My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia

[Dolmetscher007]

I would appreciate some outside perspective and maybe even some tough-love style feedback (should it be needed). Basically, I sort of "stumbled" into the idea of meeting a lady online from a former Soviet country. I had never even thought about it, and to be honest, I did not even know it was a "real thing" until March of this year (2021). I signed up for RussianCupid.com, and gave it a go.

I think I always thought of people who meet Russian ladies online to get married as... the stereotype: Rich man... older than 55... probably divorced... sick of combative Western woman... wants a beautiful Russian trophy wife half his age. Now, I think I realize that... sure, sometimes, you will find guys who match the aforementioned stereotype to a "T," but I think there are many more guys out there looking for FSU ladies that bear no resemblance to this stereotype. And that is me. I earn a descent salary, but I'm not filthy rich. I'm 43 years old... and I've never really thought of American woman as terrible... or that I was sick of em all so-to-speak. I am divorced, but I'm still dear friends with my ex-wife, and I don't really have much trouble meeting women the old fashioned way... i.e. Dating apps for local girls. (Ha ha ha...  )

So anyway... once I got on RussianCupid.com I think I was looking for a lady from Ukraine. The person I met who turned me on to the idea of meeting an FSU gal is from Ukraine, so I think I had "someone like her," in mind. But... the girl I ended up meeting is from Russia. She lives in Moscow, but she grew up in a smaller town about 75 km away called Sergiyev Posad. She is 35, no kids, and... we've been communicating every single day since mid March. So... almost 4 months now.  Some of you may remember... in the very beginning, when I had first met her... I thought she might be a scammer or some kind of Prof. Dater. I did not have any hard evidence to back that up. I just... for the most part... I just kind of "felt it." Over a two week period, one after another, all of my assumptions and red-flags turned out to be totally bogus. It was all just my paranoia. To this day, she has never asked me for a single thing. No money... no gifts... nothing. We video chat, talk on the phone, and/or send each other messages (mostly WhatsApp messages) every day. She is 35, and grew up with the internet, so she is very... "internet savvy"... meaning... she sends me links to every cute cat video on YouTube, and ever goofy pet video on Instagram... all day... everyday. Ha ha ha... It is cute.

So... what's the problem? Well... with all the scammer/pro-dater vibes I was picking up initially... so yeah, it turns out she isn't trying to get me to scam me... but I am starting to wonder if maybe what I was picking up on was a certain level of... apathetic indifference that I was mistaking for scamming behavior. This is what I mean.

When I signed up for RussianCupid.com... 100% of the ladies I chatted with were all drop-dead ready to make something happen Captain. Every single one of them told me within the first few sentences that they are not interested in meeting some Pen Pal. They want to meet a husband, and most of them even talked about planning children before we'd even exchanged email addresses. It was all a little strange to me in the beginning, because in America, on a normal "first date," if a girl started talking about kids and marriage... it would seem almost like some hidden camera TV show to see if the man would run away. But... I understood why these ladies were asking these things. And I understood how dating a FSU woman is nothing like going on some 1st date with some American gal in my town that I met on Tinder.  What ended up throwing me a little was... the girl I liked the most... my little Russian gal I've been talking to for 4+ months... she basically never really alludes to things like... marriage... kids... or even meeting in-person at all.

To be fair... Russia has been completely closed due to COVID for over a year. And now... the fact that I am American and she is Russian... politically... makes things really complicated. They closed the US embassy in Moscow, so she could not apply for a visitor's Visa to the US, even if she wanted to. And when I go to the Russian embassy website for the US... it clearly says "Do Not Travel" for Russia. It then launches into a long detailed reason for why it is not recommended for US citizens to travel to Russia at this time. So... she and I both know and have discussed how it is extremely unlikely that we meet each other in either of our home cities/countries. But... she does already have a 3 year travel visa for all European countries. So... we could meet in... Italy, Greece... in any of those countries where she has a visa, and I, as an American, do not need one. And I've brought it up before, and she does respond with some level of positivity. Like... she will say, "I've heard that Greece is beautiful." if I mention Greece. Or she might say something like... "Yeah, and I already have a Visa for Greece." So... she doesn't seem overtly "against" meeting me in-person. But... in the 4 months I've known her... she has never brought it up once. She has never asked me anything about any of the ideas I've tossed out. I've even asked her to tell me more about what the process is like for her to ask off from work... like... how many days of vacation does she have each year... how many days vacation does she still have for this year... how many days/weeks in advance would she have to ask in advance. etc etc. But when I ask these kinds of concrete factual questions, she will say something like, "It's complicated." or... she will launch into a kind of a mini-rant about how under appreciated she is at work, and she feels like asking for anything at work is like a slave asking for a crumb of bread.

So basically... there is nothing acutely "wrong" with our relationship (for lack of a better term). And she will respond if I directly ask her something about meeting in-person etc. But... there is a lack of motivation on her part that I think any man would blatantly notice. i.e. I'm not just being paranoid (this time). I'm sure some of you are probably thinking... "Well dude... why are you asking us. You should be asking her!"  I have of course asked her. I don't come right up and say... "Hey... what's the deal? We communicate every day. And we are obviously parts of each other's lives now. So, why are you so unmotivated to meet me?" But when I do bring it up in a less accusatory light, she always does bring up very valid points. The political situation, the Visa situation, the COVID situation, it being complicated for her with work, and... (super long story but...) she just had to move into a new flat at the drop of a hat, because her landlord in Moscow sold the flat she was living in, and told her she had to be out within the week. So she is now living in some weird apartment with some lady who has 4 cats. She sends me videos of the cats. They are cute... but... her whole living situation is so up in the air... I haven't really wanted to press her for... "So... I know things are a little crazy right now... but what's up with us meeting!?!?" Ya know?

Anyway...  this thread seems a little long and unfocused. But I would nevertheless love to hear what any of you guys have to say from experience. All things considered, I would not think ANYTHING was wrong if this were an American girl, and we'd met online in the States. But since 100% of EVERY OTHER RUSSIAN GIRL I spoke with online seemed like they would hop a flight tomorrow... this girl's "coolness" toward me is... it feels slightly concerning. Only slightly. But... concerning nonetheless.

Thoughts?

P.S. Thanks for reading this long ass post.

[tfcrew]

  To this day, she has never asked me for a single thing. No money... no gifts... nothing. We video chat, talk on the phone, and/or send each other messages (mostly WhatsApp messages) every day.... so yeah, it turns out she isn't trying to get me to scam me...apathetic indifference that I was mistaking for scamming behavior.

I was wondering who had the colder feet but it seems like another cold war has ensued and now wonder if the state dept isn't responsible. My suggestion is to rendezvous in Warsaw [the closest Schengen visa city from Moscow] and see what happens. It is an expensive time of year for travel unfortunately.

[BC]

Dolmetcher,

at this point, probably best to remember you are pen pals, nothing more, nothing less. 

Any expectations beyond should wait until after you meet.  Keep them in check till then.

