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Author Topic: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?  (Read 37785 times)

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Offline Bee Farmer

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Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?

There are differences between a contract and a covenant.

A contract is "if, then".  If you do this for me, I will do this for you.  If the other party breaks the contract, you are not obligated to do what you agreed.  A contract has escape clauses.

A covenant is promises about taking care of your partner.  There are no escape clauses.  If your spouse does not do what they agreed to do, you are still required to do what you promised.

Traditional marriage vows in America usually go something like this:

"Will you have this woman/man to be your wife/husband, to live together in holy marriage? Will you love her/him, comfort her/him, honor, and keep her/him in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her/him as long as you both shall live?"

"In the name of God, I, ______, take you, ______, to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow."


As you can see, marriage vows are a covenant.  For better or for worse, and you are obligated until death.

Courts (and a lot of people) treat marriage like a contract that can be broken.  (But people have a great reverence for people who honor their vows, even after the relationship ends.  A good example is George Jones song, He Stopped Loving Her Today considered by many to be the greatest country song ever written.)

When people treat marriage like a contract, those marriages usually fail.  (People make mistakes, and breaking the contract is grounds for divorce.)

When people treat marriages like a covenant, those marriages rarely fail.  If one partner makes a mistake, you confront them, work to fix the problem, you forgive them, and you never stop loving them.

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How do FSU women view marriage?  As a contract, or a covenant?  It is my understanding the Orthodox marriage does not have vows.

Or do many approach marriage and relationships with a covenant mentality, but after their heart has been broken a few times, they become jaded and start viewing relationships like contracts?

Offline alex330

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2016, 10:39:59 AM »
FSUW are generally loyal to their "man" but divorce is quick and painless over there. I believe most view it as more of a legal contract. They will stand by you until you fail them and the moving on is easy.

Mendy would be the best one to answer this.

Offline Slumba

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2016, 12:07:45 PM »
I think it depends on the woman and how she views you.

The same woman might have 2 different views of the situation, if she is weighing 2 different men who are courting her.
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Offline jone

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2016, 12:19:59 PM »
FSUW are generally loyal to their "man" but divorce is quick and painless over there. I believe most view it as more of a legal contract. They will stand by you until you fail them and the moving on is easy.

Mendy would be the best one to answer this.

Not as quick as one might imagine, but certainly less painful than here in the US.  BUT - I agree with Sasha's further observation.  They will be out the door as soon as it is convenient, if you are not delivering the living standard that they have in their mind (real or otherwise).

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Offline BillyB

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2016, 01:52:34 PM »
A contract is "if, then".  If you do this for me, I will do this for you.  If the other party breaks the contract, you are not obligated to do what you agreed.  A contract has escape clauses.

A covenant is promises about taking care of your partner.  There are no escape clauses.  If your spouse does not do what they agreed to do, you are still required to do what you promised.



Based off your definitions, my wife would probably consider our marriage both contract and covenant.


My job is the breadwinner. Her job is doing household chores and going to college and getting a job if she wants. We do not have an equal rights type marriage. I don't cook or clean except when she's ill. I do the man's stuff. She does the woman's stuff. We don't keep score who's turn it is and we can't point fingers at each other when things don't get done since we are solely responsible for the roles we have in our marriage.


Being Catholic, my wife believes marriage should be forever. She thinks divorce is a sin. If I failed somewhere, she wouldn't walk. If I failed all the time, that can be a different story. Although you say there is no escape clause, no woman should be required to stay with an abusive or deadbeat husband. If I failed in my duties and lied when saying my wedding vows to take care of the wife, she should not be obligated to take care of me.

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Offline Larry1

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2016, 02:08:00 PM »
FSUW are generally loyal to their "man" but divorce is quick and painless over there. I believe most view it as more of a legal contract. They will stand by you until you fail them and the moving on is easy.

Not as quick as one might imagine, but certainly less painful than here in the US.  BUT - I agree with Sasha's further observation.  They will be out the door as soon as it is convenient, if you are not delivering the living standard that they have in their mind (real or otherwise).

From hearing about marriages and divorces on the fsuw forums this seems to be the most common approach fsuw take to marriage.

Offline Steamer

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #6 on: April 05, 2016, 05:15:10 PM »
Keerist what a question.
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Offline pitbull

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #7 on: April 05, 2016, 06:58:36 PM »
A marriage is a contract. Period.


What you describe as a covenant is your relationship to your children.


