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Author Topic: 18 month relationship story  (Read 15515 times)

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Offline bjorncode12

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18 month relationship story
« on: April 01, 2018, 09:16:10 AM »
I want to share my story with those of you looking for a Russian partner.  I am 59 years old and was divorced 3 years ago after a 23 year marriage.  I am an attractive prospect for most women as I am a CEO/founder of a company, financially secure, athletic, happy, and well educated.  I have three grown sons and I live in California.

A little over a year after my divorce I met a 42 year old Russian woman through a relative.  She was visiting here in the U.S. and I that is where I saw her first.   Her name was Elena. (not kidding, aren't they all called Elena?) She was the most beautiful woman I had ever dated, no question about that.  We hit it off right away and so I made a plan to visit her in Latvia where she was living two months later.

Once I got to Latvia (I was there for 3 days), the sparks flew immediately.   We fell in love and she spent every night with me in my hotel and the sex was very very hot.

Elena had a job and could not leave her job and she also had a 17 year old daughter who had a medical condition.  They lived together in a studio apartment in Riga.  Her mother was widowed and had no income.  Her sister was married to a super nice Russian guy and they had two children and also lived in Riga.  The brother in law had a nice modern house but the whole family was just getting by, although Elena had aspirations as you will see.

So I started seeing planning trips to see Elena.  We went to Paris, New York, Singapore and she came to California a few times.   The trips were organized around her time off from work, and I paid for everything.  I also started sending her a little money every month to help with her daughter who had a medical condition that was not fully covered by insurance.

I understood what I was doing and I was OK with it.  The love between us was real and it was reciprocal.  She became deeply attached to me.  I called her every night and we talked.  She was devoted to me in the special way the Russian women will honor and care for their man.  It was a very powerful experience.

She told me from the beginning that she wanted me to be a man, and that she was my woman.  She wanted me to make the decisions and take the lead.  She had no interest in a career and did not seem to have any active interests or hobbies besides traveling.  She believed 100% in romantic love and was a deeply devoted and loyal partner.

However I began to have misgivings.   There were a lot of things not quite right for me.   It became clear that she could not accept having my sons in my life in the way I expected.  She was very clear that when children reach 18 years old they are on their own and that she and I were to live together and if our children visited they were to stay in a hotel.  I don't think this is especially a russian trait but it was a problem for me.  I am very close to my sons, although they are older now. 

Also, it was quite clear that she expected to live in San Francisco.   She liked cities, she liked traveling, and she wanted to live a certain lifestyle.   Upward social mobility was exceptionally important to her.    She also expected me to help her family in Riga, and to put her daughter through college.   Looking back I am sure she harbored some resentment at my success, and this tainted the honest nature of the love we felt for each other. I am quite successful in my business but I added it all up and it looked like it was going to cost me an additional $5000 per month after tax to bring Elena and her daughter into my life, a stretch for me. 

I tried to discuss this with her and she immediately became defensive and angry.   This was the lynchpin of our partnership. If I can't talk with my partner about our differences it is a deal killer.  I was willing to bring her to the U.S. and pay for her daughter to go to college and accept the responsibility of taking care of her for life, but we had to be able to communicate.  The underlying problem was that she felt that she was the one making a sacrifice, and I understood this.  She was taking a big risk by marrying me, and she loved her family and had no particular reason to move to California.  But she could not acknowledge the burden that I would bear.   

So basically we could not talk about it in an adult way, and I blame her for this.  After 18 months I broke up with her.  I still love her deeply and I know she loved me too, in fact she loved me deeply.  It was one of the more difficult things I have ever gone through.  I still think about her every day, and sometimes I wake up dreaming about her.   

Since that time I have been on the Elenasmodels website and have communicated with a couple of other women and I have noticed something about those that have high social market value.  They are very tough and know what they want and expect to get it.  If you are not treating them as high worth individuals and stroking them as princesses, they will let you know, and in my case, it has always been with a high degree of drama and emotionalism.  They savor the idea that feelings are to be acknowledged and indulged.   

I do have  regrets about the time I was with Elena, but I learned something important from this experience.  I learned what it means to love and be loved.   I do think that the passion and intensity of my affair with Elena was exaggerated by the back and forth and uncertainty and difficulty of conducting a long distance relationship, but it was real and it was powerful, and I love her.  I was able to move on, and I learned how important it is to be with a woman who cares deeply for you.

 While it did not end well in my case, I am taking the lessons learned from this experience forward, and yes, I am still looking for a russian woman, although I am also looking elsewhere.

