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Author Topic: Hello from Phoenix  (Read 6010 times)

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Offline gaspar227

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Hello from Phoenix
« on: November 27, 2017, 08:08:45 PM »
So I'm new here obviously, 44, tired of the grind.  I'm reasonably in shape, decent job all that stuff.  I've looked around several forums, this one looks very active, so that's awesome. 

Where?  -- I agree Ukraine women seem like the most beautiful...
Wondering about what's changed/changing right now with Ukraine and all the issues there etc. Is another country a better bet?  These countries are not small?  I've seen posts that St. Pete's is the best, maybe Kiev?  Odessa seems like it has a lot of pretty girls...better to focus on a city than a country?

Who?
As for what I'm looking for:  I'm most interested in someone in their 30s, but a little younger wouldn't be terrible.  I'm not a 10 hunter either, 7 8 9 10 -- I'm mostly interested in a good person who has some loyalty. 

Why?
I'm fairly successful dating in the USA, I am divorced, but my relationships usually last a good while, and they are with decent girls, certainly beautiful ones.  I was married to slightly older woman for 11 years, 2 kids (almost grown) was with 16 years younger for 8 years.  It's not like I can't date, but it seems like the women I meet get crazier and crazier every year.  This seems like a lot of work, and a huge risk, but I'm up for the challenge if there's a good shot at happiness and get off this dating app nonsense.

How?
Also wondering what the best way to go about meeting these women are.  I've seen so many posts, websites, agencies and am a little overwhelmed.  It seems like there are a TON of scammers out there, i read the posts on how to weed them out, so it looks to me to boil down to elbow grease? I am clearly not through reading, so maybe some links to some recent posts -- a lot of what i see is really old in the intro stuff.  I realize that there are no hard/fast rules to this, but I'm on ukrainedate, and it's OK. Elenasmodels looks good too.  I've tried badoo...that's really hard with the language thing, and there's no way I'm going to tinder long distance.  What's the trick?

When?
I love to snowboard, is that a viable trip/excuse/activity to share with these women?  Is summer best?

Being from phoenix, loveme.com a foreign affair,  is local, I'm sure i should do their seminar, if only to see what they say.  Is this kind of tour a good idea?  I see such mixed results, and I certainly wouldn't pay per email with them.  I'm thinking that a tour would be fun and an experience, coupled with meeting some girls on a site? Certainly their socials seem fun, even if it's a ton of cash, i can afford it if there's value.

Basically...help and thanks for being here!

Kyle

 

Offline wallm

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2017, 08:24:32 PM »
[quote author=gaspar227 link=topic=22300.msg471989#msg471989 date=1511838525
Being from phoenix, loveme.com a foreign affair,  is local, I'm sure i should do their seminar, if only to see what they say.  Is this kind of tour a good idea? 
[/quote]

Welcome.

Terrible idea.

My suggestion is to read the FAQ. Lots of useful info.

Do not use matchmakers unless they have a strong track record.

I found dmnotify to be the best site to search.

I personally didn't find Ukrainian women to be any better than locals. YMMV.

One suggestion. Find one that can speak some English. Communication will be easier.

Good luck.
« Last Edit: November 30, 2017, 11:53:37 AM by AnonMod »

Offline ML

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2017, 09:36:16 PM »

I personally didn't find Ukrainian women to be any better than locals. YMMV.

This is the truth.

However, it comes with some explanation which may be hard to understand the first time reading it.

For every FSU woman with X qualities, there is an equivalent USA woman.

This is the truth that Wallm spoke.

But, you can attract and succeed with the FSU woman possessing X qualities whereas you won't reach first base (not talking about just sex) with the USA woman possessing those same X qualities.

If you are really serious about it, read the below:

Pursuing FSUW 101. The procedures and the dating websites.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14615.0

And, if you want to speed up the process, read here:

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=22074.msg470121#new
« Last Edit: November 27, 2017, 09:38:46 PM by ML »
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline Anotherkiwi

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #3 on: November 28, 2017, 06:29:20 PM »
So I'm new here obviously, 44, tired of the grind.  I'm reasonably in shape, decent job all that stuff.  I've looked around several forums, this one looks very active, so that's awesome. 