This is true for most women, FSU or otherwise. We love our children unconditionally, no matter if they make mistakes or do not meet our expectations. Second closest "covenant - like" relationship is to parents, specifically mother.


There is even a popular FSU saying that goes like this: "There may be many many men in a woman's life, but only one mother". Meaning that mother is way more important.


 
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Offline fathertime

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #8 on: April 05, 2016, 07:55:27 PM »

What you describe as a covenant is your relationship to your children.


This is true for most women, FSU or otherwise. We love our children unconditionally, no matter if they make mistakes or do not meet our expectations. Second closest "covenant - like" relationship is to parents, specifically mother.



You could have written this on the Latin board, and many, if not most would have said it was just as true.


I don't know if the mother aspect is considered true though for many young women in the USA. I haven't noticed the same degree of closeness, especially among Caucasian young ladies.   


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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2016, 05:42:35 AM »
We love our children unconditionally, no matter if they make mistakes or do not meet our expectations
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Offline Bee Farmer

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2016, 06:26:15 AM »
I think we have just witnessed why so many guys on RWD are divorced, and why so few women post on RWD anymore.

The men who have posted responses in this thread should be ashamed of themselves, for their complete lack of respect towards women.  Instead of being respectful and allowing the women to respond without interruption, many guys have posted responses trying to answer FOR the women.  (Do you do this in person to, or do you allow a girl to speak for herself?)

This thread was posted in the discussion group "Questions TO Russian Women."  Unless you are a FSU woman, your responses are not appropriate here.

Let's show some respect, and allow the women to respond without any comments from the peanut gallery.
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Offline Bee Farmer

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #11 on: April 06, 2016, 06:43:27 AM »
Thank you for responding pitbull.  I really appreciate that a FSU woman would share her beliefs with me.  I do have a few more questions for you.

Quote
A marriage is a contract. Period.

How should that contract be enforced?

In America, we have courts of equity, which means they only deal with matters which you can put a financial value on.

Or do you believe that a contract is intended to be broken, rather than a contract being enforced?

How do you put love, loyalty, or commitment into a contract?  How do you enforce these things?

If the wife acts up, (Wastes money, is lazy, cheats on him) do you believe it is appropriate for the husband to physically discipline his wife?

If marriage is a contract, what benefit does it offer a man?  To me, a marriage contract sounds like an unconscionable bargain.  (An unconscionable bargain is a contract with terms so outrageous that no one in their right mind would agree, and unconscionable bargains are not enforceable.)

Why would a man want to get married?  What benefits can he receive from a contract with a wife that he could not receive from a mistress, maid, or nanny, often at a much lower financial cost, and he would not have to deal with any of the woman's emotional instability?

Do FSU women believe it is ok to break a contract?  In America, we have a saying.  A person is only as good as their word.  If your words are no good, how can anyone else ever trust you?

Please understand that I am not saying a marriage contract is wrong or right.  I am simply trying to understand how your cultural beliefs compare to my cultural beliefs.

Personally, I would not be willing to marry a woman who viewed marriage as a contract and not a covenant.  I don't know any benefit a woman could offer which would make such a marriage contract worth entering.  It is all risk for the man, and little or no potential reward.  The only way I would consider marriage is if the woman considered it a covenant, and she had the same level of commitment to the marriage than she had to her children.  And I believe a man should offer the same level of commitment to his wife also. 

Offline msmobyone

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #12 on: April 06, 2016, 06:54:51 AM »

Mendy would be the best one to answer this.

Mendy hasn't had experience of marriage, splitting and getting divorced from a Russian women, I hope ..

I think the answer very much depends on the individuals, circumstances ..
Please excuse the Curmudgeon in my posts ..he will be cured by being reunited with his loved one ;)

Offline Bee Farmer

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #13 on: April 06, 2016, 07:09:22 AM »
MSmoby,
  And how much experience do you personally have being a FSU woman?  Were you a FSU woman prior to becoming a British guy?

You are posting in a forum group which is supposed to be for asking questions to FSU women, and their responses.  It is not for guys in the peanut gallery to be trying to dominate the conversation.

Offline pitbull

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #14 on: April 06, 2016, 07:25:21 AM »
Thank you for responding pitbull.  I really appreciate that a FSU woman would share her beliefs with me.  I do have a few more questions for you.

How should that contract be enforced?

In America, we have courts of equity, which means they only deal with matters which you can put a financial value on.