That's my story.

Offline BillyB

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2018, 09:54:28 AM »



Welcome to the forum Bjorncode12. Thanks for sharing your story. I think you made the right choice ending the relationship. When it comes to your kids, your lady said they are supposed to be on their own at 18 but when it comes to her kid, you're supposed to support her after 18. She's not rational and she's definitely not fair. There are much better women out there. In your search for a new woman, you need to get this woman out of your head.
Fund the audits, spread the word and educate people, write your politicians and other elected officials. Stay active in the fight to save our country. Over 220 generals and admirals say we are in a fight for our survival like no other time since 1776.

Online krimster2

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2018, 09:57:17 AM »
howdy bjorncode12!

I was once a searcher like you, I found my prize in Ukraine almost 19 years ago, and now we have two teenage daughters, the oldest was just accepted to pre-med and she will start this fall.

no matter your background, how savvy or skillful you may or may not be, there is an unavoidable element of randomness or “luck” that’s involved in this endeavor.  If you find that fortune is no longer smiling in your direction, then your individual expertise can help steer you in the right direction.  in your case, I think you did an awesome job of piloting through the rough waters you encountered (far better than anyone else I encountered on this board). the emotional turmoil you are now experiencing would have been 1,000 times worse if you gone through with “her” plans, you didn’t just duck a bullet, you ducked the whole rifle and the factory that made the rifle!!

don’t let this woman’s selfishness discourage you, THERE ARE good women out there,
I’m proof of that, if I can do it, almost anyone can, just persevere!!!

BTW, me former silicon valley resident EE/CS, now I’m a hacker(ish)!!!
I lived 3 years in Ukraine bought and sold property there, and started a software development company there, would be happy to help answer any questions.







 

Offline bjorncode12

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2018, 09:58:44 AM »
Thanks for your response.  You did not get it quite right though.  Elena accepted that her daughter would be treated exactly like my sons, ie: not welcome to visit our residence.  Elena knew enough not to ask for special treatment for her daughter, she wanted her daughter to have the same oppportunity I gave to my sons, and I was good with this, in fact I wanted to help her daughter.

Offline wallm

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2018, 10:00:22 AM »
Pardon me for the crudeness. No pu**y is worth this drama. She is not a desirable woman IMO. Sons in a hotel when visiting you? That is absurd. People wax poetic about how FSUW are family oriented like nobody else is. Baloney. They are no better than American women. And she would be sacrificing what exactly considering her life over there and her expectations of life with you and what you must do for her daughter? She is selfish. You did the right thing. Stop thinking of her. Move on. Good luck.

Offline bjorncode12

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #5 on: April 01, 2018, 10:01:22 AM »
Thanks Krimster for your encouragement.  It has been bewildering and difficult for me and a few kind words go a long way.

BTW, I live in Berkeley and I am founder and CEO of an electronics company.

Offline deccie

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2018, 10:14:11 AM »
bjorncode12,Thanks for your story. Although I was in a bad relationship also first time around I can echo Krimster's comments there are good women out there. My wife and I will be married 5 years this year and we are incredibly close. That seems to have pissed off a lot of people around us who have done their best to bust us up but it has brought us even closer. There is no person on earth I am more close to - except perhaps my kids but then that is just different. We've had a very hard 5 years. Fought a lot of people, gone to court and won many times but we are still together and still love each other. One thing my wife is certain about with me is that I will never put her life at risk for anything or any amount of money. They are out there.

Online 2tallbill

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18 month relationship story
« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2018, 10:14:18 AM »
the emotional turmoil you are now experiencing would have been 1,000 times
worse if you gone through with “her” plans, you didn’t just duck a bullet, you
ducked the whole rifle and the factory that made the rifle!!

+1

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online krimster2

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #8 on: April 01, 2018, 10:20:58 AM »
one of the issues that westerners don’t immediately understand is the importance of inheritance in the FSU.  in society’s where the average working person doesn’t acquire any savings during a lifetime of labor, inheriting wealth is pretty much the only option for the average person to acquire financial assets.  marriages with separate children create a lot of issues in this context.  when I was registering a property in Ukraine at the assessor’s office, I witnessed two sister’s beat the living daylights out of each other at the head of the line.  Turns out mama died yesterday, and the two sisters were each rushing to re-register the apartment for themselves.  it’s likely that if your GF gained your reluctant acceptance of your son’s being required to stay at a hotel, that eventually your wife would make sure your sons would be disinherited in favor of her daughter, I just want you to know how their thinking works!!!

