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Author Topic: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made  (Read 3939 times)

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Offline Photo Guy

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When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« on: November 25, 2014, 11:49:49 PM »
I'd start be saying that the language barrier is probably the biggest obstacle to success, and happiness. To avoid her alienation, hook her up with other RW's in your area. Make sure she can easily phone/skype home for emotional support.

What she does, will be very different in her new country. She probably will not be doing the same thing here, that she did back in the FSU. It could take a while for her to find a career here. It's an adjustment period. She might find herself with lots of time on her hands and she might feel bored or lost. It's your job to fight that boredom and help her enjoy her new environment. Do everything you can to help her learn the language or increase her language skills. Help her to get that driver's license. Have patience with her and hopefully she'll have patience with you. Shower her with love and affection and keep a sense if humor. That will help a lot. The adjustment period will test your loyalty and devotion, for both of you.

Offline ML

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Re: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2014, 03:15:55 PM »
No . . . do not hook her up with other RW.

Yes, Skype so that she can talk with family and friends back home.

But in USA she needs to avoid RW for at least two reasons.

First, she needs to immerse in English.  Ability  to talk with others in Ukrainian language will slow down her learning of English substantially.

Second, many RW here in USA have a very bad attitude about their husbands and about the USA in general.  This bad attitude will have a negative effect on your own gal.
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline Photo Guy

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Re: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2014, 03:21:12 PM »
good points.....

Offline GregfromGa

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Re: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2014, 04:27:17 PM »
Do not hook her up with any RW/UW in your area. It will only lead to a multitude of problems involving the constant drawing of jealous comparisons.

Offline AkMike

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Re: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« Reply #4 on: November 27, 2014, 04:54:34 PM »
That will happen with women from anywhere Greg. It's their nature to be as well off or better than others.
 Based on what we went thru it's no big deal. They need to know before they arrive what your economic range is and what life will be like. If you live in a trailer house far out in the boonies they need to be aware of that upfront.  If they expect to shop daily at a high priced jewellery store for pretty baubles tell them the basics before.

 Women are social beasts and need other female companions from many back rounds.

Offline calmissile

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Re: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« Reply #5 on: November 27, 2014, 05:34:37 PM »
Do not hook her up with any RW/UW in your area. It will only lead to a multitude of problems involving the constant drawing of jealous comparisons.

I think it depends on the personality of your wife.  Mine rejects the bitches and makes friends with the nice people.  Same was true in Ukraine.

ML said it best.....  "Second, many RW here in USA have a very bad attitude about their husbands and about the USA in general.  This bad attitude will have a negative effect on your own gal."
Doug (Calmissile)

Offline GregfromGa

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Re: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« Reply #6 on: November 27, 2014, 06:56:48 PM »
My ex had zero friends in Ukraine and she has zero here.  When I say zero, I mean just that. In the 6 trips prior to our wedding I never met any friends, none at our wedding because there were none. Never a mention of a childhood or college friend.  I introduced her to a few UW here but nothing ever took. I know you can never forge friendships but how hard is it to be nice? I have a friend of mine I met here years ago. We attended their wedding. We tried to get them to be friends. It never happened. Ten years later he is in the same boat. His wife trusts no one and the jealousy of others ruins all chances when she does meet someone new.

Offline calmissile

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Re: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« Reply #7 on: November 27, 2014, 07:38:49 PM »
One of the first adjustments...... I had totally forgotten. 
Doug (Calmissile)

Offline ML

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Re: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« Reply #8 on: November 27, 2014, 09:20:54 PM »
As an overview; there really haven't been many adjustments since Ochka came to live with me in USA 3 and half years ago.

Seems she must be an exception, because she fit right into the American lifestyle very easily.

She is soft spoken, gracious, kind, helpful, smiling, etc.  These characteristics means she doesn't 'rub anyone the wrong way' and people are happy to invite her the second time, etc.

Some of the women are probably somewhat jealous of her youthful figure, but her above characteristics keeps that jealously mostly at bay.

Only thing she seems to need to keep the homesickness away is the Skype.

She has been driving herself since first couple of months here, she earns some spending money, and she has good English skills.  All of these are important also.

Of course I am a great guy to live with, so that helps tons.
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline pitbull

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Re: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« Reply #9 on: November 27, 2014, 09:54:06 PM »
I'd start be saying that the language barrier is probably the biggest obstacle to success, and happiness. To avoid her alienation, hook her up with other RW's in your area. Make sure she can easily phone/skype home for emotional support.




