Why we stopped dating AW, volume 12

[Larry1]

Many RW asked me why I don't look for an AW wife. This article hits on one reason.

Women who are struggling with a loss of libido candidly confess the reasons they stopped having sex with the men they insist they still love

I love the candor of Linda B., especially her last two sentences:

Linda B., 48, admitted that after 23 years of marriage, she doesn't have any interest in having sex with her husband — and she is fine with that. 

'I’ve had all the sex I need to in my life, and truthfully, I’m just over it. Plus I’m a little bored,' she explained.
Like Ruth's boyfriend, Linda said her husband is having trouble understanding her sudden lack of interest, and he has even suggested that they take a 'sex class' or 'order a book on Amazon' so they can rev up their sex life.

However, Linda explained to him that although she loves him and wants to spend the rest of her life with him, she doesn't want to have sex with him right now.   I’m always tired and the last thing I want to do is get naked.'He has to deal with that. He doesn’t have much of a choice,' she noted.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3741752/Truthfully-m-bit-bored-Women-struggling-loss-libido-candidly-confess-reasons-don-t-want-sex-men-insist-love.html

[TigerPaws]

A direct quote from the article:

'I’ve had all the sex I need to in my life, and truthfully, I’m just over it. Plus I’m a little bored,' she explained.
Like Ruth's boyfriend, Linda said her husband is having trouble understanding her sudden lack of interest, and he has even suggested that they take a 'sex class' or 'order a book on Amazon' so they can rev up their sex life.
However, Linda explained to him that although she loves him and wants to spend the rest of her life with him, she doesn't want to have sex with him right now.                                I’m always tired and the last thing I want to do is get naked                        'He has to deal with that. He doesn’t have much of a choice,' she noted.

Wrong a Man married to such a woman has an option, it is called DIVORCE.

[alex330]

I have never had many AW slow down much or deny me in that department. For me the issue is a non negotiable unless there is a good reason. I make it clear from the start that it is over if intimacy stops. Life's too short to be unhappy.

[fathertime]

Sounds to me like Linda B should be ok if the husband stepped out for some trysts...if he is up to it!


Fathertime!
 

[Boethius]

Unless there is a physical reason for a lack of sex, a woman's desire usually wanes because:


a)  she is unhappy in the relationship.  This will have a direct effect on a couple's sex life for most women;
b)  her husband is not a good lover.  Women aren't going to tell their men this.  But it will lead to a direct lack of sex;
c)  her husband needs viagra;
d) she is no longer attracted to her husband; or
e)  she is gay.


This has nothing to do with being American.  It's pretty universal, I suspect. 

[alex330]

Another reason is hormones. Either you both slow down as a couple or you can go in for hormone therapy if you want to go that route.

[Slumba]

Unless there is a physical reason for a lack of sex, a woman's desire usually wanes because:


a)  she is unhappy in the relationship.  This will have a direct effect on a couple's sex life for most women;


This has nothing to do with being American.  It's pretty universal, I suspect.

When media, society, or your social circle tells you again and again to be unhappy, some number of women will believe they have reason to be unhappy.

Even Pushkin understood this was a tendency of some women, and warned against it:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tale_of_the_Fisherman_and_the_Fish

Rather than shame these women for denying their husbands, the media celebrates them as strong and independent. That is part of the problem right there.

[Boethius]

Hormones would be a rare cause, unless a woman has just given birth.  Pregnancy, breastfeeding, and the fatigue of caring for an infant all can, and often do, tamper desire.


Menopause often causes a wanein sexual desire, but not always, as testosterone levels increase in many menopausal women.

[Boethius]

When media, society, or your social circle tells you again and again to be unhappy, some number of women will believe they have reason to be unhappy.

Even Pushkin understood this was a tendency of some women, and warned against it:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tale_of_the_Fisherman_and_the_Fish

Rather than shame these women for denying their husbands, the media celebrates them as strong and independent. That is part of the problem right there.

You are quoting a poet who lived at a time when women in his milieu were little more than decorations for their husbands and brood mares for succession, and taking mistresses for pleasure was the norm.


I think if a woman is unhappy, she should look at the reasons why.  It very well may be that her husband is the cause of that unhappiness. 

[Chicagoguy]

After my wife died I dated a number of American women and they were OK but I found almost all of them to be indifferent. I am not going to pursue when it seems I am going upstream. I might add that as a group we/they were all older but I am not sure what that means.

There were some Russian women I wasn't completely sold on but all were interesting in their own way. I just choose the best of the lot.     IMO.

[Slumba]

I think if a woman is unhappy, she should look at the reasons why.  It very well may be that her husband is the cause of that unhappiness.

