Sponsoring the Parents

[civi68]

A question I have about this topic is if we or the wife sponsors a family member, are we now liable for their medical bills?

[Vaughn]

When one or both of you signs the I-864 Affadavit of Support, you're on the hook, until:
 
1) They attain US citizenship
2) They work, or can be credited with 40 quarters (usually 10 years) under the Social Security Act
3) They cease to be a lawful permanent resident and depart the USA
4) They become subject to removal, but apply for and obtain in removal proceedings a new grant of adjustment of status based on a new affadavit of support (if one is required)
5) They die.
 
Divorce does not relieve one of the responsibility, either.
 
Your obligation ends if you die. This means that your Estate is not responsible for continued support of the immigrant, but your Estate is responsible for any debts incurred prior to your own death.

[pitbull]

Having sent someone through college recently, boy don't I know how much that cost, pitbull (LOL). But yeah, you are spot on about how a few notable events can impact the best laid plans. Sometimes it may only take one thing to happen to directly impact our present course. This won't be easy, but I don't think it was ever meant to be.
 
Planning and preparing for her folks to move here is, in more ways than one, akin to planning and preparing for my wife coming here before - only with greater costs implication. Fortunately, the offsetting factor for that now is wifey's income, which, for all intent and purposes, was one of the reasons why her continuing education was vital for both of us. I just knew a day will come where this will be a huge component of our future together. Additionally, we've also set aside contingencies for some unforeseeable condition in the form of savings, investments, and a venture I undertook to generate a very modest income that doesn't factor into our daily expense today. So in essence, I can comfortably support a family with my income alone and fortunately right now, wifey can modestly support 'a family' with her income alone.
 
This way, we aren't reliant to what her sisters and their hubbies can or cannot do to help.
 
As for living arrangements, we've dealt with that segment and a 2nd home is likely the path we'll be pursuing soon. The present market made this decision fairly easy for us. The one constant is, having them live 'close' to us, but not 'with' us.
 
The extent of their total worth lie in the value of their present home. If (When) they live here, then they'll likely need to sell that home and whatever money they get out of it, I wish my wife and I no part to any of it. It won't be much relative to what it'll mean here anyway and besides, Popski worked hard enough all his life raising his family that it's just as well he enjoys a little of the fruits of some of his labor. Why not, eh? Besides, he said his dream is to go back and spend a whole month in Hawaii with Mumski - on their own, LOL. He'll need a little bit of money for that, so there you go. Gotta love the guy...
 
 
They're still relatively 'young', which is a good thing I suppose. However, as I get 'older' myself I begin to realize that unlike the finest wine, the cost of living doesn't get any better with age.

GQ,
You are the first AM I've heard of  who is willing to do what youare doing for your MIL and FIL.
I can only say that your wife and folks-in-law are very lucky!

[GQBlues]

Oh, the cost of living issues existed long before us. Probably these issues came with the first money along with additional moral and ethic dilemmas into the life of human civilization 

Do you remember the novel "The Years Are So Long" by Josephine Lawrence or  a 1937 drama film "Make Way for Tomorrow"?

I'm afraid I do not OlgaH. But judging from the date shown, I reckon it's a portrayal of the plight of the elderlies post-depression era (?).
 
Which, if so, then likely dated considering folks are living way beyond their years these days in the US in comparison to what they did back in those years...it'll definitely be an interesting read.
 

GQ,
You are the first AM I've heard of  who is willing to do what youare doing for your MIL and FIL. I can only say that your wife and folks-in-law are very lucky!

Thanks pitbull. Although I can't say that to be true where we're at. There are a few here that is doing likewise. Besides, as much as I would like to assume any credit for this I would have to readily defer that to my wife. Her perseverance and brillance was my inspiration in all of this. None of this would be possible had she not been steadfast with what we needed to do.
 
I am so proud of her, as RWs residing here should as well. In her own small way, she's a positive representative for Russian women residing in the US (AND, no less significant, the 'new' breed of AWs!). She's done so well for herself that her present company are always so enthusiastic everytime an applicant comes around who happens to be Russian. They can't wait to let her know. Her friend, who followed in her footsteps, was recently hired for their audit department and had enjoyed the experience so far. It's the same way with her last employer. They hired a Russian man not too long ago and told my wife that if he's half as good as she is, he'll be with them for a long time and this time they'll make it hard for him to ever think of leaving.

 
Wifey had been a great counter for some of the stigma for the recent immigrants around so far. Her parents are elated. So I hope they'll (parents) look at this in the same fashion as I do.
 
As far as 'me' doing anything for my in-laws...let me put it to you this way, if my own Mumski ever found out I could, but didn't - I'm dead!   

