Which City should I go to?

[Trenchcoat]

Trench tells yet another member WITH a clue, that they are an 'idiot' .... ?!

Trench has never heard of the Former Soviet expression "You have to eat five tonnes [ a lot ]  of salt together - to really know each other" ...

Not seen ANY evidence of THAT ...

Yes and my problem is she seems to have some hang up about me visiting her and is obsessed with her coming here and visiting nowhere else before. That I do not understand. Possibly if I turn up where she lives everyone will know her clothes are real brand, where/how she is getting them and she doesn't want that as she may get grief over it. Why she doesn't want to be elsewhere in Europe together I don't know.

[msmob]

You might want to learn how to quote folks, properly, too

Yes and my problem is she seems to have some hang up about me visiting her

Wise girl

and is obsessed with her coming here and visiting nowhere else before. That I do not understand. Possibly if I turn up where she lives everyone will know her clothes are real brand, where/how she is getting them and she doesn't want that as she may get grief over it. Why she doesn't want to be elsewhere in Europe together I don't know.

We've got friends in Kherson - thinking of taking an ad in the local rags to warn this poor lass off a stingy Brit ....   

In the meantime, Trenchcoat. I'm beginning to feel v.sorry for the lass. Wish she'd come on here and post her side ...

[Trenchcoat]

but you see little Tranchy, I did find her, with a big H .... and it has never been about the money, it has always been about the experience, the trips, the adventure and fun times I had.. what is has cost me, not important because when I found Tanya, I would have spent $50k more if needed, just to find her..

I have always seen this as getaways from work, small vacations, new lovely places, interesting places, interesting people.. in short, me-time with a little extra perk of maybe find the love of my life.. and you know something, I did 

Just that small comment you made about your girl ordering something, and then didn't eat much - you know absolutely NOTHING about women - not FSU women-  all women, but especially not something about a woman, as you say come from a "dirt poor" country.. how often do you think she has been to a nicer restaurant, don't you think she would order something that looked good, sounded new, a new experience, but.. naah it wasn't that good.. and you see red flags..

 I have always encouraged my dates to have anything that looks good and don't worry about price, I want to make it an experience for her as well, enjoy herself and be comfortable with the situation, and most, if not all women so far, have got something -half way in the price range (almost never I think anyone chose the most expensive thing-like I always do )  but something they always wanted to try but thought was to expensive since they didn't know what it was or how it tasted, or maybe only tried it once and wanted to try again.. and a couple of times I had to order a second portion because she really didn't like it - so what?
Yet I have never - ever - went on a shopping spree with a woman, one(!) tried, she got kicked to the curb that second, and I looked up a new date on mamba the day after and spent 3 lovely days with her showing me everything in her town. That relationship lasted for 3 months, 5 trips..

Then you should change your status nightwish so we know where you are coming from. Yes you may well be right about her wanting to try food. There could well be a cultural misunderstanding here but I can hardly be blamed when these odd situations come up. To me it looked like she was uncaringly squandering my money to take the pee, no a dish of Moussaka is not the most expensive thing in the world but its more what it seemed to represent to me that bothered me more than the cost. Unless she explains these things to me I do not know, I tried to talk to her about it but got no good answer. Basically I told her we had only just eaten not long ago but she still decided she wanted it and then ate hardly any off it. I come from a background where money and food are not frivolously wasted so I could not understand why a poor girl would act like this, like a spoilt LA teen it seemed totally bizarre to me as I think it would many others if there at the time.

Yes, I took her to a shopping mall to please her, but I did not expect her to expect me to pay for one thing after another, a purchase or two then she would be satisfied and we could get on enjoying ourselves with other things to do on holiday. I see now that crossing the line in the first place was the wrong thing to do and did a lot of damage to our relationship. Again perhaps here it is about the girl never really having this opportunity and seeing that she can and making the most of it without having any idea of where I am at with it (and most guys since most guys avoid shopping trips but I thought satisfying her would improve not make worse relationship) so another cultural difference, but how am I supposed to know this and deal with these cultural differences that take me totally by surprise. Yes I have not been there as much as you or have deep a pockets and explaining stuff away can be easy but I don't want to make excuses for her I need help to know what I am dealing with here, it is strange to me.

