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Author Topic: My girl and our issues  (Read 7724 times)

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Offline ML

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #25 on: February 07, 2022, 05:32:19 PM »
I remember 'way back in the day' when we read here about FSU gals walking a  couple of miles in snow and below freezing temperatures to get on a minibus for a half hour or more ride to an Internet Cafe to read and send messages to her Western guy.
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline Jumper1

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #26 on: February 07, 2022, 07:41:00 PM »
I hear you. It is not quite that cut and dry but I have been letting her know as we go along this journey. Just so hard to let go of a beautiful woman and this is her only flaw. But I'm actually not a victim too. For some time after this realization, I've been talking to other women so I do have plan b, c, d. Once I told her we needed to pause and take a step back my guilt has subsided.

Her only* flaw ?

Is this the same CG from.long ago?

I will say if her only flaw is basically:
*She's just not that into you *

That to me is not a flaw in her or her character at all,(she has choices in life of course)
but it is the one and only flaw that actually matters in a RELATIONSHIP.

This reminds me of the unreality tv 90 day fiancee episode of the South African Syngin? And his um,   spouse to be* that took a couple of weeks or a month during the 90 days to travel.to south america (?)  Without him.
Dance the night away with pals and strangers, but tell him she simply  couldn't commit* to a text at night to let him know she was back to the hotel safe,  and a goodnight.
Maybe scripted show drama ,but certainly along these lines of not having time.its ridiculous.

That's not the level of love of commitment anyone should marry or even pursue a relationship with.


You've met this woman,you both have a committed relationship.
I'm sure she is busy,most young mothers are!!
The difference is ,any young mother  from.any country ,who had met a man they had real interest in would make time to chat at the very least some regular time.

To me it is that cut and dry,only the beautiful * part makes you excuse it in my eyes.

Granted your chats could be understandably  tiring or uncomfortable  if her English isn't good,but she should be communicating that to you or willing to talk briefly.

I assure you i would absolutely have dropped my beautiful  wife in 4.86 seconds if she had not actively
 communicated both before and after we met,between meetings etc etc etc.

This wouldn't be because I was worried about her seeing someone else,it would simply be I'd recognize our relationship wasn't a priority at all,not even a second place to her child. But more like 4th 5th 10th in her overall life lol

To be fair, my now wife did not have a child ,and if she did I would absolutely recognize a child came first in priorities ,as they should.
I'm certainly not demanding of someones time ,and more likely to be the person less communicative.
Even in a long term relationship/marraige it's one of the challenges of self improvement  for me.


However a non working mother unable to contact me at least semi regularly I would understand wasn't for me ,as their
 priorities to an adult  relationship  lay elsewhere, or i wasn't it.
i would understand and be completely OK with that,but I would certainly move on,and at lightspeed.

Right or wrong  regarding a given individual, that decision always works well and never leaves you guessing if someone is into you. I've always refused that behavior, or game ,in all its silly forms. It's a fairly common game in that culture though.pursuit by the make  is more than  a tad expected.

All that said, if you have other options you were speaking with  ,you certainly could have been giving off that vibe,
 and I would hazard a guess your *cough naive* romantic interest may very well.have that impression ,which might explain a lot.

You dint mention how much older you are.Not throwing stones, just pointing out its a possible  factor,
or  it maybe merely cold feet once she realized it was becoming more serious.
Most domestic emgagents don't see marraige, people tend to forget thats a big factor as well.

Good luck,but my advice would be to tell  her your feelings, which it seems you have, and with lack of response move on quickly.






Offline cameraguymn

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #27 on: February 07, 2022, 10:07:40 PM »
I read and appreciate your time to write your input. Well she's actually into me. I've had enough relationships to know there are so many variations and deviations from what you think is going to happen and what should happen but it goes in a totally different direction. Life doesn't follow an exact script. Relationships are exactly like how we envision or hope sometimes.

I'm not here to argue with anyone just kinda hoping that others might share a similar experience or offer better insight (2tallbill where are you). Maybe its not a thing for a Ukrainian woman to drop a "goodnight dear, can't talk much tonight..." But I've dated a few Ukrainian women before and they are not this nonchalant about daily messages. Our relationship is wonderful when we are together. She's into me. I'm not some schmuch like those disillusioned guys on 90 Days. I'm not socially awkward. I understand what a healthy relationship is. I don't jump to a jealous rage or unsubstantiated conclusions. I listen to my woman and I'm attentive and we have good flowing conversations about life, each other and society.

