Breaking up with my Ukrainian GF

[cameraguymn]

She's very beautiful. She speaks English well. Has two degrees. But after a year and three visits there seems to be something missing.

She's in Russian-occupied territory.

We all know work, jobs, commerce has stopped in those areas. I've been feeling we've been growing apart even before the invasion and now I'm torn. But I'm torn with providing her hope vs feeling guilty by providing her with false hope. There is nothing she does these days but just sit in her apartment and sometimes basement. I have a sense of responsibility to help support her even if we officially end things but in my head,  till the end of the year.

Of course I feel like a donkey breaking up with her during this time but I want to be honest with her and also start my journey again. Should I just keep up the charade because she may not have much else.

The floodgates are wide open --

[Trenchcoat]

She's very beautiful. She speaks English well. Has two degrees. But after a year and three visits there seems to be something missing.

She's in Russian-occupied territory.

We all know work, jobs, commerce has stopped in those areas. I've been feeling we've been growing apart even before the invasion and now I'm torn. But I'm torn with providing her hope vs feeling guilty by providing her with false hope. There is nothing she does these days but just sit in her apartment and sometimes basement. I have a sense of responsibility to help support her even if we officially end things but in my head,  till the end of the year.

Of course I feel like a donkey breaking up with her during this time but I want to be honest with her and also start my journey again. Should I just keep up the charade because she may not have much else.

The floodgates are wide open --

Was this the real pretty girl with the kid that you were supporting as her sponsor CG?

I'm guessing the girl is either in Kherson, Melitopol or the little that remains of Mariupol?

Anyhow if she's in Russian occupied territory it will be pretty impossible to visit those areas and probably very difficult for her to get out, the Russians will say what goes down there.

Depending on how things go there is an off chance those areas may be liberated in the next few months. Whether they remain so who knows. Why is she costing you a bit now? Could always reduce the amount you send rather than cut it off altogether so to avoid any chance of being inhumane. Guess it's a situation of you paying the money but still getting no honey

[ML]

You can feel bad about being a donkey, or continue with being a mule.

Mules don't even have sex; or at least they cannot reproduce.

[krimster2]

if you have such a close relationship, then why don't you JUST ASK HER about the nature of the "problem"??
a radical idea, right?

why are you supporting her in the first place, without some kinda commitment towards her getting a k-1 visa?
what's the point?

why after 3 visits, no commitment from her
QUITE ODD, Mr Holmes!!

that right there would trip an alarm
that sez
she ain't REALLY that into ya or moving

so yeah, breakin up

but remember
for every door that shuts

a new one opens

[ML]

but remember, for every door that shuts

another one opens

That's what happened with a car I used to have.

[LAman]

We all know work, jobs, commerce has stopped in those areas. I've been feeling we've been growing apart even before the invasion and now I'm torn. But I'm torn with providing her hope vs feeling guilty by providing her with false hope.

 
The floodgates are wide open --

It's called ' honeymoon is over and reality sinks in '
Move on

[size=78%]'honeymoon is over and reality sinks in.....It's called [/size]

[cameraguymn]

So she says some of the people in her area can be moved to Crimea because they expect heavy fighting there soon. I'm not sure that is a good idea but her family seems to think so.

We're still talking daily but now it is really out of obligation.

Well - people fall out of love all the time. It was an amazing courtship and first visit. I think I might just be one of those guys that like the chase.

[Trenchcoat]

So she says some of the people in her area can be moved to Crimea because they expect heavy fighting there soon. I'm not sure that is a good idea but her family seems to think so.

We're still talking daily but now it is really out of obligation.

Well - people fall out of love all the time. It was an amazing courtship and first visit. I think I might just be one of those guys that like the chase.

Sounds like Kherson, if so I'm surprised if you're getting any communication out of there as apparently it's nearly all cut off from communication with the west. The Orcs have apparently cut the internet with Ukraine and and no real link up with the Russian network.