[OlgaH]

I'm afraid I do not OlgaH. But judging from the date shown, I reckon it's a portrayal of the plight of the elderlies post-depression era (?).
 
Which, if so, then likely dated considering folks are living way beyond their years these days in the US in comparison to what they did back in those years...it'll definitely be an interesting read.
 

I would say it is a portrayal of a family with the same problems that exists nowadays 

Here is about the film
http://movies.nytimes.com/movie/review?res=EE05E7DF1731BB2CA3494CC5B6799B886896

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Make_Way_for_Tomorrow

"Life flies past us so swiftly that few of us pause to consider those who have lost the tempo of today. Their laughter and their tears we do not even understand for there is no magic that will draw together in perfect understanding the aged and the young. There is a canyon between us, and the painful gap is only bridged by the ancient words of a very wise man --- “Honor Thy Father And Thy Mother”

[ML]

"Life flies past us so swiftly that few of us pause . . . . ."

Engraving on tombstone:  "Stopped to smell the roses, and was stung to death by bees."

[GQBlues]

"Life flies past us so swiftly that few of us pause to consider those who have lost the tempo of today. Their laughter and their tears we do not even understand for there is no magic that will draw together in perfect understanding the aged and the young. There is a canyon between us, and the painful gap is only bridged by the ancient words of a very wise man --- “Honor Thy Father And Thy Mother”

WOW! Pretty powerful stuff, OlgaH. Thanks for sharing. But maybe I'm being naive about many of this cause I'm not around too many people who disregard their folks. dunno. I'm just not programmed in that way.

[OlgaH]

WOW! Pretty powerful stuff, OlgaH. Thanks for sharing. But maybe I'm being naive about many of this cause I'm not around too many people who disregard their folks. dunno. I'm just not programmed in that way.

Due to my job in Russia I visited some of retirement homes when we organized sponsorship. The photos below actually depict what I saw. Yes some of those old people survived their children, some were childless and some of them were abused and forgotten by their children.

http://socialism-vk.livejournal.com/1417984.html



 

[OlgaH]

[GQBlues]

Geeez, OlgaH...what are you trying to do, depress the heck out of me?   
 
I'm sure these are realities for many folks anywhere. Sadly if I may so add, too...
 
Which is why I am somewhat elated to see a lot of those senior complexes going up in many places in our city (likely elsewhere, too). Nice, modern apartments made specifically for senior citizens. They even have work-out stations (that's pretty funny to me. Grannies on leotards), weights, nautilus, treadmills...and yeah, jacuzzis and steam rooms (yeah!).
 
Also, there are incentives now for many companies to 'hire' seniors as 'greeters' on their store entryways to encourage many of them to have something to do during the day. Helps in supplementing whatever income they may have as well....
 
I'll probably have to teach Popski how to play shuffleboard sometime....and Mumski can go and sit with the other females along the side WOW-ing the boys play...

[pitbull]

 
 
I am so proud of her, as RWs residing here should as well. In her own small way, she's a positive representative for Russian women residing in the US (AND, no less significant, the 'new' breed of AWs!). She's done so well for herself that her present company are always so enthusiastic everytime an applicant comes around who happens to be Russian. They can't wait to let her know. Her friend, who followed in her footsteps, was recently hired for their audit department and had enjoyed the experience so far. It's the same way with her last employer. They hired a Russian man not too long ago and told my wife that if he's half as good as she is, he'll be with them for a long time and this time they'll make it hard for him to ever think of leaving.

I totally agree. I personally am proud of your wife, as I am proud of all the bright, successful FSUW high achievers. I remember seeing you and your wife on one of the TV shows on Russian Brides several years ago, when she just arrived (Perhaps it was a Tyra Banks show). And I was very impressed when she said her goal was to become professionally successful and make something of herself. Clearly, the girl looked and sounded like she would go places. And she did. A great story I love to hear. 

[OlgaH]

Geeez, OlgaH...what are you trying to do, depress the heck out of me?   

Not at all. And the song are very good  It was my response on your " I'm being naive about many of this cause...". We really don't need to be around too many people who disregard their folks to know about these disregarded folks, but I should admit that very often we are to busy to notice these disregarded folks 

I'm sure these are realities for many folks anywhere. Sadly if I may so add, too...
 

I would say it is the societies' tragedy no matter how rich or poor a society is. Yes it is sad.