I'm a pretty open-minded person and I've seen quite a bit - can't say seen it all but a large breadth of different women. I've dated psychics and psychos, doctors, lawyers, tattoo artists, recording artists etc. I've dated American, German, British, Ukrainian, Russian, Polish, Czech, Chinese, Thai, Taiwanese, French so I understand cultural nuances and am sensitive to them - I've been to over 50 different countries. You really can't be that naive after seeing the world and having that much intimate relationships with different people. And I watch a lot of rom-coms. That's a joke - well not really.

I just looked at her pictures on my phone and she is breathtakingly beautiful but there is something missing and I think that if she would have been more attentive my eyes and my heart might not have justified me to stray. But in the end I might have to admit to myself that I might just be a dog and am looking for excuses not to accept this woman even with her few yet major flaws. It really sucks because I know I'd rather be with someone long term and in a real relationship than a half dozen around the world and in my city. I guess when the candy store is open it is hard to say no to all the variety of deliciousness.

Now in her defense she has improved but it is after three session of patient long-winded talks about this issue.  I just can't understand how she's not getting it even after we had three big conversations about it. I told myself I'd really like a fully formed human being and at this age you just want to cruise and live in the moment with your partner. I am tired of the games and miscommunications from my 20's and 30's. I'm not expecting a perfect person but one that should be able to adapt.

And I've spoken with enough people in Kyiv and Odesa that I understand apartments do rent for $200-$300 so the $500 I give her is enough for them to pay all the bills, have internet, have phone service, eat well and have some extra for other things that come up each month. She's my woman I don't want her to have to watch last penny or grivna. One of my friends went to the salon and her bill was $500 for that one session.

It might also be part of the power dynamic that I feel I am paying this money and that even though she doesn't have to be at my beck and call but at least give me more time and attention that I am given. That might be playing into the growing resentment of what are you doing with your time. She mediates, she does yogo, she helps her child with homework, deals with her parent's issues, cooks, cleans - all very plausible but then I come to the conclusion that she's not that good with her time and she doesn't make time for me and that is already bad. And the notion that yeah I am paying for all her expenses I should be given priority. I don't want to look at it like that but those feelings creep up even though you want to be mature or honorable about them.

I'd be curious what a female Ukrainian's take on this situation.

Maybe I have just have to take these little blindspots and see how she'll grow and change. In the few months since we've taken a pause I've met some interesting women but I've met double the numbers in scammers and materialistic women - soon to be a hot topic. So she is a gem. But she's not quite there and maybe it's okay to be not quite everything I expect and want.

We'll do one week of sun and beach together and figure this out.

Offline tfcrew

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #28 on: February 08, 2022, 12:12:54 AM »
... she's actually into me... I just looked at her pictures on my phone and she is breathtakingly beautiful... 
We'll do one week of sun and beach together and figure this out.
If she is that good looking, we might figure others think so too. They are probably not very good potential providers though. Hopefully it will all work out. 

Where is this beach?
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Offline Boethius

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #29 on: February 08, 2022, 12:29:47 AM »
And I've spoken with enough people in Kyiv and Odesa that I understand apartments do rent for $200-$300 so the $500 I give her is enough for them to pay all the bills, have internet, have phone service, eat well and have some extra for other things that come up each month. She's my woman I don't want her to have to watch last penny or grivna. One of my friends went to the salon and her bill was $500 for that one session.

Kyiv and Odesa are the most expensive cities in Ukraine, so you shouldn't really use them as starting points.

My SIL doesn't pay for an apartment, but she also gets no subsidies, and does very well on $200 a month.  Internet in Kyiv (unlimited data) is about USD$6 a month.  A woman's cut in a top salon is about USD$50. Colour can be anywhere from USD$40 to USD$200.

One bedroom apartments in the centre of Kyiv are around USD$600.  But go to Chernihiv, and they're under USD$200.  So it is very contingent on where one lives.

I am certain on a vacation, this woman will be good to you.  But if you want to know how she really feels about you, tell her you can't send her any more money, and see how "warm" she remains.
« Last Edit: February 09, 2022, 11:59:24 AM by Boethius »
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline GQBlues

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #30 on: February 08, 2022, 12:32:32 AM »
Is this the same CG from.long ago?