Lets face it I am not the only guy looking at foreign dating with an average income, when someone surveyed on here with a poll of income most respondents were on everyday average income looking for a FSW. No I always knew that it did not happen (in most cases) straight away, it takes time to get to know girl. I am willing to put the time and money in where needed, but I don't want to be with a girl that is just with me for shopping spree etc and doesn't care about me, perhaps it looks now she wasn't. I am still left with this oddity that she wants to visit me and refuses meeting anywhere else including her home town. Perhaps another cultural difference I don't know but for me it is difficult to work out.

[Trenchcoat]

In the meantime, Trenchcoat. I'm beginning to feel v.sorry for the lass. Wish she'd come on here and post her side ...

If she did that then at least I would know more than she's told me through messaging, lol.

[msmob]

Then you should change your status nightwish so we know where you are coming from.

Said the guy posting he's 'committed' ( and suggests being married ) you DO know what a spouse is (?)  - on his status ?! ...

[Nightwish]

Then you should change your status nightwish so we know where you are coming from. Yes you may well be right about her wanting to try food. There could well be a cultural misunderstanding here but I can hardly be blamed when these odd situations come up. To me it looked like she was uncaringly squandering my money to take the pee, no a dish of Moussaka is not the most expensive thing in the world but its more what it seemed to represent to me that bothered me more than the cost. Unless she explains these things to me I do not know, I tried to talk to her about it but got no good answer. Basically I told her we had only just eaten not long ago but she still decided she wanted it and then ate hardly any off it. I come from a background where money and food are not frivolously wasted so I could not understand why a poor girl would act like this, like a spoilt LA teen it seemed totally bizarre to me as I think it would many others if there at the time.

Yes, I took her to a shopping mall to please her, but I did not expect her to expect me to pay for one thing after another, a purchase or two then she would be satisfied and we could get on enjoying ourselves with other things to do on holiday. I see now that crossing the line in the first place was the wrong thing to do and did a lot of damage to our relationship. Again perhaps here it is about the girl never really having this opportunity and seeing that she can and making the most of it without having any idea of where I am at with it (and most guys since most guys avoid shopping trips but I thought satisfying her would improve not make worse relationship) so another cultural difference, but how am I supposed to know this and deal with these cultural differences that take me totally by surprise. Yes I have not been there as much as you or have deep a pockets and explaining stuff away can be easy but I don't want to make excuses for her I need help to know what I am dealing with here, it is strange to me.

Lets face it I am not the only guy looking at foreign dating with an average income, when someone surveyed on here with a poll of income most respondents were on everyday average income looking for a FSW. No I always knew that it did not happen (in most cases) straight away, it takes time to get to know girl. I am willing to put the time and money in where needed, but I don't want to be with a girl that is just with me for shopping spree etc and doesn't care about me, perhaps it looks now she wasn't. I am still left with this oddity that she wants to visit me and refuses meeting anywhere else including her home town. Perhaps another cultural difference I don't know but for me it is difficult to work out.

Finally a decent and well thought of post from you, maybe I said something you needed to hear, and you finally listened, I don't know, but kudos to you for that.

I will try to explain it from my point of view, without making a mock about you, which is hard, but I will do my best.

This "quest" doesn't have to be expensive if your smart, willing to put in the effort and due diligence before a meeting. Some of my dates, they only cost me a planeticket, apartment and food. No adventures, no expensive excursions and we had a lovely time, and one of these dates could really have become my wife if it wasn't for her greedy and jealous ex.husband that sued her over custody, and got half time with his kid. = impossible for her to move here, unless I payed him big cash to give up his rights.. she ended it with me because she didn't want to put this on me, I only found out long time after why she broke up.

