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Author Topic: Total Disasters.  (Read 7312 times)

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Offline Son of Clyde

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Total Disasters.
« on: February 24, 2006, 12:28:40 PM »
We are often reading of the misfortunes of others but what constitutes a total disaster?

If you have learned anything in the process is it a total disaster?

If you had good times with a person and later discover it just is not working, is it a total disaster?

I don't think any marriage or relationship is without it's problems and conflicts.

So maybe we need to redefine total disaster.

Look at the 25 year marriages that end when the couple grow apart. No two personalites are perfect or a perfect fit 100% of the time.

Offline Jet

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Total Disasters.
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2006, 07:10:06 PM »
[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:
Quote
We are often reading of the misfortunes of others but what constitutes a total disaster?

 

My one year marriage to my first wife was a TOTAL DISASTER. I've got 17 years of evidence to back it up if you don't believe me! :shock: 

(of course that was an AW so maybe it's :offtopic:)
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Offline Daknack

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Total Disasters.
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2006, 11:23:46 PM »
I think a total disaster is if one partner has lied to the other partner about life goals thus destroying years of trying to build a future that can never be... 

I think a total disaster is when your not right for each other to begin with, and that it was doomed to begin with.

I think a total disaster is when you are not sure you are right for one another and you force a marriage only to find later you dispise one another.

I think a total disaster is when one partner becomes someone they did not used to be and destroys the other partners life.

Total disasters dont have to be intended that way, and every cloud has a silver lining.  The Hindenburg was a disaster... but we have safer airtravel now.

Offline Rvrwind

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Total Disasters.
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2006, 03:51:23 AM »
A Total disaster for me would be 'waking up next to Star'!!!!!:shock::(

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Offline DogFace

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Total Disasters.
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2006, 09:37:30 AM »
A total disaster would be if "the situation" destroyed your ability to continue living your life.

Everything is a choice we make.  I lose my leg, can't play pro-ball no more, total disaster right? If I chose to quit living my life, yes.  My marriage falls apart.  Total disaster, total waste of a decade!  But now I can find a FSU bride.  It's my choice to either live my life or not live at all.

Also, what happens to other people can't be considered a total dost either, because it is someone else's life.  You can't "fix it" for them (live their life for them) and it still be their life.  And you can't take on their disaster, either.  That would be destroying your ability to live your life.  Besides, sitting around drinking coffee, talking about how some situation is a total disaster for neighbor x does not cut into my chosen past time of sitting around drinking coffee talking about some situation concerning neighbor x.  It is immaterial to my life.  Want some more coffee?

 

Offline Daknack

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Total Disasters.
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2006, 10:48:18 AM »
Yes please I take it with lots of creame and sugar, and just a splash of hazelnut flavoring :P

Offline Son of Clyde

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Total Disasters.
« Reply #6 on: February 27, 2006, 05:50:48 AM »
I think there should be another category: impending disasters.

Things can hover over the horizon for years before both parties just decide to give up. My parents were married 15 years and many of them were unhappy years and I will not go into details except to say it may be an indication of why I waited so long to marry.

My family was a religious catholic family (on mom's side) so the thought of divorce in 1963 was almost unheard of.

« Last Edit: February 27, 2006, 05:52:00 AM by Son of Clyde »

Offline catzenmouse

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Total Disasters.
« Reply #7 on: February 27, 2006, 06:48:38 AM »
[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:
Quote
I think there should be another category: impending disasters.

