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Author Topic: Bringing Russian children to the US  (Read 9786 times)

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Offline Tagger585

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Bringing Russian children to the US
« on: January 28, 2005, 07:35:16 AM »

I am 48  and have been in contact with several different RW between 34-38 for about 4-5 months.  It is time to go over and meet a couple of them..  The ones that I seem to have the most in common with,  have boys 14-16 years old.  This is fine with me, I had two sons of my own and had so much fun (preparing them for adulthood) that I would gladly do it again.  I am a pretty active person.  My concern is for the boys. It would take them a while to learn the language so they could complete their education.  I remember the kids that I went to school with and the ones that were older than their grade level caught a lot of grief.  Should I be concerned about the time the boys might loose in their education level if I move them to a completely new environment at this age?  I have thought that a younger child  5-8 may adjust a lot smoother.  I know that this is suppose to be about the relationship with a new wife, but I can't help thinking I will fall into the total father mode and get wrapped up in these other concerns of a young teenager dropped into another world.  With today's temptations and activities that a youngster can get involved,  I foresee a lot of guidance being needed.  Do you think a RW who has up to now been the adult responsible for her son would let her new husband take a strong and immediate role in his life. 

Is there anyone who could comment on the adjustment of the children?

Offline anzo

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Bringing Russian children to the US
« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2005, 10:31:13 AM »
I married my Russian (now divorced 5 years) in '93. Her daughter, then 7, spoke absolutely no English. That was July. By Christmas, she was at grade level in almost all language based subjects.  ESL helped, but so did interacting with other kids, and of course, TV. She wiggled into my heart in about 5 minutes, adapted really quickly to life here and took over the house in no time. I'm sure it will take longer for teenagers if for no other reasons than maybe they weren't exactly thrilled to leave their friends in the FSU. If the kid is pretty well socialized, they should catch on really fast. And if your RW has a daughter...watch out! My stepdaughter is now 18 and pretty hot. Guys all over the damn place. A good thing about teenage imports is that they are a lot less likely to lose their native language, as unfortunately stepdaughter did. As far as you taking an active role, I'm sure mom would love it. I would think the kid may be the bigger challenge there, depending on the relationship he had with his father. Another good thing about a kid is what I call "triangulation"; having 2 ladies to deal with took some of the pressure off of mom & I.

Anzo

Offline anzo

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Bringing Russian children to the US
« Reply #2 on: January 28, 2005, 10:33:29 AM »
follow up-I wouldn't worry about them missing some education here while they get up to speedin English. From what I have seen in Russia, they are at least a year ahead of the same age kids here, based on my observations of the little brother of a former girlfriend in St. Pete.

Anzo

Offline Mamma D

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Bringing Russian children to the US
« Reply #3 on: January 28, 2005, 11:44:03 AM »
our 14 year old passed collage entrance exams last may....

It took an 11 year old one semester of ESL... mostly latinos and he picked up some of that....taking French, and emails his other grandmother daily, and his cousins and friends. This keeps his Russian fresh, along with his mom teaching him what he is missing there of Russian studies. He began to think in English before his mom did....It is funny, but you can almost immediatly tell when this takes place.

He is a classical pianist and won Silver at the Compitions in Denver last spring.

Proud... You bet

Mamma D :)
May those that love us, love us.
And those that don't love us,May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,May He turn their ankles,
 So we will know them by their limping.

God put your arm about my shoulder... and your hand over my MOUTH!

Offline BC

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Bringing Russian children to the US
« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2005, 09:40:15 AM »
Hi all!

Our daughter was 9 when she arrived.  We decided to leave her with babushka until the school year was finished so she could start 'fresh' at the beginning of the school year here. Kids with special needs are not segregated so she started school with normal classes without dropping a grade knowing only one word.. "ciao".  Within 6 months she had a good grasp of the language and at 12 months was one of the best in her class in most studies including Italian.

In the house we speak a mix of English, Russian, Italian and German since we have no common language that all can speak fluently. Our daughter besides learning Italian now has a good grasp of English, is taking French in school and watches German cartoons..  

IMHO the younger kids are, the quicker/easier adjustment they will have. It still is a lot of work though and not a cake walk. Add normal teenager problems to the mix and you likely have quite a handfull.

 

Offline Donna_Pedro

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Bringing Russian children to the US
« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2005, 06:58:29 PM »
My boy was13 when we moved to US. I need to say that he was studying english at school  for quite some time before and re was enrolled into american school a week  after we arrived.   It took him a week or so to adjust and we have not heard of any problems ever since.    He was at least 2 years ahead in Math. The rest of the subjects seemed like a summer sanitarium after taugh Russian school's schedule. Only now, when my son has started taking college level classes he has almost enough academic challenge. But  compared to what he would have had  in Russia - local school is  like an easy walk.  I think it would be wise to make sure that your RW's kids take english lessons before they come over. Typically people wait for the visa for around a year, its enough time for the kids to get at least to a conversational level. The will pick up the rest very fast.
Kaplah!

Offline Jack

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Bringing Russian children to the US
« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2005, 07:07:46 PM »
Hello Donna,
 
I have heard and seen similiar situations with Russian children, they seem to pick up the language and to adjust quite easily. I think most parents and step-parents are very concerned about how their children are going to adjust. Usually after the first two or three weeks they lose this concern.
 
Donna also want to welcome you to the Russian Women Discussion board where I think your experience and opinions will be most appreciated. :)

Offline BC

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Bringing Russian children to the US
« Reply #7 on: January 30, 2005, 05:32:30 AM »
Which is best.. for the kids to come directly with mom or follow on?

Offline jb

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Bringing Russian children to the US
« Reply #8 on: February 04, 2005, 03:49:23 AM »
Naturally, much depends on the attitude and raw intelligence of the kid. Was he/she a good student in the FSU or not, how well the kid can stay focused on school with all the distractions an American kid is bombarded with daily.  Of course it's work, but the parents can help a lot to keep a kid on track.

I have some small experience with this subject, I'd say if a man chooses to marry a woman with kids, he had better be prepared to become a real father to the little people, not just the American version of a step-father.  The kid's biological dad will not be there to pick up the slack for you every other weekend.

It's a huge responsibility, but worth every minute of the effort.



« Last Edit: February 04, 2005, 04:55:00 AM by jb »

Offline Tagger585

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Bringing Russian children to the US
« Reply #9 on: February 06, 2005, 03:42:09 PM »
I just wanted to take a minute to thank everyone for their input.  This has help put my mind at ease quite a bit.  I do hope things work out over the next year and that I am able to put together a strong family.

Thanks again,

taggs

Offline Jet

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Bringing Russian children to the US
« Reply #10 on: February 06, 2005, 05:29:22 PM »
Quote from: BC
 I'd say if a man chooses to marry a woman with kids, he had better be prepared to become a real father to the little people, not just the American version of a step-father. The kid's biological dad will not be there to pick up the slack for you every other weekend.

It's a huge responsibility, but worth every minute of the effort.
Absolutely agree 100%
« Last Edit: February 06, 2005, 05:30:00 PM by Jet »
Every action in company ought to be done with some sign of respect to those that are present. ~ Geo. Washington

Offline jb

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Bringing Russian children to the US
« Reply #11 on: February 06, 2005, 05:48:06 PM »
Hi, Jim

Nice to see you here.


Offline jb

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Bringing Russian children to the US
« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2005, 06:44:18 AM »
Quote
I do hope things work out over the next year and that I am able to put together a strong family.


Absolutely the right attitude.  

 

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