We spent a ridiculous amount of time talking before I went there, same thing, we clicked about everything and could talk about all.. and that's is what due diligence means if you only want to spend a dime on this.

It’s not cheap, it should not be cheap, but of course you can – but to do it cheap and succeed you have to be smart, not think like mr scrooge.

About your inability to read cultural differences, well that is something you have to work on, it's not like I knew, or know, all about this.. I dont pretend to know, but I have went in to every meeting, every date with a very open mind, a very open imagination to what could happen, I went in to this knowing there will me missunderstandings and that some things will trigger “the alarm”, but I made very sure to ask her about this, keep an open mind and discussed it with my date before jumping to conclusions..
You seem to do the opposite, and she can feel this, she can feel you dont trust her..and a young woman in her early 20:s she will likely shut down, that I found is another FSU mentality, they can appear very friendly, but emotionally they already shut you out, but she will remain a good date, a good hostess, a good friend, but you have been placed in the friendzone and you will not get out of it. ... besides women have a 6 sense about these things, they are like mystical creatures this way. They read you like an open book, and if she dont feel trust, your toast.
You have to embrace that you will have this kind of cultural differences and play along, don’t give them the time of day..  again, ask her about it before jumping to conclusions, before making up your mind this is a bad thing.  And let her know you want to understand her way of thinking, not because you are seeing “red flags” but because you are interested in her views, her culture, her background, her experiences.

One big difference I see here, I went to meet and finally found a “real woman” but you met a girl, and that is something you should have noticed right away, so that you can only blame on yourself.

I met one girl that was 23, she hunted me down, she asked and begged and pursued me until I finally said yes to a have a date with her, it was very nice, she was gorgeous and sexy, she was friendly and seemed mature and willing to make an effort to hold on to me, she lured me in with amazing sexy pictures and promises of a night I would never forget.. and no – I will never forget that night -  but she was also only 23, and a lot of times I saw that shine through, she wasn’t ready to settle down for life, she wasn’t sure about herself, what she wanted in life. I said absolutely no to kids, and she said she would give up on that dream, but one day with her in the park showed me, she would change her mind about this.

My status will remain untouched until the day I put a ring on the finger, I have nothing to prove here.
btw, Tanya have told me about this dream to have a real diamondring as wedding ring, but she told me, she would keeeeel me if I got her an expensive one, she wants a plain (white) gold ring for engagement, and a match for that as wedding ring but with a small stone as well. Emphasis on small .
Swedish tradition has been like this (unlike US and maybe other parts of the world), here engagement rings is exchanged so both woman and man gets one smaller plain band to show the commitment, and at the wedding the woman gets a second ring, often with a small/medium stone, in recent years I seen that many men also get a second plain ring for the wedding, we are mixing and blending our traditions and cultures as we please here
so Tiffanys London - Here I come  (someone wants to rob a bank with me?)

[Trenchcoat]

Finally a decent and well thought of post from you, maybe I said something you needed to hear, and you finally listened, I don't know, but kudos to you for that.

I will try to explain it from my point of view, without making a mock about you, which is hard, but I will do my best.

This "quest" doesn't have to be expensive if your smart, willing to put in the effort and due diligence before a meeting. Some of my dates, they only cost me a planeticket, apartment and food. No adventures, no expensive excursions and we had a lovely time, and one of these dates could really have become my wife if it wasn't for her greedy and jealous ex.husband that sued her over custody, and got half time with his kid. = impossible for her to move here, unless I payed him big cash to give up his rights.. she ended it with me because she didn't want to put this on me, I only found out long time after why she broke up.

We spent a ridiculous amount of time talking before I went there, same thing, we clicked about everything and could talk about all.. and that's is what due diligence means if you only want to spend a dime on this.