[civi68]

I think a lot of guys would be willing if they had the finances and job security. Supporting a woman with limited English and job skills and taking on the responsibility of her parents is a lot. For many guys, just traveling there and courting the woman depletes their resources.
There is a lot to consider in pursuing a relationship with an FSU woman that will challenge the typical middle class income: money involved in traveling to find a relationship, visa costs, initial start-up costs for the essentials when she gets here, future car, possible unrealistic expectations for spending habits that some of the women have, send money to family, some wanting a child or having a child, school if she wants to pursue, etc. Now add agreeing to an I-864 for parents, adult children and their children, siblings, etc. Some guys may think, "Boy I am finally getting ahead after 5 years of being married to my FSU and now she dropped the bomb that relatives need to come."

[OlgaH]

I think a lot of guys would be willing if they had the finances and job security. Supporting a woman with limited English and job skills and taking on the responsibility of her parents is a lot. For many guys, just traveling there and courting the woman depletes their resources.
There is a lot to consider in pursuing a relationship with an FSU woman that will challenge the typical middle class income: money involved in traveling to find a relationship, visa costs, initial start-up costs for the essentials when she gets here, future car, possible unrealistic expectations for spending habits that some of the women have, send money to family, some wanting a child or having a child, school if she wants to pursue, etc. Now add agreeing to an I-864 for parents, adult children and their children, siblings, etc. Some guys may think, "Boy I am finally getting ahead after 5 years of being married to my FSU and now she dropped the bomb that relatives need to come."

and that's why all these issues should be thought over before jumping into this adventure and all the family and relation subjects should be discussed prior the marriage vow.

[acctBill]

Not all parents want to immigrate.  My MIL (FIL past away several years ago) lives in Moscow, my wife and I talked to her about moving to the UK.  However she has 2 other children, grandchildren and many other relatives and friends in Moscow. 

She speaks no English and other than a few words of English she will sometimes speak to me or my children she has no plans to learn English or any other language.  She enjoys her life in retirement and between all her children she is well taken care of.

[GQBlues]

....I remember seeing you and your wife on one of the TV shows on Russian Brides several years ago, when she just arrived (Perhaps it was a Tyra Banks show). And I was very impressed when she said her goal was to become professionally successful and make something of herself. Clearly, the girl looked and sounded like she would go places. And she did. A great story I love to hear.   

Yeah, that seems like a lifetime ago. I remember we were the last official offerings for the sacrifice to a rabid crowd who’d been fairly hostile with the guests by the time the roll came to us. John of AFA warned me (us) to get prepared because they set us up, and were about to face a very hostile crowd. We were held in a cold tank and had no idea the taping was even already taking place. The host wanted to portray FSUWs as air-headed Barbies coupling with US's dumb and dumber (hhhmmm, maybe she was right about me  ). It backfired nicely for her.

When we came out, John noted the audience reaction was night and day compared to how they were shortly before…

Based on the statements wifey and I were making on the show despite the ‘host’ trying to lead us to doomsday hollow, we noticed she was seriously getting aggravated (lol) as though we weren't following some script she wanted us to follow. But it's rather unfortunate what took place right after since we (I) thought we were successfully turning the crowd over to us against Ms. Host (apparently did anyway if you read her blog after)....the actual show you saw on TV was nothing to what actually took place in the set.

From my wife’s statement here….



To this moment..

I think a lot of guys would be willing if they had the finances and job security. Supporting a woman with limited English and job skills and taking on the responsibility of her parents is a lot. For many guys, just traveling there and courting the woman depletes their resources.
There is a lot to consider in pursuing a relationship with an FSU woman that will challenge the typical middle class income: money involved in traveling to find a relationship, visa costs, initial start-up costs for the essentials when she gets here, future car, possible unrealistic expectations for spending habits that some of the women have, send money to family, some wanting a child or having a child, school if she wants to pursue, etc. Now add agreeing to an I-864 for parents, adult children and their children, siblings, etc. Some guys may think, "Boy I am finally getting ahead after 5 years of being married to my FSU and now she dropped the bomb that relatives need to come."

Indeed. Like stated upthread, men would rather not listen to things they needed to hear, but only those they want to hear…and hear they will. You have enough SPs feeding you pretty pictures and men fall to pieces and are no longer capable of thinking straight. Then you have the peanut gallery romp, romping behind each one egging them along the way.
 
“She can’t speak any English? No problem, she’s cute! Who cares, send her 100 bucks. That’ll take care of that problem. Get an interpreter, or here let me give you a link for an electronic translator…Communication is relatively unnecessary in these stages anyway. If a FSUW likes you, trust us, you will know it”….etc.
 
Sort of reminds one of the housing bubble era. Folks bought into things without ever giving thought to the fine print and what they may actually be signing for. Then when the dam breaks loose, they wish the goverment would do more, or, they just simply blame this on the women…again.