Or do you believe that a contract is intended to be broken, rather than a contract being enforced?

How do you put love, loyalty, or commitment into a contract?  How do you enforce these things?

If the wife acts up, (Wastes money, is lazy, cheats on him) do you believe it is appropriate for the husband to physically discipline his wife?

If marriage is a contract, what benefit does it offer a man?  To me, a marriage contract sounds like an unconscionable bargain.  (An unconscionable bargain is a contract with terms so outrageous that no one in their right mind would agree, and unconscionable bargains are not enforceable.)

Why would a man want to get married?  What benefits can he receive from a contract with a wife that he could not receive from a mistress, maid, or nanny, often at a much lower financial cost, and he would not have to deal with any of the woman's emotional instability?

Do FSU women believe it is ok to break a contract?  In America, we have a saying.  A person is only as good as their word.  If your words are no good, how can anyone else ever trust you?

Please understand that I am not saying a marriage contract is wrong or right.  I am simply trying to understand how your cultural beliefs compare to my cultural beliefs.

Personally, I would not be willing to marry a woman who viewed marriage as a contract and not a covenant.  I don't know any benefit a woman could offer which would make such a marriage contract worth entering.  It is all risk for the man, and little or no potential reward.  The only way I would consider marriage is if the woman considered it a covenant, and she had the same level of commitment to the marriage than she had to her children.  And I believe a man should offer the same level of commitment to his wife also.

Bee Farmer,

All good questions. :)

Marriage is not a contract in a legal sense, but its nature is contractual. As in people get divorced for a host of different reasons, but in the end when they do not get their needs met in a marriage anymore, or when a marriage becomes abusive to one of the partners. I would presume two people try to resolve the issues in their marriage first, and divorce as the last resort.
Again, there are no universal ways to enforce love, commitment etc. When marrying, one can only hope both people grow together, not apart, and do their best to resolve conflict in a marriage.

As for the benefits of marriage - I do not understand where you are coming from with little benefit for a man in a marriage. Men benefit from marriage enormously, it is a well known fact that married men live longer than their unmarried peers.
Married women on the other hand live shorter than their unmarried peers. A woman still does most of work in a marriage on average.

What is your understanding of marriage as a covenant in a situation when a husband becomes an alcoholic, abuses his wife and children, and cheats on his wife (many FSU women find themselves in this situation unfortunately)? What should a woman do?
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Offline pitbull

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #15 on: April 06, 2016, 07:28:21 AM »
I think we have just witnessed why so many guys on RWD are divorced, and why so few women post on RWD anymore.

The men who have posted responses in this thread should be ashamed of themselves, for their complete lack of respect towards women.  Instead of being respectful and allowing the women to respond without interruption, many guys have posted responses trying to answer FOR the women.  (Do you do this in person to, or do you allow a girl to speak for herself?)

This thread was posted in the discussion group "Questions TO Russian Women."  Unless you are a FSU woman, your responses are not appropriate here.

Let's show some respect, and allow the women to respond without any comments from the peanut gallery.
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Bee Farmer,

There are very few if any FSU women posting here anymore. So, if you insist guys do not reply, you will likely not get any answers.
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Offline pitbull

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #16 on: April 06, 2016, 07:37:53 AM »
When people treat marriages like a covenant, those marriages rarely fail.  If one partner makes a mistake, you confront them, work to fix the problem, you forgive them, and you never stop loving them.


Yeah, if this is a mistake, the other person acknowledges it as a mistake, is sorry, and wants to work to fix the problem and never do this again. This is an idealistic view and unfortunately is rarely true. Often those "mistakes" are made consciously, knowingly, over and over again.
Remember, a woman, particularly and FSU one, would rarely divorce a good husband.

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Offline msmobyone

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #17 on: April 06, 2016, 07:46:50 AM »
MSmoby,
  And how much experience do you personally have being a FSU woman?  Were you a FSU woman prior to becoming a British guy?

You are posting in a forum group which is supposed to be for asking questions to FSU women, and their responses.  It is not for guys in the peanut gallery to be trying to dominate the conversation.

Bee Farmer, are you having you very own 'hormonal' time ? ... I think I was the 10th guy to respond...  :D

For sure, it will be great if a lady will respond ... but - for now - the best you're getting is a guy with experience of a Russian Woman during the good and bad ... 
Please excuse the Curmudgeon in my posts ..he will be cured by being reunited with his loved one ;)

Offline BillyB

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #18 on: April 06, 2016, 08:21:31 AM »
I think we have just witnessed why so many guys on RWD are divorced, and why so few women post on RWD anymore.