It’s not cheap, it should not be cheap, but of course you can – but to do it cheap and succeed you have to be smart, not think like mr scrooge.

About your inability to read cultural differences, well that is something you have to work on, it's not like I knew, or know, all about this.. I dont pretend to know, but I have went in to every meeting, every date with a very open mind, a very open imagination to what could happen, I went in to this knowing there will me missunderstandings and that some things will trigger “the alarm”, but I made very sure to ask her about this, keep an open mind and discussed it with my date before jumping to conclusions..
You seem to do the opposite, and she can feel this, she can feel you dont trust her..and a young woman in her early 20:s she will likely shut down, that I found is another FSU mentality, they can appear very friendly, but emotionally they already shut you out, but she will remain a good date, a good hostess, a good friend, but you have been placed in the friendzone and you will not get out of it. ... besides women have a 6 sense about these things, they are like mystical creatures this way. They read you like an open book, and if she dont feel trust, your toast.
You have to embrace that you will have this kind of cultural differences and play along, don’t give them the time of day..  again, ask her about it before jumping to conclusions, before making up your mind this is a bad thing.  And let her know you want to understand her way of thinking, not because you are seeing “red flags” but because you are interested in her views, her culture, her background, her experiences.

One big difference I see here, I went to meet and finally found a “real woman” but you met a girl, and that is something you should have noticed right away, so that you can only blame on yourself.

I met one girl that was 23, she hunted me down, she asked and begged and pursued me until I finally said yes to a have a date with her, it was very nice, she was gorgeous and sexy, she was friendly and seemed mature and willing to make an effort to hold on to me, she lured me in with amazing sexy pictures and promises of a night I would never forget.. and no – I will never forget that night -  but she was also only 23, and a lot of times I saw that shine through, she wasn’t ready to settle down for life, she wasn’t sure about herself, what she wanted in life. I said absolutely no to kids, and she said she would give up on that dream, but one day with her in the park showed me, she would change her mind about this.

My status will remain untouched until the day I put a ring on the finger, I have nothing to prove here.
btw, Tanya have told me about this dream to have a real diamondring as wedding ring, but she told me, she would keeeeel me if I got her an expensive one, she wants a plain (white) gold ring for engagement, and a match for that as wedding ring but with a small stone as well. Emphasis on small .
Swedish tradition has been like this (unlike US and maybe other parts of the world), here engagement rings is exchanged so both woman and man gets one smaller plain band to show the commitment, and at the wedding the woman gets a second ring, often with a small/medium stone, in recent years I seen that many men also get a second plain ring for the wedding, we are mixing and blending our traditions and cultures as we please here
so Tiffanys London - Here I come  (someone wants to rob a bank with me?)

You surprised me Nightwish and I thank you for your post, you have gained quite an insight into FSU dating that I have not seen much from you until now and it is helpful to me, I never thought I would be saying that, lol. Yes the trust has gone from the relationship and she does indeed 'shut down' a few weeks back I was messaging her and a lot of the time she would not get back to me, only when I really opened up mainly did she get back to me. I think the trust thing also had an effect while we were on holiday, particularly the latter half and like you say she could tell and shut herself off even though externally we still got along well.