I remember your first attempt with this woman. Is she studying English this time around while she is still in Ukraine? This should be the most important thing for her to do and the best way to spend her time before she arrives in the US. The better her English before she comes the better off she'll be and the higher the odds that your relationship will survive this time around.


Send her to English language class (intensive) and hire her a tutor asap.
Be the person that your dog thinks you are

Offline Turboguy

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Re: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« Reply #10 on: November 28, 2014, 07:05:20 AM »
As an overview; there really haven't been many adjustments since Ochka came to live with me in USA 3 and half years ago.

Seems she must be an exception, because she fit right into the American lifestyle very easily.

She is soft spoken, gracious, kind, helpful, smiling, etc.  These characteristics means she doesn't 'rub anyone the wrong way' and people are happy to invite her the second time, etc.

Some of the women are probably somewhat jealous of her youthful figure, but her above characteristics keeps that jealously mostly at bay.

Only thing she seems to need to keep the homesickness away is the Skype.

She has been driving herself since first couple of months here, she earns some spending money, and she has good English skills.  All of these are important also.

Of course I am a great guy to live with, so that helps tons.


I would say much the same about my wife.  My wife seemed to fit in well and easily much as yours did.  I do have to wonder if it was really as easy as it seemed to me however.  There were of course adjustments on both sides as in the case with any two people who share a life.  From my side leaving shoes by the door and wearing home clothes were two adjustments but those were easy ones.  My wife never ceases to amaze me with the wonderful qualities she has and like yours mine seems to have a magnetic personality that attracts people and makes it easy for people to like her. 


I do think the fact that although my wife was self taught in her English the level of her English was quite good when she arrived and I have no doubt that was a key factor and I will second the motion that PhotoGuy should get her in English classes.  It will make it much easier for the two of them to be happy together.  I will also agree that Skype really helps my wife feel more comfortable away from her family.  I think finding a few friends from the FSU has helped as well.  I do think if my wife couldn't enjoy communicating in her native language once in a while it would be more difficult for her.


The only thing that differs in what you said and our life is that you are a great guy to live with and I am a pain in the butt to live with but somehow she manages to put up with it.  As I already said, she is an amazing woman and would have to be to put up with me.

Offline Chicagoguy

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Re: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« Reply #11 on: November 28, 2014, 09:17:28 AM »
If there was one thing I could change it would be the English. Zero for her. She did not like ESL classes because many students did not know basic rules of grammar and it slowed things down too much. But she sure ended up with total emersion with me.

Finally she is adequate and is now starting to study for citizenship. I give her great credit for sticking it out. She isn't very fond of Russian speaking people who live in our area but I agree with everyone else that Skype makes all the difference. She now has friends all over the country.

Today we will be with the relatives of my late wife - as we often are. 35 people and she will be talking with all of them and smiling the whole time!
Its a mutual admiration society.

Online Faux Pas

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Re: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« Reply #12 on: November 28, 2014, 09:23:53 AM »
Don't try to force feed anyone on your wife. Ukrainian/Russian or American. Let her make her own friends and acquaintances. You only help by putting her in a position to do so. Take her out, introduce her to your friends. Don't try to pick or dictate who she should like or chum up with.  If your wife is a negative Nancy, she'll find other negative Nancys both Ukrainian and American. If she is a positive or realistic personality she will find those as well. You need to only assist her and helping her understand. She will figure out who she wants as friends.

None of my wife's RW/UW are the negative peeps being described here. That doesn't mean she hasn't met some. Even the normal upbeat ones have some problems in their relationships of some sort. Doesn't everybody? Although I don't personally care for a few of them both AW and EEW, I don't let it influence her decision. I keep my mouth shut

Offline remiel6

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Re: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« Reply #13 on: December 04, 2014, 08:30:17 AM »
I would say hook her up with Skype. I actually wound up buying her mother in law a laptop and pay for her internet connection. They talk almost every day.

You can't force them to get friends, but they will find them on their own. I think a good Russian speaking community helps, but it not absolutely needed.

I would suggest ESL classes unless her language is fluent already. A) it gives her something to do b) it really helps the communication.

Offline Muzh

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Re: When she arrives- 'adjustments' to be made
« Reply #14 on: December 04, 2014, 08:47:53 AM »
I think it depends on the personality of your wife.  Mine rejects the bitches and makes friends with the nice people.  Same was true in Ukraine.

ML said it best.....  "Second, many RW here in USA have a very bad attitude about their husbands and about the USA in general.  This bad attitude will have a negative effect on your own gal."


+1
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

 

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