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Author Topic: Advice from guys who have been there  (Read 29646 times)

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Offline wallm

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Re: Advice from guys who have been there
« Reply #100 on: May 16, 2017, 05:15:18 PM »
A lady comes here after substantial investment in her by the man in terms of the pursuit, the cost, etc. and she has tough time adjusting to life and won't talk to him. But she is perfectly happy going to a concert with her "new" friends and not talk to the man she came to live with. The man should have persisted and pursued her and gave her all the time she needed? I don't like these women being put on a pedestal. Be a strong man.

I do not like ladies acting cold and distant to see how much one pursues. Don't care how pretty they are. I stopped pursuit of a gorgeous blonde from my first trip after she told me to be patient and stopped responding on Viber. Whilst my little head was telling me to persist, I moved on. Even the lady I met in March and am currently pursuing acts hot and cold sometimes.

Then there is the thought that women are more attracted to a man when they wonder about him and he doesn't "appear" needy. Balance that with the pursuit of a lady who is playing game as described by vwrw.  :rolleyes2:

Offline Boethius

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Re: Advice from guys who have been there
« Reply #101 on: May 16, 2017, 08:15:30 PM »
So, FSU real men persist! Nice. But do they persist only till they can bang her? I keep hearing over and over how FSU men run away from responsibilities


I read this to the better half.  He said no, FSUM do not run away from responsibilities.  But, some women are just not women they want to spend their lives with.  There's even a word for this, which roughly translates to (good) for one time.  I suppose we have this in the West, too, but in a different way.  Their men seek decent women, and they respect those women.


In any event, he said you are deeply mistaken about FSUM.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline wallm

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Re: Advice from guys who have been there
« Reply #102 on: May 16, 2017, 08:41:28 PM »
I read this to the better half.  He said no, FSUM do not run away from responsibilities.  But, some women are just not women they want to spend their lives with.  There's even a word for this, which roughly translates to (good) for one time.  I suppose we have this in the West, too, but in a different way.  Their men seek decent women, and they respect those women.

In any event, he said you are deeply mistaken about FSUM.

I heard repeatedly from ladies I met on two trips that the biggest problem they faced with FSUM is that they quit on the marriage instead of working on problems, their word is not good and some even stop caring about their kids and leave. The lady I am pursuing now told me her ex left her and showed no further interest in her son who is now in college. He doesn't have any relationship with the boy and doesn't give offer support. She had to raise the boy herself. Of course, this isn't universal. I am not painting all those men with a broad brush. And we have some of the same stuff happening with some of our men in the US but women have a recourse in courts at least to get monetary support.

Offline calmissile

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Re: Advice from guys who have been there
« Reply #103 on: May 17, 2017, 01:06:54 AM »
I heard repeatedly from ladies I met on two trips that the biggest problem they faced with FSUM is that they quit on the marriage instead of working on problems, their word is not good and some even stop caring about their kids and leave. The lady I am pursuing now told me her ex left her and showed no further interest in her son who is now in college. He doesn't have any relationship with the boy and doesn't give offer support. She had to raise the boy herself. Of course, this isn't universal. I am not painting all those men with a broad brush. And we have some of the same stuff happening with some of our men in the US but women have a recourse in courts at least to get monetary support.
818F311859613F00A3C78033B5F44A21

To some extent I agree with you.  FSUW are often left with the responsibility of raising the children when the husbands leave.  They are to be commended for the sacrifices they make to raise the children alone.  The USA is a different situation and we need to understand the differences.  The American courts favor women in raising the children,  and often the husband/fathers are often destroyed financially in order to meet the court orders to support the wives and children while they are restricted from access and influence in the children's lives. No person ( man or women) wants to pay support for a lazy spouse that sits on their lazy ass and will not find employment to provide support for the children!  At the same time, to be denied meaningful access to influence the child creates a barrier that is almost impossible to overcome.

For the most part, in the USA; the bloodsucking lawyers try to create as much animosity as possible between the couples so that it results in an adversary relationship that results in trials and lots of attorney fees.  In the USA the courts favor the mothers even if they are drug addicts or just simply looking for a free ride on the husbands support payments.  If the fathers had the confidence that their financial support was actually going to the child (and the child realized it), there would be much less resistance to supporting their children.

This is not intended to dismiss the responsibility of those male playboys that want to shed their responsibilities and pretend they are not the fathers of their children. In fact, they should be locked up and the key thrown away! 

My issue is with the fathers that want to participate in the raising of their children and the courts are so favored toward the mothers that they allow them to sit of their fat asses and benefit from the child support (and alimony) payments while they sit on their ass watching Opra while the kids are joining gangs and not getting a good education in our schools.
Doug (Calmissile)

Offline Maxx2

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Re: Advice from guys who have been there
« Reply #104 on: May 17, 2017, 03:38:41 AM »
maxx-
 
>10 years ago, there's a slight chance I can believe a RW would 'sex someone up', and invest over a year of her life, just to get a ticket to USA. Those days are gone for Russians. Especially one from Moscow, no less. This may still be true for other nations, but no longer for Russians.
 
I am also astounded of the OP's ignorance of Russian roots in NoCal. Heck, hasn't he heard of the Russian River (aka Slavyanka, The Great Wine River) flowing like the American River considering he lives in Sac-Town, of all things? Russians were already in NoCal even before Jerry Brown's grandparents were born.
 