Anyhow, we have not contacted each other for probably a good couple of weeks now, we seemed to reach an impasse with neither side willing to budge (or feeling that they could). I'm guessing we are both thinking the same thing at the moment that unless one of us backs down or a solution comes forward nothing there is no point contacting the other. The last message I sent her was that I said that I want a girl that is into me for being me, not into me for gaining a visa. Well she did not respond so I guess she shut down, I took it as a sign that she was just into a visa and not me as she did not respond. Her original accusation was that she thought I was married and/or had children already (she said she did not mind if I had children as she likes children). When I suggested we live abroad (in Cyprus) she accused me of 'having problems with the law' because I did not want to live in UK/sudden change to wanting to live abroad. She did once suggest living together in another EU country but later backtracked form this. I found this strange that she would do that, perhaps once again she thought I had something to hide which she has accused me off all along which turned her off moving abroad with me anywhere. For some reason this means that I am not suitable to meet her in Kherson without her first visiting me - a mantra she keeps repeating often, supposedly to check me out. I have suggested connecting on Facebook but she refuses that as sufficient evidence that I am not married, which I think is weird as people on there would probably be like 'hey, where has your (supposed) wife/children gone?'. She has Facebook but perhaps being foreign doesn't know how it works compared to vk. As you know I distrust her motives for wanting to come to UK/be with me. I guess her trust issues have reached epic proportions that apparently she doesn't even want to see me in Kherson till she first see me in UK. Whether I am right to distrust her or it really is an issue of her distrusting me so badly why I can't come to Kherson I don't know? All I know is that it makes me distrust her why she does not want to see me if I visit as seems strange to me.

Anyway, yes it was much the same with her as the 23 year old girl you met, she begged me that she was 'not too young' so at the age of 25 I thought give her a chance and see where it goes. I am still fairly inexperienced at this FSW scene so was not sure what the upshot of dating a much younger girl would be, I'm mean people have said this and that, some of it quite accurate but as she said she was ready for a committed relationship/children, etc I took her at her word. Whether this was a mistake (at times it seems lie to me) or whether I am now permanently friend zoned I'm not entirely sure.   

[2tallbill]

Yes and my problem is she seems to have some hang up about me visiting her and is obsessed with her coming here and visiting nowhere else before.

Ok, so you are still stuck on this girl for whatever reason.

You let her drive the bus, either stop doing that or stop pursuing FSUW.

My simple solution
Buy tickets to Kiev, send her the itinerary and tell her you want her to meet you there.
If she refuses, you already know there are millions of unmarried women in Kiev. If she
comes to see you then you start driving the bus. If she doesn't then she doesn't care
about you so you need move on and meet other girls in Kiev.

That I do not understand. Possibly if I turn up where she lives everyone will know her clothes are real brand, where/how she is getting them and she doesn't want that as she may get grief over it. Why she doesn't want to be elsewhere in Europe together I don't know.

Clearly you don't understand women and coming up with reasons about why they do
what they do is an exercise in futility. I understand them 8000 times better than you
and I am constantly mystified. We weren't supposed to be able to understand them!
 
Who cares what the reason is? It's probably that she doesn't want babuska's tongues
wagging and speculating. As for the rest of Europe, you need to start driving the bus.

HOW TO DRIVE THE BUS
First step is to buy tickets to Kiev. Don't tell her first just do it. Then she will decide,
and you can stop worrying or thinking. You are the one that let this get out of hand.
Personally I think that this "relationship is deader than viable flat Earth theories but
stop whining about it. You need to either sh!t or get off the pot.

Buy the tickets to Kiev and the problem will resolve itself one way or another.

Don't threaten to do this just do it. When you send her your itinerary don't get all
wordy about it. Write something like:

_______________

Hello Sweet Buns (put here name here rather than sweet buns)
I purchased tickets to Kiev and will be there from 9/1 till 9/15 and
would love for you to meet me there. Let me know if you can make it.

Have a Sunny Day!

Bus Driver (put your name there rather than bus driver)

_______________

She will send you a diatribe saying blah, blah, blah
mad, mad, mad. Angry, Angry, sad, sad. more blah 
Sweet Buns

________________________________

To which you reply

Dear Sweet Buns,
Should I be expecting you? or not?
Bus Driver

THAT'S IT,
No long winded explanations etc, no answers to questions, no offers
of paying for her bus tickets NONE OF THAT STUFF!

You wait until she says that she is coming before you offer any of that
stuff. DO NOT WRITE HER IF YOU DON'T HEAR BACK FROM HER.
No more analysis of what makes her tick. She ticks and that's all you
need to know.