[Trenchcoat]

Dolmetcher, I would look into the possibility of meeting in a country like Belarus, in Minsk. Russians go there all the time  and it will be cheapest for her and most familiar, if she's paying. Remember also that many FSW don't earn a lot so it may be easier to pay for the ticket for her. If she doesn't earn a lot she might be embarrassed about bringing it up. I'm not up on the present situation of the virus in Belarus or if it is open to foreigners at the moment, normally they allow 30 days or something to most western countries.

I think it's fair to say that aside from coming up with a sure thing for a meet up as far as that goes like she says a lot of stuff is in the way at the moment, travel is still pretty difficult, most of Europe varies on opening up their country to travel as the variants are around and most European countries haven't yet vaccinated enough of their population to open up their country much to travel. So in a way you are kind of jumping the gun a bit. If she can't get to travel yet then there's no point about her getting motivated over it.

There is of course the off chance that she sees you more as a penpal to keep her company, possibly more of a friend than a potential lover. To be honest though you won't know until you meet. I think in any case you might as well enjoy what you have going at present. If you push it, it could wreck things, better to enjoy the company until you can get to meet up without virus & other issues. Even if you meet and end up as good friends it something.

[Dolmetscher007]

There is of course the off chance that she sees you more as a penpal to keep her company, possibly more of a friend than a potential lover. To be honest though you won't know until you meet. I think in any case you might as well enjoy what you have going at present. If you push it, it could wreck things, better to enjoy the company until you can get to meet up without virus & other issues. Even if you meet and end up as good friends it something.

Yeah... I've thought about the whole PenPal possibility. I do not think that is the case. But... I also do not think I would ever be able to "figure it out," without, like you said, being in-person. If we meet in person, and she behaves strangely when I go to kiss her... then there's my answer. Like I said, at this point, I think she does still think of me as a romantic partner. For example... just two days ago, she was asking me about American culture, and if it is normal for men and woman who are just "friends" to meet for drinks or do some activity together, just the two of them. I told her that the American culture is definitely shifting in a way that more and more young people play this mind game where they fool themselves into thinking their opposite-gender friends are "just friends," so it's okay to spend time together alone, even if one or both of them are in relationships with someone else. And then I basically put the same question right back at her. I said, "What about in Russia... or to be more specific, with you... if one of your male co-workers had an extra ticket to a concert because his date backed out. A.) Would it be normal if he asked you to go? B.) If he did ask you, would you go with him, even if you know it is just a friendship?
She did not skip a beat, and just said... No! I would not mean any man for spending time together just one-on-one. To me this would be a "Date," and it is not right to go on a date when you are in a relationship with someone else. Would YOU go out with a female coworker for drinks or whatever? I said, No. Definitely not. It sounds like I feel very much the same as you do about that whole thing. And she was very happy to hear that we were on the same page about that.

She also referred to me as her boyfriend in a recent conversation. I don't recall the context, but she did say something like... "Yes... but you are my boyfriend." So... yeah... I have been around long enough to know that you can NEVER trust completely what anyone says. I don't mean that in some kind of "women are all liars" kinda way. Or that SHE is a liar or can't be trusted. I just mean, I've had it happen many times that I've had a situation with a lady turn out differently than I had seen coming, and I realized later that... even when someone says things like... what I've just described her saying... it is so easy for things to not work out, and the same person who was just saying such lovely things can easily turn around and say things like... "Well... it's not like we ever said we were going to be exclusive."   Ha ha... Oh... man. Relationships are a real pain in the [CENSORED]!!!  ...regardless of nationality.

[tfcrew]

Yeah... I've thought about the whole PenPal possibility.

Do not under any circumstances mention the term 'pen pal' to her.

   If we meet in person, and she behaves strangely when I go to kiss her... 

A warm hug is appropriate in that situation. Trenchie mentioned Belarus. If so, you will need a visa. Plan in advance... they are usually good for 6 months.

[GQBlues]

...Ha ha... Oh... man. Relationships are a real pain in the [CENSORED]!!!

Likely for some, more than others. In your case, you only have an acquaintance at the present time. Not a *relationship*. After all, like you said...

All things considered, I would not think ANYTHING was wrong if this were an American girl, and we'd met online in the States.

Do you feel each and every American gal you met/meet online, without ever meeting them in person, is someone you've establish the type of *relationship you alluded to*?

Methinks maybe you either need to find something else to occupy your mind, a hobby, meet a live woman to date, or step forward and visit your penpal sooner than later before your *imagination* gets the better of you.

[rwd123]

I would appreciate some outside perspective and maybe even some tough-love style feedback

1. She's not your lady.
2. You are not in a relationship.
3. You sound childish if worried about travel to Russia.
4. A descent salary sounds like Trenchcoat's situation. Spelling is not a big issue with Russian women but may cause issues with auto-translate.
5. Big mistake communicating with a woman that long without visiting.
6. Not all women on dating sites are hot. You must be very thirsty or easy to please.
7. Divorce is no big issue but do you have children?
8. Don't commit to travel to a third country until you have actually met - and do not pay for her travel for a first meeting.
9. The term "boyfriend" may be miscommunicated as English is not her mother tongue. Any woman who genuinely considers you a boyfriend without meeting is psychologically questionable for a relationship.
10. Don't be surprised if a woman gets bored with you if she hasn't had your meat and potatoes in four months.
11. If she was booted out of her apartment at short notice she's got more important things in her life to deal with.
12. Subscribe to Modern Ukraine Dating on YouTube. It's not Russia but a lot of the advice may be of value to you.
13. If you'd like to be suave online and an absolute Chad in Russia then listen to Davo's advice.

You have fallen in with a pen friend which similar to the "friend zone". It's a dead zone. Your life isn't interesting enough for her if you spend so much time communicating with pen friends. Go and do something engaging away from a screen. When you're ready to travel then revisit.

[2tallbill]

Thoughts?

P.S. Thanks for reading this long ass post.

I skimmed it, I am nick naming her Sally

Get her on the skype/messenger and say

"Sally,

I am going to buy tickets for us to go to _____________ (name of place here)
on July 27th. I want you to show me which bikini's you will wear."

She will stop being coy/aloof.
Be direct and most FSUW will respond.

Udachi!

Bill 

[2tallbill]

1. She's not your lady.
2. You are not in a relationship.
3. You sound childish if worried about travel to Russia.
4. A descent salary sounds like Trenchcoat's situation. Spelling is not a big issue with Russian women but may cause issues with auto-translate.
5. Big mistake communicating with a woman that long without visiting.
6. Not all women on dating sites are hot. You must be very thirsty or easy to please.
7. Divorce is no big issue but do you have children?
8. Don't commit to travel to a third country until you have actually met - and do not pay for her travel for a first meeting.
9. The term "boyfriend" may be miscommunicated as English is not her mother tongue. Any woman who genuinely considers you a boyfriend without meeting is psychologically questionable for a relationship.
10. Don't be surprised if a woman gets bored with you if she hasn't had your meat and potatoes in four months.
11. If she was booted out of her apartment at short notice she's got more important things in her life to deal with.
12. Subscribe to Modern Ukraine Dating on YouTube. It's not Russia but a lot of the advice may be of value to you.
13. If you'd like to be suave online and an absolute Chad in Russia then listen to Davo's advice.

