"I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."

[OlgaH]

Ranetka,

I don't see it as the cross-cultural and translation issues, but mostly as the woman's excessive imagination and strange logic.  

Joke: During a date a man asks a woman inter alia : "Do you love children?". The woman grabs her phone and screams: "Mom, he just proposed marriage to me!"

[OlgaH]

Most RW wouldn't have stayed on the internet with you so long. They would have ignored you instead of engaging in all that small talk. 

If they are like that woman it's not such a big loss 

[Ranetka]

Ranetka,

I don't see it as the cross-cultural and translation issues, but mostly as the woman's excessive imagination and strange logic.  

Ah.   But then 60% so far DO see these issues. Would the OP choose to ignore 60%?

[OlgaH]

Ranetka,

I also was chatting... and when I did not understand something I always asked to explain, I did make my apology for my English in advance and even asked to correct me.  

Even now my husband, our relatives and friends correct me when I make mistakes and I'm very thankful to them because it is very helpful to me. We all laugh together when I pronounce something wrong.  Not a big deal and no drama    

[Ade]

Bizarre.

Anyone this touchy and determined to see the worst first and foremost when communicating with someone in a 2nd language is going to have awful problems trying to find a partner in another country. Damn, if she was so upset by such a trivial exchange then the OP was lucky to be rid of her. The first rule when communicating with someone in a 2nd language is to give them the benefit of the doubt and always, always ask for clarification if you feel insulted.

Ranetka,

next time that guy tries to be funny about your accent and you feel insulted, tell him. He's not psychic and unless you say something, he's just going to think he's being affectionately amusing. He probably only wants to get on your good side and has no idea you feel the way you do.

[Ranetka]

Bizarre.

.

Ranetka,

next time that guy tries to be funny about your accent and you feel insulted, tell him. He's not psychic and unless you say something, he's just going to think he's being affectionately amusing. He probably only wants to get on your good side and has no idea you feel the way you do.

I was not insulted, I was annoyed. I have no problems with jokes between friends, I laugh at myself a lot of times.
Commenting on stranger/someone you just met iaccent I think is bad taste.
\my friends bf had bad manners, it's not my business to teach him manners. I asked my friend to give him a hint for the next time we meet.
he was not mocking me, he was saying things like "Oh I love how you say this, this is SO funny, don't try to get rid of your accent, oh it's SO cute, God you do sound funny, oh you people the way you speak English is so cute, the way you frase that it was just SO adorable.

He upset me.

I am an engineer, I am looking for a new job. Being a female in engineering is hard enough without having funny accent. It's probably good for a shop assistant or a hairdresser, I do professional job and try to sound professionally.
Anyway, it was my moan. It s just dangerous commenting on someone accent if you do not know him/her.

It's not his fa
I am an en

[LEGAL]

I am an engineer, I am looking for a new job. Being a female in engineering is hard enough without having funny accent. It's probably good for a shop assistant or a hairdresser, I do professional job and try to sound professionally.
Anyway, it was my moan. It s just dangerous commenting on someone accent if you do not know him/her.

Ranetka I understand and agree he is not a worldly AM what do you expect and also depends on the comment.

[Ranetka]

I dance as a hobby. One of the things teachers always say is : You do not give unsolicited advise ot critisize your partner's dancing. It can be very useful for your partner but if you do it a lot to different people you might end up having no dancing partners at all. It is different if you know your partner well or if they asked you. I think the same applies to language.

[felix8787]

Hi RW how r u?
Today I go 2 c a cinema! 
What r ur plans for 2day?
How is life n ur c t?
My c t is gr8t.
I also have a 2ctr sports coupe.
LOL I just though WTH, I will go to ur c t and c u, we will have a gr8t time. c u in about 6 months!!

[chivo]

Commenting on stranger/someone you just met iaccent I think is bad taste.

Really?

my friends bf had bad manners, it's not my business to teach him manners.

I am an engineer, I am looking for a new job. Being a female in engineering is hard enough without having funny accent. It's probably good for a shop assistant or a hairdresser, I do professional job and try to sound professionally.

And this comment is in good taste? These are the manners which you so proudly exhibit. I happen to know a few RW who are hairdressers and they are beautiful people inside and out. They would never stoop so low as to think they are better than anyone else regardless of their position in life. That's class and good manners.