If I were her I would definitely leave for Crimea. Odds are the Orcs will insist on her getting a Russian passport but it's either that or risk death in another potential Mariupol situation except it being the Ukrainians attacking. Even if the Ukrainians don't attack (as I think the risk of high civilian deaths may put them off) the place is apparently around starvation levels already. The last bridge linking Kherson to the Russian side was blown the other day and now they are just down to a ferry. So starvation is the dismal reality facing Ukrainians in Kherson now. Unfortunately Winter is also on the horizon so things are likely to get very bleak there indeed barring a miracle. So basically I can't see any life staying in Kherson or anywhere like that. That you are still on decent terms I would do your best to press upon her the seriousness of the situation and if she wants any life to get out now while she still can, if she can. If it were me and it was a girl who I was still in good terms with from her end I would be ready to assist her in any reasonable way in such a situation.

[2tallbill]

I might just be one of those guys that like the chase.

I loved the chase. I really, really loved it. I hated starting over, but that's
exactly what you need to do now. Women are like busses, there is always
another one coming by. The best way to get over a girl is in the arms of
another.

I recommend that you break off communication with her and put better use
to that time to start pursuing other women that aren't in Ukraine. Belarus,
Moldova (NOT Transnistria!!!) and the Stan's have plenty of attractive, educated,
high quality women to pursue that sincerely want marriage and a family.

Or you could continue wasting time, emotion and money
on the warzone girl.
The primary reason to do this is because
1. You are getting younger and need to waste lots of time.
(The Benjamin Button scenario).
2. You enjoy emotional turmoil and heartache.
3. You have too much money and don't know how to spend it all.
 
Unless all three of those are happening, then you need to move on.

[cameraguymn]

I suppose I might compromise on my idea of settling. I'll settle to settle.

I probably won't find a more beautiful woman who speaks good English and has my trust. But she does have some little quarks that annoy me. They shouldn't be deal breakers to any normal person but I'm stupid and super sensitive and over think things.

I have a better chance of seeing her in Crimea than near Kherson. Maybe seeing her in person will ignite something again.

[2tallbill]

Maybe seeing her in person will ignite something again.

Once a woman from the FSUW is done with a relationship they will usually
treat you like milk past the due date. It's highly unlikely in my opinion that
you will re spark the relationship. HOWEVER if you were going to do it this
is what it would take. Getting on a plane and telling her that she needs a
man like you who will scale the castle walls and fight the black knight and
the dragons between you.

I'm not going to tell you what to do, you are a grown man and have to figure
out these things for yourself.

I want you to succeed, I really do. In my opinion the best way to do that is
to find a different girl who really wants you and really wants to be with you.
That's only my opinion. I don't know all the details or the situation like you
do.

Udachi!

Bill

[cameraguymn]

I've met so many scammers or women who are just after money. I hate to say this but through experience, Ukrainians are the worst. The genuine and decent ones don't have the physical attributes that would keep me excited. I'm not all about the outer beauty but she has to be decent.

It is difficult to meet a genuine person. It's not her it's me. I'm the one who wants to end things.

[Boethius]

Ukrainians are not the worst.  The difference is that most men concentrate on finding a woman in Ukraine, rather than elsewhere.  Therefore, there is more of a chance of meeting a scammer.

No offense intended, but you sound immature.  That's partially why you are attracting scammers rather than genuine women.

[Jumper1]

I've met so many scammers or women who are just after money. I hate to say this but through experience, Ukrainians are the worst. The genuine and decent ones don't have the physical attributes that would keep me excited. I'm not all about the outer beauty but she has to be decent.

It is difficult to meet a genuine person. It's not her it's me. I'm the one who wants to end things.

Generally i'm.the polite guy here.
However i'm.going to be blunt.

You know its you.
You openly admit(kudos for self awareness and openess ) to being annoyed easily ,distracted,and enjoying the chase etc.

Thats not descriptive of someone in love.

You knew it was you before starting this relationship.

Do.yourself ,and the women involved,a favor and date at home,or be completely transparent in the fsu thay you are just having fun.

The assumption there is a default ,that  if you are traveling abroad its initially just a date,but further on its seriois minded and marraige, thats inheirent in the culture.

Yes they are adults and can make choices, but you also knowingly dont seem remotely ready for any kind of true commitment and want to date in a culture where the.default after a month of two is to be planning marraige.