You have fallen in with a pen friend which similar to the "friend zone". It's a dead zone. Your life isn't interesting enough for her if you spend so much time communicating with pen friends. Go and do something engaging away from a screen. When you're ready to travel then revisit.

I agree 99%, with everything and 1000% with the bold comment 

[Patagonie]

"My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia"   
1/ you don't have any Russian lady for the moment 2/ why should she be motivated? Motivated by what? Motivated by whom? Motivated by a pen pal project? 3/When you are exploring the idea of a mid-country where you could meet HER and you get no real answer, you simply try to get some approval while she is telling you that the meeting is not her problem but yours. She is cleverly telling you she is not interested to solve your problems, but as a result, you are losing your credits, and when a woman considers that a man has not enough credits, she targets another man.
Meeting her is only YOUR problem. You are the man, so you solve the problem. If you cannot solve the problem let her go, tell her that you have found a local woman and she will understand. And by the way, choose a Ukrainian woman will be easier.
 
RWD123 +5

 
1/ She is not your lady
2. You are not in a relationship.
3. You sound childish if worried about travel to Russia.
4. A descent salary sounds like Trenchcoat's situation. Spelling is not a big issue with Russian women but may cause issues with auto-translate.
5. Big mistake communicating with a woman that long without visiting.
6. Not all women on dating sites are hot. You must be very thirsty or easy to please.
7. Divorce is no big issue but do you have children?
8. Don't commit to travel to a third country until you have actually met - and do not pay for her travel for a first meeting.
9. The term "boyfriend" may be miscommunicated as English is not her mother tongue. Any woman who genuinely considers you a boyfriend without meeting is psychologically questionable for a relationship.
10. Don't be surprised if a woman gets bored with you if she hasn't had your meat and potatoes in four months.
11. If she was booted out of her apartment at short notice she's got more important things in her life to deal with.
12. Subscribe to Modern Ukraine Dating on YouTube. It's not Russia but a lot of the advice may be of value to you.
13. If you'd like to be suave online and an absolute Chad in Russia then listen to Davo's advice.
 
You have fallen in with a pen friend which similar to the "friend zone". It's a dead zone. Your life isn't interesting enough for her if you spend so much time communicating with pen friends. Go and do something engaging away from a screen. When you're ready to travel then revisit.

[GQBlues]

OK. So now it makes sense. A month ago you'd make Charles Barkley (252 lbs.) look slim as you were 6'5", 355 pounds (195.5 cm; 161 kg). You weigh more than Shaq O'Neil at 324 lbs. and he's 7'1".


How's the diet program coming along?

[Dolmetscher007]

I've been on hundreds of Internet forums throughout all my days, and I don't think I'll ever get used to the... "Tell it like it is"... language some guys adopt whenever replying to a post.

She's not your lady.
You are not in a relationship.
You sound childish...
Big mistake...
Don't be surprised if [she] gets bored with you...
absolute Chad...
friend zone / dead zone

This thread has about a 10 : 1 ratio of needlessly harsh comments - to - actual good-faith feedback so far.

I know she is not my "lady" or my "girlfriend." Words and phrases like, "relationship... my lady... dating..." are simply words that prevent every single post I write from being pages long. I honestly think that every time someone posts a response to someone on an internet forum... especially one about something as nuanced and subjective as romantic relationships... there should be a short calibration session that is displayed before you can post. Something like...

Before you post anything... take a second to pause and remember...

• The person you are responding to is a fellow human being... a fellow traveler... if you will.
• They arrived at this forum, the same way you did, looking for comradery, community, and good-faith discussion about the topic of the forum.
• Resist cherry-picking individual words or phrases that you perceive as "red-flags" and focusing on those semantic specifics.
• Resist black and white thinking as every situation in life is loaded with nuance.
• Resist catastrophizing.
• Remember that someone posting on an internet forum is taking the risk to open themself up publicly. Try to tone your response down, rather than up.
  
• Finally... remember... he is posting because he doesn't know something. Despite your own "expertise" you probably do not really KNOW either.

I called her "my Russian lady" in the title of this thread, because I can't type out something like... "The woman from Russia whom I met on RussianCupid.com 4 months ago and have been communicating with daily since...does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia."

I told the story about her referring to me as her boyfriend because... that is what she did. As to whether that's a language thing or not... She's from Moscow Russia... not some 10 person village in Mongolia. Her English is better than some of my friends here in America. She knows what that word means. I do not feel like her boyfriend... nor do I consider her my girlfriend. But... neither of those things are actually key to the reason I posted this thread.

I sound "Childish" because I am worried about travel to Russia. I'm honestly not even going to... yeah... whatever.

Divorce... children... some women on dating sites are not hot... Don't commit to meeting in a 3rd country until... until... you've... met??? So... don't agree to meet her until you've already met her???

Subscribe to my YouTube channel.

Suave online... but a total Chad... I honestly don't even know why you took the time to respond. I don't think you actually read my post(s) carefully enough to even form an opinion. It sounds like you have a pretty standard idea of men who post on this website, and you just mentally copy/pasted all that onto me... in a public internet post.

Get her on the skype/messenger and say
"Sally,
I am going to buy tickets for us to go to _____________ (name of place here)
on July 27th. I want you to show me which bikini's you will wear."

She will stop being coy/aloof.
Be direct and most FSUW will respond.

This is killer advice! I think you are right. She has been aloof, and I think partly because I kind of have been too. Sure we talk about meeting here... or meeting there. But... I don't think she will ever just spontaneously "get it" that I am dead serious until I make it 110% clear that I'm not only serious... but here's the damn plan!

Thanks man. You phrased it really well too. I knew in my gut that I need to take some kind of action... but I could not put my finger on exactly what. Now I have a clear plan.

Dolmetcher, I would look into the possibility of meeting in a country like Belarus, in Minsk. Russians go there all the time  and it will be cheapest for her and most familiar, if she's paying. Remember also that many FSW don't earn a lot so it may be easier to pay for the ticket for her. If she doesn't earn a lot she might be embarrassed about bringing it up. I'm not up on the present situation of the virus in Belarus or if it is open to foreigners at the moment, normally they allow 30 days or something to most western countries.

I think it's fair to say that aside from coming up with a sure thing for a meet up as far as that goes like she says a lot of stuff is in the way at the moment, travel is still pretty difficult, most of Europe varies on opening up their country to travel as the variants are around and most European countries haven't yet vaccinated enough of their population to open up their country much to travel. So in a way you are kind of jumping the gun a bit. If she can't get to travel yet then there's no point about her getting motivated over it.

There is of course the off chance that she sees you more as a penpal to keep her company, possibly more of a friend than a potential lover. To be honest though you won't know until you meet. I think in any case you might as well enjoy what you have going at present. If you push it, it could wreck things, better to enjoy the company until you can get to meet up without virus & other issues. Even if you meet and end up as good friends it something.

Thanks Trench... this is solid feedback. I think what you said about the whole global travel is spot on. Things have been insane. And hell... let's be honest... with the on-going issues between Russia and the US... who knows how long that will continue. I don't think I have to "escalate things" by dropping some deadline like... "We are meeting by Aug 1st or else I'm done." But... I do think I need to shift my tone with her from, "So... have you thought any more about meeting up?" to being more like... "We talked about meeting in Greece, so I have been looking into it, and I found [THIS] hotel in [THIS] city, and they have the week of [THIS] date open. If you can get those days off from work, I can book this baby right now. What do you say?"