Talk about hypocrisy, I mean a lowly educated woman can talk like this but not a superior specimen like yourself. What a load of crap.

He upset me.

No you upset yourself. You are the one in control of your feelings, not him.

Ranetka,

I also was chatting... and when I did not understand something I always asked to explain, I did make my apology for my English in advance and even asked to correct me.  

Even now my husband, our relatives and friends correct me when I make mistakes and I'm very thankful to them because it is very helpful to me. We all laugh together when I pronounce something wrong.  Not a big deal and no drama    

Finally a RW with some common sense and a light touch. Someone a man would like to come home to.

No, I don't empathize with overreacting defensive brats.  Regardless of my language skills I would never be insulted by a foreigner trying to ascertain the meaning of my words.

Yes I went to the 130th but I also learned French and Japanese (much less fluently than English) and got to speak with native speakers who were frequently confused/amused by what I was trying to say.  Where's the offense?

That's what she was and there was no offense intended of course. Another women with some common sense.

The fact is the RW could have handled the situation much, much better and just moved on herself. No, she had to come off with an attitude unbecoming of anyone "with class". I'm shocked she spends the weekend without a man .

To the OP, move on and find another RW who doesn't have some chip on her shoulder. You did nothing wrong other than try to justify your actions/words to her. Next time you encounter a RW like this move on and save yourself the trouble.

[Ranetka]

I did not mean I was better than a hairdresser or the shop assistant. I used to work on production line and was a shop assitant too. It is just no good to have a cute accent when you are trying to sort problems on the factory floor or applying for a technical job position.
 am tryng very hard to elliminate my accent and when I realised I was not being succesfull it upset me.

And yes I think commenting on someone's accent other that "oh thats an interesting acccent, where is it from" is rude

[Ranetka]

And yes it is good for a hairdresser, shop assitant and lots of other different occupation to be funny and cute.
It is not always good in my profession.

[Ranetka]

Talk about communication failures.
All I did was explained that funny cute foreign accents are no good in my profession. Same as too much make up, mini scirts, high hills and lots of other things. Which are fine when I am not at work especially not on site with a new customer.
It has nothing to do with education or intelligence or  being a good or bad person.
I was accused of having a chip on my shoulder.
Did I offend you Chivo?
You did not ask for clarifying or anything you just call me hypocritical etc?

[chivo]

And yes I think commenting on someone's accent other that "oh thats an interesting acccent, where is it from" is rude

People tell me I have an accent when I speak Russian. Not only am I not offended by this, I think it's kinda cool.

I also think that you are a little "touchy" as you said about it, because of whatever reasons you have.

Most of the enginneers I know or have known aren't exactly the most talkative people in the world. Indians, Asians among them with heavy accents. The quality of their work is what any good business is intertested in. Not how they sound in an interview, or while doing business and believe me they sound funny and cute when they talk. 

[Ranetka]

I think being a female is a biggest issue here (not going to change that), I work in a male dominated industry, while female charm sometimes helps sometimes I do not want to be cute or charming or funny or sexy. So I do not need 007 girl thick Russian accent. Friends and long time collegues are different, I give them something to laugh about now and again.

Thye best I had so far: going on site re customer complaint. "Hi, I am Olga from xxx" ~ "Oh hi...Are you to take pictures? We thought they would send an engineer"

[chivo]

Talk about communication failures.
All I did was explained that funny cute foreign accents are no good in my profession.

Talk to the Indians and Asians. Believe me it's hard to keep a straight face when they talk

Same as too much make up, mini scirts, high hills and lots of other things. Which are fine when I am not at work especially not on site with a new customer.

Try it with a male client and see what happens 

I was accused of having a chip on my shoulder.

No I was referring to the RW in question with regards to this thread, not you.

Did I offend you Chivo?

Not at all, but you can see how easily words can be misunderstood and why everyone involved with communicating with people who speak English as a foreign language should be understanding of this fact, as well as the foreigners dealing with native speakers who are listening to what they hear as something a little different than the norm. The RW in question is no exception. The way I see it, she was rude.

You did not ask for clarifying or anything you just call me hypocritical etc?

I thought your comments were inconsistent. No clarification needed.

[Ranetka]

Talk to the Indians and Asians. Believe me it's hard to keep a straight face when they talk

I take it you do not tell them their accent is funny or that the way the speak is so hillarious? Because you know it would be rude?