Just watch out for the knives flying into people's backs!

Where?  -- I agree Ukraine women seem like the most beautiful...
Wondering about what's changed/changing right now with Ukraine and all the issues there etc. Is another country a better bet?  These countries are not small?  I've seen posts that St. Pete's is the best, maybe Kiev?  Odessa seems like it has a lot of pretty girls...better to focus on a city than a country?

Every country has beautiful women - it's just that the FSU, especially Ukraine, has made an industry out of advertising those women as being available for marriage to foreigners (the old "Mail Order Bride" scenario).  You just don't see them in your own city because you're not looking in the same way.  You're right that focussing on a city, rather than a country, may be easier, but there are many choices other than Odessa.

Being from phoenix, loveme.com a foreign affair,  is local, I'm sure i should do their seminar, if only to see what they say.  Is this kind of tour a good idea?  I see such mixed results, and I certainly wouldn't pay per email with them.  I'm thinking that a tour would be fun and an experience, coupled with meeting some girls on a site? Certainly their socials seem fun, even if it's a ton of cash, i can afford it if there's value.

Basically...help and thanks for being here!

Kyle

If you're at all serious about finding someone in the FSU for a long-term relationship, DON'T take an AFA/Anastasiadate tour - even if you CAN afford it!  That seems to be the received wisdom from thousands of posts over the years.

Apart from all that,  :welcome:.  We hope you enjoy your time with us.

Offline BillyB

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2017, 12:52:33 AM »

Being from phoenix, loveme.com a foreign affair,  is local, I'm sure i should do their seminar, if only to see what they say.  Is this kind of tour a good idea?  I see such mixed results, and I certainly wouldn't pay per email with them.  I'm thinking that a tour would be fun and an experience, coupled with meeting some girls on a site? Certainly their socials seem fun, even if it's a ton of cash, i can afford it if there's value.


Welcome to the forum Kyle. AFA(A Foreign Affair) has questionable business practices. Their address was also the address for the custodial of records for a number of porn sites. Most people here don't recommend tours.


I didn't vote in your poll. If you're smart, not too ugly, and get along with women, that will help you more than any agency/dating site.
Fund the audits, spread the word and educate people, write your politicians and other elected officials. Stay active in the fight to save our country. Over 220 generals and admirals say we are in a fight for our survival like no other time since 1776.

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #5 on: November 30, 2017, 12:21:45 PM »
Ok, well for interest here's a newspaper article link about one of the guys & his girl that was on the documentary 'Love Me' and was successful on the AFA tour detailing what happened after the filming.

Link: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jan/11/mail-order-marriage-brides-ukraine-america-romance

Now I'm not saying you should go OP as a result of this info its just out of interest since you asked about AFA tours and I think the article raises some good points.
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Offline wallm

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #6 on: November 30, 2017, 12:35:09 PM »
OP, don't focus on looks alone in this search. Character matters more than our little heads would like to admit.

Offline AnonMod

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #7 on: November 30, 2017, 12:38:41 PM »
This topic has been cleaned of the Trench discussion.

Unfortunately, when I split and moved the topic there was a glitch and the split topic was lost.

I have two welcome comments captured on a second screen and will transfer them here (sans the Trench discussion) through quote.

Again, my apologies for the screw up. I'm not sure why it occurred but will try to track down the problem so it doesn't happen again.

Update:

Alright, I've located those posts and they can be found starting here...

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=22008.msg472046#msg472046
« Last Edit: November 30, 2017, 03:16:34 PM by Brasscasing »
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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #8 on: November 30, 2017, 12:46:48 PM »
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Offline gaspar227

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #9 on: December 01, 2017, 10:50:15 PM »
Hi Mod.

Sorry I took a while to respond.  I found the trenchcoat stuff you linked by accident. I want to see what happened to him after his trip and found a bunch of stuff about me! 

Thanks for the welcome.  I been like obsessing over the websites, and it's been a lot of fun.  Although I got next to zero work done this week.  As with most things I obsess over, it will calm to a dull roar, but it's fun to have something to focus on other than the crazy ... and I mean crazy chicks I keep meeting here.  If you think it's bad to be a woman in Ukraine and single over 35, these chicks I meet are frigging batshit nuts man.  I need an option and I think, at least until proven otherwise, i might have found it.  Thanks for having a place like this as a resource. 