That perfectly describes my last few years with my CW (Canadian Wife). Best thing I ever did was to bring that situation to an end.
"Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal."
-- Louis K. Anspacher

Offline Daknack

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Total Disasters.
« Reply #8 on: February 27, 2006, 11:38:12 AM »
What annoys me the most about huge huge disasters, is that most people dont want to tell you about the massive error that you are making (unless its someone who just enjoys being nasty and no one takes them seriously).  With my ex-wife, nearly every single person saw the type of person she was and the car wreck that was going to happen.  Now only one of my friends had the guts to tell me this was a mistake (to his credit he deturmined this within about 5 minutes not even of meeting her but hearing me talk about her).  He continued with the advice to run (do not walk) until I proposed.  Even the lectures of his wife did not hinder him in telling me his thoughts.  Now everyone else said they kept quiet because they didnt know if I would listen.  For me (and I think many people), if one person tells you something like this you tend to ignore it.  If some people tell you you listen closely to it.  The odd thing is if most or everyone tells you, you ignore it again (some sort of weird human defensive reaction).  Because of my case, Ive since vowed to give my honest opinion on relationships early, loudly and often.  Even if they dont listen, you are content in having told them what they needed to hear.

Offline bongo

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Re: Total Disasters.
« Reply #9 on: May 05, 2006, 12:53:10 PM »
total disater is when you find your Russian woman you are about to marriage, have spend 3 years on her, and not to forget a fortune,  is a notorious liar.
She got a virus on her PC and had a boyfriend in Russia!..actually two to be precise.
+one in Finland,
+one in Germany
+One in Spain


Offline Nando

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Re: Total Disasters.
« Reply #10 on: May 05, 2006, 01:16:56 PM »
total disater is when you find your Russian woman you are about to marriage, have spend 3 years on her, and not to forget a fortune,  is a notorious liar.
She got a virus on her PC and had a boyfriend in Russia!..actually two to be precise.
+one in Finland,
+one in Germany
+One in Spain



My last girlfriend was Portuguese a beautiful woman, and had 2 boyfriends in 15 days (I am serious and not jooking) and after 18 of vacations with the second one (Dutch), left her 7 years old sun from the previous marriage and went to holland.

However I have pitty for the poor Dutch...He doesn't know what he has at home ;D
He is so naive id going to take years to find out

Offline jb

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Re: Total Disasters.
« Reply #11 on: May 05, 2006, 02:57:50 PM »
Clyde,

The fact that you started this topic worries me a tad.  You aren't trying to tell us something, are you?

Offline catzenmouse

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Re: Total Disasters.
« Reply #12 on: May 05, 2006, 03:01:40 PM »
IIRC this was started back around the time when PG was being told that he was heading towards a total disaster. It only popped back up again due to our lated incarnation of Tim7 AKA Troll Moron.

Ken

P. S. jb I like your new avatar. Kind of the softer sweeter jb look.  8)
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Offline viking

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Re: Total Disasters.
« Reply #13 on: May 05, 2006, 06:02:19 PM »
To be honest I am not having a good day. In fact it is pretty crappy.
Then I read this stuff about disasters. Damn, right between the eyes.

A disaster is when you lose your only child like my g/f in SPB. A disaster is when you lose your first wife to cancer after 12 years of marriage. Or you wake up and find your 7 month old son dead due SIDS. A disaster is when a woman is in a true absusive relationship, is in the hospital with broken limbs but feels trapped because her husband is ready to kill if she says something. A disaster is when your home is demolished because of Katerina. A disaster is when you lose your job, the bank is ready to foreclose, you barely have enough money to feed your family, well, this is big stuff.

All this other junk about maybe we spent 4 hours together and we are not right and I wasted 4 hours of my life or my gf had a boyfriend while we were going out (for 3 Years? what the heck did you expect and I assume you were a saint during this period of total indecision?) is just such total %^%&*&^%$##  BS, it blows my mind.  If you find a partner and you spend a few years together and its not right, move on. I am not going to believe it was the entire XX years anyway, maybe the last one. Its only a piece of paper for Pete's sake. It's not your LIFE.

(For those souls who believe in the sanctity of marriage, so do I, but when the vows no longer apply, then they no longer apply)

Dogface. You are right. You lose a leg and cannot play ball. Is it a disaster? Its your choice to move on, rebuild, or sit there and cry poor me.