[acctBill]

I think being a female is a biggest issue here (not going to change that), I work in a male dominated industry, while female charm sometimes helps sometimes I do not want to be cute or charming or funny or sexy. So I do not need 007 girl thick Russian accent. Friends and long time collegues are different, I give them something to laugh about now and again.

Thye best I had so far: going on site re customer complaint. "Hi, I am Olga from xxx" ~ "Oh hi...Are you to take pictures? We thought they would send an engineer"

Ranetka I lived in the UK for years and if that is the worst comment you ever had from a customer about you being an engineer then you were very lucky.  Some of my female accountants had far ruder comments from customers in the offices of some of the world's most well known multinationals.  These women were white and UK born, speaking English learned at some of the best schools and universities in England.

[Ranetka]

really? That's awful.
I thought accountancy was male/female equal ratio?

[Gator]

Ranetka,

It is a disgrace that in 2010 you still sense some sentiment against women engineers.  

As explained here, I had to fight this in the 1980s.  Women engineers helped make my company a success.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=12079.msg237927#msg237927

I suggest that you learn to ignore this behavior.  By ignore I mean "feel nothing" as well as "say nothing."  These other people are not enlightened.  You are better.

This concept applies in Tag's conversation with his RW.  I think everyone agrees that Tag was not clever, and even a little clumsy.  Yet, the RW in Tag’s conversation was no angel.  She knew that Tag was asking for an explanation, yet she elected to not give Tag the benefit of a doubt.  She did not ignore his style, and instead said "Paka."
 

[acctBill]

really? That's awful.
I thought accountancy was male/female equal ratio?

True there are far more women in accounting than engineering but business as a whole is still a man's world.  As I'm sure you've learned there is still a class system in England, combine the two and sometimes the younger women in business can end up being insulted by men who come from some of the better families in England and have had some of the best education that England can provide.

[FredC]

I think that unlike other smaller countries, here in the U.S., we are a country of accents. Having grown up in Boston and lived all over the country, people just enjoy hearing somebody talk differently. They sometimes voice their amusement, which if the person is self conscious can lead to hurt feelings.

[I/O]

Twist:

Who's responsible for her not being able to understand because her English is not as fluent as it might be, if in fact she wasn't just choosing not to understand? It isn't just the suitors fault now is it?

And...........this utter BS about being "mocked" is just complete rubbish. It is, unfortunately, VERY TYPICAL of the bottom side of Russia/ns. I've watched it for years and it doesn't impress. A feeble cringe mentality implying all the world is against us because we're Russian, successive and successful governments and in particular presidents of Russian have played this hand for as long as one can remember. If Russia and Russians really want o move forward in the world scene, it is time to ...............................FFS get over it!!!

Nobody, just because they don't say it the way "So Called Representative Russians" want to hear it, is deliberately mocking.

[SANDRO43]

Hey, I forgot how to change my avatar, who can help?

Doll, click Personal CP in the Personal Menu at left. Next select Forum Profile Information which will give you 3 choices, including:

- I have my own pic - for something from the Internet.
- I will upload my own picture - for something from you PC.

 

[Tag-n-bag]

You p*ssed her off not only mocking her English skills you also talking down using "you guys".
Your comment came across as patronizing. Making joke of someone's ability to talk, walk or whatever is not always funny for the recipient especially if you making a joke about the whole class of people.

If I were her I would have asked you who exactly are "you guys" and what exactly is so funny. And why exactly do you think it is acceptable to laugh at someones language skills, would you laugh at the disabled person's limping?

Her English is limited so whe had to be rude to say the same.

If you go back and read the transcript, you can see that RW made the "chinese english" comment first, not me. I've never even heard this expression used before. WTF is "Chinese-English"???

Like I said, the day before this exchange, she went off on some "bullshit" tirade about the women in Russia. I have no idea what prompted this since we were discussing her job.

Instant messaging is miles ahead of emails. It's much easier to spot a personality disorder with instant messaging. You can be fooled by email. I could have wasted weeks or months on this women with email not knowing once that she is a psychotic sociopath.

For God's sake, DO NOT place your pretty little face and thong tied derriere pictures and profile on a worldwide website advertising yourself as available for marriage, dating, pen pal, etc. if you do not want to be contacted by any American men! How numb nutted do you have to be to do something like this?