Is there a donate to button or anything?

Offline BillyB

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2017, 12:31:43 AM »
Is there a donate to button or anything?


The advice here is free but I accept MasterCard and Visa if you're really wanting give thanks.
Fund the audits, spread the word and educate people, write your politicians and other elected officials. Stay active in the fight to save our country. Over 220 generals and admirals say we are in a fight for our survival like no other time since 1776.

Offline gaspar227

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #11 on: December 04, 2017, 09:05:07 PM »
Hi guys, i'm sure there's a thread on this, but if there was some advice.  How important is it that the woman has friends/support when she arrives.  What I'm asking is what resources can there be for them?  I found things like this:

http://www.yelp.com/search?find_desc=Russian+Restaurant&find_loc=Scottsdale%2C+AZ

http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/best-of/2009/food-and-drink/best-russian-market-6468604

http://www.internations.org/phoenix-expats

I realize I can just do footwork, but I also wondered if there was a post about how to help them acclimatize (well, nobody easily acclimatizes to the weather here LOL)  but in general does this sort of thing help?  Or is it just they want to GTFO of Russia/Ukraine and don't GAF about 'feeling at home'

To me, that's the part about this that is the hardest.  I mean, i bring a 30 year old woman over, doesn't speak the language well, knows nothing about the city/USA, can't drive yet, and I need to go to work  8-10 hours a day.  I mean that would drive anyone batty, being locked in a house and at least I can watch TV all day in a pinch.  How do you make sure that this part works out well aside from taking massive amounts of time off? 

It just seems like this part would be the biggest strain on the relationship.  I mean in any other relationship I've had with younger/unemployed people, this is what tanks it. 

I realize she can get a license, Uber, job etc. But not for a while, it's going to be a challenge I would think.  Or am I just overthinking?

Offline msmob

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #12 on: December 04, 2017, 09:29:32 PM »
You are jumping ahead a bit - first choose a wise woman, wisely ! ;)

Seriously, it is a good Q

There are those that suggest 'total immersion' in the new culture - no  TV in their native language and not introducing your partner to ex-pats from the FSU - as they will be a 'bad influence' and 'hold back' adaptation..

As someone who as lived abroad - that is SUCH nonsense - it is great to switch off and listen to English or watch a movie / serial in English and speak in English with others.  It does not mean I did't want to learn the lingo where I lived . 

It depends on both of how how to get through this period.

For sure, it is harder  - if your partner doesn't speak good English - or not good enough - to interact at work.  IF they want to work - they often end up doing work that was inferior to their capabilities back home, but smart one's shine through and will rise.

My Russian wife did volunteer work - in a charity shop - in conjunction with English studies, then did a degree in biz management.. before working in retail and starting her own biz.







Offline ML

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #13 on: December 04, 2017, 09:31:11 PM »
I realize she can get a license, Uber, job etc. But not for a while, it's going to be a challenge I would think.  Or am I just overthinking?

You are underthinking.
It is more than a challenge . . . as you have described the woman.

A challenge is when you bring over a gal who has 7 out of 10 English skills or better and can readily find a job.
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline Jumper

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #14 on: December 04, 2017, 09:35:14 PM »
It's good you are thinking of these things.

It is a bit of the cart in front of the horse since you havnt met anyone yet,but it's still
good to have the concerns as they are certainly a factor.

The biggest issue in trying to advise you
about it, is every individual will be so different in how independent they are, how homesiuck they are ,or arn't, or how deeply culture shock
will effect them.

I know FSU women that struggle with adaptation, and the language, for years.

Others are like a fish in water, no issue at all, and the biggest factor in that difference is personality.

A genuinely positive , outgoing  ,independent person is likely to struggle far less than other personality types as a general rule.

Also a bit of their life experiences and background will effedct things.

More than a few FSU women have traveled, so cultural differences went as shocking,some have driven for years so it's no issue,  etc etc.

Many will gravitate to only Russian speaking friends, others will avoid  Russian speakers like the plague. Obviously there's area in between.

The best you can do is to be supportive,
know the person well enough prior to recognize what is merely passing culture shock , and what is instead
just a personal reaction to something based on personality. 

