Is my Russian wife cheating on me or am I overreacting?

[Misha]

Since we know nothing about the nature of their relationship there could be a multitude of reasons why she likes to get away for a bit and go partying.

Let's see, in the three years that we have been together, my wife has never had the need to go partying with a group of men. Either I know how to pick a wife or my wife knows how to pick a husband  :evil:

Sometimes breaks are needed.. sorta lets the partners re-orient themselves a bit and let loose pent up energies.  Life 24/7 with kids can get quite restrictive as to external activities.

Let's see, when my wife and I want to expend some excess energy we go out for a bike ride, a walk, snowshoeing or a host of other activities.

Sorry, but you will never convince me that a married woman with a young child going out to get drunk with a group of men is normal behavior, no matter how good the excuses. So, at this stage, I will simply agree to disagree. 

[GQBlues]

I must be pretty whacked reading some of the posts in here.

My wife have a few female friends, two of which recently had kids. We all get together once in a while for dinner, outings, skiing, and such. One of my subcontractor had a nice condo in Palm Springs and offerred it for me and my wife to use for the weekend. I had taken my wife to the desert with another couple one time before and as much as she hated the heat, she enjoyed the amenities.

I told my wife to ask her friends and see if they would like an all women weekend outing by themselves, husbands' willing...Lay out, shop, sip margaritas, go dancing, etc...whatever. I never thought to be concerned of the possibility of her cheating, or meeting someone. That possibility is always there whether she's in PS or walking down our street.

Silly me. I was more concerned of their safety driving to and from Palm Springs than I was of my trust being challenged.

The OP's concern is warranted if his wife never took the time to introduce her friend/s to him. It doesn't automatically mean she's cheating if she hasn't, but it sure would make things a little more transparent.

Lastly, being a young mother, IMHO as long as this isn't a regular behavior on her part, I don't see anything wrong with going out with friends now and then. It's a good break. Besides, I get to bond with my kid.

Who knows, maybe someday I get a opportunity to go on a golf weekend at Mesquite with my friends and have to ask my wife if I can go. I'd like to think she trust me enough not to think it'll be more than slapping my balls around in search of a few holes.

[BC]

Sorry, but you will never convince me that a married woman with a young child going out to get drunk with a group of men is normal behavior, no matter how good the excuses. So, at this stage, I will simply agree to disagree. 

Misha,

I personally don't disagree with you..  but I do know there are a lot of strange relationships out there.  May not be 'normalna' for you or me but for others who knows..  There are probably some swinger, some doper, maybe threesome or moresome, dependent, dominant, co-dependent AM/RW couples out there so I kinda refrain from hammering the gavel too hard.

[Misha]

I told my wife to ask her friends and see if they would like an all women weekend outing by themselves, husbands' willing...Lay out, shop, sip margaritas, go dancing, etc...

Again, a group of women having a night out together is quite different IMHO than a woman going to get drunk with a group of single men. Then again, perhaps my standards of behavior are different   In the meantime, feel free to ask your wife if she would mind you going out to get drunk with with a group of single women over the weekend while she stays home with the kids  :evil:

[Misha]

I personally don't disagree with you..  but I do know there are a lot of strange relationships out there.  

Yes, but for "strange" relationships to work, they must be consensual. If the OP is here asking questions, clearly he is not okay with it.

[SMS60]

Me thinks there are some very niave men in the world.

[Faux Pas]

Since we know nothing about the nature of their relationship there could be a multitude of reasons why she likes to get away for a bit and go partying.

Sometimes breaks are needed.. sorta lets the partners re-orient themselves a bit and let loose pent up energies.  Life 24/7 with kids can get quite restrictive as to external activities.

Did make the OP think a little bit.. - maybe that even is the desired effect.

I wonder if the OP has close relatives that could look after the child and give them a weekend off together.

No matter how much Doll and Aloe try to sanitize this behavior, there is no excuse for a married mother of a one year old to be absent from hubby or baby for drunken weekends with friends. Seems to me that they are male friends only, compounds the problem. That is abandonment and neglect. Like I/O, it would last but one weekend at my house. FWIW

[Ravens9273]

This sure got out of hand.

First advice I will give. If you need to put a spy program into your computer to check on spouse then you might as well go to a divorce lawyer. It is already over.
Marriage is based on trust. If you do not trust you have no marriage. Spying only contributes to paranoia.
The conversation showed she is not cheating. In fact the comment she was upset with mother not being happy about marriage shows she does not want it to end. Why would she be upset if she was not happy in relationship?

At this point your actions will ruin the marriage.

I see nothing wrong with her going out. She is a human being and deserves to have her own time.
Did it not occur to anyone here that maybe she needs the company of other Russian People?

She moved to another country. Away from her own family. Away from her own culture and everything she knows to be with this man. Do you not think maybe it feels good for her and gives her some comfort to at least have a moment of her old normal life?

This is a serious case of overreacting and the only this that is going to push her away at this point is overreacting and spying on her.

