Another statistic

[Boethius]

If we were static beings, we would all be happy, the divorce rate 0 and probably pretty bored.  Both men and women in a relationship change over time.

People grow over time, and their perceptions may be modified based on their experiences.  However, I don't think personalities really change.  Ask the mothers of adults. 

IMHO relationships by their nature are not built to last and those that do are either very exceptional, represent a huge amount of work or are simply acquiescent.

A good relationship should not be a huge amount of work.  I have never found my marriage to be work.  My home is my refuge from the world outside.  If you have to work at marriage, you haven't married the right person.

I also disagree that people acquiesce in long term marriages.  In a good marriage, there is compromise, but acquiesence leads to resentment. 

Marriage is about finding a compatible soul.

[Boethius]

1980.. all the girls I dated in High School demanded to be treated equally.. so, myself and all my friends did what they asked.. and we expected the ladies to pay for us sometimes too.

1990.. all the girls I dated since high school still demanded to be treated equally but now with the added demand that she be treated like a lady.. meaning.. I pay for everything.  Oh, the added demand of at least three orgasms for her..

2000.. all the girls I dated since 1990 now demanded not equality, but, submission to the GODDESS.  I must pay for everything and never question their wisdom and obvious superiority to all men.. service their bodies when THEY wanted it and ONLY when they wanted it..

2000 1/2...  I started dating younger women and had a lot less BS.  Not BS free.. but a tolerable level.

2001... self respect returned to healthy level.

Have you ever considered you were chasing, or are attracted to, the wrong type of woman?  Sort of like women who are only attracted to bad boys, and then complain there are no good men.

[ScottinCrimea]

Thank you Scott. I learned a great deal from your ordeal. I wish you the best and I mean that.


Maxx 

Maxx, Your words of warning and the information you provided were not ignored. They helped me to take the necessary precautions, put things in perspective, and take the appropriate steps to have a positive outcome.

[Taz]

We had a very nice conversation.  She says her greatest sadness in the whole thing was the feeling of having lost her best friend.  She believes that we do very well as friends and can continue as such, but that we just don’t do as well as husband and wife.  I think she’s probably right.  I think her expectations of me as a husband and my expectations of her as a wife were just too incompatible.  I also think that her daughter would be a continual source of conflict.  It’s much nicer not having that little diva around.

I can unfortunately commiserate with you on this point. Sort of the same situation with my ex RW and myself. I think you might have even underestimated the source of potential conflict of her daughter. I have stronger words to use than diva for my ex stepbrat!

Keep in mind that no matter how all normal it seems to talk with your soon (hopefully) to be ex, that things can change in a second if it is to her benefit in the divorce of if it isn't too late. My ex had lots of pressure to file DV charges against me. It continued incessantly up until the point where it wouldn't have any impact on our divorce. Then magically all the people suggesting she do file DV charges against me suddenly disappeared into the hell they were spawn from. It was more a "get the man" mentality rather than doing what was best for her. I will give her credit that she never succumbed to their insistent pressure and it does reaffirm that in many ways I was correct about her character. Unfortunately I was also correct about her daughter's character but misjudged my ex's amount of cooperation she was willing to commit to in the parenting of her little diva.

Quite honestly there is a "get the man" bias in the court systems. Everything is stacked against you. It is all for the benefit of the women and supposedly to protect the children too. It is OK to shaft the man, destroy his life and ruin his career if it will benefit the woman in someway or "help" the children... The stories I could tell about my divorce would make you cringe. I can relate to Maxx's story much more than I'd like to.