Even if it turns out that something is preventing her from doing it that week... at least I will be able to tell from her response if there is actually something "wrong" here... or if she has just been waiting for me to be a man and pull the trigger. If we have to meet 3-4 weeks later because of her work, I can just book the hotel for that week instead. I'd pretty much be choosing the date arbitrarily anyway. And the abso-fucking-lute worst thing that could happen is... Things don't work out, and I go on a vacation to Greece. Oh the horror. 

Thanks guys!

[Dolmetscher007]

OK. So now it makes sense. A month ago you'd make Charles Barkley (252 lbs.) look slim as you were 6'5", 355 pounds (195.5 cm; 161 kg). You weigh more than Shaq O'Neil at 324 lbs. and he's 7'1".


How's the diet program coming along?

Diet's clipping along nicely! Losing weight daily.

Thanks for asking but... I have to ask... Do you talk to your friends, or even strangers in real life... like this ^^^?
I know it's "just the internet" and all that jazz. But... one a site like this... with a subject matter like this.... I guess I just expected a higher caliber of discourse than... fat jokes involving retired basketball players.

[GQBlues]

Diet's clipping along nicely! Losing weight daily.

Thanks for asking but... I have to ask... Do you talk to your friends, or even strangers in real life... like this ^^^?
I know it's "just the internet" and all that jazz. But... one a site like this... with a subject matter like this.... I guess I just expected a higher caliber of discourse than... fat jokes involving retired basketball players.

So much for *some tough love feedback*, eh? Isn't that what you solicited above?

I would appreciate some outside perspective and maybe even some tough-love style feedback (should it be needed) <snipped>

It isn't a fat joke. And yes, with my friends, we always have candid conversation about real life situations. I certainly wouldn't try to tell a friend of mine anything less than reality if he/she ever asked for an honest opinion. Weight being one of them. Would you?

As for retired basketball players, I'm giving comparison for better perspective. Those personalities are in the mainstream media almost everyday. People easily understands their physical makeshifts. If you found this to be a sensitive subject, which you obviously do, you should've never brought it up yourself in the first place. Besides, every ounce of weight you amassed, is your own doing.

Now, does this have anything to do with your current situation with this gal? Who knows. What do you think or believe? After all, there's a very good reason why you maintained to manipulate your camera angle when you speak to her on camera yourself. Why were you doing that in the first place?

Would your current physical state have a huge part on why she seem not too enthused in meeting you right now? What do you think?

Anyway, I'm happy to know your diet program is helping you shed unwanted poundage. Keep it up.

[Patagonie]

"So... have you thought any more about meeting up?" to being more like... "We talked about meeting in Greece, so I have been looking into it, and I found [THIS] hotel in [THIS] city, and they have the week of [THIS] date open. If you can get those days off from work, I can book this baby right now. What do you say?" 
That's better. Definitively better.
But I still recommend meeting her in HER CITY. 
Your last post is likely "the forum is about love, RWD members please try to be sweetest, love is so sweet" and veterans here are just telling you: "try to be tougher, this is about Former Soviet Union women, that's different". Because inside, those women are tougher than you, and what they expect is a tougher man than they are.Do you understand the difference?
Helping you is not necessarily telling you what you would like to hear, sorry.

[Dolmetscher007]

So much for *some tough love feedback*, eh? Isn't that what you solicited above?

It isn't a fat joke. And yes, with my friends, we always have candid conversation about real life situations. I certainly wouldn't try to tell a friend of mine anything less than reality if he/she ever asked for an honest opinion. Weight being one of them. Would you?

As for retired basketball players, I'm giving comparison for better perspective. Those personalities are in the mainstream media almost everyday. People easily understands their physical makeshifts. If you found this to be a sensitive subject, which you obviously do, you should've never brought it up yourself in the first place. Besides, every ounce of weight you amassed, is your own doing.

Now, does this have anything to do with your current situation with this gal? Who knows. What do you think or believe? After all, there's a very good reason why you maintained to manipulate your camera angle when you speak to her on camera yourself. Why were you doing that in the first place?

Would your current physical state have a huge part on why she seem not too enthused in meeting you right now? What do you think?

Anyway, I'm happy to know your diet program is helping you shed unwanted poundage. Keep it up.[/font]

Nah man... I realize that everything tends to sound more "snippy" in print, and even worse when it's in print and on the internet. I wasn't trying to call you a total D for "hurting my wittle feewings"  . I get it. Everybody has different modes of communication. I know that when me and my boys get together we certainly rib each other and sometimes even give each other a downright hard damn time!  Especially once one of them brings something up that makes them feel "vulnerable."  Like, just the other day, a buddy of mine was talking about how beautiful the sunset was that evening, and I looked at him and said.. "Damn man... Stay Gold Pony Boy". (reference to S.E. Hinton's, The Outsiders) and he rightfully responded with... "Fuck you!" 

I've known that guy for 30 years. We played little league together. We have built up trust and rapport. See... I've never met you.
Again... I don't mean to sound to... snippy... or melodramatic... or offended. I'm not really even criticizing you... really. I just noticed from your post count that you are obviously dedicated to this forum and I 100% applaud you (and thank you) for it. I just wanted to maybe reflect back at you that... whenever you speak to a stranger... even on the internet... hell... ESPECIALLY on the internet... if you speak to strangers as if you already have trust and rapport... it does not help that person in the slightest. It literally has only one effect; it makes that person write you off as a total Delta Bravo... and either ignore you... or engage you in time-wasting blah. Selfishly, I don't consider this, what we are doing right now, to be wasting time. Again, because I can tell you really do seem to give a shit. And the best advice in the world means nothing without the "give a shit." So... I sure as hell know I need a little "tune-up" here and there about talking to people, at work... and in life. So... I wanted to just say... thanks for giving a shit enough to post a response. And... believe me... I do "get what you were saying." But from one internet stranger to another... "You weigh more than Shaq O'Neil at 324 lbs. and he's 7'1". doesn't win hearts and minds. It just renders your "give a shit" null.

[Dolmetscher007]

But I still recommend meeting her in HER CITY. 
Your last post is likely "the forum is about love, RWD members please try to be sweetest, love is so sweet" and veterans here are just telling you: "try to be tougher, this is about Former Soviet Union women, that's different". Because inside, those women are tougher than you, and what they expect is a tougher man than they are.Do you understand the difference?
Helping you is not necessarily telling you what you would like to hear, sorry.

I 100% hear you @Patagonie. And I agree. Quick Announcement... Right when she left work, she texted me (as she always does) and I told her I wanted to talk to her when she gets back to her flat. I called her... and... We are going to meet the last week of August. 