The men who have posted responses in this thread should be ashamed of themselves, for their complete lack of respect towards women.  Instead of being respectful and allowing the women to respond without interruption, many guys have posted responses trying to answer FOR the women.  (Do you do this in person to, or do you allow a girl to speak for herself?)



After posting in the wrong section, my wife is filing for divorce. I guess I have to learn to respect women more often.


Men who are successfully married should know how their wives operate and know their wives needs to keep them happy. You don't see value in that. Just as we are required to figure out how our wives operate, you should learn how this forum operates. Most people don't click through 2 dozen sub-forums to find threads to read. We click on the last 25 most recent postings in bold type. We don't read what forum the posting is in. With that knowledge, when you start a topic in this sub forum, clearly state you want only the women to answer.


Bee Farmer,

There are very few if any FSU women posting here anymore. So, if you insist guys do not reply, you will likely not get any answers.


Even when there were more women posting, a guy would get none or a few answers from ladies. Topics get buried fast if nobody or few people are posting in them.
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Offline Bee Farmer

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #19 on: April 06, 2016, 08:33:27 AM »
Quote
Marriage is not a contract in a legal sense, but its nature is contractual. As in people get divorced for a host of different reasons, but in the end when they do not get their needs met in a marriage anymore, or when a marriage becomes abusive to one of the partners. I would presume two people try to resolve the issues in their marriage first, and divorce as the last resort.
Again, there are no universal ways to enforce love, commitment etc. When marrying, one can only hope both people grow together, not apart, and do their best to resolve conflict in a marriage.

I believe ideally, marriage should be for life.

Now in America, we have a 'no fault  divorce.'  If you decide you don't want to be married anymore, you can get a divorce.  It is easier to walk away from the problems than to address them.  That's a problem in my opinion.  When people treat a marriage like a contract, it becomes ok to walk away.  When people view it as a covenant, there is more incentive to work things out.

Quote
As for the benefits of marriage - I do not understand where you are coming from with little benefit for a man in a marriage. Men benefit from marriage enormously, it is a well known fact that married men live longer than their unmarried peers.

You may want to look a little deeper into that.  That's not exactly what the studies have found.  The devil is in the details.

Men who are married live longer than widowed or divorced men.  Men who have never married have the same life expectancy as married men.

What does marriage offer to a man?  A wife who cooks, cleans, takes care of kids, companionship, sex, etc.? 
Unless a man is really poor, he can hire a maid to clean the house.  Microwaves, food that is easy to prepare, and dishwashers mean guys can eat without a wife to cook for them.  It's simple to use a washer and dryer.
If you are a man and have children, divorce can be brutally expensive in America.  Financially, you are probably better off to have a kid with a mistress or a surrogate, and simply hire a nanny to take care of the child.
A man can hire a prostitute, pick up a bar fly, or get a girlfriend/mistress for their sex needs.
You can get companionship from a girlfriend or other female friends.

So what is the benefit of marriage to a man?  You can do all the above things, often at a much cheaper financial price if you don't get married, as opposed to getting married and ending up divorced.  It's less emotional hassle, easier financially, and you aren't responsible for the woman.

As the joke says, a man doesn't pay a prostitute for sex.  He pays her to leave after he is done.

Quote
What is your understanding of marriage as a covenant in a situation when a husband becomes an alcoholic, abuses his wife and children, and cheats on his wife (many FSU women find themselves in this situation unfortunately)? What should a woman do?

This is the 'for worse' part of a covenant marriage.  Ideally, you are able to spot red flags in behavior prior to marriage.   As Ben Franklin said, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  (Or a gram of prevention is worth a kilogram of cure for metric folks.)

What would a mother do if her child became an alcoholic, was abusive, and was disrespectful of his parents?

In a covenant marriage, you confront the problems, and work to resolve them.  The problems you mentioned are bigger than what a wife can confront on her own.  This is where it is essential that she have a strong support group, and community involvement.

I grew up exposed to the Amish religious sect.  In bad situations like you mentioned, the husband would be called in front of the church on Sunday morning, and he would be confronted.  The whole church community would make sure he shaped up.  The wife is never looked down on for asking for help.  Divorce is virtually unknown in the Amish society.  (This is not to say that Amish are an ideal.  They have a lot of problems.  But the whole church addressing bad situations is a good thing they do.)