IMHO, I’ve seen lots of guys go with women who have children, in almost every case I’ve personally witnessed, the children became a contentious issue.  based on this, in general I’d avoid women with children.  I know that some guys think that the child will make the woman stay, but from my observations, it doesn’t really work that way...

Berkeley!!!  I used to live in Corey Hall basement when they had the 2 micron fab there
telegraph ave on a saturday, banging drums on the quad - ahhhhh good times!!!
I hear Cody's is gone off Telegraph ave, that sucks...


   

Offline msmob

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #9 on: April 01, 2018, 10:23:08 AM »
Freudian mistake ?


"I love her " - 3rd paragraph from the end ....

Online 2tallbill

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #10 on: April 01, 2018, 10:42:07 AM »
She was the most beautiful woman I had ever dated, no question about that.

When I write my comments please understand I am writing it as much
for the newbies reading your thread as to you, so I will speak in fairly
generic terms. 

It's pretty common that Western men let a woman walk over them
a little bit because they are so hot. Then it a little bit becomes a little
more and so on.

I know it's difficult but once you've dumped a hot woman you won't
believe how this enhances your personal self worth and confidence
and how other women perceive you and the high social value that
you now possess.

As you date other hot women just remember that there is an endless
supply of them in the FSU and that you only want one who is as beautiful
on the inside as they are on the outside. Women will start treating you as
a person of high social value and not expect you to treat them better than
they treat you.

Udachi!

Bill
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline BillyB

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #11 on: April 01, 2018, 11:00:30 AM »
Thanks for your response.  You did not get it quite right though.  Elena accepted that her daughter would be treated exactly like my sons, ie: not welcome to visit our residence.  Elena knew enough not to ask for special treatment for her daughter, she wanted her daughter to have the same oppportunity I gave to my sons, and I was good with this, in fact I wanted to help her daughter.

That makes Elena a better person in my eyes. Still unusual that she won't welcome her own kid, when she becomes an adult, in her house.

I reread what you wrote and I think Elena had a right to be angry with you on the issue that finally ended it. You mentioned the cost of $5000 a month to bring Elena and her daughter into your life. You knew you were pursuing a woman overseas with a daughter. Around 18 months of knowing her you now brought up costs as if it was an issue. Any man who has an issue with costs should not start pursuing women overseas. If there is no issue about costs, it should not be brought up. I'm sure bringing it up after a lenthy relationship was established probably irritated her.
Fund the audits, spread the word and educate people, write your politicians and other elected officials. Stay active in the fight to save our country. Over 220 generals and admirals say we are in a fight for our survival like no other time since 1776.

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #12 on: April 01, 2018, 11:08:49 AM »
Thanks Bjorn for that story it sure is a very compelling one and :welcome:

I think the essence of what happened to you is not unusual, I think many of us doing the FSU dating experience are coiming across similar issues and its these issues that tend to torpedo many a good relationship.

I personally found similar with the last girl I was with, a strange uncompromising behaviour where they ridgly refuse to budge from a certain position they have taken up in their mind with regards to how the future is going to be - basically what they want. Its like they play for an all or nothing stakes, the girl in your case clearly came from a poor background but instead of beggers can't be choosers, chose to play for a life of high social mobility which she currently had nothing off. That and she was even looking like she was trying to almost cast out your sons which is a very poor way to behave.

I think she was being completely unreasonable and in this case overstating what she was giving up in order to claim more, basically she got greedy. From what I have learned showing women any great display of wealth can cause a lot of these problems. All the holidays you took her on probably made her think of making a play for what you have and she would do anything to get it, to make you play her tune even though you are the wealthy guy.

The girl I had too seemed to have little in the way of hobbies or interests, just shopping, lol. I think if a girl has little hobbies or interests just self serving herself its a bad sign.

Bjorn I have been wondering a while too about these very rigid FSW type and I think you have hit it well and truely on the head when you say:

"I have noticed something about those that have high social market value.  They are very tough and know what they want and expect to get it."

I think that's essentially it, the prettiest ones they know what they are worth, or at least think they do and demand that they get it and refuse to accept anything else. The more down to earth everyday looking ones that just want kids or someone to share their life with are probably a lot more easy going when it comes to the where's & how's of getting together.