She looked at her work schedule and said the last week of August would be the earliest she could ask for time off of work. So... I told her I will send her the exact "when and where" and we can get this thing moving fwd. I do credit some of you guys here in this thread for refocusing some things for me. I started this thread with a sort of... "Do you guys think something is wrong with this lady?" vibe. And some of you calmly helped me adjust to seeing how... if there is a problem, it is likely with me, because plans won't just make themselves. And I certainly can't wait for a lady to pull it together for me. (And even if a lady did do that... in the end, no man would really want that... I think.)

So... thanks my dudes!

I will say one other thing I've noticed on this forum, and also just... online in general. The whole idea of... "Women from the Former Soviet Union are all..." or... "You cannot act [that way] with women from the FSU..." I have ZERO doubt that at one time, these sentiments were true... universally... across the board. And if you were going to A and B compare a flat out top-of-the-bell-curve average FSU woman with an average American lady... sure... I am willing to assume there is enough cultural difference in their background for there to be some nuanced difference. But... the lady I've been talking with is 35 years old... grew up in and around Moscow... and has two parents who were both aerospace engineers for the Soviet space program, and later in the private national defense sector. So she grew up with money, in and around a very metropolitan / cosmopolitan environment, and even her grandfather had acquired wealth prior to all of it. So... I noticed almost immediately that THIS gal did not seem to fit 90% of the stereotypes I was always reading about online about FSU women.

Don't get me wrong... she still does seem to be much more traditional about wanting to be "a lady" and expecting me to "be a man," than your average fist-in-the-air quasi-feministic American millennial girl. And that is SO attractive to me! 

So thanks to all who have given me some good-faith feedback and made sensible suggestions. And to those who were a little more... "See... See...!? Caught ya!!!" I thank you too. Giving enough of a damn to comment at all means a hell of a lot to me, and it says a lot about you and your character. My retorts about "tone and rhetoric" were not meant to be combative... I just made a pact with myself many years ago to NOT just... accept brash internet harshness with a whimpered sigh... but to at least try to hold up a mirror so the folks doing it can at least maybe see... Talking to strangers on the internet in a way you would probably not speak to someone in line at a grocery store... is ineffective.

[GQBlues]

Nah man... I realize that everything tends to sound more "snippy" in print, and even worse when it's in print and on the internet. I wasn't trying to call you a total D for "hurting my wittle feewings"  . I get it. Everybody has different modes of communication. I know that when me and my boys get together we certainly rib each other and sometimes even give each other a downright hard damn time!  Especially once one of them brings something up that makes them feel "vulnerable."  Like, just the other day, a buddy of mine was talking about how beautiful the sunset was that evening, and I looked at him and said.. "Damn man... Stay Gold Pony Boy". (reference to S.E. Hinton's, The Outsiders) and he rightfully responded with... "Fuck you!" 

I've known that guy for 30 years. We played little league together. We have built up trust and rapport. See... I've never met you.
Again... I don't mean to sound to... snippy... or melodramatic... or offended. I'm not really even criticizing you... really. I just noticed from your post count that you are obviously dedicated to this forum and I 100% applaud you (and thank you) for it. I just wanted to maybe reflect back at you that... whenever you speak to a stranger... even on the internet... hell... ESPECIALLY on the internet... if you speak to strangers as if you already have trust and rapport... it does not help that person in the slightest. It literally has only one effect; it makes that person write you off as a total Delta Bravo... and either ignore you... or engage you in time-wasting blah. Selfishly, I don't consider this, what we are doing right now, to be wasting time. Again, because I can tell you really do seem to give a shit. And the best advice in the world means nothing without the "give a shit." So... I sure as hell know I need a little "tune-up" here and there about talking to people, at work... and in life. So... I wanted to just say... thanks for giving a shit enough to post a response. And... believe me... I do "get what you were saying." But from one internet stranger to another... "You weigh more than Shaq O'Neil at 324 lbs. and he's 7'1". doesn't win hearts and minds. It just renders your "give a shit" null.

That's a whole lot of typing just to say 'you understood'. At least we arrive to one point fairly well...

~ Anyone you met/meet in the internet, until you meet them in person, is really nothing but a stranger! ~ I definitely and fully agree!

Maybe next time, first define what you mean by 'tough love feedback' before asking for evaluation! So folks can then decide if they want to give a shit or not. In addition, don't leave out pertinent facts, maybe even significant - who knows, that may or may not be the answer you're searching for.

[Patagonie]

I 100% hear you @Patagonie. And I agree. Quick Announcement... Right when she left work, she texted me (as she always does) and I told her I wanted to talk to her when she gets back to her flat. I called her... and... We are going to meet the last week of August. 

She looked at her work schedule and said the last week of August would be the earliest she could ask for time off of work. So... I told her I will send her the exact "when and where" and we can get this thing moving fwd. I do credit some of you guys here in this thread for refocusing some things for me. I started this thread with a sort of... "Do you guys think something is wrong with this lady?" vibe. And some of you calmly helped me adjust to seeing how... if there is a problem, it is likely with me, because plans won't just make themselves. And I certainly can't wait for a lady to pull it together for me. (And even if a lady did do that... in the end, no man would really want that... I think.)

So... thanks my dudes!

I will say one other thing I've noticed on this forum, and also just... online in general. The whole idea of... "Women from the Former Soviet Union are all..." or... "You cannot act [that way] with women from the FSU..." I have ZERO doubt that at one time, these sentiments were true... universally... across the board. And if you were going to A and B compare a flat out top-of-the-bell-curve average FSU woman with an average American lady... sure... I am willing to assume there is enough cultural difference in their background for there to be some nuanced difference. But... the lady I've been talking with is 35 years old... grew up in and around Moscow... and has two parents who were both aerospace engineers for the Soviet space program, and later in the private national defense sector. So she grew up with money, in and around a very metropolitan / cosmopolitan environment, and even her grandfather had acquired wealth prior to all of it. So... I noticed almost immediately that THIS gal did not seem to fit 90% of the stereotypes I was always reading about online about FSU women.

Don't get me wrong... she still does seem to be much more traditional about wanting to be "a lady" and expecting me to "be a man," than your average fist-in-the-air quasi-feministic American millennial girl. And that is SO attractive to me! 

So thanks to all who have given me some good-faith feedback and made sensible suggestions. And to those who were a little more... "See... See...!? Caught ya!!!" I thank you too. Giving enough of a damn to comment at all means a hell of a lot to me, and it says a lot about you and your character. My retorts about "tone and rhetoric" were not meant to be combative... I just made a pact with myself many years ago to NOT just... accept brash internet harshness with a whimpered sigh... but to at least try to hold up a mirror so the folks doing it can at least maybe see... Talking to strangers on the internet in a way you would probably not speak to someone in line at a grocery store... is ineffective.

Good.As soon as you have your ticket, send it to her.
And prepare some backups. Your dropping zone for a backup should be Moscow. It doesn't make any sense to chase in this city 90 kilometers from Moscow.
Move to Moscow if it doesn't work.

[Dolmetscher007]

Good.As soon as you have your ticket, send it to her.
And prepare some backups. Your dropping zone for a backup should be Moscow. It doesn't make any sense to chase in this city 90 kilometers from Moscow.
Move to Moscow if it doesn't work.

