Trench's Questions and Philosophies

[Sting23]

Hey Trench, if you ever need a personal guide in Moscow.  I know a few single ladies there and can introduce you.  For a fee of course.  PM me if you are interested.

[msmob]

Guys all I have been trying to do here if find out about FSU dating

Then find out and stop offering 'advice' !

Some people are like 'hey you just go off and contact a load of women and voila' but this is kind of ignoring any stuff that may help you out a ton on this venture.

I could credit you for doubting such daft advice, but you also ignore the try to video chat first suggestions, too!

Hey Trench, if you ever need a personal guide in Moscow.  I know a few single ladies there and can introduce you.  For a fee of course.  PM me if you are interested.

Given your inability  to post truthfully about what you have seen and where you have been and your ducking the question of your FSU g/f, I believe Trench might be better off trying to find his unique one.

[krimster2]

...and Trench
I think there are some on this board who think your attitude towards women doesn't seem to indicate that there's "a lot of caring" on your part of the relationship.
as in perhaps you are not willing to put into a relationship as much as you want to receive from it

maybe they are wrong, or maybe they are right
the only way to be sure, is for you to tell us!

so:
what do you think of women in general?
what qualities do you like in a woman?
do you think relationships should be balanced, as in if you're getting something from it, shouldn't you also be providing something?
can you explain what you provide in a relationship

OK, everyone give him a chance...
he might surprise you...
 

[Trenchcoat]

...and Trench
I think there are some on this board who think your attitude towards women doesn't seem to indicate that there's "a lot of caring" on your part of the relationship.
as in perhaps you are not willing to put into a relationship as much as you want to receive from it

maybe they are wrong, or maybe they are right
the only way to be sure, is for you to tell us!

so:
what do you think of women in general?
what qualities do you like in a woman?
do you think relationships should be balanced, as in if you're getting something from it, shouldn't you also be providing something?
can you explain what you provide in a relationship

OK, everyone give him a chance...
he might surprise you...

I wish to be with someone where there is mutual love. If she is into me then me is what I am giving her and vice versa.

Like I said before I can provide to a certain extent will hopefully be getting better sorted on this front shortly - I am converting my house at present in my spare time. To be honest though I am not really into providing shopping sprees - extravagance for other half even if serious/married. It just feels too much like the other person is into me just because I will buy her stuff - she may or may not but I find it difficult to separate the two, and this is a turn off for me both mentally and sexually. For me it's too close to prostitute which I don't think I could ever do as I need to feel the girl is genuinely into me without thoughts that it's just/mainly the money or providing she is interested in.

Now I know a lot of FSW go on international dating sites as they are looking for better living conditions and/or a provider in with the bargain I accept this but I still need one that is into me. An extravant girl who wants me to buy her lots just goes too far I feel.

In all honesty beyond mutual love I don't think I really have anything to offer a FSW or anything I would wish to offer her.

[krimster2]

no money, no honey...

[Trenchcoat]

no money, no honey...

How's that different to a prostitute?

[jone]

How's that different to a prostitute?

This encapsulates Trench's absolute lack of knowledge about how pursue to an FSUW.   The one thing that an FSU woman has to have, if she is to leave her home country for a distant land, is the knowledge that the man can provide for her.  They are constantly looking for signs that the man can or can't provide.  If the answer, in any way shape or form, is no, the deal is off and she will never think of you as her man.

It is because of the above response that I find it highly doubtful that any FSU woman would ever consider Trench their man.

[Trenchcoat]

This encapsulates Trench's absolute lack of knowledge about how pursue to an FSUW.   The one thing that an FSU woman has to have, if she is to leave her home country for a distant land, is the knowledge that the man can provide for her.  They are constantly looking for signs that the man can or can't provide.  If the answer, in any way shape or form, is no, the deal is off and she will never think of you as her man.

It is because of the above response that I find it highly doubtful that any FSU woman would ever consider Trench their man.

Yet another rich guy commenting Jone. I'm saying I can provide but not extravagantly. It all depends what you mean as 'providing'. Are we talking about a small but decent home done up and solely owned without mortgage & an everyday income most take home in the UK, US or wherever. Remember of course free health care etc in the UK. So talking about being able to keep other half fed & clothed (non fashion brand) and any kids.

Or are we talking a mansion, a big income, loads of money and being able to buy FSW all she ever dreamed off.

[Davo2]

In all honesty beyond mutual love I don't think I really have anything to offer a FSW or anything I would wish to offer her.

