Time for some Humor!!

[jone]

President of Coca-Cola calls to Putin:

-   Mr. President! Few years ago you replaced the text for the national anthem of Russia, but decided to keep the same melody as in Soviet times. May be you also agree to come back to the red color of the national flag as in Soviet, just replace hammer symbol with word "Coca" and sickle with "Cola"? If so we would make sure that Russian budget deficit is noticeably reduced.

Putin whispers to Medvedev:
-   When the contract with Aquafresh is over?

I thought France had that contract????

[BBC]

I thought France had that contract????

Aquafresh didn't manage to get vertical strips from the tube, at the end they decided to approach the bigger piece of cake instead .

[ML]

Birthday Reminder

[Lily]

Here is a great Russian souvenir idea. Russian Honey Good Bear - strong Willy

Would someone suggest a better translation into English?

[Faux Pas]

Here is a great Russian souvenir idea. Russian Honey Good Bear - strong Willy

Would someone suggest a better translation into English?

Looks like a pretty good translation there Lily 

[calmissile]

 
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital . A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?"
Asked the irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters!

Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
 

[BBC]

Here is a great Russian souvenir idea. Russian Honey Good Bear - strong Willy

Would someone suggest a better translation into English?

 I can't say this one is better, just different  :
        Teddy bear, teddy bear!
     My gentle, soft, and cozy pair,
     Don’t eat too much cedar cones,
     They will harden all your bones.

[ML]

I can't say this one is better, just different  :
        Teddy bear, teddy bear!
     My gentle, soft, and cozy pair,
     Don’t eat too much cedar cones,
     They will harden all your bones.

Pair of what?

[ML]

Really . . . it's just a gas tank !!

[CDW]

Really . . . it's just a gas tank !!

LMFAO!!!!

[Eduard]

From a Ukrainian woman's profile:
Минздрав предупреждает...экономия на женщинах ведет к онанизму!

[jone]

From a Ukrainian woman's profile:
Минздрав предупреждает...экономия на женщинах ведет к онанизму!

I can't quite remember.  Is that a bad thing?

[Eduard]

I can't quite remember.  Is that a bad thing?

It does lose in translation, just doesn't sound the same in English, but it goes something like this:
Минздрав предупреждает...экономия на женщинах ведет к онанизму!


Department of Health warns: trying to save money dating women leads to chronic masturbation.

[calmissile]

It does lose in translation, just doesn't sound the same in English, but it goes something like this:
Минздрав предупреждает...экономия на женщинах ведет к онанизму!


Department of Health warns: trying to save money dating women leads to chronic masturbation.

 

[jone]

It does lose in translation, just doesn't sound the same in English, but it goes something like this:
Минздрав предупреждает...экономия на женщинах ведет к онанизму!


Department of Health warns: trying to save money dating women leads to chronic masturbation.

Hahaha.  I think we got it the first time.

[newjason]

I have a secret that has been closely kept for way too long.
A friend told me that admiting it in public is the best way to set
it free. So. I am going to take that advice.

now, I have a confession to make.

ok,  here it goes..










I   let  the  dogs   out ..

[mendeleyev]

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her doctor to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doc.

'Not a chance', she said ... 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'No problem,' replied the doc. 'Give him an' Irish Viagra '...

'What is Irish Viagra?', She asked.

'It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a Week to let me know how things went 'the doc explained.

It was a week later when she called the doc, who directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor! '

'Really? What happened? 'asked the doc.

'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in His coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, A twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging Fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me Cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters And took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare! '

'Why so terrible?' asked the doc, 'Do you Mean the sex your husband provided wasn't Good?'

'Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've Had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin 'Here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again.

[GQBlues]

From LoneDrake's travelogue....

... Yesterday.....We went to the movies

 It was really a nice theater. 3D. Unfortunately the movie pretty much sucked. I would say the movie sucked even if I had know Russian. According to Eva the movie was in Ukrainian language even though 90% of the people in there speak Russian. I don't remember the name of the movie, however the plot is of a young man who is stuck out at sea in a lifeboat with a hyena,a tiger and a Zebra. If you ever think about going to see this movie....DON"T. It is stupid!!!  Eva didn't like the movie either, but she did want to know what I thought of the theater....

Yes. Life of Pi!


This is actually a wonderful, poignant movie. A story about a boy from a India who survived a shipwreck in the Pacific and eventually lived to tell the tale of his adventure.Richard Parker, the Bengal Tiger who actually died in the shipwreck, was re-lived by the boy through his imagination in his attempt to twist – maybe deny - the version of his fateful struggle and what he laid witness in the life raft they were on… Poignant line in the movie…”Life is a series of *letting go* with a few regrets of never having to say goodbye to some you held so dear.” The movie is critically acclaimed and will likely claim a few cinematic awards this year – if not the Best Picture. Incredible cinematographic visual experience and a fantastic, delightful screen presentation of telling a tale.

 The blotch is some purists claim this story/movie was actually stolen from its original script titled *Max and the Cat*, a story about a Jewish boy and a Jaguar. Oh well...

 
…and there’s the American Version…"Bob and Max, a bride-seeker’s fate who also survived a shipwreck during his first voyage to FSU, titled, ‘The Life of Pie.’



The poignant picture below tells more than just a mere thousand words...the story may be fiction, but characters are real!






 








 

[jone]

Lakers must have won last night.  GQ's in a good mood.

[ML]

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her doctor to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doc.

'Not a chance', she said ... 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'No problem,' replied the doc. 'Give him an' Irish Viagra '...

'What is Irish Viagra?', She asked.

'It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a Week to let me know how things went 'the doc explained.

It was a week later when she called the doc, who directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor! '

'Really? What happened? 'asked the doc.

'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in His coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, A twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging Fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me Cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters And took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare! '

'Why so terrible?' asked the doc, 'Do you Mean the sex your husband provided wasn't Good?'

'Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've Had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin 'Here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again.

Funny story Mendy, but unfortunately, it helps perpetuate the myth that viagra and and other such help the libido in any way.

Still probably the most misunderstood medication of all time.

[ML]

She said she could not accept my marriage proposal because her family would object.

Which family members would object, I asked.

My husband and children, she replied.

[BBC]

Funny story Mendy, but unfortunately, it helps perpetuate the myth that viagra and and other such help the libido in any way.

Still probably the most misunderstood medication of all time.

I wonder if Viagra effects may vary depending on the type or doze, something like Viagra Super Light (for decent kisses), Viagra Light (less decent but still kisses). I guess - Viagra Super Plus is what that Irish couple tested in Starbucks. Do we have experts here to explain?  

[BBC]

Sex stimulator:  for men (on the top), for women (in the bottom)

[calmissile]

Sex stimulator:  for men (on the top), for women (in the bottom)

What's not explained is that the bottom panel swithes are wired in series.  All must be in the proper position for any output.   LOL

[BBC]

What's not explained is that the bottom panel swithes are wired in series.  All must be in the proper position for any output.   LOL

  Right!
That is why men can't afford more than one switch for themselves - they have to focus on the bottom panel as women are not very good with wiring even if it's isolated...