""A disaster is when someone becomes some someone different and destroys the other persons life"".
How did this huge destruction take place? Did this person become a rapist, a major criminal, WHAT!!?? First we ALL change, ALL the time. That is life. And if we see this change happening and it is affecting our ability to lead a fairly decent quality of life, MOVE ON.

What is the fear here? Is it the money? Gee, I might have to pay alimony?  Is it ego, gee I have a failed marriage? You did not 'waste' anything. You experienced something that will make you better. It's called a learning experience. Some are longer, some are shorter, some are light and some are heavy. If you have a relationship that is not working out, go join the Peace Corps or some other human rights group, go to some country where children are starving and dying all over the place and, trust me on this, when you get home your situations are going to look very different.

Some of the things you folks are describing are PROBLEMS that need resolution. Not disasters. Lets keep our perspective here. Show me someone who never had problems in their life and I will show you someone who never got out of bed or is brain dead.(another disaster, being BRAIN DEAD AND NOT EXPERIENCING LIFE AT ALL)

And before someone asks, yes, some of these things were part of my life and I am still here, with love in my heart and hoping for the best. And my heart has so many scars on it, it would make your head spin. But it just beats stronger every day. It makes me appreciate what I am missing and what I do have.

And thank you all for letting me have my 15 seconds of venting. I am normally not so vituperious.

One last thing. I just know someone is going to ream me on this little diatribe, but I can take it as well as dish it out. So go for the gusto, I just did.
Tom Hanks in Castaway: You never know what the tide may bring in.
Viking: But you still need to walk along the beach to find it.

Offline Turboguy

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Re: Total Disasters.
« Reply #14 on: May 05, 2006, 06:35:57 PM »
jb, tell your wife to treat you well cause with those puppy dog eyes, you can have any gal you want falling at your feet.

Viking you are right.  Some of us use the word disaster a little too loosly.  Your definitions are correct.  I am guilty too.  I think I refered to my last trip to Russia as a disaster.   It was not.  Just a big clusterfuck.   Hope you feel better with that off your chest, now I will go check out trip reports and see if anyone is talking about thier latest successes or disasters. 


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Re: Total Disasters.
« Reply #15 on: May 05, 2006, 06:45:06 PM »
And thank you all for letting me have my 15 seconds of venting. I am normally not so vituperious.

One last thing. I just know someone is going to ream me on this little diatribe, but I can take it as well as dish it out. So go for the gusto, I just did.

viking,

There is something compelling about a message containing raw powerful emotion, which is also an irrefutable truth.

I don't know how anyone could take issue with what you wrote.

Thank you for writing it - and I hope your day (or your day tomorrow) improves. 

- Dan

Offline catzenmouse

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Re: Total Disasters.
« Reply #16 on: May 06, 2006, 03:43:21 AM »
viking,

 That was a very good example of a Reality Check for us here. As TG said, we do think and use the term disaster a bit too liberally and in 90%+ those situations are anything but a disaster. I may have a terrible day at work and feel like the situation there is horrible and I just can't take it anymore but the truth is that it is just a regular job filled with the normal BS that fills the corporate world (okay maybe a bit more politics as it is pseudo government) and it is not terrible or horrible as are most of the things that are referred to as a disaster. We will not die from them, we will not lose or limbs, our homes, our freedom, our sight, etc. Everything we go through will teach us and strengthen us if we allow it to and not become bitter because of it. For a good time I was headed down that bitter road and during that time I felt that everything in my life was a disaster. Today I look at it and see that almost everything bad that was happening to me at that time was due to how I was perceiving it and how I was reacting to it.

 Here's to a better day for you viking and to a productive and positive future for all of us!

Ken
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-- Louis K. Anspacher

Offline Son of Clyde

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Re: Total Disasters.
« Reply #17 on: May 06, 2006, 05:37:37 AM »
jb, I started the thread 2 months ago and you just saw it?

