Reactions from other people in your life

[Lily]

Yes but the qualities that make a man a success in business are not the same as that make him a good husband

Agree with you Mir.

However, the woman's instincts are naturally attracted to the former qualities rather than the latter....

[Kuna]

KenC,  I also dated some mighty fine women in the US.  I think for both of us, it was not about finding a woman within any defined borders, it was about finding someone who was what we were seeking ( consciously or subconsciously) no matter the political borders.  The fact that we found this within the FSU is maybe the sole factor that unites us in this forum

But we also didn't marry any of those other fine women, now did we?   I happened to marry a woman from Russia, that;s all.
KenC

Scott and Ken,

Here's a thought that will cause some to jump up and down...

I've often thought about the WHY question... WHY NOW?

I divorced 11 years ago and have had a "fairly" active time since...  I had a "four year fling" in the middle and am not boasting by saying some of my "associates" accused me of "batting way above my average" a few times...

I WILL admit that I have dated and broken up with some really wonderful women...

So therefore I have wondered...  "Why now"?

After much contemplation I've decided the truth is, "It was time".  I think when you're dating a lot it's easy to keep moving... and keep changing.  Sooner or later though we're all driven to settle down...  Maybe we're tired... Maybe it's just time.  The fact is there is a time when it just feels right.

Is the "current woman" any better than some of the previous ones?  Maybe.. but not in ll cases.

My Girl is spectacular for many reasons but I'm honest enough to say timing was a big factor in my decision to be serious and committ to one girl... No, committ to one SPECTACULAR girl!

Just a thought...

Kuna


Afterthought...

Ya know...  I feel like I've swallowed a bad oyster when I hear men make excuses for their relationship decisions...

Examples: 

Someone who has a large age gap will sometimes say, "But we're different"

Others will say "Our situation is different"

I think the truth is "It was time to settle down... and I found someone at that particular moment and it felt good".  The only thing I hope is that we all make logical decisions before we let the loins (or heart) take over...  marriage IS risky business... Marriage to a FSUW is even more risky!

[TigerPaws]

Paws,

Twist and turn as much as you want but you've got a greater chance of "understanding" if you stay on topic...  I've seen characters like you before and the never seem to "get it"... maybe because they don't want to!

Now, would you like me to answer Part 1 or Part 2 of of your ramblings???

Part 1:

Yep... it's true... some men have no idea when it comes to attracting a woman! Kuna, Your exact quote "I see many men at home that fail in teh dating game and they always have excuses... Women nly want men with money... women only want young hot guys... women want XYZ...  The fact is they don't understand women..." I submit few if any men understand women. You imply that you do understand women my question still stands do you assert that you understand what women want?[/size]

SHOCK HORROR, that doesn't surprise you does it? I will agree the majority of men are one step from knuckle dragging apes, I am not talking about the average man, I am and have been talking about those men who understand how to make things happen in their life, who are the top 1% the best of the best.



Where did I say all women will exploit men that I consier weak???? Kuna again your exact quote "Women will exploit a weak, stupid man... but they won't respect him!" Your words betray you sir, how do you know your above statement is universally true? I will agree some women will exploit men who are not careful and or are stupid but again I am not and have not been talking about this group, my discussion has been about a very different group of men. Men who will not be exploited, men who know how to when someone is trying to use them and deal with those people accordingly.

You're a slippery little character aren't ya?[/color]

The WOMEN know what a man is like when the first meet them...  They can SMELL it.  A guy that pretends to be confident (or different than he really is) might be able to pull it off in email but he's cry "there was no chemistry" when they finally meet. How would you know that to be universally true about all women as your statement implies? 

Please don't distort my words... it does neighter of us justice! No distortion Kuna your own words clearly imply that "WOMEN know what a man is like when the first meet them..." How do you know that? Is it your belief? If so you have said that you speak as if you know this to be fact.


I reckon I've got a pretty good grip on women and what motivates them....  I just had this discussion on the weekend in a pub with a girl/woman who was obviously on the prowl...  I made a comment to a friend...  she called me over and challenged the comment...   I explained further and she agreed... It's not uncommon...

Forgive me if I sound arrogant... Frankly you do sound very arrogant Im not trying to be.  Women are wonderful AND complex - but I still maintain that some men just don't "get it". On hat point I will agree some men do not get it but again those are not the men I have been talking about.

If you're looking for an argument over this point I suggest you lay your credentials on the line... ??? What are you talking about?