I actually do not understand what you mean by most of this post.
As soon as I get MY (airplane) ticket... I need to send it to... her? And prepare backups? Do you mean backup tickets... or backup destinations?
Chase?
What city is 90 minutes from Moscow?
Move to Moscow? I would not move to Moscow even if it came with a mansion and a solid gold Rolls Royce. :-)

Sorry... I don't understand what you mean.

[LAman]

5. Big mistake communicating with a woman that long without visiting.

I agree 99%, with everything and 1000% with the bold comment

Apparently married folk don't understand international dating during past 1.5 years. You can't just pick up and visit a foreign country very easily.

[BillyB]

I skimmed it, I am nick naming her Sally

Get her on the skype/messenger and say

"Sally,

I am going to buy tickets for us to go to _____________ (name of place here)
on July 27th. I want you to show me which bikini's you will wear."

Bill

Dolmetscher007, are you ready to show Sally the speedos you'll be wearing?[

[LAman]

Good.As soon as you have your ticket, send it to her.
And prepare some backups. Your dropping zone for a backup should be Moscow. It doesn't make any sense to chase in this city 90 kilometers from Moscow.
Move to Moscow if it doesn't work.

The OP has not mentioned where he is visiting yet. At moment no way to visit Moscow, so why buy ticket?
Instead of having 'backups' , why not just visit the city, there is much to see.
I hopefully will be in  Moscow end of August but.... after having 5 flights cancelled since last year, I am uncertain what will happen.

[LAman]

I would appreciate some outside perspective and maybe even some tough-love style feedback (should it be needed). Basically, I sort of "stumbled" into the idea of meeting a lady online from a former Soviet country. I had never even thought about it, and to be honest, I did not even know it was a "real thing" until March of this year (2021). I signed up for RussianCupid.com, and gave it a go.

I think I always thought of people who meet Russian ladies online to get married as... the stereotype: Rich man... older than 55... probably divorced... sick of combative Western woman... wants a beautiful Russian trophy wife half his age. Now, I think I realize that... sure, sometimes, you will find guys who match the aforementioned stereotype to a "T," but I think there are many more guys out there looking for FSU ladies that bear no resemblance to this stereotype. And that is me. I earn a descent salary, but I'm not filthy rich. I'm 43 years old... and I've never really thought of American woman as terrible... or that I was sick of em all so-to-speak. I am divorced, but I'm still dear friends with my ex-wife, and I don't really have much trouble meeting women the old fashioned way... i.e. Dating apps for local girls. (Ha ha ha...  )

So anyway... once I got on RussianCupid.com I think I was looking for a lady from Ukraine. The person I met who turned me on to the idea of meeting an FSU gal is from Ukraine, so I think I had "someone like her," in mind. But... the girl I ended up meeting is from Russia. She lives in Moscow, but she grew up in a smaller town about 75 km away called Sergiyev Posad. She is 35, no kids, and... we've been communicating every single day since mid March. So... almost 4 months now.  Some of you may remember... in the very beginning, when I had first met her... I thought she might be a scammer or some kind of Prof. Dater. I did not have any hard evidence to back that up. I just... for the most part... I just kind of "felt it." Over a two week period, one after another, all of my assumptions and red-flags turned out to be totally bogus. It was all just my paranoia. To this day, she has never asked me for a single thing. No money... no gifts... nothing. We video chat, talk on the phone, and/or send each other messages (mostly WhatsApp messages) every day. She is 35, and grew up with the internet, so she is very... "internet savvy"... meaning... she sends me links to every cute cat video on YouTube, and ever goofy pet video on Instagram... all day... everyday. Ha ha ha... It is cute.

So... what's the problem? Well... with all the scammer/pro-dater vibes I was picking up initially... so yeah, it turns out she isn't trying to get me to scam me... but I am starting to wonder if maybe what I was picking up on was a certain level of... apathetic indifference that I was mistaking for scamming behavior. This is what I mean.

When I signed up for RussianCupid.com... 100% of the ladies I chatted with were all drop-dead ready to make something happen Captain. Every single one of them told me within the first few sentences that they are not interested in meeting some Pen Pal. They want to meet a husband, and most of them even talked about planning children before we'd even exchanged email addresses. It was all a little strange to me in the beginning, because in America, on a normal "first date," if a girl started talking about kids and marriage... it would seem almost like some hidden camera TV show to see if the man would run away. But... I understood why these ladies were asking these things. And I understood how dating a FSU woman is nothing like going on some 1st date with some American gal in my town that I met on Tinder.  What ended up throwing me a little was... the girl I liked the most... my little Russian gal I've been talking to for 4+ months... she basically never really alludes to things like... marriage... kids... or even meeting in-person at all.

To be fair... Russia has been completely closed due to COVID for over a year. And now... the fact that I am American and she is Russian... politically... makes things really complicated. They closed the US embassy in Moscow, so she could not apply for a visitor's Visa to the US, even if she wanted to. And when I go to the Russian embassy website for the US... it clearly says "Do Not Travel" for Russia. It then launches into a long detailed reason for why it is not recommended for US citizens to travel to Russia at this time. So... she and I both know and have discussed how it is extremely unlikely that we meet each other in either of our home cities/countries. But... she does already have a 3 year travel visa for all European countries. So... we could meet in... Italy, Greece... in any of those countries where she has a visa, and I, as an American, do not need one. And I've brought it up before, and she does respond with some level of positivity. Like... she will say, "I've heard that Greece is beautiful." if I mention Greece. Or she might say something like... "Yeah, and I already have a Visa for Greece." So... she doesn't seem overtly "against" meeting me in-person. But... in the 4 months I've known her... she has never brought it up once. She has never asked me anything about any of the ideas I've tossed out. I've even asked her to tell me more about what the process is like for her to ask off from work... like... how many days of vacation does she have each year... how many days vacation does she still have for this year... how many days/weeks in advance would she have to ask in advance. etc etc. But when I ask these kinds of concrete factual questions, she will say something like, "It's complicated." or... she will launch into a kind of a mini-rant about how under appreciated she is at work, and she feels like asking for anything at work is like a slave asking for a crumb of bread.

So basically... there is nothing acutely "wrong" with our relationship (for lack of a better term). And she will respond if I directly ask her something about meeting in-person etc. But... there is a lack of motivation on her part that I think any man would blatantly notice. i.e. I'm not just being paranoid (this time). I'm sure some of you are probably thinking... "Well dude... why are you asking us. You should be asking her!"  I have of course asked her. I don't come right up and say... "Hey... what's the deal? We communicate every day. And we are obviously parts of each other's lives now. So, why are you so unmotivated to meet me?" But when I do bring it up in a less accusatory light, she always does bring up very valid points. The political situation, the Visa situation, the COVID situation, it being complicated for her with work, and... (super long story but...) she just had to move into a new flat at the drop of a hat, because her landlord in Moscow sold the flat she was living in, and told her she had to be out within the week. So she is now living in some weird apartment with some lady who has 4 cats. She sends me videos of the cats. They are cute... but... her whole living situation is so up in the air... I haven't really wanted to press her for... "So... I know things are a little crazy right now... but what's up with us meeting!?!?" Ya know?