« Last Edit: December 04, 2017, 09:37:01 PM by Jumper »
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Offline Jumper

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #15 on: December 04, 2017, 09:49:33 PM »
  My wife worked until we had our child,
has driven since she arrived, and is always a busy bee with her friends etc.A typical suburbanite soccer mom in an SUV. :)
She loves our culture and never looks back.
She is saddened by the future outlook in Ukraine, but doesn't miss the culture or corruption.Of course she misses her family. 
I  know several FSU women like her  in their ease of assimilation and adaptation here,  and others that struggled initially,  and are still struggling years later.

While it's a husbands job to be her foundation , and support, I havnt noticed that being the difference in how well anyone assimilate, although there is no doubt a supporting person eases the transition.
.

Offline gaspar227

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #16 on: December 05, 2017, 06:16:30 AM »
I get the cart before the horse stuff, but I also have to try and imagine what life would be like right?  I'm so early into this, but I need to see more than just a pretty girl coming home.  It's like disney...and they live happily ever after nonsense. 

So I think what you are saying is right, and I really need to focus on positive people.  Yes the woman I describe is looking to be more and more of a challenge, and it's important to see these things applied to a future.  The more I look at this, the harder it seems so I'm trying to focus on end-game as opposed to how hard it is to sort through 100s of knockouts saying essentially the same thing over and over. 

Thanks again for your support and patience, I think you guys should write up a 12 step process  for what it's like going through this...I'm hitting step 3 or 4 right now and kinda feeling a bit hopeless that I can get what I really want out of it, which is love and happiness, not just giddy excitement and a rush between the legs.

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #17 on: December 05, 2017, 09:17:36 AM »
I too have considered this question in recent times Gaspar as it briefly looked like I might had found the girl. Since then I have been working towards securing an independent source of income, one where I could just do a part time job if that. The thing is you might very well end up with a woman that either can't or doesn't want to work.

I think asking these questions early on is important in that when we are communicating with these girls early on we need to have an idea of where we are headed and what we are looking for. In general from what I have seen many FSW tend to expect the guy to take on a heavy burden - they seem to think a WM will be wealthy so it will not be a problem. They are clueless as to how western society is and operates. Some may even think their task for the day is just to go clothes shopping for some nice items for themselves on the guys account, lol.

Some guys I take the route of getting their wives to enrol on college courses of their choice - this may or may not work out. Personally I think for a lot of guys it's a disaster waiting to happen. It's a quick way to westernise a woman - she is likely to pick up all the bad attitudes of western women on the course. Then of course there is the danger that Mr Personality turns up on the course and runs of with your wife quicker than you can say bollocks.

Being around each other 24/7 probably is not a good idea but ending up with some other dude spending more time than you do with your wife cn spell big trouble. I think you need to make ready to accommodate being able to spend a decent amount of time together with your wife doing activities that you enjoy.

Personally I am lookimg to have children if I ever find a decent woman. Makes no sense to me to set her on a career path as once on it she its likely that is all she will want to do and I would have converted her into being something I set out to avoid. Hence I would just get her preggers and let the child occupy her time :D

Moby set his wife on the career path he described and she is no longer soon to be his wife.
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline GQBlues

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #18 on: December 05, 2017, 09:32:26 AM »
...
To me, that's the part about this that is the hardest.  I mean, i bring a 30 year old woman over, doesn't speak the language well, knows nothing about the city/USA, can't drive yet, and I need to go to work  8-10 hours a day.  I mean that would drive anyone batty, being locked in a house and at least I can watch TV all day in a pinch.  How do you make sure that this part works out well aside from taking massive amounts of time off? 

It just seems like this part would be the biggest strain on the relationship.  I mean in any other relationship I've had with younger/unemployed people, this is what tanks it. 

I realize she can get a license, Uber, job etc. But not for a while, it's going to be a challenge I would think.  Or am I just overthinking?



I love my wife dearly above all else. Even life itself. 13 years now. But if asked if I would do this all over again - flat-out 'NO'. Friends had asked me before if they should, I say 'DON'T'. That hasn't changed...I say to you if pairing with an FSUW is your fancy, then first search for one already living close to you if at all possible, or at least one already in-country. Accomplish that then your worries you cited above are not applicable.