I like your avatar but I think a pit bull would be a better choice  ;D
My neighbor has a pit bull and our 15 pound Shih Tzu scares the dog away.
Whenever the dog enters our property he usually jumps on us to play. I trust this dog more than most. Our neighbor has been training him for months to only wander around the perimiter of his property, still the dog seems to like the neighbors. One woman ran onto another neighbor's property thinking the pit bull was going to attack her. Funny how one breed of dog gets such a bad rap.

Why did I start the thread? Because I had been seeing those words "total disaster" used on RWG very often, referring to a bad relationship or marriage to a RW.

Viking and Ken understand that there are more important issues in life than these "disasters" we speak of with RW that are no more than misunderstandings or someone having a bad day.
 

Offline PeeWee

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Re: Total Disasters.
« Reply #18 on: May 06, 2006, 07:11:32 AM »
To be honest I am not having a good day. In fact it is pretty crappy.
Then I read this stuff about disasters. Damn, right between the eyes.

A disaster is when you lose your only child like my g/f in SPB. A disaster is when you lose your first wife to cancer after 12 years of marriage. Or you wake up and find your 7 month old son dead due SIDS. A disaster is when a woman is in a true absusive relationship, is in the hospital with broken limbs but feels trapped because her husband is ready to kill if she says something. A disaster is when your home is demolished because of Katerina. A disaster is when you lose your job, the bank is ready to foreclose, you barely have enough money to feed your family, well, this is big stuff.

All this other junk about maybe we spent 4 hours together and we are not right and I wasted 4 hours of my life or my gf had a boyfriend while we were going out (for 3 Years? what the heck did you expect and I assume you were a saint during this period of total indecision?) is just such total %^%&*&^%$##  BS, it blows my mind.  If you find a partner and you spend a few years together and its not right, move on. I am not going to believe it was the entire XX years anyway, maybe the last one. Its only a piece of paper for Pete's sake. It's not your LIFE.

(For those souls who believe in the sanctity of marriage, so do I, but when the vows no longer apply, then they no longer apply)

Dogface. You are right. You lose a leg and cannot play ball. Is it a disaster? Its your choice to move on, rebuild, or sit there and cry poor me.

""A disaster is when someone becomes some someone different and destroys the other persons life"".
How did this huge destruction take place? Did this person become a rapist, a major criminal, WHAT!!?? First we ALL change, ALL the time. That is life. And if we see this change happening and it is affecting our ability to lead a fairly decent quality of life, MOVE ON.

What is the fear here? Is it the money? Gee, I might have to pay alimony?  Is it ego, gee I have a failed marriage? You did not 'waste' anything. You experienced something that will make you better. It's called a learning experience. Some are longer, some are shorter, some are light and some are heavy. If you have a relationship that is not working out, go join the Peace Corps or some other human rights group, go to some country where children are starving and dying all over the place and, trust me on this, when you get home your situations are going to look very different.

Some of the things you folks are describing are PROBLEMS that need resolution. Not disasters. Lets keep our perspective here. Show me someone who never had problems in their life and I will show you someone who never got out of bed or is brain dead.(another disaster, being BRAIN DEAD AND NOT EXPERIENCING LIFE AT ALL)

And before someone asks, yes, some of these things were part of my life and I am still here, with love in my heart and hoping for the best. And my heart has so many scars on it, it would make your head spin. But it just beats stronger every day. It makes me appreciate what I am missing and what I do have.

And thank you all for letting me have my 15 seconds of venting. I am normally not so vituperious.

One last thing. I just know someone is going to ream me on this little diatribe, but I can take it as well as dish it out. So go for the gusto, I just did.

I'm going in with the big Viking on this one. With the exception to the "vituperious" part. Until I have time to look it up in the dictionary, that is.

Peewee


Online 2tallbill

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Re: Total Disasters.
« Reply #19 on: August 20, 2021, 11:13:26 AM »
And thank you all for letting me have my 15 seconds of venting. I am normally not so vituperious.

I think it was a good point
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

 

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