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Author Topic: Time for some Humor!!  (Read 473918 times)

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Offline Anotherkiwi

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2000 on: April 18, 2014, 06:10:54 PM »
I thought that this one was worth sharing:

http://www.tickld.com/x/english-isnt-as-easy-as-you-think

How many of our English-speaking members have to have a quick think about these?  ;D

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2001 on: April 22, 2014, 09:59:28 AM »
I received from a Canadian Friend the below.  Don't know how long it has been circulating in Canada.

= = = = = = =
 
I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Toronto . I think it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.
 
 That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy," and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot."
 
 Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called "Iraq o' Ribs."
 
 Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret,"  with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.
 
 Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop, "Koranal Knowledge," its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store called  "Morehammered."
 
All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us, so their mosque issue would not be a problem for others.
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline Larry1

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2002 on: April 22, 2014, 03:40:35 PM »
"This young woman did not really think through the way the Winnie the Pooh costume was supposed to look.  She likely meant well, but..."



hat tip: professor Munger http://mungowitzend.blogspot.com/2014/04/winnie-pooh-first-day-on-job-also-last.html

Offline Larry1

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2003 on: April 23, 2014, 05:05:15 PM »


This unfortunately named contest is actually for making the best beef jerky

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2004 on: April 23, 2014, 05:12:08 PM »


This unfortunately named contest is actually for making the best beef jerky

And then there was the well respected Academy Information Decision Science that had to change its name (which usually went by the letters only) as AIDS became well known back in 1970s or so.
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline PBRstreetg

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2005 on: April 29, 2014, 08:42:59 PM »
Кто пустил ее за руль?

There's a Subaru commercial in here somewhere  :D
FSUW dogs are extremely clever, especially the strays

Разрушить всегда легче, чем построить. Обидеть проще,чем простить. И врать всегда удобней , чем поверить. А оттолкнуть намного проще, чем любить

Offline XMan

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2006 on: April 30, 2014, 12:35:19 PM »
Weaponized Vegetables:

This is an actual news story.

"A man caught on camera trying to hold up two businesses in Providence using a potato has been tracked down by police.

 Police say Gary Deming stuck a potato to the end of a grill lighter and held it up to the clerk at a Branch Avenue gas station and Charles Street Laundromat last Monday.

  The gas station manager was able to chase Deming off with a bat.

 Police arrested Deming Monday morning. He’s being charged with assault with intent to commit robbery."

I think he might have pulled it off if he had only used a rutabaga. 
I always found them much more threatening than potatoes.

Offline Gator

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2007 on: April 30, 2014, 05:45:23 PM »
NEW TRAINEE FOR UKRAINE

WHO'S THE ALPHA MALE NOW BITCHES!




Obviously blanks (no recoil).   


Offline Lily

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2008 on: May 19, 2014, 09:48:25 AM »
Informative underwear  :D
 
"Short about myself"
 
Da, da, Canada; Nyet, nyet, Soviet!

Offline Gator

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2009 on: May 19, 2014, 12:11:37 PM »
Informative underwear 

"Short about myself"
 

 :)    The man is lacking but not in confidence. 

Reminds me of an elevator call button.   

Offline Lily

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2010 on: May 19, 2014, 04:52:48 PM »

Reminds me of an elevator call button.

 :D   ;D   ;D
Da, da, Canada; Nyet, nyet, Soviet!

Offline GQBlues

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2011 on: June 05, 2014, 10:08:07 AM »
I stumbled upon this on the web, too damned funny to pass up...

A Boy's Letter from Summer Camp
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline GQBlues

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2012 on: June 06, 2014, 11:17:21 AM »
From an email:





Walmart's Bakery: It took me a second, but make sure you read the story under the picture. Keep in mind this actually happened. This cake was for someone who was moving...This is how I imagine the conversation going:

Walmart employee: Hello, dis be Walmart. How can I help you?
Customer: I would like to order a cake for a going away party this weekend.
Walmart employee: "OK. What you want to say on da cake?
Customer: 'Best Wishes Suzanne'. And underneath that, 'We will miss you'


Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline Gator

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2013 on: June 11, 2014, 12:35:20 PM »
THE GOLD URINAL

Several days after President Obama was re-elected president, he went over to see Bill and Hillary Clinton for dinner at their spacious home.  After much drinking, he asked his host if he could use his personal bathroom  When he entered Bill Clinton's private toilet, he was astonished to see that Clinton had a golden urinal! Wow!
 
The next day, Obama told his wife, Michelle, about the urinal in Clinton's private lavatory. "Just think,' he said, 'maybe I should get a gold urinal too.  But on the other hand I think that it may be just a bit too self-indulgent...even for a guy like me."

Later in the week, when Michelle had lunch with Hillary, she told Hillary how impressed her husband had been at his discovering that Bill had a gold urinal in his private bathroom.

Later that day, when Bill got home, Hillary smiled and said to Bill: "I found out who pissed in your saxophone."
 
 
  (If you ain't laughin', you ain't alive.)

Offline Lily

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2014 on: June 12, 2014, 05:58:08 AM »
An instruction on how to pack things when going on a trip
 
Da, da, Canada; Nyet, nyet, Soviet!

Offline Lily

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2015 on: June 19, 2014, 02:50:19 PM »
Da, da, Canada; Nyet, nyet, Soviet!

Offline Lily

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2016 on: July 02, 2014, 06:14:35 PM »
Only in Florida  :D
 
Have you ever seen a gator screeming for help? Now you see it  ;D
 
Da, da, Canada; Nyet, nyet, Soviet!

Offline ghost of moon goddess

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2017 on: July 03, 2014, 12:30:43 PM »
If you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom.

Offline Gator

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2018 on: July 04, 2014, 08:37:26 AM »
Only in Florida  :D
 
Have you ever seen a gator screeming for help? Now you see it  ;D
 



I remember her.  Still gives me nightmares.

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2019 on: July 18, 2014, 08:54:40 PM »
How NOT to irritate a frog.

A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline SANDRO43

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2020 on: July 24, 2014, 07:25:03 PM »
I just came across Robin Williams's old show Weapons of Self Destruction:


From 1:15:45 to 1:22:36 it has a hilarious bit about the 'intelligent design of the human reproductive apparatus' ;D.
Milan's "Duomo"

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2021 on: July 26, 2014, 09:13:47 PM »
I dialed a number and got the following recording:
 
"I am not available right now​.​

I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the beep.

If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes."
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2022 on: July 28, 2014, 08:45:33 PM »
Don't watch with a full stomach, because you will belly laugh and it will hurt.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=93148143250
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2023 on: July 30, 2014, 06:17:56 AM »
According to Garrison Keillor:

“Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.”

"Lutherans are against fun in general, which is why for them, birth control has never been a big issue.”

“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”

“It is a sin to believe evil of others but it is seldom a mistake.”

“We come from people (Lutherans) who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this feeling will pass.”

“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.”

“Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.”

“It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.”

“I've seen the truth, and it makes no sense.”

“The most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.”

And the all time favorite:

“That's the news from Lake Woebegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.”
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline JohnDearGreen

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2024 on: August 04, 2014, 06:15:12 PM »
:D
Gee Nisse,
Onboard for 3 years, and this is all you have had to say?
Is it that boring here?


 

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