When I was younger, I was sweet on a girl.  Her mother was an alcoholic and in a bad marriage.  The mother ended up with some bruises on her face.  I gave the mother the options that me and some of the guys would take Ralph out and give him an attitude adjustment, or we would hold him and the girl and her mother could beat the daylights out of him.  The mother believed he would just retaliate later when no one was around.   She ended up divorcing him, which I ended up paying for.  It was not my preferred solution.  I would have preferred that he was 'convinced' to be a better husband.

I'm not sure if abusive guys, or alcoholics, or cheaters target women with low self esteem, or if the women end up having a low self esteem as a result of being married to jerks.  It may be a combination.  I do believe part of the solution is making sure girls growing up have good self esteem, and know they are valued and appreciated.  That way, when they begin looking for a husband, they won't put up with crap from the jerks, and they can get out of a bad relationship before it becomes a marriage.

Quote
There are very few if any FSU women posting here anymore. So, if you insist guys do not reply, you will likely not get any answers.

I am aware of that, but I specifically posted in this group because I wanted opinions only from FSU women, even if the responses I receive are limited.

I grew up around patriarchal culture.  When men start talking, the women usually fade into the background.  The men control and dominate the conversation.  However, if you specifically ask a woman a question, the men will go silent and be respectful and allow the woman to answer the question.  The men do not try to answer for the woman.

Here, men are bad about trying to answer questions for the woman.  I don't know of any women who appreciate men talking over them or being condescending by answering for the woman.  I believe this type of conduct only makes women here feel less welcome.

Quote
Remember, a woman, particularly and FSU one, would rarely divorce a good husband.

What about green cards girls or FSUW who use a guy as a stepping stone.  Maybe we just hear the bad examples, but it seems to be a common belief that there are FSUW who will use a guy to come to a better country, and once she is here, she will 'trade up' because another guy can offer her more.  It is not because the guy who brought her here is not a good man - it is that once here, she can find a better man.

Do FSUW 'trade up' when they remain in the FSU?  Or is this more of a problem among women who are marrying foreign guys?  If FSUW will rarely divorce a good man, why do we hear so many horror stories of FSUW trading up once they come here?  Were the FSUW who immigrate not sincere when approaching marriage, or do they marry men who are not good men as a way to get here?


Offline alex330

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #20 on: April 06, 2016, 08:36:58 AM »
Mendy hasn't had experience of marriage, splitting and getting divorced from a Russian women, I hope ..

I think the answer very much depends on the individuals, circumstances ..

I meant Mendy would know more than most on here in regards to the religious aspects. He seems the most versed imo. Of course like most things in life it ultimately comes down to the individuals personal beliefs.

My wife thinks like Pitbull, it is a contract, and nothing else.

Offline Bee Farmer

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #21 on: April 06, 2016, 08:44:44 AM »
Quote
Bee Farmer, are you having you very own 'hormonal' time ? ... I think I was the 10th guy to respond...

Just because other guys are being rude, doesn't mean that it is ok for you to be rude also.

You were the FIRST guy to respond after I reminded the guys that this group is supposed to be for receiving responses from FSUW.

Quote
For sure, it will be great if a lady will respond ... but - for now - the best you're getting is a guy with experience of a Russian Woman during the good and bad ... 

And 'the best' that you can offer is so woefully inadequate that it is worthless and of no useful value.  You simply can not speak truthfully for someone else's beliefs.

Quote
Men who are successfully married should know how their wives operate and know their wives needs to keep them happy.

A successfully married man has never been divorced.  A man who has been divorced clearly doesn't know his wife's needs, or is unable to meet a wife's needs.

Quote
Just as we are required to figure out how our wives operate, you should learn how this forum operates. Most people don't click through 2 dozen sub-forums to find threads to read. We click on the last 25 most recent postings in bold type. We don't read what forum the posting is in.

How can you be taken seriously?  If you won't take the time to read or follow directions, how can you expect anyone to believe you will pay enough attention to a wife to find out how she operates?

Quote
With that knowledge, when you start a topic in this sub forum, clearly state you want only the women to answer.

Why should I have to repeat what has already been stated?