How well did you understand women (FSU or not) before your trips??? I still do not begin to understand women today, I am happy you believe you do. You are the only man I have ever herd of that believes he understand women, congratulations you should write a book and tell the rest of us.

You keep saying you kept searching until you found the right one (and by the way I'm happy that you found the right one) but it's not like you didn't have THOUSANDS of women to choose from through dating sites and marriage agencies.  Yes I and other men had thousands of women's photo's to choose from and maybe a couple of lines of text, my that is a lot of information to go in.

How come you couldn't identify "the right one" earlier? Please explain.

(I've asked you to be introspective before and it went over your head... I assume you'll just come back and attack me without putting any genuine thought into it but that's fine with me....  the attacks mean nothing... No attacks sir only questions as to why you believe you know all their is about all women which is what you are implying and at times out right saying.   At the very least I hope to get newbies thinking and have them understand it's not a random process) No searching for a lady from the FSU is most often not a random process but there are men posting on the forum who by random chance found their lady. I suggest men focus their attention on finding exactly the kind of lady they are interested in, to at first ignore those ladies which do not fit exactly what they believe they are looking for, then when they have exhausted that pool of ladies expand their search into other areas of interest. Nothing random but a focused approach.
Kuna 

TigerPaws

[I/O]

I read somewhere recently (maybe here on RWD) something like this.  "Women are made to be loved, not understood".  I think I'll settle for that route with all it entails.

I/O

[Mir]

"Women are made to be loved, not understood". 

Oscar Wilde

[Bruno]

But we also didn't marry any of those other fine women, now did we?   I happened to marry a woman from Russia, that's all.
KenC

Ken, just one question... if Lena was already in US, have you marry her or have you simply life together ?

In the case of FSU ladies, marriage is a obligation... no marriage, no stay in US !!! A large part of the population don't marry anymore for several reason ( freedom, financial, tax, etc ) but it don't stop them to have very long relationship... one of my work collegue have marry his girlfriend two year ago, after more of 20 year together...

Don't you think that the procedure related to the international dating push people to marry before they are really ready ?

 We have case of people who have not marry a RW... i think that shadow have choice for a cohabitation... and some other members have find a RW locally...

My point is that we don't marry local women because we are not obligate to be married for build a long term relationship at the local level !!!

[KenC]

Bruno,
Your theory may be correct for most but not for Lena and I.  Lena was here in America on a student visa and could stay for as long as she attended school with an open door to go back to Russia and return as needed too.  There was no pressure to marry for the sake of a visa at all.  She lived with me while she was here, so I don't see a lot of difference in circumstances between her and an AW.

I do think guys rush into getting engaged in order to bring their RW here though.  They just rush to bring women they hardly know into their world.  They tend to use the 90 day window as a time to become more familiar with the woman instead of what that time is truly intended for (to plan a wedding).
KenC

[Wayne B]

Ken C, I agree...you had a better opportunity to learn each other...the men that do the K-1 or K-2 must make more trips...to learn about their future mate....money well spent. More time yes..but, to rush this process will cost much more in the long run...if all goes to hell in a hand basket.

[catzenmouse]

I still do not begin to understand women today, I am happy you believe you do. You are the only man I have ever herd of that believes he understand women, congratulations you should write a book and tell the rest of us.

That book has already been written. It was called "Understanding Women" or "How to Understand Women". About 200 pages and everyone of them is blank. I think the author got it right! 

Ken

[Bruno]

KenC, thank for the reply... i become old, i have forget the student visa in your case...

But let see some couple here... in your case, a student visa... JB have work there... Dan, Simoni and some other have make a lot of business trip... all these success relation are based not based on a short flash of love...

Take a look at our Turbo... first K1 was fast, after a short dating periode... result was a misluck... see the difference these time... how much week together before the K1...

Maybe foreign ( or local ) marriage can be related to the story of the "3 little pigs and the wolf"... only these who build something strong at the begin can resist the damage of time...

..but, to rush this process will cost much more in the long run...if all goes to hell in a hand basket.

You are right... in my case, it have cost me 5 year of my life ( 7 with dating and divorce procedure )... and a little girl that i was not able to see anymore since i was not the real father, i was only the guy who have help to grow her up... it mean nothing for our laws...

[jen]

Hi all,

As I just posted in another thread, I'm out of town with a really bad internet connection, but I will be checking in to keep up with the posts as I can.

Thanks for your interesting comments, Bruno..I wonder how many others agree or disagree...are there many cases on this board of happy couples that got together as a result of a man's making just one or two trips to the FSU, on a tour or otherwise (as opposed to guys who lived there for an extended period of time)?