At this point understanding her and allowing her to have her time which it seems she needs to still adjust will save this marriage.
Spying on her or telling her no more will defiently end it.

She is human and deserves her own time as well. This time helps her to stay grounded. You take that away and she will be a ticking time bomb.

[Misha]

In fact the comment she was upset with mother not being happy about marriage shows she does not want it to end.

IMHO, it will simply be a convenient excuse once the marriage ends. She will be able to say that the marriage ended, as her mother predicted, because of cultural differences, and not because she was going out with groups of guys getting drunk and leaving her baby at home  :evil:

Did it not occur to anyone here that maybe she needs the company of other Russian People?

Let's see, when my wife wants the company of other Russian people she invites a friend over for tea or they go shopping together 

Away from her own family. Away from her own culture and everything she knows to be with this man.

And the excuses keep getting piled higher and higher.... Do you really think she would be different if she were back home? Odds are pretty good she would be the kind of woman dumping her baby at her mother's while she would go out and party with friends The only question would be how her Russian husband would react  :evil:

[Ravens9273]

IMHO, it will simply be a convenient excuse once the marriage ends. She will be able to say that the marriage ended, as her mother predicted, because of cultural differences, and not because she was going out with groups of guys getting drunk and leaving her baby at home  :evil:

Let's see, when my wife wants the company of other Russian people she invites a friend over for tea or they go shopping together 

And the excuses keep getting piled higher and higher.... Do you really think she would be different if she were back home? Odds are pretty good she would be the kind of woman dumping her baby at her mother's while she would go out and party with friends The only question would be how her Russian husband would react  :evil:

Misha no offense but with your attittude towards marriage yours is doomed to fail.
Do you already have your wife in chains?

Wives are not pieaces or property. They are human beings and deserve to have their own lives as well. As long as she is not being unfaithful she deserves to have her own time and her own friends and she does not have to give reasons for it.

Absolutely rediculous attitude.

[SMS60]

This relationship is over. How much longer it lasts depends on how much more emotional stress the man can take.

excuse,justify,excuse,justify,excuse,justify,excuse,justify.

Keep saying it and you will eventually convince yourself its all good untill the next night she goes out with her party friends then you have to start over and convince yourself again.

Man start planning your exit. You have the advantage with the suprize effect.

Reminds me of the prostitution thread.

[GQBlues]

Again, a group of women having a night out together is quite different IMHO than a woman going to get drunk with a group of single men. Then again, perhaps my standards of behavior are different   In the meantime, feel free to ask your wife if she would mind you going out to get drunk with with a group of single women over the weekend while she stays home with the kids  :evil:

LOL, Holy Molly. Well since you're making all the assumptions why not complete the picture and specifically say the men being John Bang, Dick Long, and Baht Fach.

Is OP's wife going out and getting drunk with her friends, male friends, that you find unacceptable ~ or that nagging suspicion she already did Dima, Pasha & the Uzbek crowd.?

Methinks if your wife ever went out, even with female friends, you'd have a problem with that.   After all, how will YOU ever know it's out with the girls...

Do you boys get all tied up in knots when your wives go back to Russia by herself for weeks on in?

[Misha]

Misha no offense but with your attittude towards marriage yours is doomed to fail.
Do you already have your wife in chains?

Sorry, but that is uncalled for. My wife and I are happily married and will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary in a few months. If you get that far with your wife, we'll talk.

Wives are not pieaces or property. They are human beings and deserve to have their own lives as well. As long as she is not being unfaithful she deserves to have her own time and her own friends and she does not have to give reasons for it.

I agree that wives are not property, but I also believe in decency and acceptable behavior. My wife would not find it acceptable that I go out with a group of single women and come back drunk in the middle of the night, and I expect the same of her. Likewise, she would not accept me leaving her alone over a weekend with a young child, while I have a wild night out on the town, and I would expect the same of her.

But, you seem to have taken this personally. Perhaps, I am not the one who should be worried about his marriage  :evil:

Absolutely rediculous attitude.

Sure, expecting a wife and mother to behave appropriately. How barbaric, how feudal....

[Misha]

Is OP's wife going out and getting drunk with her friends, male friends, that you find unacceptable ~ or that nagging suspicion she already did Dima, Pasha & the Uzbek crowd.?

If she were simply going out and getting drunk over the weekend and leaving her husband and baby at home, I would find that unacceptable behavior. Then again, I am married to a woman who will complain of a hang over if she has a second glass of wine over supper and then exclaim how she does not understand why some people find joy in alcohol 

Methinks if your wife ever went out, even with female friends, you'd have a problem with that.  After all, how will YOU ever know it's out with the girls...

To be honest, my wife has never gone out partying to all hours of the night with friends male or female. This is not because I forbid it, but simply because she is not into that kind of behavior. Unlike some, I took the time to get to know my wife and know what kind of woman she is. I simply avoided party girls when dating.

[Ravens9273]

Sorry, but that is uncalled for. My wife and I are happily married and will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary in a few months. If you get that far with your wife, we'll talk.