Dating ourselves here, but no AJ, this isn’t Marty. There’s also another member here with the actual handle CameraGuy, too but apparently that wasn’t him either.
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #31 on: February 08, 2022, 12:45:59 AM »
CG, if she is really 'breathtakingly beautiful' then you're telling us she us model beautiful. I'm taking that as model beautiful as you look at her image when you said that so none of she's beautiful on the inside but really everyday looking type of stuff.

So that said I would say if she is that pretty she will almost certainly have loads of other guys interested. Most likely local guys her age and sone she will take a similar liking too, quite possibly guts above average in looks. Now you may have dated lots before but have you considered the different dynamic going on here. You're an aging guy in your forties, early forties but all the same, now don't fool yourself that you are young looking for your age, even if that is so you'll still generally look older with obvious signs of age showing. I'm nearly mid forties, still have brown hair and just pick out the odd white hair here and there, I'm not receding or thining balding at all or anything. Facially I don't have a lot of wrinkles safe for a few around the eyes although my skin is not as youthful looking as it probably once was, it's not real bad but again signs of age. So the point is don't fool yourself, you're an old guy in her eyes and your trying to make a go off it with a young hot model girl in her twenties who is by your words, 'breathtakingly beautiful'. I know it's easy to get sucked in by their beauty. I'm not saying such a relationship has never worked but I don't think it often does. I think you have failed to notice the pitfall as you've never been in such a position before. In the past you've been younger, the age difference less, the prettyness of the girl likely not so great, there hasn't been cultural differences so much and not language issues as much.

You may have been an above average naturally good looking guy, but time has gotten on and although still fairly decent looking time has likely taken it toll. You just can't really expect the good times to keep coming as they once were necessarily. You can't pretend you are still in your twenties or even early to mid thirties where you would be in the age range of such a girl. Having a challenge is one thing but you're trying to buy your way in this one $500 a month. You've gotten to the point where you are deluding yourself in my opinion. That girl will almost certainly be knocking around with sone hot looking local guy in his twenties, or at least decent enough looking. Girls out there will talk to guys about all sorts of cr*p and pretend to be interested, talk is cheap as Japs/DK & Ukrainians say, don't buy into it.

I think you are also equating how money is valued around where you are as not much and not really realising how much it is worth in Ukraine. In my view she quite possibly may have respected you at the outset to some degree for your wealth. Over time as you gave her money that respect went down and down with each payment. I think you have been literally doing your relationship much damage beyond what she is doing locally by giving her all that money. It's even money most UK peeps wouldn't sneeze at or probably US as well.

I think you have to ask yourself why the trip to Bali? All expenses paid on you no doubt. I would once the Russian threat is lifted (if) go over and see her there or go on a trip to Turkey, Eastern Bloc country, Romania, etc if wanting to stay safe out of Ukraine. I know Bali is less of a distance for you but it makes it more like you are trying to entice her with what you can offer her. I just think you are kind of out the loop with her life and living so far away probably doesn't help. That's why I'm much more for living in her country with her, that's where real relationships happen and where you are in the loop, it's not easy I know chucking in a well paid job or whatever for a while and renting out your pad to get some independent income in but I think it's way better to be there with her if only for a few months before both moving your lives immediately to the US it wherever than a fly in & out Joe from a long way away who can't fly in a lot because if the distance, work, time, etc. You've got to ask yourself how much you're willing to sacrifice on this venture and for a model looking girl she ain't going to be hanging around waiting for whether and when you might show up in my opinion.
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Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #32 on: February 08, 2022, 01:01:31 AM »
If she is that good looking, we might figure others think so too. They are probably not very good potential providers though. Hopefully it will all work out. 

Where is this beach?

+100 to that tfcrew.

They needn't be good providers though CG's money is handling that side of things for them.


CG, let's face it the hierarchy of most girls anywhere goes something like this:

The top girls
1). Model looking girls.
2). Single Model looking girls with kids.
3). Everyday looking girls.
4). Single Everyday looking girls with kids.
5). Ugly girls.
6). Single Ugly girls with kids.

Now you can adjust up or down a place depending on whether she has good or bad personality or down a place for being overweight or whatever, but that is essentially it. Her personality as Boe says may depend on what she is getting off you. Many model looking girls expect to get stuff especially if the guy is older, once they have gotten stuff they are not so bothered about the guy.

