Привет из Висконсина

[veritas]

Now, everyone is different, as is every situation, but you certainly seem to have some residual anger inside of you; get rid of that and any other learned behaviour from your ex, or it will be your undoing, I guarantee it.

It isn't a requirement to demonize AWs just so men can declare they'd like to fish in a barrel.

 

[Muzh]

Keyser,

dude, you're a year out of a 20 year relationship that ended in a train wreck. Are you absolutely sure you are ready to commit to a long term relationship? I know that after my first 10 year stint, I was a mess and I projected all that baggage onto every following relationship; even if I wasn't entirely to blame for those failures, I certainly didn't help. It took me a good 5 years to be sane enough not to endanger poisoning new relationships with my baggage. Now, everyone is different, as is every situation, but you certainly seem to have some residual anger inside of you; get rid of that and any other learned behaviour from your ex, or it will be your undoing, I guarantee it.

Ade, from experience. Sometimes the relationship has been dead for years prior to signing that divorce paper.

[Muzh]

Thanks for the insight.
I understand your thought process, but I don't know if I agree with what you've said. Yea, maybe I do have a fetish for Eastern European women, or whatever you want to call it.

Let's call it a kink and no harm done, okay?

[veritas]

Ade, from experience. Sometimes the relationship has been dead for years prior to signing that divorce paper.

But his intense anger -- toward both his ex and (American) women in general -- is clearly not dead ...

Kevin

[Muzh]

But his intense anger -- toward both his ex and (American) women in general -- is clearly not dead ...

Kevin

Dead is dead. When I said the relationship was dead that icluded everything. If there is still intense anger, the realtionship is alive and kicking.

[veritas]

Dead is dead. When I said the relationship was dead that icluded everything. If there is still intense anger, the realtionship is alive and kicking.

Then clearly his relationship with his ex-wife is still alive and kicking ...

Kevin

[Muzh]

Then clearly his relationship with his ex-wife is still alive and kicking ...

Kevin

How do you suppose that?

[GQBlues]

Then clearly his relationship with his ex-wife is still alive and kicking ...

...and for the sake of their children, may it always exist as civil and caring as possible.

[Eduard]

...and for the sake of their children, may it always exist as civil and caring as possible.

+1

[Muzh]

I guess we are confusing apples and oranges here.
 
When I said the relationship is dead, I meant that there was no more husband-wife interaction. Now it is the exhusband-exwife interaction in which the exhusband can and will move on with his life.
 
No one, myself included, is talking about his relationship with his ex-wife in terms of their children's welfare. It goes without saying that he may be divorced but he is still the father. Anything less than that and I'll be the first vociferous in the chorus.
 
I married a little over a year after the ink dried. Our relationship died years before that. I'll be honest with you all; I've said to all my friends and relatives that the majority of the blame should be mine because deep inside I knew it was wrong from the very begining. As many here have stated, I attributed her behavior to her young age and hoped it would change as she grew older.
 
After more than 13 years divorced from my ex, I've tried everything in the book to remain cordial with her, for the benefit of our children. Now that they are old enough to know, they see the sad truth. For the record, more than once I have scolded my older son when he has disrespected his more by calling her names. I told him that no matter what, she was still his mother and as long as he lived in my house he was going to show respect. Besides, it was my job to call her names. 
 
To make things very clear, my ex wife is reaping what she sowed with her children and that does not give me any pleasure at all, and I have said that to them. I know what it is to grow up hating one of your parents and it just kills you inside.

[Lily]

Keyser Soze, I have an idea for you. If you have a fetish for Russian women, why not try women who are already in the United States, and close to your location? For example, this site:

www.holostyak.com

On the main page, you can pick up 'США' (United States) for the country, and below 'Висконсин' (Wisconsin) for the state, or a neighbor state.

Similar Russian dating sites in the US:

http://www.russianhearts.us/ru/

http://www.berezka.net/personals/strana.aspx?p=f20&c=USA

[Keyser Soze]

(I'll try to piss another member here by saying...) 'Kewl'. I'm glad you have a good sense of humor.
 