Anyway...  this thread seems a little long and unfocused. But I would nevertheless love to hear what any of you guys have to say from experience. All things considered, I would not think ANYTHING was wrong if this were an American girl, and we'd met online in the States. But since 100% of EVERY OTHER RUSSIAN GIRL I spoke with online seemed like they would hop a flight tomorrow... this girl's "coolness" toward me is... it feels slightly concerning. Only slightly. But... concerning nonetheless.

Thoughts?

P.S. Thanks for reading this long ass post.

To the OP, you are overthinking the situation. Just enjoy your communication, develop a relationship without worrying about what it 'means'. If you are unhappy about something, confront it or let it go and move on.

[GQBlues]

The OP has not mentioned where he is visiting yet. At moment no way to visit Moscow, so why buy ticket?
Instead of having 'backups' , why not just visit the city, there is much to see.
I hopefully will be in  Moscow end of August but.... after having 5 flights cancelled since last year, I am uncertain what will happen.

I wasn't going to say anything and just let things play itself out, but...


At the present time, and unless things change by then...according to Uncle Sam:

~ The Government of the Russian Federation banned the entry of foreign nationals, including American citizens, with a few exceptions.

~ U.S. citizens who hold a tourist visa and have family members in Russia (spouse, children, parents, etc.) are generally NOT allowed to enter under the current rules regarding Covid-19. They should reach out to the Embassy of the Russian Federation in Washington, DC, for their request to be considered.

http://ru.usembassy.gov/covid-19-information/

[Dolmetscher007]

That's a whole lot of typing just to say 'you understood'. At least we arrive to one point fairly well...

~ Anyone you met/meet in the internet, until you meet them in person, is really nothing but a stranger! ~ I definitely and fully agree!

Maybe next time, first define what you mean by 'tough love feedback' before asking for evaluation! So folks can then decide if they want to give a shit or not. In addition, don't leave out pertinent facts, maybe even significant - who knows, that may or may not be the answer you're searching for.

You are definitely focusing on the phrase "tough love". So...  It's a play on words using to diametrically opposed sentiments describing the caring promotion of someone's welfare by strictly enforcing certain constraints on them. 

An example of this for the thread I posted would be something like this...

Example of effective Tough Love Post:
"Hey man, as I was reading your post, I couldn't help but notice that you might possibly be putting this Russian girl you've met up on a proverbial 'pedestal.'  I've been on this forum for a while now, and it's quite common to see new guys come in here to post, about some girl they've never met in-person as if there were already in a committed romantic relationship. It happens a lot. It's easy to fall into that mindset. I don't know you or this Russian girl, and the only thing I know about your situation is what you've written in your post(s). So... take it for what it's worth... but from where I'm sitting it sounds like you might want to take a minute to reset your own expectations about where things are... and if you want to progress things with this Russian girl... the only way that is going to happen is if you are crystal clear with her with your intentions. I suggest you formulate a plan (whatever that may be) and present it to her as a statement rather than any kind of loosely phrased question. If she gets excited about coming along for the ride... good deal! I'll be the first to hi-five you! And...  If she gets weird about it or doesn't seem interested... there's plenty of tuna in the tank. Good luck!."


And here are some things which are tough... sure... but bear little resemblance to something helpful to anyone.

Example of, "I'd rather be RIGHT than effective" phrases:
That's a whole lot of typing just to say...
Maybe next time you should...
So much for...

Example of just plain poor public behavior:
A month ago you'd make Charles Barkley look slim.
You weigh more than Shaq O'Neil and he's 7'1".
...step forward and visit your penpal...

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Anyway... I genuinely do believe it's worth it to try to show someone who has the motivation to respond to people on internet forums, how their tone and rhetoric renders their posts ineffective. But... I am an Instructional Designer, so this is literally what I do for a living all day er'day... think about how to take complex and nuanced facts and viewpoints and present them in the most effective way possible. So... I probably just end up coming off as a nerdy dildo on some internet forum. But I can live with that.

[Dolmetscher007]

Dolmetscher007, are you ready to show Sally the speedos you'll be wearing?[

 
Yeah man! I got one of those Borat Onsie type deals. Hugs the family jewels!!!

[Dolmetscher007]

To the OP, you are overthinking the situation. Just enjoy your communication, develop a relationship without worrying about what it 'means'. If you are unhappy about something, confront it or let it go and move on.

Me over-think something?!? Nooooooooo... 

Yeah man... I have a definite tilt toward neuroticism. I keep it in check most of the time. But to be honest... one of the ways I keep my over-thinking weirdness under control... is by posting it all out on forums like this one. Ha ha... I mean it. If you all think I'm a rambling mess... who cares? So... I blah blah blah away on some forum like this... flipping the whole situation(s) around in my head a million times... and then... when I'm all set and calm... I call "Time in" and get back out there.

It's not an elegant solution, but you know what they say... Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing.   

[GQBlues]

You are definitely focusing on the phrase "tough love". So...  It's a play on words using to diametrically opposed sentiments describing the caring promotion of someone's welfare by strictly enforcing certain constraints on them. 

An example of this for the thread I posted would be something like this...

Example of effective Tough Love Post:
"Hey man, as I was reading your post, I couldn't help but notice that you might possibly be putting this Russian girl you've met up on a proverbial 'pedestal.'  I've been on this forum for a while now, and it's quite common to see new guys come in here to post, about some girl they've never met in-person as if there were already in a committed romantic relationship. It happens a lot. It's easy to fall into that mindset. I don't know you or this Russian girl, and the only thing I know about your situation is what you've written in your post(s). So... take it for what it's worth... but from where I'm sitting it sounds like you might want to take a minute to reset your own expectations about where things are... and if you want to progress things with this Russian girl... the only way that is going to happen is if you are crystal clear with her with your intentions. I suggest you formulate a plan (whatever that may be) and present it to her as a statement rather than any kind of loosely phrased question. If she gets excited about coming along for the ride... good deal! I'll be the first to hi-five you! And...  If she gets weird about it or doesn't seem interested... there's plenty of tuna in the tank. Good luck!."


And here are some things which are tough... sure... but bear little resemblance to something helpful to anyone.

Example of, "I'd rather be RIGHT than effective" phrases:
That's a whole lot of typing just to say...
Maybe next time you should...
So much for...

Example of just plain poor public behavior:
A month ago you'd make Charles Barkley look slim.
You weigh more than Shaq O'Neil and he's 7'1".
...step forward and visit your penpal...

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Anyway... I genuinely do believe it's worth it to try to show someone who has the motivation to respond to people on internet forums, how their tone and rhetoric renders their posts ineffective. But... I am an Instructional Designer, so this is literally what I do for a living all day er'day... think about how to take complex and nuanced facts and viewpoints and present them in the most effective way possible. So... I probably just end up coming off as a nerdy dildo on some internet forum. But I can live with that.

Focus on 'tough love'? Me, hhmmm..No I didn't. You made the statement, I simply followed suit.


Like I said, next time - define 'it' before stating 'it' so folks can better ascertain if they would like to give a shit. Especially if it's a sensitive subject to get into for you.


Simple 'nuff?

[LAman]

 " ...I was picking up on was a certain level of... apathetic indifference..."


" politically... makes things complicated..."