I think the whole thing of some foreign guy probably moreso older foreign guy coming over and giving a girl a stipend a bit strange. A lot of the other girls that are average looking probably wonder, hey I wonder if I can have that also! But they'll know it's generally just the pretty looking girls and even then will likely be some much older guy that she'll have to have sex with even if not that into him. It probably won't be seen as the usual done thing to them. I think it can almost look like you're trying to keep this girl on a retainer CG to give you fun times when you're around. That is possibly what she may associate it with now. Anyhow, I know you have probably heard a lot of disagreement with you on this now and not meaning to give you a hard time on it. I'm not sure you can see the wood for the trees as you're (kind of) with this girl, she is breathtakingly beautiful, she gives you air time and you perhaps haven't taken into account you're no longer near the young category age group of adults. I found that not a great thing to come to terms with and passive denial can creep in. About four years ago I was in a slightly similar position to you, knocking around with a girl 14-15 years younger than me, briefly. I know it's difficult to pull away from and signs can be seemingly plus & minus but if something isn't adding up or not quite right its probably because it is. I kind of just feel that it's another case that you are not really with this girl even when you are or think you are.
« Last Edit: February 08, 2022, 03:13:00 AM by Trenchcoat »
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Offline Steven1971

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #33 on: February 08, 2022, 03:10:36 AM »
CG - Believing someone has feelings for you is one of the most powerful drugs going.

I have been in a situation post divorce where there were so many red flags flying the North Korean politburo would think it was too much.  I have also been scammed financially in my life. Not life changing amounts, but enough to feel incredibly foolish afterwards.

I understand fully the feeling it is easier to continue being conned rather than admit you have been duped. A few leave voters in my country are probably experiencing this sentiment even if Trench isn't.

Not a single reply here has said don't worry, she's the gal for you. It feels like you posted here in the hope  that someone, anyone, would reassure you. It's hard to let go. If you can afford to keep chucking $500 a month then in the short term it might help to wind down your feelings. At the very least talk to other women at the same time and see how busy they are to talk to you.

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #34 on: February 08, 2022, 04:47:27 AM »
I've got to admit if someone told me the model girl I was seeing, briefly, four years ago wasn't into me I wouldn't have been convinced. There was what seemed some good signs there but also a few not so good signs, different signs to what CG is having as not so good signs and while possibly as bad I don't think so obvious or at least not to me and my knowledge or lack thereof. Anyhow I probably wouldn't want to know or like it and to be honest I was kind of happy during the time it lasted so on balance it wasn't such a bad thing not knowing. Any into me that she was I think was because she thought I was wealthy and for the stuff she wanted, I don't think she was ever into me attraction wise but then again many girls out in Ukraine probably marry local guys they are not attracted too if they are well off enough, it all of course and not likely so much older.

Anyway CG, I think you have to learn from this yourself like I eventually did from the girl I was with. I think you are set in your mind on this Bali trip and are already excited and looking forward to it. I think you will have a great time on it most likely, much fun so I wouldn't see it as a negative but I don't think the relationship is a goer. I would say just enjoy the holiday with her then the relationship will probably be on its last leg. I'm not sure if there is anyone who has made a success of such a relationship on here like you seem to have CG.

What I would ask you CG is does this lady have a social media page, most do, whether it's VK, Facebook, Instagram, etc. Are you on it and down as in a relationship with her on her social media page?
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline Steven1971

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #35 on: February 08, 2022, 05:55:18 AM »
As an aside I recommend the Russian website Findclone http://findclone.ru/

First time usage is free thereafter little more than a dollar for 40 searches.

It has saved me many times both in effort in looking for someone and also from a scammer when trying to establish if a woman had a social media presence.

There have been occasions when it would have been otherwise impossible to verify a woman due to either not having her birthday, correct place where she lives or a very old photo.

When Findclone finds a clone there is a good chance it is her. Not always, but often. Below clone level there are profiles which are similar. Occasionally I have found the woman there.

It is restricted to searching VK so over time it will be less effective if there is a further drift towards Facebook and Instagram.

Offline Jumper1

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #36 on: February 08, 2022, 12:05:17 PM »
Dating ourselves here, but no AJ, this isn’t Marty. There’s also another member here with the actual handle CameraGuy, too but apparently that wasn’t him either.

ok,yeah that's pretty far back?
Decades?
Ugh.hahahaha.