For the idiots out there:

ALL QUESTIONS DIRECTED TO MEN IN THIS THREAD ARE RHETORICAL.  THEIR PURPOSE IS TO GET YOU TO THINK.  IT IS NOT AN INVITATION FOR YOU TO RUN YOUR MOUTH.
It is better to appear an idiot than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.  The men who post responses in this thread have removed all doubt.

THIS TOPIC IS DIRECTED AT FSUW ONLY.  That is why I posted it here.

Offline jone

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #22 on: April 06, 2016, 09:12:29 AM »
Bee Farmer,

You have no rights to control over who responds to your posts.  You are not the owner of this forum, or, for that matter, I hope, not a moderator.

Your personal perspective on marriage is well noted.  Yet, by your own admission, you have never found a woman willing to put up with you that you deem worthy.  That, coupled with your age, speaks volumes.

While I would hope that you find happiness within your own narrow view of what constitutes a marriage, understand that many here have found happiness outside the confines of your rigid views.
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Offline pitbull

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #23 on: April 06, 2016, 09:20:51 AM »
Men who are married live longer than widowed or divorced men.  Men who have never married have the same life expectancy as married men.

What does marriage offer to a man?  A wife who cooks, cleans, takes care of kids, companionship, sex, etc.? 
Unless a man is really poor, he can hire a maid to clean the house.  Microwaves, food that is easy to prepare, and dishwashers mean guys can eat without a wife to cook for them.  It's simple to use a washer and dryer.
If you are a man and have children, divorce can be brutally expensive in America.  Financially, you are probably better off to have a kid with a mistress or a surrogate, and simply hire a nanny to take care of the child.
A man can hire a prostitute, pick up a bar fly, or get a girlfriend/mistress for their sex needs.
You can get companionship from a girlfriend or other female friends.

So what is the benefit of marriage to a man?  You can do all the above things, often at a much cheaper financial price if you don't get married, as opposed to getting married and ending up divorced.  It's less emotional hassle, easier financially, and you aren't responsible for the woman.

As the joke says, a man doesn't pay a prostitute for sex.  He pays her to leave after he is done.

Well, I found that married men live on average 17 years longer than single men. This link offers a very good explanation of why.

http://healthresearchfunding.org/married-men-live-longer-single-men/

I believe if you are not planning to have children it makes no sense to get married. Children are better off when raised in marriage (good marriage that is).
All these things you've described cost waaaay more than you think. Especially the whole surrogate route. I pay $20/hour for babysitter only. This is $50K per year only for a babysitter. Add everything else - if you Donald Trump, good for you  ;)

When I was younger, I was sweet on a girl.  Her mother was an alcoholic and in a bad marriage.  The mother ended up with some bruises on her face.  I gave the mother the options that me and some of the guys would take Ralph out and give him an attitude adjustment, or we would hold him and the girl and her mother could beat the daylights out of him.  The mother believed he would just retaliate later when no one was around.   She ended up divorcing him, which I ended up paying for.  It was not my preferred solution.  I would have preferred that he was 'convinced' to be a better husband.



Personally for me, things like alcoholism, and especially physical abuse are the end of marriage. Period. The guy in your story should have ended in jail.
You see, you are talking about an "ideal" scenario from the point of view of Amish culture. I think you might be better off marrying an Amish girl.

Life is much more nuanced and complicated. For each person the threshold for ending a marriage is personal. I bet there are guys on this forum who would divorce their wives if they gained more than a certain number of pounds.
Some women would tolerate being physically abused regularly. Some men and women will take back a cheater, multiple times. Some would exit a marriage if they do not feel romantic towards their partner any more.

But on average, this is an FSUW's opinion: marriage is a contract, with a different threshold for ending this contract for each individual woman. Love between a man and a woman is very much conditional, depending on what each person needs.  Ideally marriage is for life, and we will work on a marriage, up to a certain point. Children and parents - a covenant type of relationship. You stand by your children and love them unconditionally, fight for them till the end, no matter what.

I do not remember why we talked about it, but me and my husband agree that in a hypothetical situation where we can save each other OR our children, each of us will choose the children. And would want the other person to make this choice.
Be the person that your dog thinks you are

Offline pitbull

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Re: Do FSU women consider marriage to be a contract or a covenant?
« Reply #24 on: April 06, 2016, 09:24:20 AM »
While I would hope that you find happiness within your own narrow view of what constitutes a marriage, understand that many here have found happiness outside the confines of your rigid views.

Yeah, what he said  :D
Be the person that your dog thinks you are

 

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