You may disagree, but yiur feeling and actions embody the stereotype of a sex tourist .
Regardless if its a one night stand or 6 months fling, its not serious to you.
Thats certainly fine.,if both parties are aware

I can be fairly certain she has  no idea your true feelings or youd be toast,and she will be jaded regarding this scenario.
    So yet another beautiful, solid woman that looks at this as a waste of time,then you  of all people , complain that there are too many scammers.

After 100,000 + versions of you annually,for 2 decades, , it might just make an impact in the small percentage of the population that would even consider this in the first place


I know it sounds harsh,and im sure you have some valid  justifications.
I also recognize things often just dont work out.

But i'm telling you how it looks after reading your various posts here, and it reads like a *how to not waste your time on western men* flyer for the average fsu women.
They are generally very pragmatic,as such should any of them  get.involved until.you sort yourself out?

Im happily married so no skin in this game.
Just calling it as i see it,(and i bet im.pretty close to how a fsu women there
would see it if privy to your posts and thoughts )

[Trenchcoat]

I think you could have something here Jumper.

I think you're probably right in general. Could it be that CG genuinely started out wanting a genuine relationship, the girl was hot, but the chemistry wasn't really there, but she was hot. The relationship went on, he supported her financially as he told us, she thought he was serious because of that, but it was CG that wasn't really feeling it rather than her so much. Hence the long calls to her where he was trying to get into the relationship and try and 'feel it' but just couldn't. Each time either conning himself that she had come around to him or it was her not into him.

However now it seem that CG has finally realised he doesn't hold enough chemistry with this girl. So he is bummed that he has spent so much money for so long on her and because he feels aggrieved at that it easies he mind to think she was a scammer out of buyers regret.

[cameraguymn]

Sorry just ranting. Me wanting to break up with my Ukrainian girlfriend is lamenting that I have to start over. She is a very sweet woman and one of the few that are. I also know many wonderful Ukrainian people and guides.

Having said that before I met my GF I would meet a number of Ukrainian women. Often taking me to the cleaners or trying to. It is just hysterical. One Ukrainian woman wanted us to go on a trip and said her passport would cost $800. She took me to a shop for bikinis and they were $600 each. It is easy math. The average wage was about $500-$600 month and she wanted me to buy a bikini that was a month's salary. And the shop looked like a flea market not even a high-end shop.

One Ukrainian woman just happen to be celebrating her birthday when I visited her. She wanted a $800 parfume.  Same woman wanted us to go to a concert that costs $1,200 for three but sold inside of an electronic store and no music or concert promotions around the place. But she was hot - a 10 on any

Dinners that would cost $400 for two with two glasses of wine.

Recently I met a Ukrainian woman in Amsterdam and after having a pleasant conversation with her at the airport she demanded that I give her $200 for the privilege of the conversation.

My blanket statement was of course wrong but the gist of it is that the scamming and money entitlement DNA is quite often found in many Ukrainian women before and during the war.

Story after story of stuff like this.

[Jumper1]

CG,

Yet you are only starting over because you are choosing to get.out out of a relationship withba beautiful sincere
woman
I agree you should  if you dont love her ,as is apparent.

To someone looking ,
You are tossing the pearl.in your hand  back.in the sea..whilst complwing about just  how hard it is to find an oyster with pearl  inside. 


   I certainly believe you had those bad experiences.
As you mentioned many many men have.

Yet very few ukrainian men ,if any, have any issue.with this
 why?
(Because they arnt looking on international dating sites and because they can sort that out in one  phone conversation or email.exchange)


As far as your girlfriend,no shes not one of the few sincere women there,she is one of the few that you met.
Thats a big distinction.
Most women in ukraine are.sincere and arnt the pro dating crowd you bring.up.
Granted most sincere women anywhere are already in stable relationships or married.


Nyc has long had a very well known gang of *hot  young predatory russian/slavic pro daters exactly as you describe.
Various articles about it ,as it was so well known.
That.doesnt mean the average slavic woman in the usa is insincere or of that gangs* mentality. There.are half a million normal  fsu women in.my nearby city.
It also doesnt mean the nyc men dating that crew, dont know exactly the scenario ,they do! and are ok with it.

Ive met a lot sincere women in ukraine,they far far  out numbered the pro dater crew .