Thanks all, J.

[ScottinCrimea]

jen, in answer to your question, after corresponding for a year I came to Ukraine to meet one woman.  I returned 4 months later, then 2 months after that, then we met in Istanbul one month after that, then I moved to Ukraine to be with her a month after that.  3 1/2 years later we're married ans still going strong.

[DKMM]

btw, in case someone has been asleep for a while, KenC is talking about guys like me!!

[I/O]

btw, in case someone has been asleep for a while, KenC is talking about guys like me!!

I doubt too many are sleeping...........or dreaming to the same extent, but anyway that's been dealt with elsewhere.

Jen, I can't say what will work in the long term because I haven't been there to prove it one way or another, but it is basic good sense that the longer time spent getting to know someone, the better chance of knowing them and therefore the better chance of long term marital stability.  It's a "No Brainer" really IMO.

Just over two years now since the beginning of communicating and meeting.  All things being equal, we will be married inside the next 2 /12 months.  Frankly, for a conservative, crusty ol' bastage like me, that's quite soon enough.

Neither of us were "Busting our butts" to get married.  Sure, we got pretty hung up on each other within a few months of knowing each other, but for us, being hung up on each other is a long way from marriage.  Once we did finally get around to making that decision, probably we might have moved things a little faster if it had been our choice, but the embassy took about 6 or 7 months to approve the visa so we were in that cycle anyway. 

There has been visits and counter visits.  Language learning and a host of other issues to deal with other than the normal relationship building which is necessary.  We've tried to play this as normally as is possible and been prepared to allow the extra time that distance forces a couple to take.  Many here use the SC-300 (Similar to the USA K-1) as a get-to-know-you avenue.  Whilst it allows 9 months before marriage, IMO that is just plain wrong. The decision should have been long since made prior to lodgment of an application.

SC-300's and K-1's were never designed as a "Dating" visa, nor should they be used as such.  That finite time line hanging over a couples head is pressure which is entirely unnecessary to deliberately bring upon oneself.  Sure it can work and has worked, but it is highly risky and IMO a fools path.

Time will tell whether my view proves to have any validity or not.  Hope springs eternal.

I/O   

[Kuna]

Here's a strange reaction that has been evolving for a few weeks...

Some of my female friends have really taken exception to my marriage plans but one woman I know has given a very different response.

She's around 35...  career mad... fitness freak...  socially she's a new age hard a$$. This woman has been so submerged in anger she's actually got a permanently angry face (sad to say... but it's true).

Basically she takes no crap from anyone and just in case some guy tries to give her crap she'll beat him up before he gets within a few metres.  Not surprisingly, she's single... and has been for some time. (great body by the way)

OK... you can imagine she's NOT what I would call a friend... but;

I saw her out a few weeks ago and she started asking questions about My Girl.  She wanted to know what her goals were, how I felt, my readiness to settle down.

The next time I saw her she was pretty friendly and I thought it was going to be like some similar occurrences over the past few months... (a few girls trying to prove I wasn't serious about My Girl)

To my great surprise she actually started talking about where she had gone wrong... what she use to hope for... what she'll settle for now... and generally I've noticed she's become a lot more reflective about what she has missed out on in life because of her attitude, etc.

In short... she has said she wished she could find someone who she was satisfied with and admitted a degree of fault.

I've had some strange reactions but this is the first (and only) like this.

I believe we all want the same things.  Time, environment and circumstance can make us lose our way.  I know we're critical of AM here (most of the time) but I guess we should try to remember there are often reasons for the way some people act.

I'm in no doubt this path was the best one for me... I hope other people find happiness in their own way too.

[lolol]

guess what kuna?
I and my darina met in June and HAVE found happiness!
true love conquers all
and btw
the money was for her numerous hospital procedures..which was confirmed by some Doctor friends of mine here in oz..
didnt want to divulge that but there is many a 'doubting thomas' here!

[Shadow]

lolol
As the parents of my fiancee are both doctors, I would like you to disclose the 'medical' issues that have cost her this amount of money, if you prefer in PM.
Doctors in Oz can not confirm the prices in Russia. Doctors in Russia will be able to tell the *exact* cost in both public and private clinics.
Unless you are talking about major surgery, the amount of US$ 47.000 still sounds incredibly high.

[Kuna]

Go on lolol...

Prove your self to be genuine by taking up Shadow on his offer or be known as a troll forever more!