But that isn't what you're asking so I'll address my history during those 'challenging' times...


The single biggest positive in anyone's scenario is how the woman feels about YOU. You need to continue to *inspire* your woman as you are, and will be, the center of her universe during these times. That'll be the anchor to both your life and sanity during this period.


Age will also help. IMHO, the younger she is the better she'll acclimate to her new surrounding as the person isn't fully set in her ways and is more likely to adjust to a new environment.


The 3rd biggest 'help' will be Skype, whatsapp, etc...a venue where she can depend on to communicate to family and friends and are available at her disposal all the time. We didn't have this access during wifey's first 3 years here and she couldn't avoid the feeling of being homesick. When messenger came about, it was day and night.


Last but certainly not the least: Friends. YOUR friends. Family. YOUR family. I was lucky to have a whole bunch of friends who took after my wife. Especially the females. The gals almost immediately made her feel like she belonged. They would come, as a group or individuals, to take her shopping, brunches, dinners, beach, workout, etc...they'd call and chat then would ask for my wife and converse with her as much ( big love and thx especially to Janet/Tina), helped her with language, etc...


You need to be rock steady with your patience and understanding.


Lastly, whoever it is you cross in the future, make very sure the woman understands what Phoenix weather is REALLY like.


Edit to add: As superficial as it may sound, make darn sure you have NO money problems and have good disposable liquidity on hand. This endeavor is NOT cheap. You will face a barrage of expenses you cannot avoid.
« Last Edit: December 05, 2017, 09:57:37 AM by GQBlues »
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Offline Jumper

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Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #19 on: December 05, 2017, 11:42:33 AM »
Quote from: TC
Moby set his wife on the career path he described and she is no longer soon to be his wife.

TC, I can't speak for moby , but not sure that has anything to do with a relationship.
Your fears that a woman's  exposure to *others* , or *other opportunities*,has much to do with her relationship with you,  are really self fulfilling prophesies as I've said prior.
It's not the exposure  to others that is an issue, the issue is being in a relationship with someone who dwells on such, or isn't self confident.

I've been married twice to FSU women, and once to an Irish woman.
I'm widowed once,divorced (quite amicably)once, and currently married.
   In the course of marriage, their nationalities, or exposer to other men or opportunities,  had nothing to do with our relationship, or the end of them if that was the case.
Nor did I treat any one differently due to their nationality, it's insanity to think that way.
 
They are (were) all strong ,smart,beautiful, independent women,  had careers when they choose to,and I certainly fully supported anything they wanted to do.
All had or  have plenty of male attention at a chosen profession or in public in general. I'll repeat none of that factored, or factors, into our relationships.

If you find yourself in a position where it does,
It will likely be more to do  with the fundamental relationship itself,rather than outside factors or influences.

Quote from: TC
Personally I am lookimg to have children if I ever find a decent woman. Makes no sense to me to set her on a career path as once on it she its likely that is all she will want to do and I would have converted her into being something I set out to avoid. Hence I would just get her preggers and let the child occupy her time :D

 Barefoot and pregnant eh?
I think you are joking, but you never know.

You do understand part of many FSU womens
willingness to relocate, is to relocate to a more western sensibility on career and a father's role in the family.

A wife's  career did not effect having children in my marriage(s). They all wanted children,very much.

You do understand that when you look at things in a certain way, with no other possibilities, people in a relationship with you will react , and regardless the reasons behind tgeir actions, your perception of why they did so will fit your already decided notions.  They can't win. Nor can you ,if you continue thinking that way.

If a  FSU woman wants that type of mentality, she can find it much easier and closer at home, within a culture, language, she knows. Nyet problemo.
« Last Edit: December 05, 2017, 12:30:49 PM by Jumper »
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Offline msmob

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10618
  • Country: ie
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 0-2 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Hello from Phoenix
« Reply #20 on: December 05, 2017, 12:19:00 PM »


Moby set his wife on the career path he described and she is no longer soon to be his wife.

This simply further proves you can't / don't / won't read .. She HAD a career in Russia and  risked it all on me..   We get on just fine, now ...

 




 

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