So unless a guy is willing to give in to girls with a high social market value as you put it, its essentially an non-runner. So I'm guessing either look for a more everyday girl which I'm really now looking for so we can share each others interests & activities together or be willing to give into any demands of the prettiest girls. Of course doing so can be dangerous as you might just end up a stepping stone along the way for them. 
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline mhr7

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #13 on: April 01, 2018, 11:20:57 AM »
I reread what you wrote and I think Elena had a right to be angry with you on the issue that finally ended it. You mentioned the cost of $5000 a month to bring Elena and her daughter into your life. You knew you were pursuing a woman overseas with a daughter. Around 18 months of knowing her you now brought up costs as if it was an issue. Any man who has an issue with costs should not start pursuing women overseas. If there is no issue about costs, it should not be brought up. I'm sure bringing it up after a lenthy relationship was established probably irritated her.

That's not the issue that ended it. You think a man should be willing to spend an infinite amount of money to find a woman from another country? Costs do have to be discussed before marriage.

Welcome bjorn :welcome:
"After your death, you will be what you were before your birth." - Schopenhauer

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #14 on: April 01, 2018, 11:33:11 AM »
it’s likely that if your GF gained your reluctant acceptance of your son’s being required to stay at a hotel, that eventually your wife would make sure your sons would be disinherited in favor of her daughter, I just want you to know how their thinking works!!!   

That entered my mind also, I think it was a bit of bs on her part about her daughter - she may have very well been asked to stay in a hotel but only with the greater intent of ostracizing, sidelining then eventually disinheriting your sons. Agreeing to this would have just been to accept a push by her to gain control by rejecting your sons and any position they have in your life. You did the right thing by kicking her to the curb in my opinion, on the inside she could be not a very nice person and you could have ended up really regretting her coming into your life more. The cheek of her thinking she can tell you how you are going to live your life Bjorn is just astounding.   
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline bjorncode12

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #15 on: April 01, 2018, 11:39:02 AM »
There is definitely truth to what Billy B said.  I was taking Elena on great trips, which included staying exclusively at 4 and 5 star hotels for almost a year before it started to sink in to me what impression this was having on her.  So as I gradually started to put the pieces together and project what it meant financially to finance the lifestyle I was projecting from our travels on a permanent basis I realized I could not do it. By the time I figured this out and tried to discuss it with her it was too late.  At that point she became resentful and angry.  In her eyes I became someone who was cheap and unreliable. 

It is always painful when a woman sees you  as someone you are not, and it seems, when this happens there is very little you can do to change their opinion. 

In the future I would not necessarily downgrade the vacations but I would be very clear from the outset about what kind of life she could expect with me if we married.

Offline bjorncode12

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #16 on: April 01, 2018, 11:43:18 AM »

.  it’s likely that if your GF gained your reluctant acceptance of your son’s being required to stay at a hotel, that eventually your wife would make sure your sons would be disinherited in favor of her daughter, I just want you to know how their thinking works!!!


 

This is something I did not think of Krimster and thanks a lot for the observation.  Now that you mention it I recognize that this was exactly where it was going with Elena, and so I definitely made the right decision. Elena grew up under very difficult circumstances, in fact selling trinkets on the street in winter in Saint Petersburg in her teens.  She was scrappy and would do whatever it takes to improve her lot.

Offline bjorncode12

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #17 on: April 01, 2018, 11:48:19 AM »
The cheek of her thinking she can tell you how you are going to live your life Bjorn is just astounding.

Well.  She wasn't actually a cheeky person.   She was very easy to be around, easy to travel with, happy with all the decisions I made when traveling.   She projected her desires in a very female way, not direct at all.  But she was a woman of steel at her core. 

I should have been clear and direct with her from the start and I was not.  I was in love and quite frankly we had a ton of fun traveling together.

Offline deccie

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #18 on: April 01, 2018, 11:48:33 AM »


It is always painful when a woman sees you  as someone you are not, and it seems, when this happens there is very little you can do to change their opinion. 

Completely agree with this.

In the future I would not necessarily downgrade the vacations but I would be very clear from the outset about what kind of life she could expect with me if we married.

Personally I'd say forget about the vacations and focus on the relationship. I don't think  you really get to know someone when you are in vacation mode. Spending tends to be more easy.. and then the man goes back to work after and works like a dog to make it all back again! It can lead to false expectations in itself.