Since being involved in this endeavor, I have laid witness to countless cases of K1s gone bad, and happy to note the very vast majority of the time, it is not because of the gals.
 
Wifey, when she first came here, hated our 'sun'. She said it was much brighter than what they have in Novo. LMAO! What she really meant was - she expected LA to have tall buildings, like she saw in countless Hollywood movies, not realizing our area is as flat as it is. Making, of course, total exposure to sunshine as though it is in fact *brighter* than Novo, or areas with tall buildings comparatively.
 
Oh yeah, the food? Remember my story about the lobster/pork chops? Her palette was no way near accustomed to anything here. Had I known better, I would've just doused her servings with dill and call it Russian food. Thank gawd for Rasputin and sushi!
 
Yes Nancy, everything in Russia is much better. So the story goes... :rolleyes:

I could go on - but these are just tidbits of what they call an 'adjustment' period. It can be difficult to understand, much less live and cope with. But hey, anyone filing a fiancée visa SHOULD equate to a notion that the petitioner have some emotional and moral commitment to the beneficiary to some deeper level, no? Otherwise, filling a hole in someone's life is hardly conducive to sticking it out through thick and thin. Just sayin'...
 
There is a LOT to understand and appreciate in what the OP's gal told him re: Real Man.


GQ, I got to say I only understood about half of the above. Also I have not been following the OP's thread much so I don't know the twists and turns. I know it has been about 7-10 years since I gave up 'helping the guys.' Towards the end of my helping days I was helping mostly American women deal with their bad boy immigrant husbands. The last person I helped was a Pakistani woman that I helped connect up to a woman's shelter in Chicago.

Offline Maxx2

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Re: Advice from guys who have been there
« Reply #105 on: May 17, 2017, 03:55:55 AM »
From what I recall, there have been cases where the petitioner was allowed to stay after a domestic violence was applied for even though she was never married. Tread carefully.......


I think the marriage requirement changed sometime about the time Obama entered office. I used to belong to a group that kept track of such things. Then even lobbied and got a Senate hearing about how USCs are not allowed to submit evidence of their innocence or their immigrant spouse's guilt. They were trying to end the secret 'Star Chamber' judgements the USCIS held in Saint Albans Vermont. The Senate hearing went no where and the lobby group disbanded. That was 2012.

Offline Boethius

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Re: Advice from guys who have been there
« Reply #106 on: May 17, 2017, 07:11:07 AM »
I heard repeatedly from ladies I met on two trips that the biggest problem they faced with FSUM is that they quit on the marriage instead of working on problems, their word is not good and some even stop caring about their kids and leave. The lady I am pursuing now told me her ex left her and showed no further interest in her son who is now in college. He doesn't have any relationship with the boy and doesn't give offer support. She had to raise the boy herself. Of course, this isn't universal. I am not painting all those men with a broad brush. And we have some of the same stuff happening with some of our men in the US but women have a recourse in courts at least to get monetary support.

Up until the collapse of the USSR, on divorce, a woman (women always received custody) was given a portion of the man's salary automatically - 1/3 for one child, 1/2 for more than one child.  I knew a number of men whose ex wives were alcoholics neglecting their children, but they way their society is structured, they could not obtain custody. 

Unless a man is drinking, I would take any proclamations of what a horrid person he is with a grain of salt.  The attitude in the Slavic parts of the FSU is that the child belongs with, and to, the mother.  If that mother is difficult to deal with, the father is going to just disappear from his child's life.
« Last Edit: May 17, 2017, 07:21:21 AM by Boethius »
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline GQBlues

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Re: Advice from guys who have been there
« Reply #107 on: May 17, 2017, 01:18:39 PM »

GQ, I got to say I only understood about half of the above. Also I have not been following the OP's thread much so I don't know the twists and turns. I know it has been about 7-10 years since I gave up 'helping the guys.' Towards the end of my helping days I was helping mostly American women deal with their bad boy immigrant husbands. The last person I helped was a Pakistani woman that I helped connect up to a woman's shelter in Chicago.

Hey maxx-

No problem, man.

In many of these cases we see on these boards, I've often held back for no other reason than there really is only one side of the story that's shared. Since I got on board with RWD, I've seen only two cases where the 'women' somehow showed up and shared their side of the story. One was a member named jmana, and man, that was pretty wacky! Drugs, strip joints, the whole ball of wax...

The other one I don't remember the name anymore but he was here telling us how his wife went out cheated on him with a 'black man' who, apparently, was also a drug dealer. It was hard to determine whether he was pissed off more because his wife cheated on him, or because she cheated on him with a 'black man'. IIRC the entire saga but it turned out the guy was an alcoholic which ultimately destroyed the marriage.

Back at RWG, not sure if you remember a case that dealt with *Olga*. SmoothOperator, in his quest to be 'funny', tried to breathe life into that case by defaming her, thinking she couldn't possibly know anything he's writing, then BAM! I don't know how, but she signed up and started posting her side of the story. Helen, Ms. Moscow Matriach, then started getting on her case, too. I remember even GregfromGA got into the discussion...


ETC....

Often enough times though, I do carefully read into what is being shared and detect if anything 'logical' is amiss in any part of it. Then you begin to see 'patterns' that just doesn't follow 'logic'. Usually helps make better evaluation of what is being presented.
« Last Edit: May 17, 2017, 01:26:19 PM by GQBlues »
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