One of the best things I've heard you say. If you found a woman who loves you for yourself, you're in a much better position than someone who has attracted a woman with material things.

My Ex is a classic example, She's slim and attractive. The first thing she said to me about the guy she was having the last affair with, before I kicked her out was " he earns twice as much as you"  that's how he won her over, with his $$$.

They are now married. She married a bisexual man with a cocaine habit and a bad temper. He married a materialistic, serial cheating, binge drinking party girl who suffers from bipolar disorder. He over looked some pretty bad flaws to have an attractive woman and she took a risk for $$ not love and found he wasnt the man he presented him self as. Now they are stuck together with twins.... Ain't Karma a bitch  ;D

So the moral of this story is, if you live a modest lifestyle, or are more well off and don't use $$ to attract a woman, you will inevitably find a better quality woman, who loves you for who you are as a person and not what you can give her or what she can get out of you.

* Edit
After I read Stings reply, I agree. What i was trying to get at is, don't focus all the time on what you can give her in a material sense. While she needs to be comfortable, personally, energy and bringing excitement in her life is what makes a relationship successful.

[Sting23]

In all honesty beyond mutual love I don't think I really have anything to offer a FSW or anything I would wish to offer her.

well dude that's the problem right there!!  life needs to be exciting and fun. if you can't offer anything else then damn she's gonna get bored reaaaaal soon.  Remember this, you gotta live with her every day. If people get bored of talking to you on the forums then imagine how she's gonna feel...honestly man you need to change some things up.  Learn some new skills, how to hold a conversation, be interesting.

Don't spend too much time on the forums.  it's self perpetuating defeat...dude I just skyped with several girls on the weekend. As soon as I get to their cities we are meeting. get on it.

[jone]

Yet another rich guy commenting Jone. I'm saying I can provide but not extravagantly. It all depends what you mean as 'providing'. Are we talking about a small but decent home done up and solely owned without mortgage & an everyday income most take home in the UK, US or wherever. Remember of course free health care etc in the UK. So talking about being able to keep other half fed & clothed (non fashion brand) and any kids.

Or are we talking a mansion, a big income, loads of money and being able to buy FSW all she ever dreamed off.

No.  We're not immediately jumping to the word 'Prostitute' because a woman needs to feel secure in her new home. 

[Trenchcoat]

No.  We're not immediately jumping to the word 'Prostitute' because a woman needs to feel secure in her new home.

I don't just mean new home but a big lavish home. Fine if she knew nothing of it prior to moving or late into the relationship. Otherwise she might just be putting out to get the exchange.

[Trenchcoat]

One of the best things I've heard you say. If you found a woman who loves you for yourself, you're in a much better position than someone who has attracted a woman with material things.

My Ex is a classic example, She's slim and attractive. The first thing she said to me about the guy she was having the last affair with, before I kicked her out was " he earns twice as much as you"  that's how he won her over, with his $$$.

They are now married. She married a bisexual man with a cocaine habit and a bad temper. He married a materialistic, serial cheating, binge drinking party girl who suffers from bipolar disorder. He over looked some pretty bad flaws to have an attractive woman and she took a risk for $$ not love and found he wasnt the man he presented him self as. Now they are stuck together with twins.... Ain't Karma a bitch 

So the moral of this story is, if you live a modest lifestyle, or are more well off and don't use $$ to attract a woman, you will inevitably find a better quality woman, who loves you for who you are as a person and not what you can give her or what she can get out of you.

* Edit
After I read Stings reply, I agree. What i was trying to get at is, don't focus all the time on what you can give her in a material sense. While she needs to be comfortable, personally, energy and bringing excitement in her life is what makes a relationship successful.

I think so too Davo, I surprised even myself after I had a thoughtful reflection on it all. I think I'm just having a rare on day where stuff seems to be more night & day

[Boethius]

I don't just mean new home but a big lavish home. Fine if she knew nothing of it prior to moving or late into the relationship. Otherwise she might just be putting out to get the exchange.

jone is not referring to a big home, or extravagant spending.  I believe he is referring to your general attitude, evident in the over 1500 posts here, and how it conflicts with what most FSUW are looking for.

You have stated you don't want your wife to work, because you want her to be available to you.  You also don't want her to become too independent.  You have stated if she wants clothing, make up and such, then she will have to work for those things, but it should be at a menial job, as any sort of career will interfere with what you desire in a marriage.  In essence, you have posted that your wife should (and I am paraphrasing), be available at your beck and call.

