28 year old newbie checking in...have a question..

[jdubsnj]

I have one serious question....basically, I'm a decent looking, educated guy who has been corresponding with an amazing RW. 

Here is the situation...I got laid off in October...I have gotten a new job with a pretty decent upside, but I went from making serious money to good money.  I own my home and I had a friend move in (it is a 4 bedroom, 3 story house....so there is plenty of room).

 My question is....due to my new position, I will probably need the roommate for another 2 years.  Now I am definately open to selling the house if we end up pursuing this relationship/marraige, but I have read that roommates are a big no-no with RW..in case she did move in before selling the house or an big increase in my salary...any advice/thoughts/experiences???

[dispozo]

Have you meet this lady yet?

If no, I would slow down and not worry about this now...
or
You could just ask her.

Being open and honest is the best way to start a relationship.

Good luck!

[Vinnvinny]

My thoughts/advice is that until you meet this lady and find out if you both like each other enough to get married …. the ‘problem’ you describe is irrelevant.

[jdubsnj]

i am just doing my due diligence....it seems like all the previous girls i was corresponding with did not take me serious due to my age...they kept on wantin reassurance that the correspondence was actually going somewhere and i could just imagine tryin to explain the roommate situation...seems like it might not compute. 

if everything goes accordin to plan, i would probably visit her in a few months.

[Vinnvinny]

I don’t think you should be even thinking about it at the moment and I certainly wouldn’t tell her until I had met her in person and I thought the relationship might go somewhere.

[Vaughn]

...they kept on wantin reassurance that the correspondence was actually going somewhere

Of course they do - as most keyboard Romeos never show up. I agree it's way too early to worry
about explaining the roommate situation. Since you forecast a two year deal - are you able to
finance a few journeys between now and then? Without breaking the bank?

I'm a decent looking, educated guy who has been corresponding with an amazing RW.....   Now I am definately open to selling the house.....  I have read that roommates are a big no-no with RW....

Whoa, slow down, friend. Spend lots of time reading threads here, and soak up as much as you can. Ask
yourself some serious questions, like "Why am I looking overseas?" and "Am I on a fast track to making
a hasty (very unadvisable) decision?" Above all, exercise patience. Listen to the many men here who have
dated numerous FSU women, and consider that some of them will have some seriously good advice.

I'm not trying to rain on your parade of enthusiasm - just trying to steer you clear of the pitfalls to which
we visual men, young and old, are prone. Welcome to RWD. 

[jdubsnj]

as far as selling the house goes, i had only intended on livin here for 5 years.....so my fault for sounded rash...i would not want to raise a family in the town i currently live in...so regardless of russian or american, i would sell the house once i settled down.

[Vaughn]

Aside from plenty of reading here, I'd suggest you get this lady's home phone number soon.
There's nothing like hearing the voice to go with the mail...

It's the logical next step.

Vaughn

[Turboguy]

Vaughn thinks you may be getting the cart ahead of the horse.

I would like to ask one question just to make sure you are not asking the wrong question.   How did you make contact with this woman?   I have a feeling if you answer that question I will know if you need to worry about the roomate at all. 

[Vaughn]

Vaughn thinks you may be getting the cart ahead of the horse.

Ray, when I was 29 I spotted a tractor cruising down I-45 south of Houston, pulling
a flatbed loaded with bales of cotton - half the load was smoldering and the driver
had no idea!

Maybe he was distracted by a Cherry Blossoms catalogue?

[mies]

My impression - it's the worst time right now to sell the house.

Regarding roommate - do you know many american girls who will agree to marry a guy and have second guy as a roommate?
Though under *some* very special circumstances it could be a possible temporary solution, i would not be much thrilled if my husband brought a roommate to the house.

[Turboguy]

Maybe he was distracted by a Cherry Blossoms catalogue?

I was thinking more about Match.com which has about 0% chance of being a real woman and 100% chance of being a scammer.   If he met this woman through a legitimate source then the issue is the room mate.   Otherwise the first concern is if she is male or female. 

[Misha]

My question is....due to my new position, I will probably need the roommate for another 2 years.  Now I am definately open to selling the house if we end up pursuing this relationship/marraige, but I have read that roommates are a big no-no with RW..in case she did move in before selling the house or an big increase in my salary...any advice/thoughts/experiences???

There is roommate and then there is having a house with a basement suite that you rent out. The difference: the roommate shares the same kitchen, living room, etc.... The basement suite has its own kitchen, washroom and so forth. In the first, you share your life with someone (roommate), in the second you section off a part of your house and keep some privacy. The second is more acceptable if you are married IMHO.