Now here's the serious part...
 
a) It isn't a requirement to demonize AWs just so men can declare they'd like to fish in a barrel. It isn't necessary to join the fishing club. It used to be not too long ago, but that was more for a bunch of folks attempting to deny reality of it's due course.
 
b) 20 years of marriage, mothered 3 of your children - and all she ever got for that is have you coming here calling here a b!tch to justitfy your preference for a woman/relationship you have yet to face much less understand.
 
I guarantee 2 things to happen for you almost immediately...you'll likely be friended by service providers and the 'silent' majority' bunch who couldn't get a date at home and would much rather blame their sorry social situation and personal ineptness on the women, thus they turn to the MOB.
 
c) 20 years of marriage and 3 underage children. That's not sucking up all your monies. That's the expense of raising a family and being responsible for it.
 
d) More importantly, your 'ex' is the mother of all 3 of your children. If you honest believe after 20 years of marriage with you she doesn't deserve some ounce of respect, by gawd man, then do it for your children.

Alright smartass, you think she deserves my respect?
Let me tell you why she doesn't.
Remember, you asked for it.

She has had a substance abuse problem since at least since the youngest was born 2001. I have done everything short of getting her locked up to help her with that.
She used to handle our finances, until she found it more fun to drink up all our money, put us thousands of dollars in debt, and and get us within 8 days of foreclosure before I intervened. That's when she decided to leave me the first time in 2003 to "straighten out". She was gone for 29 days. I took her back BECAUSE of the children. I took over our finances when she left, and it took me 2 years to dig us out of our mess, and save what we had left. Since she proved she was incapable of handling the money, I handled the money, everybody got paid, and we were doing ok. She didn't like that. She labeled me as controlling
She stayed straight for less than a year.
2005 she started up again. Stealing money. Stopped sleeping in our bed again, and became distant. Always finding a reason to come home late. Drunk. I found empty vodka bottles stashed all over the house.
I went to her family for help. She countered by getting them to believe that I was beating her. Her mother and her sister insisted that I leave the house. I told them to get bent, so one day in 2008 I came home, she was gone again.
I tried to get her to come home for about a month or so, but she was too busy partying like a rock star to consider it. One night, while she was wasted, I heard her bragging to a neighbor that she was more worried about getting pregnant than getting a disease from any of the men she was sleeping with. I had suspected for a while, but I had to hear it from her own lips.
I was at the lawyer's filing for a divorce in less than 48 hours.
Oh, it gets better.
She went and got a free attorney because she claimed I beat her. No police reports, no proof, no nothing, just her word. All she needed was a restraining order claiming physical abuse. Easy as pie.

2 months later she thought it would be cute to call the cops, and claim that I beat her up when she had me drop off one of the kids prescriptions. 3 hours after I left her place, the cops came and hauled me away for domestic abuse. I NEVER laid a hand on the bitch. EVER.
The DA eventually dropped the charges, 3 months later, but I still spent the night in jail, and went through all kinds of B.S. and expense until it was resolved.
She played me, and managed to move back in for the holidays.
Then she dropped the bomb shortly after the new year. Claimed she got raped, and was now pregnant.
I won't go into detail, but there is no medical chance of me getting her pregnant after 2001. I threw her out. I was done with her from that point on.
So there you go, you can't get divorced in Wisconsin when someone is pregnant.
(Shortly after that, I found out that she had an abortion while she was still living with me in spring of 2008. Ironically, right around the time she dragged me to marriage counseling because she said I was paranoid that she was cheating on me.)