If she writes back that she can't be there on those dates because her
Granny is meeting the Pope or that she is needed for world peace or
or she will be on Survivor during that time. 

You write the following letter,

___________________

Dear Sweet Buns
Sorry that you can't make it, Kiev won't be
the same without you

Cheers
Bus Driver


Now you have a blueprint. The only way to f#ck it up is if you add additional words
and explanations, so don't do it. You will have your answer one way or another.

Drive the bus and don't waste time on a girl just because she is hot, naughty or both.

Udachi!

Bill

[Nightwish]

You surprised me Nightwish and I thank you for your post, you have gained quite an insight into FSU dating that I have not seen much from you until now and it is helpful to me, I never thought I would be saying that, lol. Yes the trust has gone from the relationship and she does indeed 'shut down' a few weeks back I was messaging her and a lot of the time she would not get back to me, only when I really opened up mainly did she get back to me. I think the trust thing also had an effect while we were on holiday, particularly the latter half and like you say she could tell and shut herself off even though externally we still got along well.

Anyhow, we have not contacted each other for probably a good couple of weeks now, we seemed to reach an impasse with neither side willing to budge (or feeling that they could). I'm guessing we are both thinking the same thing at the moment that unless one of us backs down or a solution comes forward nothing there is no point contacting the other. The last message I sent her was that I said that I want a girl that is into me for being me, not into me for gaining a visa. Well she did not respond so I guess she shut down, I took it as a sign that she was just into a visa and not me as she did not respond. Her original accusation was that she thought I was married and/or had children already (she said she did not mind if I had children as she likes children). When I suggested we live abroad (in Cyprus) she accused me of 'having problems with the law' because I did not want to live in UK/sudden change to wanting to live abroad. She did once suggest living together in another EU country but later backtracked form this. I found this strange that she would do that, perhaps once again she thought I had something to hide which she has accused me off all along which turned her off moving abroad with me anywhere. For some reason this means that I am not suitable to meet her in Kherson without her first visiting me - a mantra she keeps repeating often, supposedly to check me out. I have suggested connecting on Facebook but she refuses that as sufficient evidence that I am not married, which I think is weird as people on there would probably be like 'hey, where has your (supposed) wife/children gone?'. She has Facebook but perhaps being foreign doesn't know how it works compared to vk. As you know I distrust her motives for wanting to come to UK/be with me. I guess her trust issues have reached epic proportions that apparently she doesn't even want to see me in Kherson till she first see me in UK. Whether I am right to distrust her or it really is an issue of her distrusting me so badly why I can't come to Kherson I don't know? All I know is that it makes me distrust her why she does not want to see me if I visit as seems strange to me.

Anyway, yes it was much the same with her as the 23 year old girl you met, she begged me that she was 'not too young' so at the age of 25 I thought give her a chance and see where it goes. I am still fairly inexperienced at this FSW scene so was not sure what the upshot of dating a much younger girl would be, I'm mean people have said this and that, some of it quite accurate but as she said she was ready for a committed relationship/children, etc I took her at her word. Whether this was a mistake (at times it seems lie to me) or whether I am now permanently friend zoned I'm not entirely sure.

I've made it clear on this forum I would not be sharing much of anything about my trips/my experiences/my "quest"  until I nailed it... mostly because I have a very different approach, I have "easy access" to Ukraine, I go there on a gut feeling sometimes, sometimes does due diligence, but above all I never claimed my way is the right way.. but I have almost exclusively gone on WOVO trips, even if a couple of them turned out to be WMVM trips with boots on ground and first date "failed"

And this is also a point I want to make out, especially to you who always complain about members looking for a long time and several trips. NONE of my dates or trips have been failures, I gained experience, I made friends, I have met wonderful people on the way.
I never thought I would meet her on the first or second trip, yes of course I hoped so, maybe most of all on my first trip there.. but I have all the time been prepared that this can take time, a lot of dates, a lot of trips.. that was my mindset going in..
I was looking for miss perfect, and not just "she will do"
I found Miss perfect, in all ways, I could never imagined I would meet such a wonderful person, such a beautiful woman, or as they say in FSU - My second half - because that is exactly what she is, she makes me feel whole, and she points this out to me almost every time we speak, I make her complete.

