and particularly primary custody of them, one has a larger responsibility, and a primary responsibility, to those children.  Relatively few women, FSU or otherwise, have a Mary Poppins disposition.

[msmob]

Relatively few women, FSU or otherwise, have a Mary Poppins disposition.

Once again, not my experience.  I can only hope that those I'm thinking of will see this thread!

[Bigtex]

Sorry, to Texlyvania for hijacking his thread, but this conversation is the one I wasn't sure how to start. Please continue......

[tfcrew]

Welcome Tex, I live in Central Texas as well.  I was told that FSU women aren't clammering to become step moms, curious to see if you get the same advise

There are a lot of Moms out there [from everywhere] clambering to find stepdads and that's for sure

[Texylvania]

The last woman I dated treated her children much better than my son.  A few years back I dated a woman who treated him well.  I would figure the issue of how a woman treats a stepchild is more based on individual personalities rather than a regional thing. 

[msmob]

My observation, too

[Wayne]

Is your art business doing well enough to support you, your Son, a wife and perhaps additional children?

Are you willing to move and live in another country, or will you only stay in Texas?

You know, finding a wife in another country is almost always a very expensive adventure?

[Munshidasmanohar]

Have a plenty sex and make own baby is solving all problem. Mummy then all child, yes?

[2tallbill]

The last woman I dated treated her children much better than my son.  A few years back I dated a woman who treated him well.  I would figure the issue of how a woman treats a stepchild is more based on individual personalities rather than a regional thing.

It's impossible to love somebody else's kids as much as your own.
You can love them, you can try to hide that it's different but that's
How it works.

The optimal situation is the Brady Bunch scenario. She has three girls,
you have three boys and are all alone (add theme song here) that way
you can hide the differences in treatment with the fact that you treat boys
and girls differently.
 

[Texylvania]

I don't know if that was meant to be an argument but you didn't dispell my claim that how a woman treats a stepchild differs by each person.  If it's impossible to love a child that isn't your own as much as one that is biologically yours, I feel sorry for all the children who have been adopted. 
Wayne, I do well.  I was able to support myself, my son, an ex, and her two children.  I've been looking at sites for several years to know some women don't want to leave their own countries which is why I don't talk to those, and yes, all those plane trips would be expensive.  I've helped people move out of state, so I can imagine moving to a different continent is expensive.

[Bigtex]

I believe it's totally possible to bond with a child that's not biologically yours. It's logical to me that based on that anyone capable of love could naturally almost instinctively love a child as their own.

[Boethius]

That is true, but in cases of adoption, parents seek out children themselves.  Those children are wanted before they even come into the parents' life/lives.  They're not thrown together in the hope all will just work out.

In the Slavic republics of the FSU, men usually disappear from a child's life when parents separate.  There is a very strong view that children belong to the mother.  So culturally, it is not the same as in the West, and a comparison therefore is silly.  In living there, and knowing lots of FSUW, I have only known one who loved her husband's children like her own.  She was his fourth(!) wife, wives 1 and 3 dumped their kids on him, wife 2 died, and their child lived with that wife's parents, but visited her father often.  Wife 4 had one child, and they then had another child together.  She loved them all, and treated them all is equals.  But she wasn't a woman to whom a WM would give a second glance.

Not long ago, we had a poster whose RW decided the marriage wasn't working, and she was moving back to Russia.  He complained bitterly that she would not speak to his son (he had custody), and explain that the boy had nothing to do with her leaving.  Her response was the boy was his son.  Another poster's RW requested that he not see his stepchildren.  Ever.  Yet another abandoned her American husband's child when they divorced.  This is more common than harmonious, loving relationships, not only with FSUW, but also in Western marriages, where stepchildren are the primary reason for the failure of second marriages.


Men are going to do what they want to do.  I'm merely pointing out what occurs in the overwhelming majority of the FSUW marriages I've observed.

[Bigtex]

When you marry someone that has children, you don't just get "thrown together" or come home from the honeymoon to "surprise!"

By your experience 25% of one specific persons spouses were good with his kids. The fact that he married four times could insinuate that he possibly was part of the problem.

Her in the states the overwhelming majority of the mothers get custody of the children, so that mentality applies here as well.

It's counterintuitive to say that these are loving, nurturing, family oriented women, but not towards a child. Do they love their siblings, nieces and nephews?

[Boethius]

No, you don't come home to a surprise, but if you are marrying a woman from the FSU, in most cases, you've spent a few weeks here and there with her, and then 90 days on a fiancee visa.  You may be in love, your children have no say in the matter.

I lived in Ukraine for a lengthy period, I am from the Ukrainian diaspora, speak Ukrainian fluently (used to speak fluent Russian, but I haven't bothered keeping it up, but it's still better than that of 99% of foreigners), and I know a lot of FSU Russians and Ukrainians here.  Those communities tend to "stick" together, particularly through churches and cultural events.  So, I've seen a lot of marriages.  While I obviously am not a party to the marriage, nothing surprises me. 

The man I knew in Ukraine - first wife cheated on him, so he divorced her.  He was 19 when he married her, so that tells me that she was pregnant, and that, rather than some great love, was the impetus for the marriage.  This was extremely common in the USSR (i.e.,  young girl getting pregnant, and an early marriage).   Second wife died, so you can't really blame him on that one.  Third wife was a rebound to the death, cheated on him as well, so he divorced her.  The fact that he, as a man, had custody of all his children, suggests that his first and third wives dumped those children, because in the USSR, women almost never lost custody of their children, even if they were alcoholics.  So, I can't really say his marriages were all failures, only the third one, really.  His fourth wife was a gem, a really beautiful soul, and he stayed with her until his death, over 25 years.

American mothers may get custody, but in most states, joint custody is the default, and most men stay in their children's lives.  That is not the case in the FSU, at least not the Slavic parts.  You just can't say the situations are analogous, because they are not, in any way.

I disagree that being family oriented toward your family and not toward non biological children is counter intuitive.  Plus, I'm not the one saying they're loving and nurturing.  Some are, some aren't.  Just as everywhere else in the world.  The mistake WM make is to believe that FSUW are superior to WW in their "family values".  Again, some are, some aren't. 

[Wayne]

My wife is an exceptional Artist! I am also an Artist, so we have a lot in common. However, I can say from my experience, not many people make a suitable spouse for an Artist.

Everybody here is worried about your child--but I see that as a lesser problem to solve.

[Bigtex]

Boethius, I love reading your posts! I also like when someone takes a counter position to your stance. Your ability to debate a point is very impressive.

That being said, the gentleman that had two of four wives cheat on him may have been " trying to turn a hoe into a housewife" or some other issue within his martial home. Who knows, but I'm not thinking that his marriages are a good control for judging Fsuw women on any level.

My grand dad used to say even a bling pig can find an acorn, which may be the case with the second and fourth wives.

Also, cultural and religious ties can be seen here, Italian descendants and Catholics in New York come to mind

[Wayne]

The climate where you like is much different than in most FSU countries. It could take a lot to adjust!

Most FSUW would be from a city with public transportation. It might be a problem where you live? She might not drive?

Education and education level are considerations. How will she compare with you?