After she had the baby, she stalled, and stalled, and stalled the divorce. Played every game that she could possibly play. Up to, and including dragging me to custody mediation which took 8 months start to finish. She ended up losing out on that deal. Still the stalling.
She has been unemployed since late 2008, and I'm sure that stalling was a tactic to get me to pay her outstanding debt. Well it worked. They only come after the one who has a job. That would be me. As long as we are still married, her debt is my debt. Not a damn thing I can do about it.
Then, she manages to get pregnant again. This time the court has enough, and pushes through the divorce anyway.
So I was divorced on Good Friday of this year, but still, I have to deal with her undisclosed debt from when we were still technically married. Of which I'm only responsible for 50% of. Doesn't matter, they just take it all from me anyway. She's still unemployed. They can't touch her. I'm easy prey.
I've spent over $20000 in legal fees that are still mounting even though the divorce is over. I have paid all of her outstanding debt, and every once in a while somebody she owes comes out of the woodwork and nails me. She hasn't payed one red cent in legal fees. Mediation fees. Hasn't had to answer for a dime of everything she has stuck me with throughout this process. Continually tries turning my kids against me to justify everything she's done since 2003.

Technically, according to the divorce decree, she owes me somewhere in the neighborhood of $10000.
My only hope is to get her nailed for contempt, and if and when she EVER decides to get her ass off the couch and get a job, then I can garnish her wages.
That's my only hope of squeezing water out of that rock.

3 pregnancies since 2008. Hung me out to dry for what I figure as somewhere in the neighborhood of $12000, that I am not responsible for. Hasn't worked since October 2008. Can't, or won't hold a job because it's so much more fulfilling to wait for the government check every week. Why work, when you're obama rich?
Yea, American women sure paint quite the alluring picture don't they?
I pay my child support, and every child related expense I have. I have no problem with that. They are my kids. Even though the middle child has been rumored not to be.

Now you know the short story of what went down, please explain to me what part of this woman commands any respect from anyone?

In my minds eye, I have been single for a long time. I have not really been married since 2003-2005 although my divorce wasn't final until 2011.
Yea, you're right, I may not understand anything about the FSU women, but they are they on the opposite end of the planet, I can only pray to God that they are the exact opposite of one of these fine American women.

Advise me, caution me, wish me luck, but don't break my balls.

[Keyser Soze]

Keyser Soze, I have an idea for you. If you have a fetish for Russian women, why not try women who are already in the United States, and close to your location? For example, this site:

www.holostyak.com

On the main page, you can pick up 'США' (United States) for the country, and below 'Висконсин' (Wisconsin) for the state, or a neighbor state.

Similar Russian dating sites in the US:

http://www.russianhearts.us/ru/

http://www.berezka.net/personals/strana.aspx?p=f20&c=USA

Wow. Thank you. I appreciate it. I'll check it out when I get some time.
You are exactly the kind of person I was looking to encounter when I came here.
Thank you again.

Maybe "fetish" is too strong of a word. Maybe "have a thing for" is more like it?
Fetish sounds kinda sick and dirty or something.
I have always had "a thing" for blue, or green eyed blondes too. Never thought of it as a "fetish".

[OlgaH]

All she needed was a restraining order claiming physical abuse. Easy as pie.

Keyser Soze, just keep in mind that many Russian/Ukrainian or whatever women in MOB industry know how to manipulate the US law regarding physical or mental abuse. More over as immigrants they will have all the cards in their hands and the shelters will be more than happy to help them... keeping the stats on "domestic violence and immigrant women"   

http://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Children_and_Families/Immigrant.pdf

Welcome to the forum.
 

[GQBlues]

Alright smartass, you think she deserves my respect? Let me tell you why she doesn't. Remember, you asked for it.....

Sad stories Keyser Sore, I’ll give you that. Hers, the kids and yours. Yet despite all the things you said, like you said, you married her and she’s still the mother of your kids….you feel she doesn’t deserve your respect, fine. You have your reasons and you obviously seem to have plenty of it. That only leaves with you with ‘3’ others you can wrestle with yourself.


“…Yea, American women sure paint quite the alluring picture don't they?....”