I think your girl was ready to settle down, if you had been the right man for her, if you had maybe acted like it was a vacation/date between two people getting to know each other.

 I don't know, but this is my feeling I get from (all) your posts combined, when you where with her, it more became a "internship" as becoming your wife then a romantic getaway between two people getting to know each other and maybe fall in love..  your expectations was on a different level then hers, and this spooked her, that is what I think, doesn't have to be true. And I am sure you didn't think this way and still don't do, but she maybe felt it (magical creatures as I said). and also as I said before, look for "red flags" and you will find them, and you look for them all the time.

That is why I say, your mindset is wrong, your not mentally ready, and you will crash and burn if you try this "domestic" dating your talking about.
Quite simply, you read to much about scammers and you have created this mental world where Ukraine is "dirt poor" and "everyone" is after a visa or your money. This wont change if you move there, it wont change unless you change your view.

And sure, Ukraine is a poor country, but faaar from that bad that you have in your mind.
Have you ever been to Philippines? That is a "dirt poor" country.

here is a picture I found the other day on VK -  this might explain to you why she don't want to meet you in her town..

[Boethius]

So you accuse the girl of being a visa mule and are then surprised she goes silent. What is wrong with this scenario?

[Boethius]

If she is the possible "one" and can obtain a U.K. visa, I don't see what the big issue is. It's not as if you have to marry her on that visit.

[2tallbill]

If she is the possible "one" and can obtain a U.K. visa, I don't see what the big issue is.
It's not as if you have to marry her on that visit.

Any sincere girl would want to see her romantic interest again. She wouldn't refuse
to see him in Kiev or someplace else. I highly doubt that she is the one.

[Boethius]

Any sincere man would not accuse the girl of being a visa whore.

[2tallbill]

Any sincere man would not accuse the girl of being a visa whore.

I didn't read that he wrote that.

A sincere man wouldn't call her that unless he really, really believed it to
be true. Then he would dump her on the spot and never communicate
with her again.

Since he wrote that, I have no idea what his motivations are. The only
reason that I write advice is for the newbies and lurkers. He doesn't
follow enough advice for me to waste my time writing it.

[Boethius]

here is a picture I found the other day on VK -  this might explain to you why she don't want to meet you in her town..

He has been told this numerous times by me.  Others have disagreed with my assertion.  I do think this is a factor for a woman in a small centre.

[BillyB]

He has been told this numerous times by me.  Others have disagreed with my assertion.  I do think this is a factor for a woman in a small centre.

If Trenchcoat looked like Brad Pitt and had as big a wallet, I don't think she'd piss him off by resisting his suggestion they meet in her small town. She's either ashamed of Trench or doesn't think enough of him yet to introduce him to those near her.

[Jumper]

The babushka network is vast and
Fearsome!




I do think this could be a part of her reasoning as I said before.

But the sticking point is turning down time spent together in other EU cities ,as well as acting her age in general.

If you *have* to act a certain way, or
Struggle on even where to see each other, in the initial part of a relationship, then it's far too much work.it's not supposed to be beating your head agaisnt the wall. Just an compatable couple, but a big percentage of couples end up incompatible if you want to be jaded about it lol.

  Like nightwish my methods are likely a horrible way.
 I only met women that contacted me first.
 I only saw women that we truly clicked right off the bat.  no drama, no doubts or second guessing , no lack of communication, who pursued me.
No that doesn't mean asking me out for the date, it means if I said let's go for sushi at 7pm, they said - yes great! Or said sure, but can we get Mexican food instead? ( said by no RW ever lol )
and  showed real .interest  in spending time with me, regardless location. A woman that called texted or emailed me randomly, even if I hadn't at the time.
   I only dated women I could hold a conversation with, since my Russian is poor, that means they spoke English.
  I dint date anyone who was difficult ,cold,immature, or hard to read.