You have also posted you want your wife to wear short skirts, because it "turns you on". 

Everything you have posted in the past has been about what you want - your desires (physically), your way to live within a marriage (she has to cook and care for children, and be a housewife), your convenience.  So I don't believe all you are looking for is love.

[Trenchcoat]

jone is not referring to a big home, or extravagant spending.  I believe he is referring to your general attitude, evident in the over 1500 posts here, and how it conflicts with what most FSUW are looking for.

You have stated you don't want your wife to work, because you want her to be available to you.  You also don't want her to become too independent.  You have stated if she wants clothing, make up and such, then she will have to work for those things, but it should be at a menial job, as any sort of career will interfere with what you desire in a marriage.  In essence, you have posted that your wife should (and I am paraphrasing), be available at your beck and call.

You have also posted you want your wife to wear short skirts, because it "turns you on". 

Everything you have posted in the past has been about what you want - your desires (physically), your way to live within a marriage (she has to cook and care for children, and be a housewife), your convenience.  So I don't believe all you are looking for is love.

1500 posts! I've done that many Didn't realise I had done that many already, wow.

Well they were really more preferences. At a base level I really am just looking for looking for mutual love. I wouldn't reject a girl if I thought there was mutual love there. No doubt the girl has her preferences also but will set them aside if there is mutual love.

[Boethius]

Your answer proves what I have asserted above.  The woman must set aside what she wants for love.  What about you?  Are you willing to allow the woman you love to have a career?  Are you willing, for love, to finance her education?  To help her pursue interests she has that you may not share?  To send money home to her parents monthly?

[Trenchcoat]

Your answer proves what I have asserted above.  The woman must set aside what she wants for love.  What about you?  Are you willing to allow the woman you love to have a career?  Are you willing, for love, to finance her education?  To help her pursue interests she has that you may not share?  To send money home to her parents monthly?

Yes I would. The only one of those I would be not so keen on is finance her education - it would have to be a real big thing she always wanted and I would need to know that we have definitely mutual love reason being is that I think it can often become a problem in a relationship, particularly in the early stages. Hence why my preference would be for her to have children first & foremost as I believe in general it helps a relationship, for some it may not but for many I think it does.

[krimster2]

trench,

a prostitute is simple quid-pro-quo (could be more’n a quid, though) - money for sex!

in a marriage, the purpose of money is to create an environment to live in that doesn’t put stress on the marriage!

an analogy

in my backyard, I have planted trees, bushes, and a nice English garden
complete with bird/squirrel feeders bird baths and small fish pond
this allows my family to eat dinner on the back porch and watch the wildlife in the back yard
I am the steward/gardener of this, I tend to it every day
I am also the steward of my family, I tend to them daily as well
I create an environment for everyone to live in that doesn’t create any stress for anyone...
this is MY job
my payment?
the absolute love and total devotion of my wife and daughters and birds and squirrels, fish and frogs
would rather have that and be poor
then be the richest man ever, but not have it

does this help you to understand?

BTW, what kind of relationship do you want, do you want kids?

[Boethius]

Yes I would. The only one of those I would be not so keen on is finance her education - it would have to be a real big thing she always wanted and I would need to know that we have definitely mutual love reason being is that I think it can often become a problem in a relationship, particularly in the early stages.

If it is a problem, then you never had a relationship.

why my preference would be for her to have children first & foremost as I believe in general it helps a relationship, for some it may not but for many I think it does.

Your belief would be misguided.  After money, children are the most common source of conflict in a marriage, and a primary reason why couples divorce.

[Sting23]

1500 posts! I've done that many Didn't realise I had done that many already, wow.

Well they were really more preferences. At a base level I really am just looking for looking for mutual love. I wouldn't reject a girl if I thought there was mutual love there. No doubt the girl has her preferences also but will set them aside if there is mutual love.

1870 to be exact..hahaha  Dude, you keep talking about mutual love, remember people fall in and out of love real quick.  Especially if reality doesn't match the persona projected.  I'm guessing you've never had a fling before.  Or when a girl breaks up with you that you thought you loved and then it turns to anger fast.

You talk about wanting a Russian girl but you never tried to learn Russian, their culture, mentality. what if she starts cursing you out in her native language and you don't know how to respond.

Honestly what do you bring to the table for them.  You aren't financially set, you penny pinch too much. you don't live in London or a major city, but some small rural town no one wants to go to.  You don't travel often, don't speak their language, have no expertise in skills.  well damn if that isn't the life a girl would dream of sharing with a man!