Nope, I can’t say I agree with you…your story only told of only ‘one’, are there others? You have to admit, lumping an entire nation of women because of the silliness of one (?), seems to me a bit over the top.


If you believe women are somehow different on the other side of the globe, then that’s definitely for you to find out. IMO, women everywhere is as bad as they are as good the world over. So I, for one, will disagree with those who say they are not….hopefully for your sake, someday you can find ‘one’ reason to 'forever' disagree with me.
 
 
Drugs, addicts, infidelities, etc...aren't just an American novelty.



Good luck.

[Lily]

I am glad that you find it useful Keyser. Of note, I have not explored the sites in person, just googled them for you.

The big and famous freepersonals.ru also has a US section, you can chose it in the left corner for Location.

My google search also brought oksanalove.com for Russian women in the USA. They even organize kind of socials for a handsome payment

By the way, wouldn't it be good to have a sticky post with addresses of Russian dating sites in the Northern America? I just did a momentan google search, but may be some forum members know more of the sites and could add them to a sticky thread from time to time?

[Keyser Soze]

Keyser Soze, just keep in mind that many Russian/Ukrainian or whatever women in MOB industry know how to manipulate the US law regarding physical or mental abuse. More over as immigrants they will have all the cards in their hands and the shelters will be more than happy to help them... keeping the stats on "domestic violence and immigrant women"   

http://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Children_and_Families/Immigrant.pdf

Welcome to the forum.

Thank you.

Interesting read

Being on the receiving end of someone manipulating the system, I was shocked at just how easy it is. The night I got locked up, I didn't get any closer than 6 feet from her when I was over at her house dropping off my daughter's pills. Still amazes me how that night went down. Long story, but I guess I should have just took her laundry home and washed it when she told me to.....
Truth be told, as difficult as it may be to admit, I'd have to say that a great deal of men are victims of some form of domestic violence. Including myself.
I know the crazy lady in question came home drunk quite a bit, and wanted to get physical with me on several occasions. If I had a nickel for every swing, swipe, or kick she took at me, I'd be doing ok.
Lucky for me, I am quick like the mongoose, and I've played Hockey nearly all my life. I'm pretty good at taking a punch, and controlling a a physical confrontation without fighting back.
Can't say the same about the locked doors she's kicked down coming after me though. 

[Keyser Soze]

Sad stories Keyser Sore, I’ll give you that. Hers, the kids and yours. Yet despite all the things you said, like you said, you married her and she’s still the mother of your kids….you feel she doesn’t deserve your respect, fine. You have your reasons and you obviously seem to have plenty of it. That only leaves with you with ‘3’ others you can wrestle with yourself.


“…Yea, American women sure paint quite the alluring picture don't they?....”


Nope, I can’t say I agree with you…your story only told of only ‘one’, are there others? You have to admit, lumping an entire nation of women because of the silliness of one (?), seems to me a bit over the top.


If you believe women are somehow different on the other side of the globe, then that’s definitely for you to find out. IMO, women everywhere is as bad as they are as good the world over. So I, for one, will disagree with those who say they are not….hopefully for your sake, someday you can find ‘one’ reason to 'forever' disagree with me.
 
 
Drugs, addicts, infidelities, etc...aren't just an American novelty.

I understand, and I'm sorry I got so defensive and jumped you.
Sore subject.
She was a different woman when I met, and married her. It wasn't until she had everything that she could ever want that she became someone else.

I realize that there are bad apples in every bunch, and seemed to find the poison variant of such. I've dealt with a couple other "crazy ladies" since her, but nothing to this extent. So, yea, there are more.....

I agree that there are as many bad as good out there. All over the world.

Truce?



Good luck.

[Keyser Soze]

I am glad that you find it useful Keyser. Of note, I have not explored the sites in person, just googled them for you.

The big and famous freepersonals.ru also has a US section, you can chose it in the left corner for Location.