So sure I likely missed some nice women who if I acted differently, pursued more, or allowed time to warm up or know me better,or  i them,  might have been compatible.
But I dint need 500 compatible women.I did not care if I missed some, I only need one.
One who I could be completely myself, which includes the more polished mature person, and the goofball ,difficult,cocky ,  stubborn part.
  I am confident with all my flaws I'm a good catch so it's just not that hard to find a nice, sunny despostioned,  considerate,woman.

In the end though, I was just really lucky.
My wife is the salt of the earth, a decembrist.I know this from experience, not just saying it.
(If you don't know the term , read up on Maria Volkonskaya )


Good luck.

[LAman]

I do think this could be a part of her reasoning as I said before.

Nope it is an excuse. For what ever reason and we will never know for sure. Could be  A LOT of things, many already mentioned before. Many girls will only meet in their city initially, some will not care and meet in the BIG city. One thing for sure, if meeting in a smaller city, she will more likely not join you in a hotel!!  apt, fine. ))

[Boethius]

Nope it is an excuse.

You can't possibly know that. 

MissAmeno once posted about this very issue, with examples in her own small city.

I think a generous man would give the girl the benefit of the doubt, rather than get into a dispute about the issue. 

I'm not suggesting the girl has feelings for Trench, just that there are no hard and fast rules.

[msmob]

You can't possibly know that. 

MissAmeno once posted about this very issue, with examples in her own small city.

I think a generous man would give the girl the benefit of the doubt, rather than get into a dispute about the issue. 

I'm not suggesting the girl has feelings for Trench, just that there are no hard and fast rules.

Boethius,  we cannot know and MY experience is that if the lass is 'in to you' - she won't give a ... what any 'network' thinks ...   My caveat being I dated women in their mid to late thirties and above.



As ever, Trench had good advice and he will still be posting on here in months to come about this lass..

 

[Boethius]

She is still at an age where she could find a local partner.  The last thing she would need is tongues wagging.

[JayH]

  The last thing she would need is tongues wagging.

Regardless of the specific case here -- that is an issue generally.
In cities a lot larger than Kherson girls are wary of circumstances.It should not be underestimated.
There can be a lot of reasons -- even with a very suitable guy -let alone one as unsuitable as TC !
As an example --a girl may have met multiple obviously "western" guys -- note -- I am saying met -- as in had a coffee or meal -- and the last thing she needs is getting labelled over it.
Note -- a very large % of guys ARE UNSUITABLE  !!So 5 minutes into a meeting a girl may want to be somewhere else !
Guys from somewhere else are very often very obvious -- and generally it is understood why they are probably there -so it will draw attention .
Note -- this has nothing to do with an established relationship ( although even then discretion is appropriate) but is particularly significant in early meeting stage.The bigger the age difference -- the more this is important.Until allthe early hurdles are past -- don't expect to be included in her life.

[msmob]

She is still at an age where she could find a local partner.  The last thing she would need is tongues wagging.

This is the 'silly' thing about the FSU .... the belief that a woman in her mid thirties and later cannot find a man ....    Mostly, they have no problem - just choose not to - based on previous experience  - that's MY experience

[Boethius]

It's the attitude toward women.  Before the Soviet collapse, if an FSUW wasn't married by age 20 (at least in Ukraine), the perception was, she would die unmarried.

[msmob]

It's the attitude toward women.  Before the Soviet collapse, if an FSUW wasn't married by age 20 (at least in Ukraine), the perception was, she would die unmarried.

It WAS, surely ?  ...   MY take on that is that those who perpetuate that myth do western guys a favour ..