In fact the only true  pro dater i actually went on a date.with i knew very very well ahead of time what she was probably like.
I had spoken on the phone and email and it was pretty apparent without any direct gift requests *yet.
I met her out of mere curiousity as she was  the main banner ad girl for a major international  agency and i was in her city.
We even discussed  the phenmenon of it on our date(which i think both recognized as just mutual curiosity,as a truly sincere man was as rare to her then , as a pro dater was to.me lol)
She was completely open about it,as i was open about.why i met her. We had some laughs about the goofyness of it all , wished each other.well in our goals*,  and went.our seperate ways.

Did i communicate initially with a lot of women i felt were insincere? Sure,but i dint meet them.

I'm nothing special, nor do i have any special skills in filtering dates.
However i had zero issue in meeting sincere women as the majority.
 The pro daters and scammers  certainly existed then in just as many numbers or percentage as now,and they were pretty easy to sort out .
There was the typical agemcy scams, taxi scams, shopping scams (where the girl takes the item back or gets a kick back from.the vendor in a pre arrangment) resturant scams ,flat rental scams, etc etc etc that there are now.


Im.not poking you, im.just saying you might need to look at your approach as something in your filter seems off if this result is common for you.

My guess? You arnt that serious, and honestly if she is a 8- 10 you meet her despite your  inner voice telling you plainly shes a pro dater.
(No not all 10s are,i am.just thinking you meet them regardless then complain what motivations they have)

I do absolutely agree that some women are drawn to use their looks as a means to a material.end, and within the international dating area it has drawn a disproportionate amount of that.

However its on you to filter  , and avoid it  if you choose,and no i dont think thats difficult to do.
It does take time to weed thru PRIOR to meeting.

As far as lamenting starting over i get that.

But i do think the root.issue of *why* you are starting over is you.
Not pro daters.
Not the beautiful sincere woman you met and dated a year.
(Which in her country would have meant she.was at zags already).

So advise to sort yourself out,and sort out your filtering method.

Full transparency ive been.married twice to fsuw.
My looking there was a  decade apart.(as the first marraige lasted 7.years)
Neither time was difficult to find sincerety.
I take full responcibility for the first marraige.not working,as you can allow yourself to love.someone that you know likely  isnt truly compatable long term, id say she also knew this and was an adult making a decision like all.of us.
, but like many relationships hope to change your partner to your preferences ,or adapt to.your partner.
But long term.for us, that got to a point of mutually understanding that it was better to.move on. We had no children and parted amicably.
So no insincerety ,other than initially  not being honest with ourselves

So i'm.advising you to take a deep look there.

When i.met my current wife,sure i.had went thru.hundreds or thousands of dead end comminications. No big deal its part of  the filtering process
As far as initial.meeting ,since we had communicated daily for months i had a pretty good idea of what to expect,but could it have been a flop? Sure absolutely,and i think. that should be the.default.expectation lol

Keep.in.mind  to anyone with decades of experience there and family/ friends, countless trips in a not dating scenario, its very apparent  the subset of international.dating is a fringe thing ,and that if you where a working citizen there, none of your pro dating experiences would be common at.all,in fact they would only occur by direct knowing choice.
So im asking  you.to consider that,and.why that would be.  as it might help you in your approach.


🤷‍♂️

[ML]

WOW Jumper, how do you have the time to type such a memorandum ?

Have you lost your job ?  :-)

[Jumper1]

WOW Jumper, how do you have the time to type such a memorandum ?

Have you lost your job ?  :-)

LoL!

My boss, normally a real slave driver,gave me the day off so i was drifting casually  on our  lake waiting for a fish to bite.

I caught two nice largemouth bass during that * novela.*

The kiddos in school, the wife is shopping in preparation for our little ones birthday party tomorrow.

It's a 69F ,beautiful sunny day on the lake.(a short walk from.the house)
Not another soul out on the water.
I saw a hummingbird,a falcon,a sand hill crane (rare here ) couple of herons,  a huge alligator snapping turtle,a beaver,and a couple of muskrats.
So its not like i was glued to RWD.
I did some nature watching as well.