It is possible; however, Kate Bolick, writing in 2011, admitted obliquely part of the problem:

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladies/308654/?single_page=true

She is with a great, good looking, loyal, intelligent, kind man:

In 2001, when I was 28, I broke up with my boyfriend. Allan and I had been together for three years, and there was no good reason to end things. He was (and remains) an exceptional person, intelligent, good-looking, loyal, kind. My friends, many of whom were married or in marriage-track relationships, were bewildered. I was bewildered. To account for my behavior, all I had were two intangible yet undeniable convictions: something was missing; I wasn’t ready to settle down.

But because as I put it before, "Feminism is Cancer", she throws it away, as she admits later in the article:

Today I am 39, with too many ex-boyfriends [Slumba's aside: these relationships were short, unsatisfying, and unstable] to count and, I am told, two grim-seeming options to face down: either stay single or settle for a “good enough” mate. At this point, certainly, falling in love and getting married may be less a matter of choice than a stroke of wild great luck. A decade ago, luck didn’t even cross my mind. I’d been in love before, and I’d be in love again. This wasn’t hubris so much as naïveté; I’d had serious, long-term boyfriends since my freshman year of high school, and simply couldn’t envision my life any differently.

Well, there was a lot I didn’t know 10 years ago. The decision to end a stable relationship for abstract rather than concrete reasons (“something was missing”), I see now, is in keeping with a post-Boomer ideology that values emotional fulfillment above all else. And the elevation of independence over coupling (“I wasn’t ready to settle down”) is a second-wave feminist idea I’d acquired from my mother, who had embraced it, in part, I suspect, to correct for her own choices.

[msmobyone]

Never sought and American woman .. the FSU women are generally closer and don't speak English as if they have clothes pegs permanently attached to their noses ..




tease

[Boethius]

It is possible; however, Kate Bolick, writing in 2011, admitted obliquely part of the problem:

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladies/308654/?single_page=true

She is with a great, good looking, loyal, intelligent, kind man:

But because as I put it before, "Feminism is Cancer", she throws it away, as she admits later in the article:

Kate Bolick ended up writing a book about being single, and she didn't seem to view it as the end of the world, nor did she blame feminism.  I believe part of it is her own neuroses and insecurities, which have little to do with feminism, but are common to most WW, and many WM.

How do you know she "threw" anything away?  If she had doubts, she should not have married, and in her own description, she had doubts.  Doubts are usually that nagging little voice that tells you something is not right.

Yes, yes, I know you believe uppity women having equal rights is a cancer that has destroyed Western society.  I disagree.  Keep in mind that in the FSU, divorce is as high as in all our "destroyed by Western feminists" countries.

[2tallbill]

[Boethius]

Feminism is about being who you want to be, and having the freedom to do that.

Pre feminism - married women could not study to be nurses, pregnant women were forced from their jobs, women who were beaten by their husbands were told to suck it up, and women were often told that if they kept their legs together, getting raped was almost impossible. 

Yup, I certainly would wish my daughter to live in those good old days.

[mhr7]

Feminism is about being who you want to be, and having the freedom to do that.

Pre feminism - married women could not study to be nurses, pregnant women were forced from their jobs, women who were beaten by their husbands were told to suck it up, and women were often told that if they kept their legs together, getting raped was almost impossible. 

Yup, I certainly would wish my daughter to live in those good old days.

Boe it's 3rd wave feminism and the cult of victimology and "rape culture" and lies about unequal pay that tend to rub people (myself included) the wrong way.

[TigerPaws]

The point of the post was when a woman looses interest in sex for whatever reason, assuming for a moment the husband is interested and wants sex yet his passion is refused then there are few options left to him.

Should that be the case as is said in the article then the man's choices are clear.

Live celibate
Have external sexual affairs
Divorce and move on

 

[redfeather]

Okay, since we have started this topic I will weigh in.  Why did I stop dating American Women:  Feminism is a cancer and plague all at the same time and it has ruined many of the women in America.  The no fault divorce is really his fault divorce and it allows AW to rape their husband financially.  There is greater than a 60% chance that an AW will divorce you because our society praises women for divorce and Hollywood puts women up on a pedestal for divorcing their husband and destroying their children's lives.  American women do not offer stable relationships.  We have an epidemic in America of women on depression drugs and other mind altering drugs for anxiety and other made up issues.  Divorce law is a system which is ruthless beyond the capacity of any single individual's resistance; it is a mean system designed to chew you-up and spit you out for the woman's  exclusive benefit. You can't out-mean their system, don't even try.  Many AW are over weight and they have standards way beyond their level of attractiveness.  AW watch to much TV like the Twilight and The Secret and are addicted to their smart phone and addicted to social media.  AW care more about maintaining their career than a good home and a good marriage.  They have too many trashy tattoos and they sleep around and have dozens of sex partners.  Many AW do not know how to cook and maintain a home.  Friendships are fake and phony.  Women are conditioned to despise men and look down on them as fools, predators and criminals.  Many AW Women are selfish entitlement queens.  With AW you have to do endless talking about nothing.  If you're a real gambler and you're willing to risk marrying an American woman, at the very least insist on a prenuptial agreement.  Feminism is about women trying to be men without any responsibility. Feminism has left you with a pool of women who are truly insane.  Civilization exists because of the nuclear family. Certainly marriage has been tainted in the last 50 years, to the detriment of all, but if you make smart decisions you can cut down your risk tremendously.