Not managing time well enough to call a couple days a week,but beautiful yanno.
Got it.

Pretty sure a Ukrainian man(or woman)  two cities over would not find that the normal* relationship courtesy, or interest.
Whether its just her personality trait or not.

So the cultural  question thing just threw me...

Overall my experience living in eastern euroland and married to women from that culture is if anything they tend to do more reaching out often from both a  built in guilt in obligation of common courtesy to a partner ,
and in being truly interested in hearing from the other party.

But woman are women everywhere ,and there are a million types.
And a million types of men.

The old expression-
 there's a hat for every head.

🤣


Offline Jumper1

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #37 on: February 08, 2022, 12:23:49 PM »
CG,
You seemingly  are supporting her while headed to visit others.
She meets your relationship expectations when together ,but doesnt seem to make time to do that  when apart.

You seem to ruffle that I felt shes just not that into you, amd you knowing her in person certainly have more insight.
But you also don't seem all that into her.

You had doubts thinking it might be cultural and I'd say no,not at all.

Taking support and being distant is not a cultural norm there.
🤷‍♂️

Offline tfcrew

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #38 on: February 08, 2022, 01:18:04 PM »
I am going to bump an older very relevant thread to this one----

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=23385.msg500403#msg500403
See the video...
Quote
Don't be this guy
...... from Davo [Reply 5]

There was something mentioned about dmnotify.com which [still around] looks like a decent enough site for guests and newbies to explore.



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Online 2tallbill

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #39 on: February 08, 2022, 01:59:52 PM »
Honestly I could marry her and live with her. But with my last trip I feel there is something
missing. That spark. Those deep talks. Maybe we just need a trip the two of us without the
child. That is my last hope unless Putin invades Ukraine.


There is something missing. The thing most guys find it hardest to do is to dump a very hot
woman, but that's what you've got to do. If you had not been sending money then I might
recommend a trip to see her.

You've found a hot girl but not a good girl. Forget about any trip to visit only the mother,
what does that do for you? A good girl would be attentive enough either way. Don't make
excuses for a woman's behavior because of her physical looks.

Stop sending her money, dump her and move on.
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #40 on: February 09, 2022, 09:37:35 AM »
One thing I decided on during the pandemic was not to bother too much with messaging FSW. I knew that it would be ripe territory for FSW to ask for help (money) to help them through the pandemic whether through just messaging them or having met them. Messaging/video chat alone no way would I give money. Having met and formed a relationship usually the answer would be no as it would usually denote a scam to my mind. The pandemic though was a unusual situation as Ukrainian government help though there was limited. Before a guy could say, ok she has survived ok so far in Ukraine chances are she'll survive without help from me so need be at risk of being scammed. The pandemic though kind of made it a bit more uncertain probably especially if the girl had a kid. If a guy met, formed a relationship it may seem heartless not to help her out.

I think in this case CG made the mistake of giving way too much. I also think the signs very much suggest that she us not in need of this money, that he is unfortunately being scammed. That is one problem the pandemic had opened up, this girl seems to be taking advantage of CG's generousity. The relationship to my mind is a goner at some point it likely just a case of when.

I choose to spend the pandemic time on self improvement and doing up my place. I could have gotten out to Ukraine briefly at the end of last Summer but it was still kind of difficult. I think moving forward there is no real obvious need now to send a girl money as although the virus situation rattles on the pandemic with lockdowns, lack of vaccine, etc is over. If the Russians go into Ukraine then that's that.

I think overall CG started from a low base on pay per letter sites so he was likely prone to this sort of thing happening. I myself have had stuff happen so as I've found it's just really learning from that stuff and hopefully doing better next time.
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline toucan

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #41 on: February 15, 2022, 04:56:19 AM »

I understand she is very naive and we have some cultural differences.

Oh, my! Do such naive guys exist anymore? ))
Man, she's playing you like a fiddle
Such a sad story bout smart Ukrainian girl and extra kind American guy 

Offline Dell

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Re: My girl and our issues
« Reply #42 on: February 18, 2022, 04:38:01 PM »
You are being played stop paying her bills. Ukrainian women that are interested in you will want to talk chat with you on the phone as much as possible. I live in Ukraine and can say you are being played. Plus why would you pay a woman’s bills you have seen a few times? Crazy! 

 

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