Women with young children (under 10)

[Sting23]

I've been talking with a few women and they have young children.  I have not dated a woman with kids before.

I am not opposed to kids but also not certain how to approach this.  Being the mother, she of course would need to spend time with the child and I wonder if this gets in the way of building your relationship.

I know several guys here have partners who had a child previously.  In the beginning stages what should I do?

[LAman]

What to do? Not much, you are getting to know someone. I do make it clear to girl I love kids and would love to have a family. All rest is finding out interest level.

[JayH]

Be sure how serious you are prepared to be  before getting too involved with a child -- like it or not  -- that is super serious territory.
Establish what the birth certificate says.Is the father or his family involved with the child?Will he--or has he-- signed the necessary releases?
You will be secondary to the child-- especially if it is a boy.
Much more to say along those lines !

The plus's -- my view is that the responsibility of a child tends to see the mother more mature and responsible,more structured and organised . So -- you can look at younger ages !! ( wait for it!!)  Chances are the girl will have had the child at a younger and less mature age -- and lt will not have been easy for her . So she will definitely not be planning on making it worse !
Generally speaking the younger the child ,the easier it is likely to be eg walking into 14yo life will not be easy -- a child used to having 100% of the attention will maybe have difficulty sharing.
Got lot's more for ya all.!

[Wayne]

In Russia and Ukraine, usually a child under the age of 16 needs both parents permission to travel outside of the country. Of course, if one parent has died you need the death certificate. If the birth certificate does not list the father's name, and the child has only the Mother's names, you might be good.

You do realize that the Father's given name--with certain letters added to the end, depending upon boy or girl, make up what we usually call the "middle" name?  Which is not listed in the middle!

[BillyB]

In the beginning stages what should I do?

Just be yourself and the child may grow fond of you. Some take longer than others. You can also observe the mother-child relationship to gauge the quality of woman you're dating. If you like kids and make a good father, it'll help the relationship you're in with the woman.


Some guys have come here and say the hardest part of getting involved with a woman with kids is trying to get the biological father to agree to let the kid leave the country. Some guys here used bribes, threats and legal action. Others had a good talk with the ex, promised to take good care of their kid, earned respect and got the ex to sign the paperwork. Some ex's don't care about their kids an will sign easily. Other exs would not sign no matter what. When having to choose between leaving their child behind for a man or their child, most women would break up their relationship with the man.

[calmissile]

I agree with most of the advice given here however.....
You indicated in your opening post that you are not opposed to marrying a woman with a child.  To me, this is far to noncommittal to even consider it.  If you have no children of your own, you have no idea of the responsibility you are undertaking by having a child be it adopted or your own.  My impression of your statement is that you would accept a child in order to marry the mother.  If you are not really wanting a child now, I would suggest not dating a woman with a child.

One of the posters made a point about the ability for the child to leave the country of origin.  My wife and I had extensive experience in the trials and tribulations of getting the fathers (or the courts) permission for the child to emigrate.  I would suggest that before dating any woman (with a young child) make certain that she already has the notarized permission of the father for the child to emigrate or a court order giving the mother complete control over the domicile  of the child.  Becoming romantic and falling in love and then later finding out that there will be big court battle over custody will not be a pleasant experience.  As I recall, there was a difference between custody (in country) and getting legal authority to remove the child from the country.  I believe all this was a result of parental kidnapping some years ago and no recourse for the parent left behind.  Best to research the laws and procedures carefully before making any plans or getting too involved with wedding and immigration plans.

It does appear to be true that FSUW are very protective of their children.  In our case, I did not find it overwhelming nor feel that I was second fiddle.  Perhaps I was just lucky.  My wife allowed me to discipline her daughter from the beginning.  We had a discussion about this in the beginning and got that settled at the get-go.  By the same token, my wife is a very loving mother and the kind of parent I would want to begin with.

Good luck.

[Wayne]

I know one Ukrainian family that immigrated to USA that has 11 children. However, that is very unusual! In most FSU countries, one or two children is the norm.

If you find a woman without a child, she will probably want at least one. Of course, you should discuss this.

If you find a woman with one child, she may or may not want another.

If you find a woman with two or more children, chances are she will not want another.