Okay, I know many women will read this and want to throw me under the bus...so flame away.

[Boethius]

Boe it's 3rd wave feminism and the cult of victimology and "rape culture" and lies about unequal pay that tend to rub people (myself included) the wrong way.

Some ideas in third wave feminism are interesting and warranted, such as those that feminism didn't do much for women of colour or poor women.

I don't see a cult of victimology.

All ideas have positives and negatives.

[TigerPaws]

redfeather is spot on in his description and analysis.

[2tallbill]

Feminism is about being who you want to be, and having the freedom to do that.

I think we can all admit that there are some extremists and wackos out there.
They don't interview a middle of the road type for TV. 

[mhr7]

Okay, since we have started this topic I will weigh in.  Why did I stop dating American Women:  Feminism is a cancer and plague all at the same time and it has ruined many of the women in America.  The no fault divorce is really his fault divorce and it allows AW to rape their husband financially.  There is greater than a 60% chance that an AW will divorce you because our society praises women for divorce and Hollywood puts women up on a pedestal for divorcing their husband and destroying their children's lives.  American women do not offer stable relationships.  We have an epidemic in America of women on depression drugs and other mind altering drugs for anxiety and other made up issues.  Divorce law is a system which is ruthless beyond the capacity of any single individual's resistance; it is a mean system designed to chew you-up and spit you out for the woman's  exclusive benefit. You can't out-mean their system, don't even try.  Many AW are over weight and they have standards way beyond their level of attractiveness.  AW watch to much TV like the Twilight and The Secret and are addicted to their smart phone and addicted to social media. AW care more about maintaining their career than a good home and a good marriage.  They have too many trashy tattoos and they sleep around and have dozens of sex partners.  Many AW do not know how to cook and maintain a home.  Friendships are fake and phony. Women are conditioned to despise men and look down on them as fools, predators and criminals. Many AW Women are selfish entitlement queens.  With AW you have to do endless talking about nothing.  If you're a real gambler and you're willing to risk marrying an American woman, at the very least insist on a prenuptial agreement.  Feminism is about women trying to be men without any responsibility. Feminism has left you with a pool of women who are truly insane.  Civilization exists because of the nuclear family. Certainly marriage has been tainted in the last 50 years, to the detriment of all, but if you make smart decisions you can cut down your risk tremendously.

Okay, I know many women will read this and want to throw me under the bus...so flame away.

Spot on. Don't forget "mansplaining", "man-spreading", "the male gaze" "gender is a social construct", "fat acceptance". And yet:

By many objective measures the lives of women in the United States have improved over the past 35 years, yet we show that measures of subjective well-being indicate that women's happiness has declined both absolutely and relative to men. The paradox of women's declining relative well-being is found across various datasets, measures of subjective well-being, and is pervasive across demographic groups and industrialized countries. Relative declines in female happiness have eroded a gender gap in happiness in which women in the 1970s typically reported higher subjective well-being than did men. These declines have continued and a new gender gap is emerging -- one with higher subjective well-being for men.

http://www.nber.org/papers/w14969

[Boethius]

I think we can all admit that there are some extremists and wackos out there.
They don't interview a middle of the road type for TV. 

There are extremists and whackos everywhere.  Including on this forum.  I don't usually let them define my understanding of an issue.

[TigerPaws]

Feminism is about being who you want to be, and having the freedom to do that.

And if you or any woman wants to live alone with her cats that is her business I totally agree.

A man with a modicum of self respect and testicular fortitude will avoid a feminist, that is not to say he will not show respect or allow a woman her opinion but what self respecting man wants to be around a feminazi?

American women have forgotten who passed the 19th Amendment to the Constitution. It was men who gave women the right to vote.

Please enlighten me as to how many women voted to pass the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution?

 

[Gator]

Okay, since we have started this topic I will weigh in.  Why did I stop dating American Women:  Feminism is a cancer ......
Okay, I know many women will read this and want to throw me under the bus...so flame away.

I hope you don't believe all of this.  If you do, be careful with RW.  They are not compliant women, far from it.

My cousin discovered the secret.  He was married long time, kids grown up.  Wife unhappy.  She wanted a divorce.  Because divorce is so easy if one party wants it, they divorced.  Sold the house. Divided the money equally.  No alimony.

He rented a small apartment; no more yard work.  Purchased a sweet fishing boat, and a good truck to haul it.  18 months later, she approached him about getting back together.  After thinking about it for a day, he told her that he would rather fish.  He dated sometimes, but no one for long.  Most were not sexy looking but a few were sexy acting.  Beauty is a light switch away, and there is always Mary Palmer.