[BdHvA]

Tranchcoat, It is hard to read all your drivel and dross. But I would note that you have some sort of fantasy of 'mutual love' and what it means. They are wrong and unhealthy

Some suggestions I would read and study from C. S. Lewis the book "The Four Loves" and if you want to delve deeper into relationships, love, and personal growth I would read M. Scott Pecks book "The Road Less Traveled".

I am curious what was the relationship like between your parents and how they raised and loved you?

My sense is your are describing a future relationship based on dependency and not nurturing.

[DaveNY]

Trenchcoat I have to agree with others who say there's little chance of you finding a FSUW on the terms you want. Certainly not in a big city like Spb or Moscow. Maybe out in the country. At a minimum you have to learn some Russian or whatever her native tongue is, at least enough to be able to have a casual conversation and to understand the cursing.

The idea that a 25-35 FSUW is going to move to the UK and be only a housewife and mother is very dated. My wife and I know lots of professional women in Moscow in that age range, IMO there's no chance these women would marry a man under those conditions.

When my wife came to the US she had already made plans to upgrade her education and get a US degree, in her case a Msc (math). IMO this is something that any foreigner must do to succeed in life in the US. She started tutoring high school kids prior to starting grad school and worked through grad school even though I told her and she knew I could afford to pay for her degree. My wife took time off when the twins were born and then back to work when the kids were potty trained. Today, the twins are in school and my wife works full time earning, by herself, well above the US median household income. She wanted to earn her own money, to know she could succeed in the US.

Trenchcoat you've got to look at the situation from her POV, what about her future? What happens if you die? Or divorce and she has children to support? What happens in her old age and she has no pension either public or private, how does she survive? She has to know how to take care of herself without you in a new country, that means she needs an education and job skills to suit the UK marketplace. Maybe as a hairdresser or nurse or tax accountant or computer programmer or DCI on your local police force. 

[JayH]

Dave ( & others who think some of us pick on Trench)  --   the part you have missed in your post -- the example of your wife  is fairly similar to many other examples on forum of success stories ( & also some that have not been long term)   ie that she in essence created  self sufficiency --if it was ever needed.

Now in Trenchcoats case -- he sees the path that would achieve that for a future Mrs is fraught with danger for HIS investment in her --from guys in educational facilities ,in fact from ALL other men that he sees as "superior" to him ( which is ALL men !!)

He personifies the mob'er of a different era seeking  to  exploit an fsuw. No matter how often it gets said -- he will never  make any progress --because of his pathetic attitude and beliefs. 

[DaveNY]

Dave ( & others who think some of us pick on Trench)  --   the part you have missed in your post -- the example of your wife  is fairly similar to many other examples on forum of success stories ( & also some that have not been long term)   ie that she in essence created  self sufficiency --if it was ever needed.

Now in Trenchcoats case -- he sees the path that would achieve that for a future Mrs is fraught with danger for HIS investment in her --from guys in educational facilities ,in fact from ALL other men that he sees as "superior" to him ( which is ALL men !!)

He personifies the mob'er of a different era seeking  to  exploit an fsuw. No matter how often it gets said -- he will never  make any progress --because of his pathetic attitude and beliefs. 

Jay I don't think you're picking on Trench if anything I think you, others and myself are going too easy on him. I was trying to explain reality to him and in the process I was simply being polite.

His attitude towards women is similar to something out of 19th century England where women were told their place was in the kitchen and bedroom. If he does find his dream woman she's likely to use him to get PR and then when his usefulness is over dump him. He doesn't seem able to understand how dating works either at home or internationally. If he can't date locally he is never going to be able to date in the FSU. That's reality.



 

[JayH]

Jay I don't think you're picking on Trench if anything I think you, others and myself are going too easy on him. I was trying to explain reality to him and in the process I was simply being polite.

His attitude towards women is similar to something out of 19th century England where women were told their place was in the kitchen and bedroom. If he does find his dream woman she's likely to use him to get PR and then when his usefulness is over dump him. He doesn't seem able to understand how dating works either at home or internationally. If he can't date locally he is never going to be able to date in the FSU. That's reality.

Agree.

I called him a social misfit a very long time ago --  I and the few others who agreed with me at that time copped a lot of flack !!  Subsequently --poster after poster has tried to help & advise -- almost without exception they eventually reach the same conclusion.

The one major thing I take solace in is that FSUW will always be far too smart and tough for this guy to ever be able to inflict himself on a victim !  His only use would be as a mule --but even that is not what it used to be.