I agree that wives are not property, but I also believe in decency and acceptable behavior. My wife would not find it acceptable that I go out with a group of single women and come back drunk in the middle of the night, and I expect the same of her. Likewise, she would not accept me leaving her alone over a weekend with a young child, while I have a wild night out on the town, and I would expect the same of her.

But, you seem to have taken this personally. Perhaps, I am not the one who should be worried about his marriage  :evil:

Sure, expecting a wife and mother to behave appropriately. How barbaric, how feudal....

OK you are almost married three years. And I should talk to you when mine lasts that long?
Shall I throw you a parade or something? I mean what

Come on now Misha. get real.

You obviously have a different opinion as to what a successful marirage is.
To me personally a successful marriage is one that ends in death due us part.
Not in time or years.
However I have been with my wife for 4 years. Married for a year and a half. So what is your point for 3 years?
Come talk to me when you have grandchildren and everything else before you start bragging.

I also do not see anywhere in the least where I took it personally.

This discussion has nothing to do with me period. Nowhere was I even mentioned. And how on earth should I be worried about my marriage?
My wife and I do not keep each other in chains. We love and respect each other and support each others decisions. In simple terms we treat each other with respect and as human beings.
We also do not spy on each other or put programs into the computer to check on one another.

[Doll]

No matter how much Doll and Aloe try to sanitize this behavior, there is no excuse for a married mother of a one year old to be absent from hubby or baby for drunken weekends with friends.

Sir, OP asked us if there was something about cheating in the dialogue  he stole- there IS nothing. As for their relationships- he is responsible himself.

[AnastassiaAsh]

Going out drinking with other men!!!  ........the next step is actually cheating....

There is no justification for any of this. Misha is right! What 'freedom' are you talking about?

There is only freedom with your partner within you marriage. That's it. Going out together with your husband and spending time with other couples is fine. Going out alone and drinking with other men - is not. There is no even gray area about it. It's like black and white.

[Doll]

First advice I will give. If you need to put a spy program into your computer to check on spouse then you might as well go to a divorce lawyer. It is already over.
Marriage is based on trust.

[Misha]

OK you are almost married three years. And I should talk to you when mine lasts that long?
Shall I throw you a parade or something? I mean what

Again, questioning my marriage because I disagree with you is low. If you can't understand that, then it would be best that we stop this conversation  

This discussion has nothing to do with me period.

Sorry, but you were the one insinuating that I am somehow a controlling oaf who is headed towards divorce....

In simple terms we treat each other with respect and as human beings.

I do the same. I, however, would consider it disrespectful going out and getting drunk, leaving my wife at home with the kids and I would also consider it disrespectful if she did the same. Fortunately, I found a woman who shares my views.

We also do not spy on each other or put programs into the computer to check on one another.

Get off the high horse, please. I don't check on my wife either  

[groovlstk]

The discussion about what's acceptable behavior when one's wife goes out (or vice versa) should be broken off to another thread, as not only does it not help the OP but it's absolutely a valuable topic and merits its own independent discussion.

[Muddy]

hiii98 needs a keylogger mountain guerilla

[Blues Fairy]

I agree that there is nothing criminal in the dialogue (monologue??) except the utter silliness of its participant(s).  But if the OP is okay with that, nothing criminal at all. 

This thread also offers a great example how a bad translation can potentially ruin a marriage. 

23)19:28:50 priezzhayte, muzh uedet skoro v utu, tak chto budu odna

Yulianna's translation:
23)You can come to me,my husband going somewhere soon

Correct translation:
You both (sic! -plural) come visit, my husband will go to Utah soon, I'll be alone.

As for spending a night out with male friends, I can certainly see myself in such a situation, especially if they are my college buddies whom I haven't seen for ages briefly visiting and we want to catch up without having to translate everything for my husband.  But I certainly cannot see myself coming back drunk in the morning; or leaving a small child for the weekend.  But again, if the OP is okay with that, who are we to judge.

[Muddy]

As for spending a night out with male friends, I can certainly see myself in such a situation, especially if they are my college buddies whom I haven't seen for ages briefly visiting and we want to catch up without having to translate everything for my husband.  But I certainly cannot see myself coming back drunk in the morning; or leaving a small child for the weekend.  But again, if the OP is okay with that, who are we to judge.

You dont think meeting at noon or late afternoon would be better? so your husband does not worry about you and where you are at mid night!

[Doll]

You dont think meeting at noon or late afternoon would be better? so your husband does not worry about you and where you are at mid night!

Apparently OP was OK with it. Then- if it is a party it usually starts in the evening.
The girl needs the car and the cell phone.

[Misha]

As for spending a night out with male friends, I can certainly see myself in such a situation, especially if they are my college buddies whom I haven't seen for ages briefly visiting and we want to catch up without having to translate everything for my husband.  But I certainly cannot see myself coming back drunk in the morning; or leaving a small child for the weekend. 

  This is the type of behavior I would expect from and see as perfectly acceptable.

But again, if the OP is okay with that, who are we to judge.

Methinks, the OP is not okay with it anymore if he is starting to ask questions.