And,
I'm self employed if you dint catch* the irony

[krimster2]

All you single dewds live on the wings of a dream that yur gonna find a babe mejeur, and it gives you such a rush just thinkin and fantasizing about it, that it helps get you through your dreary life of quiet desperation…

Buddah said, “All of the things a person goes through in life cause suffering and they cannot do anything about it. Instead, they have to accept that it is there.

Horrosho? Buddah don’t say much now, cuz when I met him on the road, I busted a cap in his mangy ole jhoppa, and he be dead now holmes, and he don’t speak much atall
but listen to buddah, and do not try to flee from yo sufferin homey

as I told ya earlier, yur situation report ain’t normal, they be some kinda obstacle blocking you
so why can’t you figure out what it be?
But here’s the thang, cuz you jumped the gun on sendin her money, she ain’t stoopid an gonna go and tell ya she done changed her mind about ya or some other issue, cuz of de money holmes
that's big money in her hood holmes, ain't nobody from that hood, gonna turn off the spigot, so she remains ambiguous, as long as you keep payin
cuz yo needs to to keep yo dream alive

so with the blood of buddah and many others on my hands, I have absorbed their wisdom and they speak to ya now, through me

buddah say, to try and talk to this woman, and make one last gesture, and pick some time period, say by Christmas, a joyous holiday, unless you be sleepin under de bridge, and say that by then you both should move on, it either exposes the obstacle or you instead gonna be breakin it off with her,,,

if you break it off, do not run from your sufferin, but instead use it fuel your next try
well, see ya later holmes
bon chance

[Chelseaboy]

Recently I met a Ukrainian woman in Amsterdam and after having a pleasant conversation with her at the airport she demanded that I give her $200 for the privilege of the conversation.



Story after story of stuff like this.

I seriously hope you didn't give her the $200.


If it was me i'd have said "funnily enough i was just about to ask you for $500 for my time,so i tell you what you give me $300 and we're straight ".


True story this i was in the Nana Plaza in Bangkok many years ago chatting with a bar girl,while watching the football on the big screen as one does.
She suggested i pay her  bar fine of 40 Baht,to which i replied "how much for the night then " ?
She replied 2000 Baht..to which i said "Is that all..i was thinking i was worth  more than that ".
She wasn't happy and went off to tell her friend who came over looked at me ,giggled and said to her "I'd pay him more than 2000 Baht for sure "


The morale of this true story is know your worth and don't be a doormat to greedy women.

[Davo]

A proud FSU woman once told me “Unless you’ve put a ring on my finger, I’d be offended if you offered me money” ...... Another wouldn’t let me pay for anything, but we both knew our trip to Vietnam with her sister and Russian BF was just a holiday romp with no strings attached..... It wasn’t a normal dating scenario.

[Trenchcoat]

A proud FSU woman once told me “Unless you’ve put a ring on my finger, I’d be offended if you offered me money” ...... Another wouldn’t let me pay for anything, but we both knew our trip to Vietnam with her sister and Russian BF was just a holiday romp with no strings attached..... It wasn’t a normal dating scenario.

Our Beel once said, "Good girls ask for nothing"

I would say, 'Ugly girls ask for nothing, Pretty girls do'

May not be exactly true but I think there is something behind that generalisation. I think a lot weighs on the scale of hypergamy and how each measures up. A pretty girl who is dating a guy her age who has a gym bod, reasonably wealthy and well dressed might set aside asking for stuff as she can see a good future getting with him. The same pretty girl dating a much older guy who is an overweight dude with a big gut, etc, not so well dressed and just ok wealth she might be more inclined to ask for stuff to balance up the scale so to speak.

It's not universally the older guys that get taken for a ride but most often I think it does tend to be the case. Sometimes the older guy is just so out of touch with how far out of her league he is. The famous example being Bobby going after his 'Angelina Jolie' lookalike in the documentary 'Love Me'.

I don't think CG is being taken for a ride here necessarily but I think Krimster's assertion could be true in that he got involved sending money way too early in the game and she wasn't going to turn it away.

[2tallbill]

I think a lot weighs on the scale of hypergamy and how each measures up.

Which incel forum do you lurk/participate in?

[krimster2]

Which incel forum do you lurk/participate in?

I thought that's what THIS forum was for!
guess I'll have to find some other place to ridicule people so that I can feel better about my own sorry self...
thanks Beel!