Offline alex330

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #19 on: April 01, 2018, 11:48:51 AM »
I was taking Elena on great trips, which included staying exclusively at 4 and 5 star hotels for almost a year before it started to sink in to me what impression this was having on her.  So as I gradually started to put the pieces together and project what it meant financially to finance the lifestyle I was projecting from our travels on a permanent basis I realized I could not do it. By the time I figured this out and tried to discuss it with her it was too late.  At that point she became resentful and angry.  In her eyes I became someone who was cheap and unreliable. 

Yes, I think this is a major issue in these relationships. And many RW do not grasp how our financial system and cost of living is over here in the US. They see that a man is pulling in x dollars, but do not see the cost of insurance, mortgages, business expenses and so on. I have seen many relationships with RW fall apart because of something similar.

She was scrappy and would do whatever it takes to improve her lot.

Many of them want a better life for themselves or their kids. Cannot blame them really, but sometimes it leads to unrealistic expectations that are hard to keep up with.

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #20 on: April 01, 2018, 11:50:16 AM »
There is definitely truth to what Billy B said.  I was taking Elena on great trips, which included staying exclusively at 4 and 5 star hotels for almost a year before it started to sink in to me what impression this was having on her.  So as I gradually started to put the pieces together and project what it meant financially to finance the lifestyle I was projecting from our travels on a permanent basis I realized I could not do it. By the time I figured this out and tried to discuss it with her it was too late.  At that point she became resentful and angry.  In her eyes I became someone who was cheap and unreliable. 

It is always painful when a woman sees you  as someone you are not, and it seems, when this happens there is very little you can do to change their opinion. 

In the future I would not necessarily downgrade the vacations but I would be very clear from the outset about what kind of life she could expect with me if we married.

Yep, holidays are a big mistake, I made the same mistake. They don't really add anything to the relationship but they tend to make relationships go downhill fast.

In future I am going to avoid all holidays till I am with the girl permanently for quite some time. Getting into a domestic situation and enjoying each others company seems way better than holidays. Its kind of funny to think that the more you treat a girl well and the more money you spend the more likely you f up the relationship, weird.

So if I were you I wouldn't bother with any holidaying just go visit girl for your holiday. If she doesn't know what she is missing then there won't be any problems. I don't think trying to explain to girl how things will be will work with them they only seem to know and accept how things are regardless of what you say is what I have found.
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline Boethius

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #21 on: April 01, 2018, 11:58:11 AM »
This is something I did not think of Krimster and thanks a lot for the observation.  Now that you mention it I recognize that this was exactly where it was going with Elena, and so I definitely made the right decision. Elena grew up under very difficult circumstances, in fact selling trinkets on the street in winter in Saint Petersburg in her teens.  She was scrappy and would do whatever it takes to improve her lot.


I disagree with krimster on this.  A person in love, or even lust, doesn't usually see the negative aspects to the person they are in love with.  Elena was a predator.  Like any good predator, she was just trying to separate the weak link (you) from the herd (your family).  She was afraid your sons would see her true nature, and would tell you what they thought.  Of course, what she failed to realize is that their perspectives would have no effect on you, at least, not in the short term, but that's a different matter.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline Boethius

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #22 on: April 01, 2018, 12:00:45 PM »
Yep, holidays are a big mistake, I made the same mistake. They don't really add anything to the relationship but they tend to make relationships go downhill fast.

In future I am going to avoid all holidays till I am with the girl permanently for quite some time. Getting into a domestic situation and enjoying each others company seems way better than holidays. Its kind of funny to think that the more you treat a girl well and the more money you spend the more likely you f up the relationship, weird.

So if I were you I wouldn't bother with any holidaying just go visit girl for your holiday. If she doesn't know what she is missing then there won't be any problems. I don't think trying to explain to girl how things will be will work with them they only seem to know and accept how things are regardless of what you say is what I have found.


I doubt holidays are a mistake.  However, reality is often suspended on vacation.


Spending doesn't have an effect on a relationship.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline deccie

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #23 on: April 01, 2018, 12:02:05 PM »

I disagree with krimster on this.  A person in love, or even lust, doesn't usually see the negative aspects to the person they are in love with.

Sometimes you see the negatives and either tolerate or ignore them. Or make excuses to yourself about it.
This was the way it was with my ex. I tolerated a lot of crap I should not have. Heck, I even had her mum suggest I should dump her at one point!

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Re: 18 month relationship story
« Reply #24 on: April 01, 2018, 12:14:00 PM »
Yes, but those are generally about character flaws.  In Elena's case, I don't think it was about her character flaws.  It was that she wanted the OP as a meal ticket, and she was afraid others would see that and tell him.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

 

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