" ...there is a lack of motivation on her part.."


That is NOT overthinking?

[2tallbill]

5. Big mistake communicating with a woman that long without visiting.


Apparently married folk don't understand international dating during past 1.5 years. You can't just pick up and visit a foreign country very easily.

LAdewd,

Fortune favors the bold.

It is still a fact that 85% of the men will not get on a plane and the women know that.
I have always been able to differentiate myself from those men with my travel experience.
I would get on a plane and meet the girl. In the USA you can get the vaccine, travel is
difficult but not impossible. FSUW want a man of action, be a man of action.

If he can't get a Visa to Russia there are other places both can travel to. I generally
recommend traveling to see the woman wherever she lives for the first trip but covid
is a solid reason to alter that recommendation.

The lady needs to know that he is going to get on a plane and her bikini will be worn
in the sun outside but it will be drying on the chandelier when inside.

[2tallbill]

You are definitely focusing on the phrase "tough love".

When you ask questions you are going to get a lot of advice. Some of it will be
very good and taste like ice cream. Some will be good and taste like vinegar.
Some of the advice will be more dubious.

It's your job to sort though the advice and decide what is good and matches your
goals, personality and situation. Free advice is worth exactly what you are paying
for it, so take the good and don't worry about the rest.

[Patagonie]

I actually do not understand what you mean by most of this post.
As soon as I get MY (airplane) ticket... I need to send it to... her? And prepare backups? Do you mean backup tickets... or backup destinations?
Chase?
What city are 90 minutes from Moscow?
Move to Moscow? I would not move to Moscow even if it came with a mansion and a solid gold Rolls Royce. :-)

Sorry... I don't understand what you mean.

I have checked the US and French embassies; Russia is still a red zone. You will have to meet in a third country for the moment, not recommended but no choice.
What I call a backup is to set up the possibility of another appointment (s) with some FSU ladies in the resort of the city you aim for your VO (visit one). One of the problems of meeting for the first time in a third country (generally a travel destination) is you cannot set up a backup. I recommend having a real relationship before aiming to a third country.
Or you have enough game to be sure that will happen (but for this, YOU SHOULD meet her before, a real meeting in her city).
Sending your tickets as soon you have bought it is important to motivate her in the penpal link to stay focused on you emotionally.
If you had gone to her city, the logical city backup was Moscow, where you can meet tons of women. With the coronavirus crisis, you could have expected a super bonus because less than 10% of the usual foreigners are traveling.
Therefore, IMHO, that's particularly stupid to jeopardize this super bonus but visiting one.
It could work, but we have seen tons of meetings after two days, all blown away, and the former "couple" looks like strangers in the resort—good luck dealing with this situation.

[Trenchcoat]

The OP has not mentioned where he is visiting yet. At moment no way to visit Moscow, so why buy ticket?
Instead of having 'backups' , why not just visit the city, there is much to see.
I hopefully will be in  Moscow end of August but.... after having 5 flights cancelled since last year, I am uncertain what will happen.

I've suggested Minsk, Belarus if it is possible to visit there for both sides at present. As neither will need a visa to visit Belarus (I'm assuming the US is visa free like the UK) then it could be easy for both. If it doesn't work out and they don't wish to spend time in the city even as friends then he will then be in a place where back ups are possible and even lined up beforehand.

While visiting the home city of the girl is best in this case circumstances mean it too awkward to put that in as the be all and end all. She doesn't seem to come across as having any issue or being a problem girl so odds are Dol could meet up in her home city at a later date and not come unstuck at that hurdle. I can see why she was putting it off as if she takes time off on holiday then Dol can't possibly make it in because of visa or virus issues then it's potentially holiday time off she's wasted so only any real point booking the holiday off if there's a decent chance of meeting somewhere. Not all Employers are easy going on the taking holidays front.

[tfcrew]

  (I'm assuming the US is visa free like the UK) 

It is. I was wrong earlier. Sorry everybody.

30 Day Visa Free Travel
U.S. passport holders traveling to Belarus via Minsk International Airport may enter visa-free for up to 30 days (the 30-day limit includes the day of arrival and the day of departure) for tourism or business.
Visa-Free Travel Requirements
U.S. citizens wishing to enter Belarus for 30 days without a visa must:
 

• Hold a valid passport;
• Enter and exit Belarus via Minsk International Airport;
• Arrive from and depart to any country other than the Russian Federation;
• Show evidence of finances in the form of cash, credit cards or travelers checks equivalent to 25 Euros for each day of stay;
• Show evidence of a medical insurance policy with at least 10,000 Euros of coverage valid throughout Belarus. Such a policy may be purchased at the airport upon arrival; please see the Embassy of Belarus website for information about current fees; and
• Register with the local office of the Citizenship and Migration Department of the Ministry of the Interior for stays longer than five working days (see below).

[ML]

This topic heading caught my eye . . . and I haven't bothered to go back and read all the postings, although I did originally.

Addressing the heading specifically, a thought popped into my head . . .

Many agree that it is best to avoid women who show an extreme interest in leaving their country;

But I am thinking it is also not a good idea to pursue a woman who is quite hesitant to leave her country.  Such a person (man or woman) may be always pining to return to their home country and continually finding fault with the man's country.

So the 'middle ground' is probably best.

[fathertime]

Addressing the heading specifically, a thought popped into my head . . .

Many agree that it is best to avoid women who show an extreme interest in leaving their country;

But I am thinking it is also not a good idea to pursue a woman who is quite hesitant to leave her country.  Such a person (man or woman) may be always pining to return to their home country and continually finding fault with the man's country.

So the 'middle ground' is probably best.

I'd be willing to move to wife's home country so for me it isn't as big a factor. 

Fathertime!

[BC]

I'd be willing to move to wife's home country so for me it isn't as big a factor. 

Fathertime!

Ought to be a question any WM or WW asks themselves, and be able to answer in the affirmative when pulling the trigger in one of these long distance relationships.

[2tallbill]

Ought to be a question any WM or WW asks themselves, and be able to answer in the affirmative when pulling the trigger in one of these long distance relationships.

Did I understand you correctly? You must be willing to move to a woman's country
if you are prepared to pursue her? Please further explain your thoughts on this.

[BC]

You understood correctly 2tall.

If you pursue a woman, fall in love, get engaged (pull the trigger) and for whatever reason she doesn't want to come to your country, or can't, or decides she wants to go back, what are you going to do, choose your country over her, your job, your car or whatever?   Is that all you are willing to offer, a limited, one-sided, conditional commitment?

It was something I had to consider at the time when I proposed.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander... or?

[2tallbill]

You understood correctly 2tall.

If you pursue a woman, fall in love, get engaged (pull the trigger) and for whatever reason she doesn't want to come to your country, or can't, or decides she wants to go back, what are you going to do, choose your country over her, your job, your car or whatever?   Is that all you are willing to offer, a limited, one-sided, conditional commitment?

It was something I had to consider at the time when I proposed.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander... or?

If you don't have any kids from a previous marriage then it's less of an issue.
If you have kids then you make sure that you have an understanding that
you aren't going to abandon them before you head down the fall in love and
get engaged path.