My google search also brought oksanalove.com for Russian women in the USA. They even organize kind of socials for a handsome payment

By the way, wouldn't it be good to have a sticky post with addresses of Russian dating sites in the Northern America? I just did a momentan google search, but may be some forum members know more of the sites and could add them to a sticky thread from time to time?

Thanks again. I haven't had the opportunity to check them out yet either, but I'll give them a look.

Also, it would be cool to have another thread with explanations for all the abbreviations. Some are quite easy to understand. Some of them are a bit confusing.

[veritas]

I assume that you -- and not GQBlues -- wrote the following part of your post above?

I understand, and I'm sorry I got so defensive and jumped you.
Sore subject.
She was a different woman when I met, and married her. It wasn't until she had everything that she could ever want that she became someone else.

I realize that there are bad apples in every bunch, and seemed to find the poison variant of such. I've dealt with a couple other "crazy ladies" since her, but nothing to this extent. So, yea, there are more.....

I agree that there are as many bad as good out there. All over the world.

Truce?

[Muzh]

Keyser, you can fix your post by inserting a "open bracket /quote close bracket" at the end of GQ's and then get rid of the "open bracket /quote close bracket" at the end of yours.

[SANDRO43]

Also, it would be cool to have another thread with explanations for all the abbreviations. Some are quite easy to understand. Some of them are a bit confusing.

We do have an RWD Glossary (http://russianwomendiscussion.com/mwiki/index.php/RWD_Glossary), explaining our most-used acronyms, as part of our RWDpedia .

Before our recent forum platform update, it was shown in a now gone menu at left, and hence was more visible.

[ML]

By the way, wouldn't it be good to have a sticky post with addresses of Russian dating sites in the Northern America? I just did a momentan google search, but may be some forum members know more of the sites and could add them to a sticky thread from time to time?

Good idea.  Sandro, can you do this?

[SANDRO43]

Good idea.  Sandro, can you do this?

I think that sort of information would deserve a separate board here - maybe with a title like "FSUW Dating Sites Abroad"? - and this is something only Dan can do .

[GQBlues]

I understand, and I'm sorry I got so defensive and jumped you. Sore subject. She was a different woman when I met, and married her. It wasn't until she had everything that she could ever want that she became someone else.

I realize that there are bad apples in every bunch, and seemed to find the poison variant of such. I've dealt with a couple other "crazy ladies" since her, but nothing to this extent. So, yea, there are more.....

I agree that there are as many bad as good out there. All over the world.

Truce?

Truce?!? I believe that requires that we must be engaged in a battle first, yes? I'm not, so hopefully you aren't either...as for the apology, much appreciated but none was required. I'm the resident PITA and everyone gets to jump on me. I can deal with it. Small fry, man.
 
Actually, I was pretty blitzed at work all day today and I read your response and wanted to chime back in something with you. Your saga came close to home, and I would like the luxury of time so I can return the favor and share one with you as well...it just won't be right now.
 
For now, let me just share this with you that my bro shared with me (I could have well been reading 'his' story when I was reading yours) when he was going through his chapter before. When I asked why he was doing what it was he was doing with his gal, he said to me...
 
(paraphrased)
"While my life history had been pretty much written up, I still have the luxury to re-write and start anew with some of what I have left. However, my kids had no part in 'our' (him & wifey) history yet theirs are starting on a very bad block. They certainly don't deserve it and if I had to die trying to turn Lisa (his wife) around and make something of herself so our kids will have something to be proud of their mother someday, then try I will., and darn do the very best I can till I die!".
 
Keyser Soze, It's a biyatch to be in such dire situation sometimes, man. BUT - remember this, like much of what you plan to do right now, you still have that luxury of time to make something good for yourself. Not everyone can afford this as well as you can at this chapter in your lives...
 
The kids. Always remember the 'kids'.
 
Just a thought, man. Not busting your bawls. When you try and run away from something so fast and furious, be careful you don't lose your way and direction in doing so or you may find yourself running in full circle. You don't want that.
 
I'll get back with you...promise.
 
Peace.