 

[catzenmouse]

Could natural justice be so sweet that troll boy's girlfriend is "baby"? Oh boy! Wouldn't that be a perfect match!

Guess he must have just come out of his 90 day rehab program. Looks like it didn't work. Again!

I/O and Kuna - we've got plenty here just like him/it. Damn shame when they took the bounty off shooting them... 

Ken

[ecr844]

If anyone else is contemplating sending that obscene amount of money in the same situation <to someone you have never met>. Please get in touch with me. You can just send it to me and I'll give you the same return you would have gotten from your prospective scammer.

[Bruno]

Thanks for your interesting comments, Bruno..I wonder how many others agree or disagree...

Jen... this is really the problem... why speak about "agree or not agree"... in my post, nothing need to be "agree or not"... it is my own personal opinion based on my own personal experience... i am unique, nobody is like me... everybody have other experience and opinion... no one is wrong when it is related to his own life...

You see, some people don't agree that we seek a foreign bride... what the hell they have to make with this... it is our life and the life of our bride... both are adult people with personal feeling and opinion... why some a$$hole begin to judge us when these know nothing about us and potential wife, nothing about our personal life experience, about our charecter, about our wish, about our taste, about ...

Jen, i am sorry but your comment have shock me... specialy from someone who "study people"... now, you are here on RWD, analysing and studying us... it is about fact, about real story... not about agree or not... you are free to agree or disagree so much you will but this cannot influence your main objective who is study the "foreign dating process"...

To be honest, i have make the same mistake here, several time... usually, i don't agree with KenC, TigerPawn, JB ( not so much lately )... but i am wrong... yes, what they say ( wrote ) is sometime against what I think and feel... but they are not me, they explain personal experience... how i can judge and "agree or disagree" about personal experience... Hey, it have good work for them... it mean that they are right when it is related to people like them... and being not like them don't mean that they are wrong...

In a other topic, you speak about feminist... nothing wrong with them... until they use their own value for judge other people... for feminist, a woman who dream to be a housekeeper, not work and take care of children is like someone bad, someone evil... maybe it is time to accept our difference... these difference make us more interesting, make the life more "spicy"...

And related to the topic... it is the problem with other people... they try to "agree or not agree"... in place to accept us like people different of them...

PS: i hope that you understand my meaning... English is not my first language and when i begin about more philosophic thing, it begin more difficult to explain for me... in any case, if you wish ask more question, feel free to make it... i am a very open minded guy... who sometime, forget it 

[Rvrwind]

the amount of US$ 47.000 still sounds incredibly high.

Plain to see sombody has more money than brains!!

[jen]

Jen... this is really the problem... why speak about "agree or not agree"... in my post, nothing need to be "agree or not"... it is my own personal opinion based on my own personal experience... i am unique, nobody is like me... everybody have other experience and opinion... no one is wrong when it is related to his own life...

Bruno,

I didn't mean to say that others can prove you right or wrong when it comes to your feelings about your own experiences...perhaps I should have said, "I wonder if others have had the same experience and feel the same way?" What I was trying to do was simply encourage others to participate in the conversation, respond to your thoughts here, which I thought were interesting. Of course I understand that your personal experiences are your own to reflect upon. I'm just trying to learn more about the diversity of experiences represented on this board.

j.

[Todd]

Hi All,

I've been traveling quite a bit internationally over the past couple of months.  Did you know that this site is blocked in Saudi Arabia?

Anyway, I think that my experience has been very different than many other people here.  My family was very accepting.  In fact, more than one relative has taken me aside and half in jest said "don't screw this one up." 

Friends have also been very happy for me.  One of my female friends just married a Russian man, and there hasn't been much distinction in their minds.  In fact, many of my friends have married people from overseas and/or races. 

Finally, people from work have also really liked Kate.  Our firm tends to be very accepting of different marriages as our head office is in San Francisco, and there are many same sex relationships.

Thus, I have not lost a single relationship as a result of marrying Kate.  I attribute this fact to the simple reason that we truly, deeply love each other...and that I married a truly incredible woman.

[Ste]

Thus, I have not lost a single relationship as a result of marrying Kate.

I have - I had a long time mate who always had the better of me, he had the better job, better girls, I was meek then and accepted it. And he looked like David Cassidy while I looked like Hop-a-Long Cassidy...

Anyway, tide has turned, age has treated me well and now I'm better off and have nadia. He came down to meet her last year, since then nothing, avoids contact with me, the lot. I know why, cos I have the upper hand now, and he can't take it.

Shame cos we were mates for years...

Sod him!