[I/O]

The question is irrelevant. If the man needs a roomate to help pay the mortgage or whatever, he can't even consider the RW thing.

jdubsnj: Get your funding sources sorted first and then get motivated about the RW thing. You don't need to be wealthy to play this game but you certainly need to be on a relatively secure footing financially. International relationships are not a cheap sport. I suggest you have a read of the FAQ section. The subject was addressed in general terms there.

I/O

[GoodOlBoy]

IMHO.... I/O hit the nail right on the head. Pursuing and bringing over my RW was the most expensive thing that I have done in my life, besides the purchase of my Condo.

If you are having ANY kind of financial problems, it is NOT a good time to start this process.

[Turboguy]

I have to agree that I/O was right on with that.   I won't say it was the second most expensive thing in my life as GOB said but I also don't think it is in the class of being affordable for someone who is trying to establish himself.

Figure several trips to meet her at  $ 3,000.00 - $ 5000.00 each,
Figure the visa costs of perhaps $ 700-800 or more with DHL costs etc.
Figure a grand to bring her here
Figure she will need a car,
Figure she may need to go to school.
Figure $ 1500 or so for AOS with medical etc.
Then there is clothes, and all the other things that go along with any woman.
Figure she won't be able to work for a while.

If you don't have 20 grand in reserve it is probably a pipe dream

[docetae]

And you can add one other simple rule... this reserve should not come from your credit card.

5 travels @2500 each (1500 + around 1000$ / 10 days)
1 wedding (include everything) @8000
1 visa application @1000

=> 21500

It was the cost for me during the last year (around 25kCAD).

Last thing, it is time consuming. So if you have only 2 weeks of holidays, forget about it.

[GoodOlBoy]

Last thing, it is time consuming. So if you have only 2 weeks of holidays, forget about it.

Docetae is absolutely correct. It took me MONTH'S of traveling overseas to find my wife. But, it is possible to find the right RW/UW for you on the first trip, although I seriously doubt it.

[kryten41]

Even if you do find the right one on the first trip, you are still probably going to make several more trips to get to know her better and to make sure she really IS the right one before you get engaged, and more trips while the visa process is pending.

What's that saying--"absence makes the heart grow farther"?

[felix8787]

What's that saying--"absence makes the heart grow fartherfonder"?

[SANDRO43]

What's that saying--"absence makes the heart grow farther fonder"?

How about: Absence makes the heart founder ?

[felix8787]

How about: Absence makes the heart founder ?

Is this a metaphor: Not having a heart makes the person find a heart? It just sounds funny when spoken.

[Vaughn]

Is this a metaphor: Not having a heart makes the person find a heart? It just sounds funny when spoken.

If the heart is Billy Tyne's swordfish vessel in The Perfect Storm, why then yes - it's a metaphor...

Definition of founder (verb)
forms: foundered; foundered; foundering
to fill with water and sink; to fall; to fail; to stumble; to cause to sink

[felix8787]

If the heart is Billy Tyne's swordfish vessel in The Perfect Storm, why then yes - it's a metaphor...

Definition of founder (verb)
forms: foundered; foundered; foundering
to fill with water and sink; to fall; to fail; to stumble; to cause to sink

When I looked up the definition for founder (before my previous post) and when actually spoken, it doesn't make sense BUUTTT metaphorically it can applied to what you posted and it's makes perfect sense. LOL.

felix8787

[felix8787]

Definition of founder (verb)
forms: foundered; foundered; foundering
to fill with water and sink; to fall; to fail; to stumble; to cause to sink

Not having a heart makes the body fill with put in your own answer and sink, to fall, to fail, to stumble, to cause to sink...into what is unknown to the person not sinking, falling, failing or stumbling.

[Vaughn]

I'm sure Sandro meant "Absence makes the heart sink"  but used "founder" instead of "sink"
so as to parody the original "grow fonder".....

Felix, I'll bet that hot lookin' car in your avatar doesn't founder when you floor the pedal...

[felix8787]

Yeah, it didn't founder at all and it has gotten me in trouble twice. LOL.

[SANDRO43]

I'm sure Sandro meant "Absence makes the heart sink"  but used "founder" instead of "sink"
so as to parody the original "grow fonder".....

Or: Absence makes the heart FLOUNDER ?

[jj]

But re-uniting makes ones heart "flutter".