[Faux Pas]

Yeah, that seems like a lifetime ago. I remember we were the last official offerings for the sacrifice to a rabid crowd who’d been fairly hostile with the guests by the time the roll came to us. John of AFA warned me (us) to get prepared because they set us up, and were about to face a very hostile crowd. We were held in a cold tank and had no idea the taping was even already taking place. The host wanted to portray FSUWs as air-headed Barbies coupling with US's dumb and dumber (hhhmmm, maybe she was right about me  ). It backfired nicely for her.

When we came out, John noted the audience reaction was night and day compared to how they were shortly before…

Based on the statements wifey and I were making on the show despite the ‘host’ trying to lead us to doomsday hollow, we noticed she was seriously getting aggravated (lol) as though we weren't following some script she wanted us to follow. But it's rather unfortunate what took place right after since we (I) thought we were successfully turning the crowd over to us against Ms. Host (apparently did anyway if you read her blog after)....the actual show you saw on TV was nothing to what actually took place in the set.

From my wife’s statement here….

GQ

I had no idea you were on such a show. Is it available anywhere for viewing?

[GQBlues]

In support of the original topic of the thread, I happen to stumble upon this MSN newsbit and thought maybe this may help address some of the issues many of us face. For those who may soon be in a situation of sponsoring in-laws, relatives, kins, etc...to the US and is faced with the possibility of the high cost of health care, read the following...
 
http://msn.careerbuilder.com/Article/MSN-2830-Flexwork-Freelance-and-PT-8-companies-offering-benefits-to-part-timers/?SiteId=cbmsnhp42830&sc_extcmp=JS_2830_home1
 
Such practices are starting to become more the rule than the exception. I think the 'In-N-Out' model of providing insurance and benefits to their part-time employees, and still turn in huge profits borne partly because of the overall employees enthusiasm, making it a positive experience for their costumers had changed a lot of things for everyone working 'part-time'.
 
Now more than ever, it is very important for your folks to at least learn basic English.

[Donna_Pedro]

Any reasonable plans or other options you guys can think of for how to get the FIL and MIL covered (health insurance) if my wife brings them over (sponsors them).   It turns that over time out they do want to see our daughters / other family here grow up etc. ?    We are married for seven years now - everything A ok.

The answer is - dont do it. Just dont. Find bogus reasons not to if you have to, but dont. Especially if the parents are old. I have brought my mom here. She is 70+ and health care is the least of my worries. Fortunately in TX they have the so called "gold card" that provides near free medical care for people who do not qualify for anything else. What is left? A few things here and there. She barely speaks english, so, naturally, my full time job is to translate. She does not drive, so it is my  other job - to bus her around. Become a what my husband calls "entertainment department". Oh, this one is
precious...have you ever tried to translate a menu at a restaurant? I mean ALL OF IT? and after that explain what chicken fajita is only to hear -  why cant you take me somewhere I can eat? Provide a language school. What did I forget? Yes, drive her to and from school. Pick her up when she is lost and calls you to work crying because she does not know where she is and how she got there. Listen to complains as to why everything here  does not make sense. If you live in a nice clean suburbs - you are screwed. There is no public transportation here and not a single Dollar General store in a visinity. And you call it a good neighborhood?  Well, dont forget to warn her not to get on highway on her bike. Seriously, just dont do it.

[GQBlues]

... She barely speaks english, so, naturally, my full time job is to translate. She does not drive, so it is my  other job - to bus her around. Become a what my husband calls "entertainment department". Oh, this one is
precious...have you ever tried to translate a menu at a restaurant? I mean ALL OF IT? and after that explain what chicken fajita is only to hear -  why cant you take me somewhere I can eat? .....

LOL! Sounds a lot like my MIL. LOL...I just knew I was going to be screwed! She simply REFUSE to make the effort to learn English - REFUSE! I'm hedging to find comfort in the fact at least my FIL had progressed immensely and he's still madly in love with MIL so I know he can take her along with him once they get here. I need to make sure however he is healthy enough to outlive her, or at least me :-(
 
 
Anyway, nice to see you around Donna_Pedro...

[artisan5308]

I'll tell you. My fiance is a wise lady. When the discussion came up as to bringing the parents over, she was very clear on this. "Yes darling, it will be wonderful and rich in emotion for our parents to VISIT two weeks, three weeks, no more. Than they must go home to beautiful Ukraine".

[Muzh]

I'll tell you. My fiance is a wise lady. When the discussion came up as to bringing the parents over, she was very clear on this. "Yes darling, it will be wonderful and rich in emotion for our parents to VISIT two weeks, three weeks, no more. Than they must go home to beautiful Ukraine".

Get it in writing!